THE QUEST FOR THE EVIL HAIR PRODUCTS!
One day, ArcBus wanted to finish this story, so she made this the SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER! GOD NOOOOOOOOO!
Disclamation... ...
...Yeeahh...
ARRGGGGGHHHHHHHH! READ! IMPORTANT: MAJOR KINGDOM HEARTS 2 SPOILERS UP AHEAD! I'M WARNING YOU! MAJOR, MAJOR, MAAAJOR!
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CHAPTER TWELVE - INSERT CREATIVE CHAPTER TITLE HERE
"Ladies! I'm waiting!" Koopa said.
The huddle broke.
"It's okay. We were just leaving." Sephiroth said, and then they all left...
...And went around the back to the back entrance! HAHAHAHAHA! Sneaky...
"Hey, you know... I bet the person who took the EHPs is the last person we would think it would be..." Shuyin said.
"And, who do you think it could be?" Kefka asked.
"Well, I think it's--"
"SHHHHHHHH!" Ultimecia whispered. "Someone's koming!"
So, they all hid behind a collection of crates. A random... WARPED collection of crates... The back door opened and WHO walked out but... (begin KH2 spoilers) ANSEM! YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY! Except it wasn't the REAL Ansem. Just an impostor from Organisation XIII. Ansem is actually a wise man, or something like that. But, for now, we'll say it's Ansem. (end KH2 spoilers). Then, Ganon limped up to him.
"Ganon, what happened?" Ansem gasped.
"I... Got... Beaten... By those FF villains..." Ganon replied.
"The FF villains? They're here? Quick! We've gotta tell the boss! They're our biggest threat!"
Ansem then ran back inside. Ganon limped weakly in after him.
"Biggest... Threat?" Seymour repeated. "Have they been expecting our arrival?"
"If so, we'll have to sneak in quietly." Ultimecia said. "And it would be safer to spilt into teams."
So, that good ol' PHS screen jumped up! Sephiroth took Ultimecia and Kuja (surprise, surprise... Wait... THAT WAS A LOGICAL DECISION!), which left Kefka with Seymour and Shuyin. Then, they snuck carefully inside to a fork in the hallway. SUK (Hahahahaha! They SUK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) took the left fork. KSS (hahaha! They KSS each other! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) took the right fork. (Is it just me or are their team names kinda dirty...?)
SUK were snooping around the left fork, quickly moving in the shadows, until they had to stop at an open door. You may think 'Uh... Open door?', but THERE WERE PEOPLE INSIDE! GGGGAAAAASSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPPP! So, they hid behind it, listening in on the conversation.
"Whadda ya think the boss is planning, anyway?" One voice asked.
"Not sure." Another replied.
"Guys, we'll need to get to the main hall soon." A third voice said.
Ultimecia tapped the other two on the shoulders, and pointed to a vent on the wall above them. So, they opened the vent and climbed in!
"Why do video games always have convenient vents like these?" Kuja asked as they all crawled along that crazy dark vent tube!
"Ah, it's an easy way for the heroes to get around places without being noticed." Ultimecia replied. "Kreepy things though, don't you think?"
Meanwhile, KSS wasn't smart enough to think of a way past open doors, so they were fighting loads of random boss battles against random villains after blowing their cover.
"You and your annoying voice and trash-talking!" Kefka said to Seymour.
"Well, if it wasn't for your hideous make-up they wouldn't have seen us!" Seymour argued.
"Hey, guys! This isn't the time to be fighting with each other!" Shuyin yelled, grabbing the sword from his back. "Now let's FFFIIIIIIIGGGGGGG--"
But Seymour had already cast Ultima on the opposing villains. Which villains were they? I'm not sure, but they were certainly weak and infamous villains, that's for sure.
"Now that's they're out of our way, let's get going." Kefka said.
But then, the whole place FLASHED RED RANDOMLY WITH A LOUD SIREN! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
"INTRUDER ALERT!" The intercom yelled. "INTRUDER ALERT!"
"Did they find us?" Kuja asked, as the scene just decided to switch RIGHT BACK to them!
"... ...The others?" Seph suggested.
"Let's klimb out here." Ultimecia said, knocking a grate off a nearby opening with Holy.
They got out of the vent and ended up in the exact place where the others were! Now HOW did THAT happen?
"HEY! That Holy-charged grate almost killed me!" Seymour whined.
"Sorry..." Ultimecia said. "...My bad..."
"Hey, we gotta move!" Shuyin yelled, waving his arms about randomly. "NO-OW!"
So, they ran in a big group despite what they discussed about getting caught in one big group through the corridors as fast as they could, sirens and red flashing lights and 'Intruder Alert' screams being... ANNOYING! AS SIRENS AND RED FLASHING LIGHTS AND 'INTRUDER ALERT' SCREAMS ARE! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! How... ANNOYING!
They ran and ran and ran and ran, never getting tired because... They're villains... And they NEVER get tired. Well, maybe they do... But they weren't getting tired running there. Then they stopped, realising... NO ONE WAS EVEN CHASING THEM! HAHAHAHAHA!
"Let's just hide in this room here." Kefka suggested, and then he opened some doors that were NOT just placed there for decoration!
However, inside, was a big convention! It was... THE GATHERING OF VILLAINS! GASP! NOOOOO!
All the villains (and, just so you know, it was every single villain from TV, book, game, e.t.c that haven't already been mentioned) turned to the FF villains and gasped.
"... ...Goddamn you, Kefka." Sephiroth said blankly.
"Are those... The Final Fantasy villains?" Someone asked in the crowd as soon as everything went silent.
"Yes." A muffled voice said.
Someone then walked onto the stage on the other side of the room, dressed in black, wearing a black mask with eye holes cut out. It was... A MASKED VILLAIN! OMG!
"The Final Fantasy villains..." The Masked Villain said, his voice muffled by his mask. "Indeed, I know why you're here."
They all stayed silent.
"The EHPs, yes?" He continued. "Well, as I am the only one who knows their location... You'll have to find... MY... Location!"
And then in a random puff of smoke, HE VANISHED! ARGH!
The FF villains then groaned, and ran off to find him!
OMG! How EXCITING! I'm even excited! And I'm the Author! I know who the Masked Villain REALLY IS! YAY!
And, no, I'm not going to tell you...
...Okay, it's--
"Let's try the suite first!" Ultimecia suggested.
So, they all followed her quickly to the suite... But, before they GOT to the suite, they were stopped...
...By the SECONDARY FF VILLAINS! EEEEEEKKKKK!
"Oh my GOD!" Sephiroth yelled. "HOJO?"
"SHADOW?" Kefka exclaimed.
"GARLAND?" Kuja shouted.
"LADY YUNALESCA?" Seymour... You get the rest.
"LEBLANC?"
"ADEL?"
Indeed... It was... Hojo, Shadow, Garland, Yunalesca, Leblanc and Adel. Some of which couldn't even be considered real villains! But, heck, they are! Actually, I was considering using Jenova instead of Hojo, but we don't want Sephy up against his Mother, do we? Also, I had doubts about Shadow... Is he the secondary villain of VI? I wouldn't know, because, like I said in the early stages of this story when Kefka joined, I've n--
"EASY VICTORY!" Shuyin yelled, since they were all beaten up with a Zanmato. JUST LIKE THAT! Who dealt the Zanmato? It was probably Sephiroth... He's the only one with a sword that could do that. "w00t!"
"They didn't even get any speech!" Seymour said. "ArcBus REALLY wants to finish this story, doesn't she?"
"Kome!" Ultimecia said, climbing... Sorry... KLIMBING over the secondary villains corpses.
"S-S-S-Seph...Iro...Th..." Hojo said weakly. "I-I am your... Father..."
DUN-DUN-DDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN!
Except Seph wasn't listening. He was too illogical and couldn't process information like that. Hojo then died a TIMELY death! It's about time, too! Well, we all thought he was dead before! Maybe he came back in DoC? One less job for Vincent, then.
Ultimecia opened the door to the suite and everyone burst in!
And...
THE MASKED VILLAIN WAS THERE! YAY! ...Wait a minute...
"Ah, yes. You are the villains worthy of being FF villains, indeed." The Masked Villain said.
"...Who are you?" Kuja asked, since no one else was going to ask that! Prrff!
"Who am I? Well, we'd better leave that until the next chapter so it can be a surprise!"
"...He's got some courage messing with us, don't you think?" Seymour said.
"Courage?" The Masked Villain repeated. "Perhaps. Or maybe you're the ones with the courage, following me here."
"...Did you steal the EHPs?" Asked Shuyin, which seemed like a smart question for him.
"Yes. Yes I did. And do you want to know why?"
The Masked Villain then began pacing around the room.
"Well, the truth is... The Evil Hair Products, or as we've shortened it to - The EHPs, are what make you six amazing villains, and therefore you are worthy of being THE Final Fantasy bad guys, right? The same for the great Grandia villains, and the one from Fruits Basket." He said. "That is... The power Iwant..."
"Then, why didn't you just buy some?" Kefka asked, because none of this made sense to him!
"I did, but that would never get YOU GUYS out of the spotlight! I want to a MAIN villain! I want to destroy the world! And the only way to do so was to steal the EHPs for myself, and then destroy the factory so you couldn't get any! Over time, you would become good guys... AND I WOULD BE THE ONLY EVIL ONE LEFT IN THE UNIVERSE!" He yelled, and then laughed manically.
"So, what about the others in the konvention room?" Ultimecia asked.
"They're not great like you... So, I was planning on exploding that room. I tricked them into coming by telling them they would become better villains than the FF villains if they came." The Masked Villain replied. "I had explosives planted that would have killed them all, if everything went to plan. As for the secondary FF villains... I put them on guard to stop you guys if you came. And you did. I knew you'd kill them easily. It's like... Two birds with one stone!"
"Is it?" She said, raising an eyebrow.
"Maybe. I dunno what I'm talking about."
"So, you knew we were coming, so you put the secondary villains on guard for us, knowing we'd get rid of them, too. Then, you planned on taking out all the other villains in the universe by exploding the room they were in, right?" Kuja summarised.
"Correct." The Masked Villain said, and then he pushed a button and there was a BIG EXPLOSION IN THE CONVENTION ROOM! GGAAAASSSPPP! "And there we have it. They're all dead."
"WHAT? Even Ganon?" Kefka asked.
"Yup. Dead."
"ANSEM?"
"He's dead too."
"KING KOOPA?"
"Yup. Dead."
"THE BAD GUY FROM LETHAL WEAPON 2 THAT HAD DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY?"
"Yeah. Even the bad guy from Lethal Weapon 2 who had diplomatic immunity."
"EVEN YUNALESCA?"
"...Uh... WE killed Yunalesca..." Ultimecia said.
"Yes, yes, name any villain you want, they're all dead as doorknobs... Or, if you prefer, since doorknobs aren't really alive in the first place, dodos." The Masked Villain said.
"Okay, that is a pretty successful evil plan..." Seymour said. Well, it was more successful than his 'Use Yuna To Become Sin' plan.
"So that's why you did this. To become the greatest villain... The ONLY villain in existence." Kuja said. "Well, you know what, my little canary? I don't think we should LET you!"
"I thought this would be the case..." The Masked Villain sighed. "Okay, then. We'll fight. After we play a little game of 'Guess Who?'"
"AHH! NOOOOO!" Shuyin yelled. "I don't like this game! I always lose! I lost to Lenne, I lost to Yu Yevon, I lost to Maechen, I even lost to that dog that plays Sphere Break!"
"Who am I?" He asked.
"Cloud?" Sephiroth said, since Cloud is the villain of Undying Pie 2.
"Nope."
"Cid VI?" Kefka said, even though he was DEAD!
"Nope."
"Eiko?" Kuja said, but that was a little... TOO... Strange.
"Nope."
"Wakka?" Seymour said, even though he was ALSO dead!
"Nope."
"A shoopuf?" Shuyin said hopefully.
"Nope."
Shuyin then let out a disappointed sigh.
"Aww... I was really hoping you were a shoopuf..."
"Boy, you guys suck at this game!" The Masked Villain said.
"I... I think I might know." Ultimecia said.
Everyone waited for her answer, but...
"Hmm... Nope. I've gone and lost it." She admitted.
"Okay, then. I'll show you my true identity." The Masked Villain said.
Everyone waited patiently, as he began to peel the mask off.
I'll bet right now you're ITCHING to know just WHO that crazy masked dude is!
Well, I'm going to tell you.
...In the next chapter! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
BASS IT!
Sorry guys. Don't hate me. I WILL reveal all next time!
Any more questions! THIS IS THE LAST REQUEST FOR QUESTIONS! So if you wanna ask something, ask NOW, okay? BEFORE the next update, which might not be anytime soon because I have other stories I wanna write.
Okay?
Okay?
FAQ? Yeah?
(P.S. You can't ask me who the Masked Villain is! Actually, you can, but it would be a bit stupid since you'd find out before the FAQ section AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER!
Which would ALSO be at the END OF THE FIC! GGAAASSSPPP!)
Bye-bye, got to fly!