The Quest For The Evil Hair Products Chapter 13: The Worst Ending Ever!, a final fantasy x-overs fanfic

THE QUEST FOR THE EVIL HAIR PRODUCTS!

Okay, yes... This IS the last chapter of The Quest For The Evil Hair Products. BUT, if you liked this story, I'll refer you to some of my other humorous stories (shameless self-advertising):

Undying Pie - FF7

Undying Pie 2 (once you've read the first one) - FF7

Squall And Rinoa Try To Implode Zell's Room - FF8

The World Ended When Cid Fell On His Ass - FF1-6 (6)

FFVII: What Really Happened... - FF7

FFX: What Really Happened... - FF10

Tifa Vs. Lack Of Caffine - FF7

So, read these, if you please, thank you please, bee's knees, mice eat cheese, parCHEEZY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Well, without further ado... Let us begin!

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CHAPTER THIRTEEN - THE WORST ENDING EVER! (COMPLETE WITH A RATHER STUPID EPILOGUE)

"Now... I will show you... Under my mask..."

The Masked Villain whipped off his mask to reveal...

"...IS ANOTHER MASK!"

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" The FF Villains all yelled. "FOR THAT WAS AN EPISODE OF NARUTO!"

"Okay, okay..." The Masked Villain admitted. "I'll take off my other mask. PSYCHE!"

And then, he revealed that he had his fingers crossed! GAAAHHH!

"Okay, this is getting beyond a joke now." Kuja said angrily.

"You're damn right it is!" Shuyin said, and then ran up to the Masked Villain and whacked him over the head with his sword. It didn't cut his head off though, because it's a very blunt CLUB sword! YAY! ... ...Yay...? Is that the right word to use? Oh well, I suppose it will have to be. The Masked Villain fell to the floor with an 'Ugh!'

"Well, that was easy." Ultimecia said. "You knocked him out... Just like that!"

"Like I said... ArcBus really wants to finish this story!" Seymour highlighted what he had said in the last chapter.

"I'm not knocked out!" The Masked Villain said, trying to get up off the floor.

But then, Shuyin whacked him over the head again.

"Uhh... Maybe we should tie him up the stop him from standing if he DOES wake up now?" He suggested. How smart of him!

Everyone looked around the room. And, to save time, they found some random wiring! YAY! And they tied the Masked Villain up! YAY!

"Would it hurt for you to use a Phoenix Down on me?" The Masked Villain asked, since even though he was K'O'd, he could still talk. You know how it goes. In the Boss battle before a cut scene, one of your party members is knocked out. You win with them still K'O'd, and then they have speech in the cut scene! Crazy, no?

"No." The FF Villains all replied bluntly. Creepy how they were all talking at the same time... Like the line 'You can't do that' before.

"Now, let's see who the Masked Villain REALLY is!" Kefka said once they hand finished tying him up. And then, he pulled the mask off in Scooby-Doo style, and revealed that it was...

..."YUFFIE?"

"WHAT? That's impossible! She's dead! We saw her fall!" Kuja said, and then pulled off... THE YUFFIE MASK! GASP! And revealed that The Masked Villain was...

..."HARRY POTTER?"

"Oh, that's ridikulous!" Ultimecia said, looking pissed off. She then pulled off... THE HARRY POTTER MASK! GASP! And revealed that it was...

..."JERRY SPRINGER?"

"For crying out LOUD!" Seymour yelled, his veins bulging. He then pulled off... THE JERRY SPRINGER MASK! GASP! And revealed that The Masked Villain was...

..."FREDDY CRUGER?"

"GAWSH! Scar-ee!" Shuyin said, sounding remarkably like Goofy. He then pulled off... THE FREDDY CRUGER MASK! GASP! And revealed that it was... "Hey, wait a minute, wasn't this an episode of Scooby-Doo?"

Everyone looked at Shuyin, who was, in fact, ABOUT to pull off the mask.

"Yes, actually, it was an episode of Jonny Bravo, that was in fact a Jonny Bravo and Scooby-Doo crossover." Seymour replied.

"...Cool!" Shuyin said, looking pretty damned excited, and pulled off the mask the reveal it was...

..."JENOVA?"

"MOTHER?" Sephiroth yelled, and then everyone looked at him.

"Dude, your Mom stole the EHPs?" Kefka said, as if it was the most UNCOOL thing EVER!

"Yes. It was me. Mwa ha ha ha ha..." Jenova said blankly, because no one really knows how Jenova talks. Square gave her one line and, well, messed it up. "...Beacause you are a puppet..."

"Dude, your Mom!" Kefka said again. "Dude... YOUR MOM!"

"Wait... This isn't my Mother." Seph said, shaking his head.

"Uhh..." Jenova said blankly again. "Who ISN'T your Mother? Everyone's your Mother! I'm not your Mother, I'm your Kaa-San!"

"...Dude, YOUR MOM!" Kefka said once again, flailing his arms about randomly. And then he looked over at Kuja. "I can't pull that 'Your Mom' thing off, can I?"

Kuja shook his head slowly.

"My Mother is a blob of alien tissue. This is just some weirdo who wasted Gil on a bunch of masks." Sephiroth said, and then he pulled off... THE JENOVA MASK! GASP! And revealed that it was...

...Are you ready...?

... ... ..Are you...?

...No, really, you're gonna be SO surprised when you--

"SEIFER?" All the FF villains yelled in complete shock.

"Okay, so this HAS to be a mask." Sephiroth said, and then tried to pull of another mask, but... WAS PULLING SKIN! OMG!

"Yes. It was me." Seifer said. "I stole your EHPs. And blew up the factory. But what are you gonna do now?"

"...Take them back?" Kuja suggested.

"How?" Seifer asked, raising an eyebrow and smirking.

"...We're going to go to the cupboard you hid them in..." Kuja continued slowly. "Aaannddd... Take them back...?"

And then they did JUST that! WHOOO-HOO!

"Hey-HEY-HEEEYY! NOO! W-WAAAAIT!" Seifer yelled, but he couldn't struggle out of the wire! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

"Wow. The EHPs." Shuyin said, as they were... RIGHT THERE! WHOOOOOOO-HHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"He could have made the effort to at least have LOCKED the cupboard..." Seymour said, sounding DISGUSTED with that disgraceful Seifer.

"Well, I didn't know you'd do that!" Seifer said sadly. "I'm not a villain. I'm an ANARCHIST! There's often a difference! And I feel so toasty!"

Then he started sobbing in all his senseless garble, randomly snickering words like 'Potato' and 'Jimmy' and 'Ribena' every so often.

"Okay, so, now what do we do now we've pretty much got the EHPs and finished the story and blah blah blah something something ending blah?" Shuyin asked.

"We go to the Epilogue." Kuja replied.

Everybody likes Epilogues, right? So, here we go! YAY!

EPILOGUE! SQQQUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

--RANDOM STOCK PLACE

Because the factory got blown up, and there weren't enough EHPs to last the villains their entire immortal quintillion year lifetimes, Sephiroth and Kefka had agreed to make money to have the factory rebuilt. So, they went gambling in the Stock Market! HOORAY!

POTATO +6.5 / JIMMY -0.11 / LIGHTBULB +4.50 / FRANCE +0.50 / SPIRA +8.9 / ODINE -7.0 / PANDA +12.88 / CLOUD -99 / DUCKS +2

"PANDA HAS SKYROCKETED! SHARES ARE UP FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 20 YEARS!" A random stock guy at the stock place yelled.

All the people who had invested their money in PANDA cheered and went to claim all their money! YAY FOR PANDA PEOPLE!

BLACKMAGES +14 / KINGDOMHEARTS +6 / GANGREEN +4.8 / LAGUNA -1.9 / LEMONS +8 / CANADA +2.5 / EVILHAIRPRODUCTS -872.5

"Evil Hair Products have unfortunately gone WAY down." The stock guy said. "On a brighter note, Kingdom Hearts is up!"

Sora, Kairi and Riku claimed all their millions of munny and walked off happily into the sunset.

"Oh... Fuck!" Kefka yelled. They had lost all the money on the EHPs! GASP! NOO!

"Oh well." Sephiroth said.

"Seph, we've lost all our money! EVERYTHING! You've even lost that villa in Costa del Sol!"

Sephiroth shrugged.

"Wasn't mine anyway."

"YOU'VE GOT NOWHERE TO LIVE! And more importantly... I'VE GOT NOWHERE TO LIVE! I LOST MY MANSION! AND ALL MY GIL!"

"You shouldn't have put it all on the EHPs..."

Kefka looked miserably at the stock sign. EVILHAIRPRODUCTS -872.5 . They had been forced to sell out! How awful... For Kefka, that is.

"Well, bye." Seph said, and then he walked towards the door.

"W-W-WAIT! Where are you GOING?" Kefka shouted, as if Sephiroth walking out of there meant THE END OF HIS LIFE AS HE KNEW IT!

"Uhh... Back to the Planet to in the end live with Aeris in Midgar and fulfil the plot of Undying Pie 2." He said over his shoulder. "See ya."

And then, he really did walk just right out of that crazy stock place, leaving Kefka to... Drown in the fact he had just lost EVERYTHING! INCLUDING the EHPs!

But Sephiroth didn't realise HE had ALSO lost all the EHPs. Nope. He didn't realise. Why?

Say it with me, people.

He's. Too. Illogical.

--THE BIG PURPLE MANSION, ALEXANDRIA

"Oh wow. I do love these new curtains!" Kuja said. "They're so feminine and... Whooshy! I can almost forgive you for ruining my old ones, Gavin!"

"Yes Master! Gavin did good! Didn't we, Gereldene?" Gavin said, holding up his happy spoon friend.

"Now, where are Black Mages 1 to 10?" He asked, sitting at his desk.

"Master, 1 to 10 made a bid for freedom and got run over by a truck!" Gavin replied. "But Gavin and Gereldene would never do that! No, never, Master!"

"...Oh, okay, go get me 463."

And soon, little 463 came running in.

"Y-Yes Master Kuja?"

"463, I need you to go kill Zidane and his friends for me. I wanna get back on track with this villainy show." Kuja said.

"Okay." 463 said, and then left the room.

A few hours later, he came back.

"I'm sorry Master Kuja. Zidane beat the living hell out of me... On his own! That bastard hits for 9999 every turn!" 463 sighed.

"Argh... I'm too tired to punish you... Okay, Gavin, go kill Zidane and his friends." Kuja said, shaking his hand in the direction of the door, as if to shoo Gavin off.

"Yes Master, Gereldene and I will crush him like a pizza!" Gavin said, and then ran out like a little girl.

A few hours later, he came back.

"Gavin and Gereldene are on the news, Master!" He grinned. "Aren't we Gereldene? Channel 6, Master?"

"What? Really?" Kuja said hopefully, switching a TV that was just... There... For story purposes... On to Channel 6.

"BREAKING NEWS!" The News Reader yelled. "A deranged fourteen-year-old boy, who named himself 'Gavin' has used a wooden spoon he named 'Gereldene' to attempt to kill Zinedine Zidane and many other members of the French football team."

Kuja went pale, and angrily looked over at Gavin.

"GaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaavvvvvvvvvvvvvviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN!" He yelled.

"Yes, Master? We did good, didn't we Gereldene?"

Gavin held up the bloodstained Gereldene. Kuja screamed as loud as he could, and launched his Faberge egg collection at him.

--ESTHAR AREA

Now, I bet you're wondering what happened to the miscellaneous villains, before we go any further, right?

"Hey, HEY! Kai, your foot's in my face!" Akito said angrily.

No reply.

"Uh... Kaaaii...?"

But, alas, all of the other miscellaneous villains were dead! They were under Akito! They broke his fall and he survived!

"I SURVIVE AGAIN!" Akito roared. He hated living. He was SUPPOSED to die! Gah! How annoying for him!

--HOTEL, ZIL PADON

"Hey, Feena, I saw a girl in FF7 who has your hairstyle!" Justin said.

"Oh, really?" Feena said with her hands on her hips. "Did you sleep with her?"

"Feena, you and I both know I wouldn't!" He replied, shaking his head. "Besides, I'm not even legal yet!"

"SO YOU WANTED TO BUT COULDN'T?" She roared. "YOU SICK CHEATING LYING UNDERAGE BASTARD!"

"Oh, no, actually, I only saw her from a few meters away. I didn't ever talk to her."

And, just so you know, Justin was referring to Tifa. Why was Tifa in the Grandia world? I DON'T KNOW! HAHAHAHA!

"Oh, so she stole my hairstyle AND my boyfriend!" Feena said obliviously. "Where is she, Justin? I'M GONNA KILL HER!"

Oh well... Onto the next scene.

--CYRUM KINGDOM

Just to be Grandia II inclined, I decided to have Elena and Millenia fight over Ryudo... Like they do... Alot.

"Ryudo likes ME!" Millenia yelled.

"No, he likes ME!" Elena shouted.

"No, he likes ME!"

"No, ME!"

"ME!"

"M--"

"OH, SHUT UP ALREADY!" Tio screamed from the top window of the hospital, shaking her fist randomly. "RYUDO DOESN'T LIKE EITHER OF YOU, OKAY?"

"HEY! YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!" Millenia roared, very angry with that crazy hospital-working Automato.

"YEAH! We should ask Ryudo HIMSELF which one of us he likes!" Elena said.

"Fine by me!" Millenia agreed confidently. "Where is he, anyway?"

"Oh, he went into the castle to talk to Roan."

Then, just to save time, Ryudo and Roan came walking out of the castle and up to them.

"Ryudo, who do you like, me or Elena?" Millenia asked promptly with an 'I will kill you if you say Elena' expression.

"Oh, this again?" Ryudo said. "Well, good timing, I just realised that I don't like either of you."

"W-W-W-WHAAAAAA?" Millenia and Elena screamed, jumping back.

"It's not that there's anything wrong with you." He tried to reassure them. "It's just that I've just realised that I'm actually gay."

"W-W-W-W-WHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?" They screamed again, jumping back even FURTHER.

"Oh... Yeah. I'm gay. What, really? You didn't see that coming?"

They both looked... Pretty much... Destroyed. They had distorted facial expressions, and... Well... Were now probably considering suicide. Well, maybe Millenia was. Elena would get over Ryudo... Or, you know, maybe not.

"B-B-B-BUT...! Y-YOU CAN'T BE!" Millenia twitched.

"...Psst!" Ryudo said, nudging Roan. "Are you legal yet? 'Cause I gotta get out of this mess."

"No, Mr. Ryudo. I am sorry." Roan said.

"Kid, you're the ruler of this place! You can change the rules!"

"... ...I'd rather NOT." Roan admitted, and then considered calling for his guards. But he ran back inside the castle instead. It was an easier way to get outta there.

"Uhhh... Okay... Ladies... Girls... Females..." Ryudo said, shifting nervously away sideways. "I-I'm going to go find some... Guys... Yeah?"

And then he ran off, leaving them there to... Wallow in their broken-heartness.

--TYSON'S HOUSE, BAY CITY

"LET IT RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!" Max yelled. "Oh, it's no fun anymore without Tyson to annoy Kai and Kai to be moody!"

"You're right, Max. With the major main characters gone, this show's just plain boring." Ray said, and then reconsidered changing his name back to Rei.

"Well, not like it wasn't BORING in the first place!" Daichi commented. "DUH, we shoot SPINNING TOPS and make them FIGHT each other! GAH!"

"Guys, where's... Kenny?" Hilary asked.

And then everybody realised that another character from Beyblade had been abducted...

...And you're next, Daichi.

--MAIN SOHMA HOUSE, TOKYO

Back in Tokyo, all the Fruits Basket Zodiac Members were celebrating because they thought Akito was dead and their curse was lifted.

"HEY, TOHRU! YOU CAN HUG ME NOW!" Momiji cried, and then tried to hug Tohru but turned into a rabbit.

All the Zodiac members gasped. They thought their curse was... Well, like I said, LIFTED!

"AAAAHHH! I'M SO SORRY! IT'S MY FAULT!" Tohru cried.

"NO! IT'S MINE!" Ritsu yelled, and then they both started mentally beating themselves for bringing the curse back.

What they didn't know was Akito was actually still alive. How awful for them...

--SHUYIN AND LENNE'S HOUSE, ZANARKAND

Okay, I'll go back to the FF villains now.

"Lenne, I'm home!" Shuyin declared, wandering in to...

...The destroyed ruins of Zanarkand?

"Spira's war? Vegnagun events?" Shuyin asked himself, looking at the rubble. "I was late...? OH SHIT THERE'S NO PLOT FOR FFX-2!"

--MERLIN'S HOUSE, HOLLOW BASTION

"Hey, Sora. It's good to see you." Aeris said. "Are you getting ready for the Kingdom Hearts fic ArcBus is planning on writing?"

"Yeah, that's right." Sora replied. "It's been a good fic time for her. The KH should be out before the one year publish anniversary of FFVII: What Really Happened. You guys must be getting ready, too."

"We are." Squall said. "Ever since we got out of that Yuffie court case, Aerith and I have been looking for a replacement for her."

"That's... AERIS." Aeris said. Well, WHO ELSE would correct him?

"Whatever." Squall dished out his signature saying.

"So, where's Cloud?" Asked Sora, looking around in his uber-kawaii naive way. Although, I was pretty sure he'd first ask where Donald and Goofy were, but, OH WELL!

"Oh, he's upstairs taking care of 'important business'!" Aeris chuckled. "He told us not to bother him, but you're welcome to go do exactly that!"

"Alright!" Sora agreed and then walked upstairs with his Keyblade over his shoulder. Like Auron!

Two minutes or so later, he came right back downstairs, an awfully discouraged expression on his face. Squall and Aeris were still deciding who to replace Yuffie with.

"Maybe we should try Rinoa?" Aeris suggested.

"No! NO! NONONONONONO! NOO!" Squall instantly said, falling off his chair. "IF YOU GET RINOA IN SHE'LL MAKE ME CUT MY HAIR! I LIKE IT THIS LENGTH!"

"What has that got to do with the restoration?" Argued Aeris, thinking sensibly.

Squall was about to say 'She'll also crush you because I went out with you that one time' when Sora spoke up.

"Hey guys... You know... I think I'm gonna go now." Sora said blankly. "Or at least never see THAT again!"

"Never see what again?" Aeris asked. "Was Cloud looking at yaoi again?"

"W-Well... Technically... He was PART of the yaoi..."

"Really? That gay fuck..." Squall said, shaking his head. Even though in the yaoi side of my mind, he'd do Cloud, too! "Who with?"

"Oh, y'know what guy a few epilogue scenes ago? The dude who said he was gay infront of those girls that were obsessed with him?" Sora asked.

And then their jaws dropped open. And a big giant OMGZORZ! appeared on the screen... OMG!

--GUADOSALAM, SPIRA

Anyway, Seymour had got back to Spira, that was just back to normal.

"Ah, it's good to be back." He said in his ritzy voice, settling down into a comfy chair in his mansion.

Suddenly, random annoying dance music came on. He shot up.

"WHO DARES DISTURB THE RESTING TIME OF SEYMOUR?"

He strode to the door, looked outside and saw the entire FFX cast dancing in a long line.

"C'MON, SEYMOUR! SPIRA'S CHANGED TO THE SPONGA! YOU HAVE TO JOIN ON!" Tidus yelled.

"...Oh, alright then!" Seymour agreed, and then slid in behind Yuna and infront of Auron.

"So, we heard about your EHP quest." Yuna said as the Sponga started up again. "What happened to Seifer, anyway?"

"Well... Let's just say Ultimecia took him back in as the 'Sorceress's Knight..." Seymour replied with a strange smirk.

--ULTIMECIA'S CASTLE

"Skrub HARDER!" Ultimecia yelled, kicking Seifer as he scrubbed away with a toothbrush at a toilet. "And once you're done here, you kan start on the karpet!"

"Oooohh..." Seifer whined, hitting his head on the bowl. "...I wanna go home! I want my Mommy!"

"No, Seifer, I AM your Mommy!" Ultimecia laughed evilly. Seifer let out a big long Midgarwood-style 'NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

And that, my friends, is where we end the story...

...With...

BASS IT!

THE END!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! IT'S OVER! Yay! Now I can concentrate on some of my other stories...

Any more questions? I can still come back and edit!

Hehehe, well, I'd like to thank the following people for kindly reviewing:

DarKFaeries (I am still sorry 463 was put in the dungeon, but hey, he's out now, ya?)

KillerChocobo (Ahh... Where would I be without your support? XD Keep your eye on Undying Pie!)

CRAPTASTIC AVENGER (The one who avenges the craptastic. It's as simple as that.)

Naruubi (Thanks for the villains ages again :3 )

Kit Thespian (I did always wonder about the Kefka behind the makeup... Thankees!)

yella fella (AUGUST MOOMOO AWARDS ANNOUNCED! I mean... Uhhh... Thanks alot!)

Fantasynator (OKAY! I UPDATED! DON'T HURT ME!)

1wngdngl (Interesting name :3 The BHMs live on! WHOOHOO!)

Well, everyone, we've reached the end of the story. I must apologize for the Masked Villain being Seifer. That was the idea all along for me, seeing as how he wants to be evil but can't get past the Anarchist reputation. And also I will apologize again to PrincessSerenity110 for any offence caused by Chapter 4. I must ALSO apologize for making Cloud and Ryudo gay. Any Grandia II fans will know yaoi is pretty much impossible in the game. I think that's why I did it. But as for Cloud, I've no excuse other than the fact that he reads yaoi comics and has an electric car.

Anyway, goodbye y'all. Read my other fics, okay:3

See ya later, Froobinator.