Melody Becomes a Homicidal Hairslayer

Gertrude slowly opened the door to the office, hoping that Melody wouldn't be standing right in front of her face. Which she was. This was not Gertrude's day.

"Good news. You made it with about fourteen seconds left to spare." Melody stretched her smile. This was bad.

"Yeeeeeeah… you know you're creeping me out with that I'm-only-smiling-because-I'm-in-denial-or-you-just-did-something-incredibly-stupid-and-you-just-got-busted-for-it look on your face." Gertrude winced.

"How could you tell?" Melody cracked her knuckles.

"Uh… your I'm-only-smiling-because-I'm-in-denial-or-you-just-did-something-incredibly-stupid-and-you-just-got-busted-for-it look?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME! YOU SCREWED UP MY SCHEDULE SO I COULD GO FIND YOU! I WAS SUPPOSED TO FILE A PRESCRIPTION FOR THAT GOTH BOY AND YOU MADE ME LOSE THAT SHEET! And to think I could have married Don Hoffman and auditioned for American Idol…" Melody began muttering to herself.

"Hey Mel?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you ever know a guy named Don Hoffman anyway?"

"Uh… no…"

"OK…" Gertrude took a few steps backward.

"No. Gertrude, get back here. When I'm through with you, I'm going to give you the most savage beating I can legally-" Melody grabbed Gertrude by the collar and was just about to punch her in the face when-

"Uh, this IS Dr. Stefani's office, isn't it?" A big booming voice asked from behind the shaking Gertrude.

"Cy-Cyborg! H-hi! I-I'll be right with you. I have some business to take care of with my uh, janitor…" Melody smiled weakly.

"She's your janitor? She's much too pretty to be your janitor. Hey wait a minute, aren't you the daughter of…" Cyborg looked over at Gertrude, hoping to make the situation less awkward.

"PRETTY! You think she's too PRETTY to be MY JANITOR?" Melody glared with fire in her eyes.

"Well, maybe I should just, uh, come back… uh, later? Bye, then." Cyborg sprinted out the door and drove the T-Car into the sunset.

"Way to go, DOCTOR. You acted so insane, you made me look normal. You deserve a prize. How about a donut?" Gertrude grinned.

"How about you just go f---"

"MELODY! You can't say that! You're in a T-rated story! The people are going to bleep you out for using such language! And from a lady, too! Shameful! Despicable! How do the censors sleep at night…" Gertrude began scolding Melody with as much sarcasm her five working brain cells could deliver.

"…That's not what I was going to say. I was GOING to say that you can just go find yourself your own cute little donut BACK IN THE RECEPTIONIST'S CHAIR!" Melody shoved Gertrude back in the reception area.

"Mmm, more for me." Gertrude got up from the floor and began searching through the sticky cabinets looking for the donuts she left behind.

"Donuts? No donuts? Oh noes! My babies are goooooooone!" she began screaming hysterically as she discovers the sugary goodness had disappeared.

"GET BACK TO WORK, SLACKER!" Melody shouted from her private office.

But it was useless. Gertrude had begun to cry. Rather loudly.

"Just shut up… please…" Melody silently prayed.

Gertrude cried harder.

"Pleeeeeeeeeease…" Melody whined.

And harder.

"FOR THE LOVE OF PROZAC SHUT THIS GIRL UP!"

At this point Gertrude had begun to throw a fit. The glass on the window was about to crack. She began pounding her fists on the concrete desk.

"ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT, GERTRUDE! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!" Melody took out a knife she swiped after Slade's appointment a few weeks back. Making sure the coast was clear, even though the building was empty besides her and Gertrude, she tiptoed her way to her emo employee's desk…

"MELODY! WHAT'S WITH THE KNIFE!" Gertrude shrieked as Melody made her move. Frantically she ran around the room like an idiot, panicking. "MY BEST FRIEND HAS A KNIFE! MY BEST FRIEND HAS A KNIFE! Hey, look, a nickel. MY BEST FRIEND HAS A KNIFE! MY BEST FRIEND HAS A KNIFE! MY BEST FRIEND HAS A KNIFE! Hey, this nickel's from 1989. MY BEST FRIEND HAS A KNIFE! It's got gum on it. MY BEST FRIEND HAS A KNI- Hey, wait, this is my gum!" Gertrude peeled the gum off the coin and began chewing it. "Ew, it's stale." She tossed it in the trash.

"Are you done yet, you moron? Let me just kill you now." Melody took the knife and thrust it at Gertrude's throat. It got stuck in her hair.

"MY HAIR DIED!" Gertrude began to bawl.

Melody didn't care. "I guess I'll have to do this the hard way." She went over to the desk and began to dial a number on the phone. "Hello, is this Titans Tower? I've got a little situation here. Can you get here as soon as you can? Thank you."

About 20 minutes later, Cyborg and the rest of the Titans arrived. Robin ran into the office first. "We heard there was trou- HEY!" He pointed a finger at Gertrude. "I remember you! What are you doing?"

"Crying and pleading for mercy" was Gertrude's weak reply.

Beast Boy came in next. "HEY! YOU'RE THAT GIRL WHO-"

"Shut up!" Gertrude hissed.

"Girl who what, BB?" asked Cyborg from the other side of the window.

"Kissed me and shoved me in my closet." Beast Boy pointed a finger at Gertrude.

"WHY IS EVERYONE POINTING AT ME! I can't see!" Gertrude snapped.

"Riiiiiiight." Raven muttered from the other side of the room.

"OK… uh… so what's the problem here?" Robin asked, trying hard to change the subject.

"Well, Miss Gertrude here was-" Melody began.

"…trying to escape from being killed by Dr. Psycho Hairslayer. SHE KILLED MY HAIR!" Gertrude screamed.

"How does one kill the hair?" Starfire asked, confused.

"I see what you mean, uh, Gertrude. You mean she was trying to stab you and she ended up getting the knife stuck in your hair?" Robin said.

"Yes!" Gertrude squeaked, rubbing her puffy eyes.

"Wait a sec. This looks like one of Slade's knives!" Cyborg gasped as he attempted to pull the knife out of Gertrude's hair.

"OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!" she yelled.

"Ok, ok, stay still, ok, hold on, ok?" Cyborg hastily tried to get her hair untangled from the knife. It didn't do much.

"Great. Now I have a stupid knife stuck in my hair." Gertrude pouted.

"Well, all we can do now is arrest you, Dr. Stefani, for attempted murder. Nothing personal, just law enforcement. C'mon, let's go." Robin escorted an irritated Melody out of the office. "You'd do the same thing if you knew her," she said. "She deserved it."

"Believe me; Beast Boy's been pretty homicidal lately. He's been annihilating spiders that've been running around for the past few weeks. Probably since that day your friend came over." Robin nodded as he led Melody to the nearby Steel City Prison. "You shouldn't have to spend more than a few years here. Don't worry, we understand how you feel." he said as Melody entered an empty cell. "OK. Bye."

Melody sat on the flat bed, frustrated. I HAD to be her only friend. Good God, why, why, why is she my friend? Well, at least she's not here, she thought.

End Chapter 7, porque the writer no quiere escribir más.