Notes: Formerly called Therapy, the title changed to Emotional Instability, and probably will change again. I have this entire story written out, and I'll post once a week until all seven chapters are up--probably on Mondays, unless I'm not here. Betaed version now.
Disclaimer: Naruto and it's characters belong to Kishimoto. Not I. Boo.
Story Summary: Every afternoon, after school, Gaara meets with his therapist to try and figure out why he went crazy last year and nearly killed someone. At the same time, she helps him realize things about himself. SasuGaa mainly, mentions of NaruHina and HakuNeji.
Warnings: Rated M for language, abuse, male-male relationships (though there's nothing serious), mention of suicide, violence, and some other things.
I look back on this, and it feels a bit rushed. But it seems to work out in the end, you know? Feedback is appreciated, people who kiss my ass are loved. Ha-ha, ha-ha-ha.
Finally got the beta'd version up, things got kind of hectic. If you see random bold, that's me being too lazy to get rid of the correction indicators.
Review responses, that you can always skip.
Devil Subaru Chan - Sasuke makes an appearance in this chapter. Heh, I think he last like three lines. Glad you like it, hope I don't disappoint.
green24 - Woot, a double-reviewer! Glad that it didn't seem too fast, and all, and sorry for however long you had to wait.
Yourperfectdisaster - You mention that, and I think about it, and it seems true… And as for the idea of them being friends seeming odd, just image how things would be after the Chuunin exam stuff, with Gaara seeing that there's someone who understands him, ya know?
Glil - Well, I'm glad you found the story too, and don't worry, the ending shouldn't make you cry. And, obviously, this is as soon as I was able to update.
llshadowmakerll - Glad you like the plot, and I hope this update was fast enough for you.
As always, a million and a half thanks to my beta, narroch06, who helped me with the editing of this chapter. Love ya lots!
Tuesday
"I'd tell you not to look, but you will anyways, so be subtle when you turn around and gape in awe. Sasuke's headed this way." Naruto hisses, quite abruptly, during lunch. I roll my eyes, sparing the briefest glance over my shoulder, before whispering back.
"Naruto, we're in the damn corner, near the vending machines, he's probably just go--"
"Hi." A voice cut me off as someone slid into the seat next to me; the sound of a soda being opened was heard over the general roar of the cafeteria, along with the sound of Naruto's jaw hitting the table.
Now, don't get me wrong, Naruto and I are unpopular. But we're not complete losers… I think. Either way, some people will talk to us. Generally, those are people with no dignity to lose, or people who are forced to.
Uchiha Sasuke fits in neither of those categories. According to most girls at our school, he's in a category of his own. And I have to agree with them.
"Hi." Naruto finally squeaks out, kicking me under the table and making me jump.
"Uh… yeah… Hi." I know, I'm stupid, shut up. I glance at the clock, suddenly jumping up and grabbing my backpack and lunch tray. "I've gotta go, see you later Naruto." I mutter, rushing out of there and dumping my tray on the way. Technically there's still five minutes before I have to take my medicine, but I think I'd die of humiliation if he sat near me for much longer.
Oh, fuck, and I didn't even say goodbye to him. Damn it, I'm such a moron. No casual 'Later, Sasuke' or even 'Tell your brother that you wanted to be near me, so he won't hurt me. I kind of like my eyes.'
All right, maybe not the second one.
Anyways, I go to the nurse's office and get my medicine from Shizune, who--much like Chiyo--asks me how my day has been going so far. Considering I'm blushing like mad, I have a feeling she wouldn't appreciate the truth, so I shrug it off. A nice 'yeah, my day is going fine, my crush actually spoke to me… You know the one, Uchiha Sasuke, most popular guy in school? Football, Basketball, Track, AP classes… No, I'm not stalking him!'.
Actually, the nurse and I aren't that close, even with our daily interaction.
After I'm mellowed out, and pretty much too high to give a fuck--effect of the drugs, normally lasts about ten minutes--I go hole up in the library. No, I'm not some nerd, the library is hardly ever used. Hell, even the librarians aren't there a lot of the time.
It's as I'm sitting down at a table with my personal copy of Rolling Stone that my mind decides to fill me in on a rather important fact: Uchiha Itachi, Momochi Zabuza, Hoshigaki Kisame, and Uchiha Shisui were all in lunch with me. I guarantee Itachi saw his brother go over and talk to me, and I guarantee that I won't be able to lie to him and say he was asking Naruto about something sports-related. Even if I did, he'd find out from Sasuke later that I lied, and I'd rather not think of what would happen to me. He'd probably sell my organs to black market surgeons.
My best hope would be to tell Itachi that Sasuke came over and sat down, and I left. Then when he interrogates his brother later, he'll find out that is really happened.
And still kick my ass.
Lovely.
I groan, burying my head in my hands, trying not to think about it. Really, being too high to give a fuck should last longer, maybe then I'd make it through P.E. without problems.
I suppose it's worth mentioning that when he's not around Itachi, Zabuza is actually kind of nice. Sure, he's a tall and well-built football player who does wrestling too, but he doesn't really go along with the whole bullying thing. He'd rather tell someone to fuck off and leave him alone than beat on them. Itachi just seems to bring out his mean side--or intimidate him. Itachi's small, but he's mostly muscle, and absolutely terrifying half the time.
The bell to end lunch rings right about then and I stand up slowly, dreading another P.E. class. I'm terrible at anything that involves physical activity, except maybe walking. The over-enthusiastic or the scary-as-hell-bitch teacher seems to always find a way to make me at least walk around the gymnasium.
I get to the locker room late since the gym and the library are on opposite sides of the school, and change quickly, stepping out into the large wood floored room and looking around tensely. Immediately I spot Itachi and Kisame playing basketball, and sigh with relief. They won't notice me if they're distracted with sports, I'm safe for now.
Naruto isn't in my P.E. class, as I said, and he's really just about my only friend, unless Haku counts. But Haku didn't even eat lunch with us today, I have no idea why. Maybe he decided he wanted to have actual friends at this school.
The class goes by without any issues, besides someone hitting me in the head with a football. But I have a feeling that was an accident, considering there was a brief call of 'heads up' before I got nailed. And I lifted my head too, they shoulda yelled 'heads down'. Anyways, no incidents really, something I'll be more than happy to tell Chiyo. She says that if things get much worse, she'll get me transferred to Naruto's class. And I don't exactly want to rely on him to defend me all the time.
It's while we're in the locker room that things get bad. I'm trying to change quickly, but the combination on my locker is stuck, and I left my wallet in there. And even with it locked up, I don't trust my wallet alone in this locker room. Besides, I need my money so I can get something to eat after school.
I mutter kicking the locker, sadly drawing attention to the little corner I'm hidden in behind the other rows of lockers. Before my mind has time to tell me I'm stupid, a hand slams into my locker, nearly denting it. Smartly, I jump back, and knock into someone's chest. Oh, fucking lovely.
I try to stop my still hurting knee from banging into the side of the bench Itachi shoves me at, but it doesn't do much good, I just end up crushing my fingers between my knee and the side of the bench. Kisame's standing on the other side of me, blocking my way back towards the gym, and Itachi is leaning against the wall in front of me. Even if I had the nerve to try and get past him, he'd grab me in a second and probably throw me back into the bench. So instead, I sit there, shaking like hell and staring at the wall somewhere near Itachi's knees.
"I was even nice about telling you to stay away from him," Itachi begins ranting immediately, complete with hand gestures. A sick, suicidal part of my mind wonders what he'd do if I suggested he joined drama, he's pretty good at acting. Or at least, he's dramatic enough. He'd probably kill me for even thinking it, though. "…really gonna get it now." Shit, I should probably be paying attention.
"I didn't do anything." I mutter; again, my body ignores my brain's commands to shut up and cower.
"Didn't do anything! You think I didn't fucking see you!" He's glaring at me, even without looking, I can feel it. A hand grabs me by the front of my shirt, and Itachi lifts me up to eye level with him, a couple of inches off the ground. "Answer me…" He's not yelling anymore, but that's probably worse. I get the feeling he's going to hit me no matter what I say.
"But I d-didn't…" I stutter out, my eyes wide, seeming unable to move from his. "He c-came over and sat down and I l-left…" I gasp suddenly, all the air leaving my lungs in a rush as I'm punched in the stomach. Itachi lets go of my shirt, and I crumple to the floor, holding my stomach and whimpering.
From somewhere in the black haze of the place my mind goes whenever I get the wind knocked out of me, I hear another voice, not belonging to Itachi.
For a brief second, I have hope that it's someone there to save me. Damn, I'm a moron.
"Hey, Itachi, he didn't really do anything. Sasuke did kinda go over there on his own, you know."
"Kisame. Shut. Up." Itachi growls, and again I can feel his glare on me before I'm lifted, strong hands under my arms, roughly squeezing to bring me partially back to reality.
The slap to my face brings me the rest of the way back.
Itachi's eyes are staring directly into mine when I manage to focus again, and it's not the best thing to come back to the present and see. He's frowning, looking almost thoughtful, before speaking up. "You've obviously told someone about us, queer boy, because I got called into the school counselor this morning." He offers a fake smile here "Not that I don't appreciate getting out of history, but her questions about my home life were rather rude, and it was obvious she was trying to figure out if something was going on." He pauses here, as if to let it sink in before continuing. "I hate nosy people. And I hate people who can't keep their mouths shut even more. You ever speak of this again, or even write about it in the diary you probably keep, and I'll kill you." It's freaky how serious he is, I don't have any doubts he would.
Itachi turns and walks away then, and Kisame sets me back down on the bench, his open palm smacking into the back of my head as he walks by. Sometimes he's really scary and freakish and cruel, but other times he's… not so horrible. Hell, he got my locker open for me, though I don't think it'll ever close again now.
I pocket my wallet, wondering when I'll stop shaking, and gingerly examine my stomach. It's turning red, great. A look in the mirrors shows that there's a light red mark on my face, one that probably won't bruise.
You ever speak of this again, or even write about it in the diary you probably keep, and I'll kill you. He sounded so serious when he said that, but Chiyo will get the truth out of me somehow. She won't believe they just found another target and decided to leave me alone.
Maybe if I ask her if she called the school about it, and explain… But that'd get him arrested, no doubt, and he'd probably break out of jail and find me.
I sigh, feeling upset, deciding to just hide out in the locker room until Naruto shows up for his class, then see if I can go to the nurse. I'll say I'm feeling sick, which isn't far from the truth. I'm probably going to end up throwing up in a few minutes.
After school, as I walk up the stairs to the floor Chiyo's office is on, I stop into one of the buildings many bathrooms. A glance in the mirror tells me that my cheek is still red, and near my chin it's slightly bruised. Great… My stomach has a large bruise in the middle of it, in the shape of a fist. I sigh, half thinking I should just go hole up in an alley somewhere until it's time for my session to be over, except Chiyo will call my house, and I'll catch hell from Kankurou for not going.
I fix my shirt, glad that it's one of my larger t-shirts, before finishing the walk to the third floor and sit down to wait for my name to be called.
I've seen Chiyo's two-to-three pm patient before, some girl about my age with dark hair and really pale eyes. She always looks nervous, and jumpy, and from what I've over-heard--not my fault I'm an eavesdropper--she comes from an abusive family, and actually got sent here by her cousin.
"G-goodbye…" She whispers to Chiyo as she opens the door, her eyes down as she walks to the desk. The nice part of me wants to talk to her, but I doubt either of us could actually get through a conversation. I've heard her trying to talk, and she has a really bad stutter. And I'm just not one for random conversations.
"Gaara, stop zoning out and get your butt in here!" Chiyo calls and I stand up, dragging my bag behind me and into her office. I take a seat on her couch as she switches tapes. After a moment of fumbling with the tape recorder, she turns to me smiling.
"So, how was your day?"
"Fine…" I mumble, eyes cast towards the ground. This is the problem with having a therapist. Anyone else would assume I had a bad day and leave me alone. She reads my body language as 'today was worse than usual and I don't want to talk about it, please'…Then she makes me talk about it anyways.
'Did you ask Naruto about tomorrow afternoon?" She persists, obviously wanting to get me to talk.
"Forgot…" Another lousy thing about a therapist: they take one-word answers as a cry for help, instead of a request to fuck off.
"Well, you'll have to ask him tomorrow and hope for the best." She leans forward on her elbows, practically leaning over the desk. "So, what happened at school today?"
"Sasuke came over and sat with us at lunch, but I had to leave as soon as he sat down." Damn, how does she do that to me?
"I see… Anything else?"
I know she can see the bruise on my chin, probably because I keep rubbing at it, and I'm sure she knows my stomach hurts, because I'm holding it. Between the time I decided to just wait for Naruto and then go to the nurse, I threw up twice, luckily in the toilet. That's not good, because I don't tend to eat a lot anyways, so between skipping breakfast and then forcibly losing my old pizza for lunch, I'm starving.
"N-nothing…" I whisper, eyes still down, a hand reaching up to rub at them. Damn it, I will not cry. There's no reason to cry.
You ever speak of this again, or even write about it in the diary you probably keep, and I'll kill you. Itachi's cold voice echoes through my head, and I shudder, and before I can stop myself there's tears spilling from my eyes. This isn't good, I'll ruin my make-up. I think sarcastically. Yes, I wear eye make-up. It makes people feel better to assume I'm some goth-emo person who likes to wear lots of eyeliner, than let them see the dark circles around my eyes from not sleeping.
Chiyo stands up, moving quickly around her desk and wrapping her arms around me, handing me a tissue from the box on top of her desk. "It's good to let emotions out instead of keeping them bottled up inside…" She whispers, stroking my hair. Damn, this feels creepy. That thought alone is enough to make me stop crying, just from the absurdity of it.
Chiyo lets go once she sees I'm calmed down, sitting down behind her desk again. I grab another tissue and wipe my eyes quickly, not caring if my make-up is smudged to hell.
"He told me to stay away from Sasuke, because he knows I l-like him…" I finally whisper, pulling my knees up to my chest, kicking my shoes off quickly to keep from getting the sofa dirty. "And…" I swallow hard. I don't want to die, not at all. I like being alive. If I tell Chiyo everything, and Itachi does get locked up, at least one of his cronies will randomly murder me at some point. I know that his cousin Shisui hates me too, and he's like Itachi, only taller and with muscles on his muscles.
I shake my head slightly, looking down and muttering. "And he said that he was gonna get Naruto kicked off of Varsity…" It's a lie, but not entirely. He didn't tell me directly about getting Naruto kicked off of Varsity, but I heard him talking to Zabuza about doing it.
"If Naruto has the skill to be on Varsity, he won't get kicked off just because Itachi tells the coach to do it." Chiyo answers me, sensibly. How she heard me, I'll never know.
"But the coach really likes Itachi and Kisame and them, and Itachi is team captain. All he has to do is say that Naruto isn't being a team player, and he'll be gone." I protest, sitting up.
"You know, maybe I should get someone of higher power than myself and the school counselor involved in this…" Chiyo say after a moment, tapping her chin in thought. "Itachi is obviously very troubled, if he's trying this hard to make your life, and the life of your friend, utter hell. Perhaps I should call his parents, or even the authorities. He could probably be sent to jail, or at least a juvenile center for assault."
"No! You can't!" I sit up straight, my eyes wide, desperate. "He said that if I tell anyone he'll… he'll…" I trail off, choking back a sob, grabbing another tissue from the box quickly. Damn it, why am I crying like a fucking girl today?
"He'll do what?" Chiyo asks softly, again beside me rubbing my back gently.
I can't tell her the truth, or I really will be dead. "He said he'd tell… S-sasuke if I told anyone…" I whisper, letting out a shaky breath, closing my eyes for a moment.
"I see…" Chiyo says after a pause, and I can tell she doesn't think that's a bad idea. In your face, therapist, I can read you too. Except it's a terrible idea to tell Sasuke I like him. It's called a secret crush for a reason.
I don't know when exactly we moved, but a few moments later I've been to the bathroom, washed my face, and now I'm sitting on the couch again, drinking a glass of semi-warm water from the cooler outside her door.
Maybe Chiyo's right, and I need to start letting my emotions show, like a girl. I've really only showed the basic ones around most people: anger, happiness, fear. A lot of the time I do keep everything bottled up inside, and then let it all out in some insane outburst. Probably what happened last year.
"I think I just figured out exactly what my problem is." I say after a moment, shaking my head. "Unless the plan from the start was to make me figure it out on my own, I don't need therapy anymore." I grin, kind of a weak grin, flopping back against the side of the couch. "I keep everything bottled up inside, then it all comes out in this big boom of one emotion."
"You're better at self-analysis than most people would think." Chiyo says after some contemplation. "I suppose that you'll still need sessions, but not with me. Someone better at explaining about emotions and how to express them. For now, I guess we can finish up this week, and then move on. An hours up, don't forget to ask Naruto tomorrow."
"Okay, see you tomorrow." I wave as I leave the office, walking quickly down the stairs and towards the bus stop.
Tuesdays are my nights to fix dinner, along with Thursday. On Monday and Saturday Kankurou cooks, and Wednesday and Sunday Temari does. Friday nights Dad comes home early and either takes us out, orders out, or cooks something.
Every time one of us has to cook, we have the option of actually cooking or using our own money and ordering take-out for the other three. While actually cooking is a pain and the kitchen has bad circulation so it gets hot easy, it's cheaper than paying for delivery and wondering if everyone will like what you ordered.
--
Bet you thought every chapter was gonna be at the therapy session, huh? So did I, when I originally wrote this, and a lot of major plot points take place there (see above for one), but there is some out-of-therapy happenings, that aren't in flashback form.
Five reviews makes an update, as always.