The Grand Finale

Yep, it's the end. I've dragged this story out for a long time, and I think it's best that I don't abandon it. So, yeah… this is it. But don't worry, it'll be great.

"Fireworks, fireworks! Oh, how I love thee fireworks! Fiiiiii-iiirrre… WOOO-OO-OO-RRRRR-RRRRKS!" Gertrude sang as she took her fireworks downstairs. Her parents were at "work", which meant they were really partying at a bar at noon. Gertrude went across the empty living room and went outside, looking for the best place to shoot off her annoying TNT. Since her house was in downtown Jump City, anyone from any part of the city could see and hear them go off. Gertrude took out a box of matches she swiped from an unsuspecting girl Gertrude insisted on calling "Becky" and set the fireworks off. Just as she planned, they were so loud that even the busiest part of town could hear them perfectly. This, of course, drew an angry mob out of the whole situation.

The angriest person, however, was probably Slade, seeing how he fired missiles back. One missile hit Gertrude's house, causing it to explode. The angry civilians raided the remains.

At the bar, Gertrude's parents immediately called her cell phone. "Honey?" Gertrude's mother asked. "Are you OK?"

Gertrude at this point was driving away in her Hummer, skidding from left to right across the road in reverse. "Yeah, I just shot off fireworks and now our house is destroyed. Everyone hates me!" She began to bawl.

"Sweetie, don't cry. It's OK. We can move back to the Uplands if you want." Gertrude's dad said.

"OH no! NO no no no NO NO NO!" Gertrude and her mother shouted at the same time. Gertrude had crashed into a fire hydrant, so her car is now stuck floating on top of the spewing water. "Uh… this isn't good," she said.

"What's wrong, Gertrude?" her mom asked.

"I'M STUCK ON TOP OF SOME WATER BECAUSE I HIT A HYDRANT!" Gertrude shouted.

"OK, calm down. Are you in neutral?" Gertrude's dad pretended to be smart.

"No. I'm in reverse."

"Sorry, then, I have no idea what to do." Gertrude's dad sighed.

"WHAT? YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LET ME DIE UP HERE? WHAT KIND OF PARENTS ARE YOU?" Gertrude screamed.

"We're not your parents." Getrude's mother explained.

"Huh?"

"Your real parents died shortly after you were born. We're just figaments of your imagination. You were born and raised in the Uplands, but we "found" you at Foster's. You went to college at Shiz, and we all have lived in Jump City ever since." Gertrude's father explained.

"OK, but why didn't I know this?" Gertrude, still confused, asked.

"Because you're kinda stupid, sweetheart." Gertrude's mother reassured her.

"That explains the dunce hat." Gertrude took out a crappy dunce hat out of her glove compartment. "What do I do now?" she asked.

"Let life take you wherever you need to be. We will die as soon as this conversation's over, so even though we don't technically exist, we love you. Don't let anything get in your way. If it does, try not to trip over it. OK?" Gertrude's mom explained.

"Uh… sure. I love you too. Both of you." Gertrude began to cry even more.

"Goodbye, Gertie." Her father said.

"Goodbye, Gertrude." Her mother repeated.

"Goodbye, Mom and Dad." Gertrude sniffled. The line went dead.

True enough, both of Gertrude's parents dematerialized and vanished, their lack of work done.

Gertrude, on the other hand, immediately stopped crying and yanked the stick-shift into neutral. The water did not go down as she had hoped. Instead, it only went higher. "Thanks a LOT, Dad." Gertrude snapped.

An unusual shadow hovered over the floating Hummer. Slade had been busy after Trigon was defeated, as he had not only built a robot version of himself, he had also built a giant hovercraft. Said hovercraft was hovering over said Hummer. Slade took out a megaphone and began yelling at Gertrude. "You stupid girl! Your fireworks ruined my work! Now I have an awful sound coming from it and it won't stop. Be gone and never come back!" The hovercraft went away after Slade made a small dent on the roof of the Hummer by dropping the megaphone on it. It landed in the water and began to short-circuit.

The water level from the hydrant slowly decreased as Gertrude floored the gas pedal. "GO FASTER!" she shouted. It only got slower as the gas tank became completely empty.

Gertrude sulked and set her feet on top of the steering wheel. As soon as she set her right leg up, she and her car completely vanished. Gertrude found herself tossing and turning around her entire car, and then she woke up in a classroom.

"Hekkie's going to love this one." A strange blue-haired girl giggled. The rest of the kids laughed along with her.

I apologize for the slight OOCness of Slade. I thought he was a little too shouty, but it worked.

As another disclaimer, I have a habit of crossing the same character over to different fandoms, but it's almost always for humor. I used to do it for my own Mary Sue when I was little, but now I take it as a joke.

So… the end! There will be plenty more Gertrude humor in the future, so don't worry about that. Gertrude forever!