And Here I Am Fighting; Yes I'm Fighting Not To Cry

Ever had a moment when your heart just snapped into two pieces? When you hear or see something that tears you heart into tiny little pieces. Many of the residents in Newport Beach had felt this most unwelcome feeling. Kirsten Cohen felt it when she visited her husbands new office and found her husbands fugitive former girlfriend staying there when she thought she was dead. Ryan Atwood had really felt it when Theresa announced her pregnancy and he had to leave Newport. Its not a feeling that's likeable but it sure is memorable. And Seth Cohen was feeling it right now.

Summer stared at her boyfriend, she known him long enough to know that this would be tearing him apart.

"Seth, say something," she pleaded, small teardrops silently rolling down her cheeks.

"I," he began, his voice cracking, "I don't want you to go Summer, you mean everything to me but I know this means a lot to you so, how can I stop you?" That was the hardest thing Seth Cohen had ever had to say in his life. A little sob escaped Summer's lip and she threw herself onto Seth, sobbing into his shoulder and never wanting to let go. Seth held her close to his chest, inhaling the strong scent of her strawberry shampoo. Her body shook as she kept on crying and eventually she pulled her head up and simply looked deeply into his eyes.

"Thank you Cohen," Summer whispered.

"Wh, When are you leaving?" he asked, his voice croaky.

"Next week, I think. My, my dad's looking for a place to live and we need to pack up and stuff so…"

"Oh…" Seth bowed his head and pretended to play with the sand beneath his fingers.

"I love you Cohen," Summer said. He looked up and Summer rested her forehead on his, so they were only a centimetre apart. Their warmth breath caressed each others cheeks and their gazes locked.

"I love you too Sum, but what does it matter?" Seth said with a hint of bitterness in his tone.

"So that's the way its going to be now huh?" Summer said, pulling away from him, "Seth, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The only thing I'm sad about is leaving you, you're the top of my list. I just hope you remember that." Summer sighed and got up.

"Its late, I better go."

"Can I see you tomorrow?" Seth asked eagerly as he rose too.

"Yeah, I guess. See you." Summer gave him a sad smile and strolled off down the beach leaving behind Seth and his broken heart.

"Have you seen Seth?" Kirsten asked Ryan worriedly. It was nearly mid-night now and he'd been out for hours. Kirsten had been going crazy as she couldn't reach him on his cell. Sandy had been pleading with her to calm down but this was what Kirsten did, she worried.

"Do you want me to go look for him?" Ryan asked, rising out of his seat.

"Oh Ryan, you don't have to do that," she shook her head and ran her fingers through her hair, looking exasperated.

"No, its fine, I want to." Ryan grabbed his grey Hoodie and hugged Kirsten lightly before exiting the pool-house.

"Ryan?" she called, he turned back. "Thank you."

It didn't take long for Ryan to find Seth. Despite the short time of knowing one and other they were pretty much inside each others heads. It was as though they'd grown up together, but they had grown a lot in the past three years.

Seth was still on the beach but had moved to the lifeguard station, usually Marissa's retreat. He had been sat here for nearly three hours now, not moving, even feeling afraid to breath. He huddled against the wood of the station, pulling his jacket tighter as the cool breeze threatened his cold skin. Ryan walked up to the deck and eased himself down beside Seth. Seth said nothing, barely even acknowledged his best friend.

Ryan glanced over at him. His eyes were bloodshot, Ryan figured Seth had been crying. Seth caught him looking and wiped his eyes, trying to regain his masculinity, but Ryan knew him too well, he didn't care what Seth looked like.

"You wanna tell me what's going on bro?" Ryan asked quietly.

"You don't wanna know."

"Yes, I do." Ryan turned to face Seth who sighed and continued to avoid his gaze.

"She's leaving me man, Summer's leaving me." Seth tried to disguise the hurt in his shaking voice but it was so obvious.

"What? Why?" Ryan asked.

"Her Dad wants her to move to New York. And she's agreed. She's getting a transfer to NYU and as of next week, she's hist…" Seth couldn't say the last word, it hurt too much. But the sad part was, it was true.

"I'm so sorry Seth…" Ryan said, and he truly meant it. The one thing he knew about Seth was how hard it was for him to let go. He couldn't let go of his Mom when she had to go to rehab, he couldn't let go of Ryan when he had to go back to Chino and he couldn't let go of Summer.

"She's the only person I've ever loved Ryan, the only girl I dreamt about and the only girl I thought would say yes if I proposed to her. I can't let her go…"

"I know its hard buddy, but you gotta remember, she let you go when you needed to, maybe its time for you to do the same." Seth turned to face Ryan.

Ryan never said much, he was strong and silent. Brooding was more his style. But when he did talk, the words were deep and meaningful. They made you think. So Seth thought, and though he hated to admit it, he was right. When Seth had run to Portland, he didn't even tell Summer face-to-face and he hadn't planned on coming back. He was as bad, if not worse, than Summer. Seth took a deep breath and sighed.

"So, you feel like coming home?" Ryan asked.

"I guess so…" Ryan nodded and got up, Seth doing the same. The two guys silently acknowledged each other before heading back down the beach.

"Your Mom's going crazy," Ryan said as they walked.

"Well that's what The Kirsten does, she worries."

Word had soon spread of the Roberts' departure and all this did was bring home the reality of the situation. Seth tried not to think about it too much but still found himself having sleepless nights. He still couldn't quite believe what was happening. The warning message kept flashing up in his brain, 'DOES NOT COMPUTE'. Because it didn't.

It was a joke, it had to be. A sick practical joke she was playing on him, then next Tuesday, as she turns to leave, she'll jump back. Gotcha!

No. This was real. Why? Why did it have to be real? Had the two not suffered enough? Seth was scared about what he was going to do when Summer left. Even though he hated to admit it, Summer had an effect on him. When she was with him, he wasn't just Seth Cohen, he was Seth Cohen. He was cool and funny and charming. He wasn't a dork how read comic books and listened to emo. He was somebody. But who would happen to that somebody when she left? He would cease to exist.

He loved her more than words, he would do anything to keep her with him. He would sell everyone of his comic-books. He would sell his house. He would live in a dumpster. Just to be with her. To hear her laugh, to see her smile, to hear her say she loved him. Seth punched his pillow. He didn't know what to feel anymore. He didn't know what to do. He just sat, and prayed something would happen to stop this, anything.

Summer was packing up her room. It wasn't going well. She kept getting distracted. She'd find a photo-album, of her and Seth in happier times, and she would begin to cry, for half an hour, over one photo. Then she'd get up and begin to pack again, then she found a CD Seth had burned for her. Then she'd cry for half an hour. It was a vicious circle. And she got hardly anything done. This room held so many memories. When Ryan had come over and asked for her to forgive Seth after he ran away. When Seth had come over to draw her as Little Miss Vixen and they nose-grazed. When they had sex for the first time. And she was leaving it all behind.

No Summer. You're doing it again. Stop it! Stop thinking of him. If you continue you wont be able to leave and you have to leave. For Dad. For You.

Summer picked up a large cardboard box and began to pack away her CD's and DVD's.

Oh, The Valley box set. Remember when you went to LA and Grady Bridges made a move on you? And Seth came just in the nick of time. And you had a great time. NO. Stop it! Continue packing.

She transferred the cases into the box, trying not to look at them. But she couldn't help it. One in particular caught her eye. A burned CD, with an illustrated cover drawn by Seth.

'Summer Mix' she read in big pink, swirly letters. Underneath was a drawing of her sunbathing. She flipped it over. This was the CD he'd burned for her, all his favourite songs, containing the word Summer. She smiled and held it to her heart as it thumped away.

I can't do this. Why am I doing this? Oh god I'm in way over my head here. I can't, I won't. SETH!

Summer shook her head and stood up, her hands shaking. She was leaving on Tuesday. That was only three days away. Most stuff, including furniture, would be going tomorrow and then it'd be a sleeping bag and cushions on the floor.

Three days. Three long days. And then that's it. No turning back. I'm sorry Seth. I hope you can hear me. I'm so, so sorry. I hope you know that. I'm sorry.

Three days. The countdown was on.

Why is it when you don't want something to happen, the day's leading up to it go so quickly? And when you want something to happen, the days go slowly?

Seth Cohen wanted this question to be answered. He only thought about it to take his mind off of the nearing Tuesday. Tuesday August 10th. The day Summer would walk out of his life. Forever. It was 4.35am Monday morning and Seth prepared to spend the last full day with his girlfriend. It would be a day he'd never forget, they needed to have the best 24 hours of their lives. And even if it killed Seth, he'd do it.

Every minute, every second counted. He lay awake in his bed, staring at the white ceiling, his face expressionless.

This really was happening.

Why is it when you don't want something to happen, the day's leading up to it go so quickly? And when you want something to happen, the days go slowly?

Summer Roberts wanted this question answered. Despite the fact it was her choice to leave, she didn't want to. Here she was, sleeping on the floor of her empty room in a sleeping bag. The walls were bare, there was nothing in here. Three small suitcases laid in the corner containing everything she'd need up until they left. Everything else was gone. Her life had been packed up. The whole house was empty. She looked over at her cell phone. 4.35am Monday morning. Her last 24 hours in Newport. The last full day with Seth. She sighed heavily and her heart was aching.

Every minute, every second counted. She laid awake, on the hard floor.

This really was happening.

The last day.

The End.

Please dont hate me! Trust me, this IS going somewhere! There is one more chapter then we jump forward five years. I know she's leaving and it's sad but please stick with it. Thanks for all the kind and sweet comments you left. As always, if you do read, please leave a comment. Even just one sentence. Reviews really do help me when I write. Tell me what you loved or hated. Thanks everyone! xox