Breaks My Heart, To Have To Watch You Go

"Hey," Summer said shyly, after opening the door and seeing Seth standing on the porch. Why was she suddenly so shy? Like it was their first date or something. The heart works in strange ways.

"I'm going out with Seth Dad, see you later!" Summer called back into the house. She heard a muffled 'okay' and stepped out, shutting the door behind her.

"So, what are we dong today?" Summer asked, trying to hide the eagerness in her voice. That was a good question. Seth hadn't actually planned anything for the day, he figured they should take it as it came.

"Let's just live by the minute huh?" he said, opening the car door for her. She frowned but agreed. She didn't really have much of a choice. The car reversed down the driveway.

2.24pm. Summer stored the time in her head. She was making a mental journal of the day, so she'd never forget it.

They hadn't really done anything out of the ordinary. They'd gone for a coffee at the swish new café Je bois and then they'd gone to see a movie, Summer's choice. They were now at Summer's favourite Italian restaurant. She was happy that they were acting normal, talking normally, like nothing was wrong. But they weren't completely normal, the conversation was slightly subdued and Seth seemed distant. But they ordered and talked about stuff that was pretty random. Then there was the classic awkward silence, but Seth broke it. There was something he'd thought of at 2.21am this morning. He couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it sooner. It was a solution.

"Summer, I need to ask you something." Seth leaned forward and placed his hand over hers. She looked interested but slightly scared at what he was going to ask.

Please don't make me choose Seth. I've already done it. Lets not do this again.

"Let me come with you, to New York," he said softly. Summer's eyes widened and she sighed heavily.

"Please Summer. I can get a transfer too. I can live on campus and we'll still be together." Summer bit her lip as she thought. She never thought of this idea.

It makes sense, it could work. He wants to come with you, what are you waiting for? This is the best opportunity. This is the answer to your prayers!

Or was it?

But this was our original plan. And Seth screwed it up because he can't let go of Newport. I can't drag him somewhere he doesn't want to go. Its selfish and he'd get hurt. Do you want to do that to him?

Summer slowly pulled her hand from under Seth's and slowly shook her head. He stared at his empty hand and then at Summer.

"I can't Seth. I can't ask you to do that," she said quietly

"You didn't ask…"

"You don't want this. You know you don't."

She was right. After all the fuss he made about wanting to leave Newport, it scared the hell out of him.

"That's not the point," he began

"Yes it is. You can't move hundreds of miles away from home to somewhere you have never been before and you don't want to be. Its crazy Seth."

"But, I want to be where you are…"

"I know that, and I will be forever grateful but I can't let you. Its selfish of me. I'm not going to let you sacrifice your future and your dreams for me. I'm not worth it…"

"Yes you are!"

"Seth, please don't do this. Just accept my decision and let me go." She stared at him with pleading eyes. He couldn't say no.

"So that's it. You're just going to walk out of my life and that's it, that's the end?"

"I know what you're doing Cohen, and its not going to work. You're trying to pick a fight so its easier for me to leave. But its not going to happen. We're going to enjoy our last night together."

Seth stared at Summer. How could she be so strong about all of this? He didn't know the reason. The reason was because she knew if she let herself, she'd burst into tears right here, right now. And she couldn't do that. So she bit down on her bottom lip and fought them. But it was an uphill battle.

The rest of the night was extremely uneventful. After dinner, Seth and Summer met Ryan and Marissa on the beach. Marissa held onto her best friend for half an hour, tears rolling down her cheeks. Summer just sat there placidly, trying her hardest not to cry too. Ryan and Marissa arranged to come over tomorrow to say goodbye before she left. It got to 11pm and Seth invited Summer over to his to spend the night. She agreed.

They entered his bedroom and fell onto the bed, lying opposite each other and staring into each other's eyes. Summer wrapped her arms around Seth's neck and pulled him closer. They laid in this loving embrace for a while, not moving, occasionally sharing a long, passionate kiss. But that was as far as they went. Both were too upset to have sex. It wouldn't be as meaningful. Their connection wasn't just physical, it was emotional.

She clung onto Seth, resting her forehead on his shoulder, running her hands up and down his back. She continued to fight back tears. It was hard. All her emotions were mixed together in a lethal cocktail inside her mind. She felt his hands take hold of hers, they laced together and he looked down at them. His eyes caught sight of the glittering ring on her finger.

"You never take that ring off," he smiled.

"I love it," Summer beamed proudly.

"Promise me something Sum," he said, looking deeper into her eyes.

"Anything," she smiled.

"Don't forget about me okay?"

"I'll never forget you Cohen," she said softly, "And I'll have my ring to remind me everyday."

Seth smiled and leaned forward, kissing her softly.

"You know, its funny, well not so much funny as ironic…" Summer began after she broke their kiss.

"Irony, my specialty," Seth said.

"When we were in Hawaii, I'd have given anything not to come back to Newport ever again, but now, all I want is to stay…"

"Yeah well life's a bitch," Seth said, sighing. Summer smiled at his choice of words and sighed heavily.

"I'll always love you, you know that Seth don't you?"

"I know, and I'll keep on loving you too, even when I'm married with a million kids." Summer released herself from Seth's embrace and glared at him.

"Too soon?"

"Yeah, just a bit." Seth grinned and Summer rested her head on his chest.

The hours passed and soon it was the early hours of Monday morning, and still Seth and Summer laid awake. Both were beginning to feel extremely tired but were battling to keep their eyes open. They laid facing each other, Seth's hands around Summer's waist and Summer's arms rested on his back.

"Don't fall asleep," Seth whispered, his eyes closed.

"I'm just resting my eyes…" she replied.

"Okay but don't fall asleep."

"Seth, you know how I've always been into really corny romantic sayings?"

"Yes, and how I've always made gagging expressions when you bring them up." Summer opened her eyes and glared even though Seth's were shut.

"I heard one the other day and I want you to remember it."

"Okay, I'm listening."

"If you love something, let it go, if its meant to be, it'll come back," Summer whispered. She waited for a response and opened her eyes when she didn't receive one. Seth was silently sleeping and Summer glared but smiled sweetly.

She leaned over to his ear.

"I love you Cohen," she whispered into his ear. She kissed his cheek and rested her head back down and was just about to fall asleep when…

"I love you too Sum."

She smiled and stroked his hair then she was out like a light.

"Good morning." Summer's eyes slowly fluttered open and she saw that she'd rolled over and Seth was behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist from behind. She sighed happily but then she realised. It was here. The day she'd been dreading for over two weeks was here. She rolled over and kissed Seth.

"What time is it?" she asked. He glanced over at the clock.

"10am," he breathed, "What time do you have to…?"

"1pm," she replied sadly.

"You hungry?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah, but can we have it up here? I just don't want to face your parents and Ryan just yet…"

"Sure, I'll go make you something. Don't move." Seth kissed her forehead and sprang out of bed, pulling on a t-shirt and his robe. Summer watched him leave and sprang up. She decided to go and get a shower.

Summer left at 11.30 to tie up all her loose ends. There wasn't really that much to do. Since she was planning on leaving Newport for Berkeley, she'd taken care of most things beforehand but she did what she had to do and was home for noon. Usually her Dad would lecture her if she'd been out all night but he could tell she didn't need it. They barely spoke to each other except for one thing Neil had to get straight.

"You don't have to do this honey. I'll understand."

"Dad, I want to. Nothing in life is easy, as soon as we're on the plane, it'll be fine."

Yeah, keep telling yourself that Summer. You know its more complicated than that. Much more.

She shook her head and continued to check for anything she'd left behind.

Just your heart. Because you know that you might as well leave it here.

Her mind was poisoned against her today but she just ignored it. She didn't need it.

At 12.30, people started to arrive. They came to bid farewell, say bon voyage, arrivederci, Auf Wiedersehen. Goodbye. The word rung in Summer's ears.

Marissa was the first to arrive, along with her Mom and Kaitlin.

"I'm going to miss you Summer," Julie said as she hugged her, "You were always like a part of our family."

"Thanks Mrs Cooper," Summer said with gratitude. Marissa was crying buckets.

"I can't believe your leaving Sum! Who's going to call me Coop?" Marissa cried.

"I'll call you and you can come visit me, maybe when its fashion week?"

"Don't forget about me Sum," Marissa said quietly. Summer's heart stopped, remembering when Seth had said the exact same words to her.

"I won't Coop."

A few more people briefly stopped by, Neil's golfing friends, work friends and a few of the Newpsies he injected with Botox every month. Last to arrive were the Cohen's. Kirsten went right ahead and hugged Summer first.

"I knew I'd be saying goodbye to you Summer but I never imagined it like this," she said softly. Summer smiled sadly.

"You can come and visit us anytime you like. You'll always be a part of our family honey." Summer's eyes filled with tears. Kirsten had been more like a Mom to her than anyone. She'd even hoped for her as an in-law one day.

Kirsten went off to say goodbye to Neil and Sandy hugged her.

"Good luck kiddo, we're all going to miss you."

"Thanks Mr C."

Then it was Ryan's turn.

"Bye Summer, I know we were never that close but I will miss you a lot," Ryan said honestly.

"Thanks Ryan, that means a lot, look after Marissa for me and occasionally call her Coop," Summer smiled. Ryan frowned at the odd request but nodded and hugged her once more.

Summer glanced over and saw Seth skulking away behind everybody else. She hadn't noticed how the others had fallen silent as the two stared at each other, their gazes unflinching and true. Suddenly Summer broke into a run and leapt into Seth's arms. He held her tighter than ever before, knowing the minute he'd let go, she would be gone forever. Summer let the tears flow freely and couldn't even find words.

"I, I don't know what to say…" Seth stammered, staring into her eyes.

"You don't have to speak. All I'm going to say is, I'm going to miss you everyday and I'll always love you Seth. I know it sounds so cheesy, but it's the only way I can explain it." Tears streamed down her cheeks and her eyes were black from the eyeliner that had been washed away.

"Remember, it'll always be you Summer, and you know I can't deny it." Seth said seriously. Summer and Seth's lips met, for the last time. The kiss was the most romantic, passionate and intense they'd ever shared.

Then she let go. Her hand slipped out of his. She was slipping away. His eyes were watering and he didn't care. She whispered 'I love you' and blew a kiss to him. Then she did the same to Marissa who was silently crying. She was about to climb into the car when Seth darted forward and grabbed her hand.

"Summer, what am I going to do without you?" he sobbed.

"Let go Seth. If you love something, let it go, if its meant to be, it'll come back." She kissed him once more and smiled sadly.

Then her hand left his.

Then she climbed into the car.

Then the engine started.

Then it started to pull away.

Then the people waved and she waved back.

Then the car was gone.

Then Seth Cohen's life fell apart.

Hey everyone, thanks for your awesome comments the last few chapters, they mean a lot :D So I know this chapter was super cheesy and super sad but the next chapter will be much more happy. I'll post the next part within the next couple of days. Thanks so much for your kind words and it'd be great if you could leave another comment. Thanks everyone xoxox