I scheduled my audition for three-thirty Wednesday afternoon. I figure that gives me enough time to find some music to use, and some time to jump off the roof of the school should I feel the need to.

But for now, I'm sprawling on my bed, playing my Gameboy, rather than studying for my English test like I told my mother on the phone I was doing. My mind starts wandering to Dutchy, and it's getting a little hard to concentrate on my video game, until there's a knock on the door and I'm suddenly smacked back into reality.

"Open," I call out, too lazy and comfortable to get up. The door opens, and Dutchy steps in. He says hello, and I wave.

"Whatcha doin'?" He closes the door, walking further into the room.

"Studying," I reply with a grin. He laughs. "What can I do for ya?"

"Oh, nothing. I was just bored, figured I'd see what you were up to."

I sit up and turn off my game. "Well, I'm always open for company. You wanna chill here a while?"

"Sure."

We hang out for a while, just sitting on my bed and talking, and then get into a card game called War. If you've never played it, I wouldn't recommend it. It's quite possibly the most frustrating game in the world.

"Damn," Dutchy says as I take yet another one of his cards. "I'm losing."

"Badly," I reply with a sly grin. "It's pretty sweet."

"Shut up, Specs."

"Hey, it's not my fault you suck."

He punches me in the shoulder and I set down my stack of cards. "Oh, it's on, Blondie." I leap from my spot and tackle him to the floor. I knock the wind out of him momentarily, but then he starts laughing and rolls over in an attempt to pin me down. Cards have gone flying every which way and it probably makes a pretty cool scene from the outside, but right now we're too busy wrestling to notice.

We roll around for a few minutes, laughing, struggling. Eventually, I pin him to the floor and stare him in the face. He looks back at me, his blue eyes flashing from behind his tousled blond hair.

Without thinking, I lean in and kiss him.

The kiss lasts for a few blissful seconds, and then I realize what I'm doing and scramble back off of him. Leaning against the side of my bed, I pull my knees up to my chest and bury my face in my hands.

"I'm sorry, Dutchy. I'm so sorry."

"Um, it's... it's okay."

I look up at him. He's blushing. Blushing. This is not fair. "No, it's not okay. This is not okay."

"Why?"

"Because... because you're straight." I shake my head. I cannot believe myself.

He's silent for a while. A long, painful while. I force myself to look at him again. "What?"

His face turns even redder. "See, Specs, that's the thing... I don't know if I am."

I blink. "Don't know if you are what?"

He goes back to being silent again, but this time for just a few seconds. He looks down at the floor and mumbles something, which I can't even pretend I understood.

"What?"

"I said I don't know if I'm straight."

I sit and stare at him for a moment. My mind is going in too many directions at once and I can't handle it. "I... You... What?"

He sighs and looks up at the ceiling. "I always just figured I was, because my family always tells me it's what's normal." He shakes his head, and looks me dead in the eyes. "Then I meet you, and everything is so... different. Being friends with you is different from being friends with other guys. You make me feel different."

I look at his face, I see the conflict of emotions in his eyes. I feel so badly for him, but at the same time, I want this so much. It's hard, being torn between being a friend and being a gay teenager.

"Um... do I make you feel different in a good way, or a bad way?"

"I... um, both. It feels good when I'm with you, and when I think about you, but then when I think about what it is that I'm feeling, it's..." He trails off, looking for the right word.

"Scary?"

"Completely." He sighs, and I smile.

"Things will be okay. I've been where you're at. It doesn't seem like it now, but you'll see pretty soon that there's nothing to be afraid of." Dutchy looks at me, confused, and I don't blame him. "You just gotta roll with the punches for now. See where things take you. Everything'll turn out the way it's supposed to."

He nods, and smiles weakly. "I think I should... I'm gonna go." He gets up, heads for the door. As he opens it, he turns around. "Um, I'll see you at dinner tonight?"

I smile and nod. "Absolutely."

He smiles back. "Thanks." And he's gone.