Encore
All that ill do, comes back to you
So I'll just think about you 'til there's nothing in my head
All I can do, is try not to screw this up again
And just be friends I'd rather be dead
Marvelous 3 / Cigarette Lighter Love Song
Sean casually scratched his arm as he made his way down the dimly lit street, Al-Anon meetings just weren't his thing, but he was doing this for more than just himself. He was doing this to be the best person he could be, to be the best person for Ellie. He felt out of place at the meetings, he felt like everyone else there had it worse than him. The walk to the rec-center gave him some time to think.
As he turned down Ellie's street he noticed an ambulance parked outside, lights flashing. His heart began racing as he worried about whether it was Ellie or her mother hurt. The usual small crowd was gathered around. No one was ever sure what attracted people to the scenes of accidents. Was it purely the fascination of something like an accident unfolding before their eyes? Was it the destruction of the humanity crumpled before them, making them feel lucky to be alive and more superior? Or was it just pure morbid fascination? Sean found himself pushing through the small crowd in time to see Ellie strapped to a gurney, being loaded into the glowing ambulance. His heart shattered, and instinctively he looked around in the growing crowd for Judy Nash.
"Mrs. Nash!" Sean called out and finally found the distraught woman sitting on the steps outside her home. Her dark hair a disheveled mess, and her eyes red from crying; as Sean neared closer he noticed the pungent smell of alcohol drifting off her, "Mrs. Nash…what happened, is Ellie okay?"
Sean was standing in front of the middle aged woman, looking down as she could barely speak between sobs. 'Should I comfort her?' he asked himself. She hadn't even noticed his presence, even when he spoke to her. He knelt down in front of her and placed a hand on her knee and she looked straight into his eyes. A mix of fury and sadness compelled her eyes as she threw her arms around his neck, clinging onto the boy like there was no tomorrow.
"Oh, Shane!" she cried out, "my poor Eleanor"
"I'm Sean, Mrs. Nash, Sean" he said emphasizing his name "…what happened to Ellie?" he asked, trying to get her to focus.
"She was bleeding…dishes…I asked her to do the dishes…I wish I were never born she shouted at me…and then she fell…"
"Did she cut herself?" Sean asked as he guided Judy's hands back from around his neck.
"Stupid melodramatic teenagers…why do you do such silly things?" Judy said, rambling on in a drunken banter, "all I wanted was for her to do the dishes, and she starts yelling at me…"
At that moment a paramedic walked up to the pair, "Ellie is going to be fine, she lost a bit of blood, she'll need stitches…she may have fractured her wrist, we'll have to take X-rays, we have her stabilized and we'll be transporting her to Oakland General…do you want to come with us in the ambulance or are you okay to drive?"
"I'll drive her…thanks" Sean interrupted, easing Judy to her feet.
The paramedic nodded and returned to the ambulance.
Sean turned to Judy, "where are your keys?"
Judy looked into the house weakly, "on the hook just inside the door," she answered. She started stumbling towards the car as Sean rushed inside to grab the keys that hung inside the house. He closed and locked the door and let Judy into the car before slipping into the driver's seat and putting the key in the ignition and following quickly behind the ambulance.
Oakland General was ironically quiet on a weekday. Sean sat next to Judy Nash who was slowly beginning to sober up as the pastel colors and white of the hospital walls awakened her senses. Sean stood slowly, "I'm gunna go grab some coffee and call my brother, are you going to be okay, do you want anything?" Judy shook her head, and then rubbed her temples as Sean walked off towards the coffee machine. Sean reached into his pocket and pulled out a few quarters and dropped them into the machine and got two cups of coffee, one with cream and sugar, another completely black (to sober up Mrs. Nash).
He rested the two cups of coffee on top of the payphone and dialed a collect call number and upon listening to the recorded voice stated his name as "ItsSeanEllieisinthehospitalidrovehermombehomelater" and then listened as Tracker turned down the charges for the call and quickly said, "I'll be there in five."
Sean grabbed his two cups and returned to his ex-girlfriend's mother and handed her the cup of coffee, black. As they continued to sit, a doctor walked into the waiting room and looked at his clipboard and then up at Mrs. Nash. "I'm Dr. Cress …Ellie is fine, we stitched up the laceration on left forearm and repaired her fractured wrist, I have a few questions about your daughter, if you'd like to join me in her room…"
Judy Nash stood and Sean followed suit, the doctor stopped him "sorry, sir, family only." Sean immediately sat down, disgruntled.
Judy Nash sat down in a chair beside Ellie's hospital bed, "the cut on Ellie's arm…was it self-inflicted?"
Judy shifted in her seat, "yes."
"I see... do you know how long she's been doing this?"
"I'm not sure…"
"Do you think she was attempting suicide…?"
Judy was getting upset, "I don't know!" she cried out, followed by sobbing.
Silence.
"Mrs. Nash, I noticed while stitching up Ellie's arm, that she has several deep scars traveling up her arms, some old, some new, and several on her legs. I'm admitting her into Lake View Hospital for two months, or longer, depending on how she responds to treatments at the facility."
Judy began crying, but nodded in understanding.
"I suggest... going home and getting some rest, perhaps come back tomorrow to take Ellie home and help her pack."
Judy again nodded.
"How is she?" Tracker asked as he walked into the waiting room to find his brother leaning back in the chair, his head resting against the wall, eyes shut. Sean opened his eyes and glared at his brother, while sitting up straight.
"She cut her arm deep enough to need stitches and broke her wrist…" Sean answered.
Tracker sighed and sat in the empty chair next to Sean, "where's her mom?"
"In her room with some doctor…wouldn't let me in, not family"
Tracker threw an arm around his brother's shoulders and pulled him close, hugging him, into a respectable sideways man-hug. Mrs. Nash emerged from the room, her eyes red and puffy, but now completely sober.
"How is she?" Sean asked jumping to his feet.
"She's fine, Sean…she'll…she's…going to Lake View for a few months…" Judy began to sob again silently.
"Can I see her?"
"She's sleeping Sean…go home, rest, you have school in the morning, thank you for driving me." Judy held her hand out and Sean dropped her car keys into her hand and shooed him away.
Tracker rose from the chair and led his brother out, "she'll be fine bro, and she's a strong girl…"
Sean fought against his brother's leading arms, "I wanna see her before I go" he argued, and turned back to Judy, "please, just let me see her?" he begged.
Judy softened but still denied him a moment to see Ellie, even as she slept, "go home Sean, you've done enough."
"What does that mean?" he argued viciously.
"You broke up with my daughter, Sean, she was doing well, she stopped cutting…then you go and break her heart…"
"I didn't break up with her! We're on a break!" his shouting was starting to grab the attention of hospital security, "and it shows what you know, she was still cutting before we took a break, what kind of mother are you! You were too drunk to drive yourself to the hospital!"
"Sean, that's enough," Tracker said, trying to lead his brother away.
"No, it's not!" Sean said turning to Judy again, "You're always drunk, that's why Ellie's always at my place, and you wonder why she cuts? Maybe you should ask her? She'll tell you it's because you're always drinking, she spends every free moment taking care of you, making sure you're fed and taken care of, she's your daughter! You're supposed to be taking care of her, not the other way around, what do you know about her!"
Tracker grabbed Sean tightly and began dragging him to the entrance.
"I'm her mother Sean, I know more than you!" Judy argued back.
"Bullshit!" Sean cried out, tears starting to sting his eyes out of frustration, "where the hell have you been! Where were you when she was crying? When she was bleeding? You're always drunk! I'm surprised you even care enough to be here!"
"Go home! Go home you disgusting piece of trash!" Judy shouted.
Tracker pulled his angry brother tighter into his arms, until he started crying so hard it was tougher for him to fight back. Tracker carried his brother through the hospital doors and out to his motorcycle waiting for him. Tracker strapped a helmet on Sean's head and climbed onto the bike, Sean easing himself on behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist as the breezed home.
The bike came to a stop outside the Cameron home and Sean immediately walked inside, angrily throwing his brother's helmet across the room, denting the hardwood floor. He fell on his bed, and smashed his face into the pillow. The exhausted boy was asleep within a few moments, his shoes still on his feet, and still in his clothes.
Marco and Ashley sat in Ellie's room as she picked out clothes to pack for her stay at Lake View Hospital. She casually tossed jeans and sweat pants across the room at Marco who sat on her bed, playing with a small cloth doll that slightly resembled Ellie. A pair of black jeans hit Marco square in the face, and he gave an offended look, "excuse me, Miss Nash, do I look like your maid?"
Ellie laughed and walked over to her bed and began to help him as he folded her jeans and handed them to Ashley who put them neatly in her suitcase. Ellie walked over to her closet and held up a variety of t-shirts and hoodies and tossed them to her bed, "do you think they match my cast?" Ellie asked showing off her black cast that adorned her right wrist. Ashley frowned but responded cheerfully.
"Everything goes with black you know that Ellie…" she answered.
"Except navy blue…then you look like a bruise" Marco added.
Ellie laughed and walked to her bathroom to collect her toothbrush, toothpaste, and her hair brush and other toiletries. She grabbed her razor without even thinking and put them in a vinyl drawstring back and tossed it on the bed next to Marco. Marco casually opened the bag and pulled out the small pink razor and looked up at Ellie disappointedly, "I don't think they'll let you take this, El?" he said, holding on to it.
"I wasn't even thinking," she said frowning, "sorry I'm just not a hairy legs and pits kinda girl Marco."
Ashley smiled, "I actually thought about that Ellie, and I picked this up for you on the way over," and tossed her a small bottle of hair removal cream, Ellie caught it and smiled.
"Thanks Ash, good to know you're thinking of my well being" she said laughing. Ellie tossed a few extra items in her suitcase and sat down on her bed, in between Marco and Ashley. "You guys promise you'll be here when I get back?" Ellie asked.
"Of course Ellie, why would we go anywhere?" Marco asked.
"Because I'm crazy…People are going to talk about me why I'm away…about why I am away."
Ashley frowned, "if anyone says anything, they'll have to answer to me and the rest of your friends." Ashley through a comforting arm around her friend and hugged her tight.
"Thanks Ash…" Ellie answered, "Be good to Mark while I'm gone."
Ashley smiled, "Oh I will."
Ellie laughed, "make sure the school dmails me my assignments so I don't fall behind," she said turning to Marco. Marco nodded; he had discussed the situation with Mr. Raditch and Mr. Simpson and decided that with Ellie being a good student, with little disciplinary problems (except her Saturday detention) he made it possible for her to keep up with her classes via the school website. Her teachers would dmail her assignments and she would work on them and send them back; she'd be able to continue school when she returned in the fall, in the same year as her peers. Ellie attempted to lift her suitcase off the bed, but found it hard with the cast on her wrist. Marco jumped up.
"I got it Els" he said carrying her suitcase for her.
The trio walked out of Ellie's bedroom; Ellie grabbing her book bag on the way out and shutting her door. Mrs. Nash was waiting sober out by the car as the three walked out of the house, closing and locking the door behind them. Marco dropped the suitcase in the trunk of the car and slammed it shut. Ellie was enveloped in a hug between Marco and Ashley as Mrs. Nash became impatient. "Let's go Ellie…I don't have all day."
Ellie rolled her eyes and hugged Ashley, "keep an eye on Sean for me, I know he was at the hospital, I could hear him arguing with my mom, she blamed him…it wasn't him, make sure he knows that." Ashley nodded.
Ellie turned to Marco, "you, too…keep an eye out for him, please?" Marco smiled and kissed her cheek gently.
"Of course…mi amore"
Ellie smiled and climbed into the passenger seat of the car, "I'll see you when I get back," she said as the car pulled away. She watched in the review mirror as her two best friends stood on the sidewalk watching as she drove off. She looked over to her mother, who stared blankly at the road ahead of them.
For the first time since the break, Ellie spoke to her mom about Sean. "He's right you know."
Judy turned to her daughter, a scowl across her face, "who Ellie?"
"You know who I'm talking about Mom, Sean…and he's right"
"Right about what Ellie?"
"I didn't cut because of him…"
Judy Nash tried to keep her eyes on the road, and remain calm.
"…I cut because I wanted to."
"Eleanor, I don't want to talk about this right now."
"Mom…I'm going to Lake View because I cut myself, Sean had nothing to do with it, you shouldn't blame him for something I did."
"Please Eleanor! I'm trying to drive" Judy shouted, her eyes on the road ahead of them.
Ellie rolled her eyes and leaned back, crossing her arms, the seat belt digging into her chest. 'If Dad were here…' Ellie couldn't finish that thought, because things wouldn't have gotten this bad if someone else were around to take care of her mother. 'I'm her daughter, I shouldn't be cleaning up after her, or making sure she doesn't drink, she's an adult…this is ridiculous' Ellie watched as the scenery blew past her. The small Toronto town turned into Toronto Suburbia in a breeze and the car pulled up to a sterile looking building. It looked harmless enough, like a country plantation; large oversized white house, with blue shutters; beautiful landscape surrounding it; harmless. 'Completely harmless' she thought as the car stopped and she stepped out, slamming the car door shut.
Two middle-aged women dressed in casual uniforms came out energetically from the front door. "Hullo, you must be Eleanor Nash" one said sweetly. Ellie smiled politely and looked over the woman quickly; short and a bit on the heavy side, blonde hair in a pony tail.
"It's Ellie actually…" Ellie answered shaking the woman's hand with her cast covered arm.
The woman smiled, "I'm Penny Johnson, a nurse on the second and third floor."
"I'm Dr. Marie Mohavi," the other answered, Ellie smiled and shook her hand, she had very tan skin with her long dark hair pulled back into a loose clip, "Welcome to Lake View."
Penny grabbed Ellie's suitcase from the trunk of the car while Ellie reached for her book bag. Penny looked at Ellie and then politely explained that her things would be checked for any harmful materials, and that she would also be searched. Ellie complied, knowing there wasn't much she could do. There was one thing Ellie was grateful for, the simple fact that Judy Nash didn't stay very long; just long enough to sign some paper work and hug her daughter good bye. Ellie's belongings were taken to her room, while Ellie was led to an examination room where she under went a physical inspection, after which she sat in Dr. Mohavi's office.
Dr. Mohavi's office was dark and warm, mostly decorated with wooden furniture. Books littered the shelves and Ellie noticed her degrees hanging, framed, on the red, warmly painted walls.
"Hi, Ellie…" she said sitting down at the oversized, cluttered desk. Ellie smiled politely. It was starting to hurt her face. Dr. Mohavi pulled a file folder from a pile and opened it, and then smiled at Ellie, "Well, good news Ellie, we didn't find anything we needed to take away…"
"And the bad news?"
"Rules…Welcome to Lake View, once again Ellie; you're here because you have a problem, a problem that's fixable. We have a few simple rules that you must follow. As long as you follow these rules, you will keep your privileges such as computer access, television viewing privileges, phone calls and free roam of the facility. If you break these rules, you lose your privileges."
Ellie smiled and nodded.
Dr. Mohavi continued, "We like to refrain from any harsh or derogatory language, that also means try to stay away from discussing anything triggering that may upset someone else…We allow you to listen to music, but be aware that some lyrics may trigger other patients and if we'd like it if you'd be conscious of this and use good judgment…You must show up for your group meetings and one-on-one meetings with counselors, if you skip one meeting, we let is slide, depending on circumstances surrounding your absence, the second time you begin to lose privileges…We don't allow any weapons or drugs kept in the rooms, if any are found, you immediately lose all privileges and are placed in a solitary room for a day or more, depending…any medications are given to the infirmary upon arrival and will be administered at meals or any time during the day…if you require an inhaler with you at all times, you may have it, provided you don't abuse it or allow others to use it…those are the basics Ellie…"
Ellie nodded, "so is that it?"
Dr.Mohavi nodded, "now…I'd like to speak to you about your stay…"
"Dr. Cress said I was admitted for two months"
"Yes, your minimum stay will be two months, if staff feels you aren't ready to go, and then we may keep you longer, as long as you comply."
"So I can go if I want after the two months, but if you think I should stay…"
"If we think you should stay, we'd hope that you'd think so as well, otherwise we can't keep you here, unless you are found to be a danger to yourself or others…"
Ellie nodded.
"According to your file…I know why you're here…but I don't think people can be put down on paper, why don't you tell me why you're here Ellie…"
"Because I had an accident and cut myself…"
"Your trip to the hospital was an accident?"
"Yes…"
Silence.
"I cut myself…I used to cut…and I had stopped, I recently started again and the other night was an accident."
Dr. Mohavi nodded, "is that all Ellie?"
"What else would there be?" Ellie asked confused.
"A few of the nurses, and Dr. Cress voiced a concern about your weight."
"I know I'm thin, but I have a high metabolism, I don't try to starve myself, and sometimes I'm just not hungry."
Dr. Mohavi smiled," Okay…Well I have a schedule for you," she said handing Ellie a sheet of paper, " Penny is right across the hall at the reception desk, she'll take you to your room, we have dinner at six in the evening, breakfast at eight, lunch at one, I'll see you during our one-on-one's Ellie…"
Ellie stood up and slowly walked out of the office and across the hall to find Penny standing behind the reception desk. The bubbly blonde led Ellie up to the second floor, "You're sharing a room with Verity Russo, quiet girl…you two will get along nice," she said brightly. They stopped outside a purple door with the number 215 painted in gold letters upon it. "Here we are…room two, fifteen, you're stuff is already inside, your mother left your bedding."
Ellie opened the door and easily found her belongings. She unpacked, made her bed, and curled up, falling asleep while listening to Sean's mix tape.
A/N: Okay, so thanks for the review guys, I kinda got out of the habit of answering reviews because it took up so much time, but there are a few I'll address...while I'm here: I think I realized why it's all moving so quickly. I'm trying to establish the major plot focus for the rest of the story, what happens in the first 3 chapters is really what sets the the ball rolling for the rest of the story. So please stick with me until that gets settled. I already had this chapter written, I had just kept writing until I ran out of words. Please don't expect all the chapters to come this quickly, if you knew how long it took me to write Numb, then you know that you have to have patience with me...
loving-rat-in-red: oh i know how the grammar nazi's can be, no worries, I try my best to proofread it as best I can before I post it, I tried to fix all the mistakes, (not just for you but for myself), the capitalization wasn't much of an issue as it would have been ifI had not capitalized Ellie's name or something of importance like words at the beginning of the sentence, it was just dialogue...I didn't think it was going to kill anyone :-P
Daimeera: there will be no angsty poetry that I know of...I don't even know if I can write angsty poetry...
britneyh8r: I'm assuming you just didn't sign in (same with JustAnotherDream) but that's not the case, the netnannies should be up my ass about anything right now, there's just mild language and innunedos, nothing that Shrek didn't touch on >- I'm not going to really touch on what's gunna go on down at the ravine, I know you read Numb, so I know you read the one chapter where it was just Alex/Jay and Sean/Ellie just fooling around wasted. We all know what goes on there, it's more of just a giant middle school makeout party with oral sex on the side...:-P, Like I said, there shouldn't be too much of a problem with my rating right now because it's not much different from the show, right now...when things get more serious, I'll change it to be safe...but thanks for looking out :-P
Like I said, I'm really just trying to get the establishing 3 chapters up, because ya'll know how I am with throwing lyrics in randomly that fit the chapters, right now that's not my focus, I really am quickly getting the plot up. Also on a side note, I've prolly been to only one or two hospitals (atleast the type Ellie is in) for visits, and this is more of a "dream hospital setting" it really is a great facility dedicated to helping them get better. The staff is very hands on at this place and not there just because it's a job, they really do care...so like I said, I have no experiance really on the inside, but I guess I'm likely to imagine :-P