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So here I am writing, Go me! And I just check checked all my mail and stats and go me again! I'm so happy! People like what I'm writing! Sobs openly

Chapter Four

The kids were thrilled when Cloud and I showed up with a heavy basket and told them we were headed out of the city. They seemed to have jumped through the entire trip out. It was crazy. As we reached the outskirts of town, Cloud readjusts his sword. Denzel noticed him doing it and grabbed the first big stick he could find.Marlene and I laugh when he swings it and smacks himself on the forehead. That reminds me. I stepped closer to Cloud whispering, "Denzel got in a fight today." He shakes his head. "Gave the other kid a black eye. I don't know whether to congratulate him or discipline him."

"Why did he get in a fight?"

I look down at the dirt. "Because the other boy was picking on him for being orphaned." It hurts to say that. In my mind, those two aren't orphaned. Sure we might not be their biological parents but blood isn't everything. We can still be 'Momma' and 'Papa' without actually conceiving them, right? Cloud strokes my hair before hugging me. Let's me know he understands. My ears lose track of one of the kid's footsteps. I look around and it's Marlene, now a step or two behind, grinning like a fool. I reach out for her, pulling her along with us. "What are you looking at?" I bite playfully. She just laughs.

This has really turned my day around. We found a nice spot to throw our stuff and for a long time, Cloud teaches Denzel how to wield his stick properly. Marlene and I laugh and criticize them. Cloud threatens us. Everything seems right outside of the city. It's just nice to be in the sand and dust rather than city pollution. Marlene goes to find wild flowers and Cloud falls beside me. Denzel's stick is at his throat. He smiles and knocks it to the side with his hand but the stick glides back to center. "So you got me," Cloud jokes. "But it's only because I let you win."

Denzel shouts, "No! You were too busy looking at Tifa!" My eyebrows shot up as Cloud's cheeks shot straight to red. "Um...I'm gonna go protect Marlene. There might be monsters lurking around here." His little eyes dart from side to side looking for pretend fiends before he runs off to find his sister.

"So what was that about you losing?" I giggle to Cloud.

His cheeks start toward pink again as he says, "I didn't lose I let him win."

"That's not what Denzel says," I chime.Cloud mutters 'Crummy kid' under his breath and I laugh. He smiles sheepishly before setting his gaze to the dust around us. "Hey Cloud?" He looks up at me again with content blue eyes. It makes me happy thinking that this might actually be where he wants to stay. "You said you needed to tell me something before we left. What was it?"

He looks away from me again. His eyebrows furrow as he thinks. I get a bad feeling in my gut. Am I going to want to hear this? Or will this only hurt me, kill my spirit a little more? He's still looking off into the distance, thinking. Maybe he doesn't know how to say it. Maybe he's just forgotten. He could have decided it was irrelevant. "Tifa," he whispers, "I think she's still alive."

Tears spring to my eyes. I thought it was over. I thought she was just a memory. I breathe out, "Cloud." He looks over to me. His expression changes a little when he sees my welling eyes. "No. No. Cloud, she's gone. She died. Sephiroth killed her remember?"

He shakes his head. "Of course I remember. But Tifa I saw her. When all those children were healed I saw her. She was in church with us!"

My body curls into itself. My hands are on my forehead. I felt so used. "Cloud you couldn't have seen her. We gave her back to the life stream. She's gone! She wasn't there. She's been dead for years now Cloud. Please," I whispered, "just let her go."

"Tifa I saw her!" he exclaims, sitting up. "She was right there. All I had to do was get out of that pool and touch her. She was real. She's in the city somewhere. I'm sure of-"

"Cloud! She's dead!" I yell. "She isn't coming back! She can't! Aerith is dead and will remain dead until the end of the world! She's not in the city. She's not Kalm, she's not picking bloody flowers in a field somewhere, she's not anywhere because she died! I'm sorry but it's the truth." I pause. "Cloud, please."

"No Tifa. She's here. I'm going to find her. I'll show you she's real. Then even you will see she's still alive." I'm shaking my head, trying not to cry. He's getting up. Dusting off his pants, he walks away from me, leaving me with my own hatred and depression. I should have known. It was so obvious. And yet you still threw yourself at him. My whole body clenches as tears begin streaking down my face. There's nothing I can do. There's no way I can make him see reality.

I just sat there for what felt like a life time and cried. And when I couldn't cry anything else out and wiped my face, I some how managed to find more liquid to pour out of my face. Marlene's small hand touched my back. "Tifa?" I take a shuddering breath, clean my face off again but I don't look at her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing Sweetie. I'm fine."

"I made this for you." She shows me her hands. There's a flower chain spread across her small fingers, the pinks and oranges match the flower chain in her hair. It was really bad timing on her part to be giving me flowers. Right now I can't stand to even think about the plants. But I take it from her anyway. Put it in my hair too and smile. She smiles too, hugging me. "Don't cry Tifa. It makes us sad." She thinks for a second. "Besides, Cloud's here now. You don't have to cry anymore."

"I know. It's just...hard sometimes. You'll understand when you're older."

Marlene gasps. "Cloud's not leaving again is he?"

"Don't worry about it. That's my job." It's crazy to think about how mature Marlene is. I mean, she's only nine but she acts so grown up. I rub her back and start to get up. "Come on, the sun's going to go down soon. We should get home before all the monsters come out." She giggles and nods, taking my hand, pulling me up. "You hungry?" She shakes her head. I nod, call out for the boys. Cloud's a little upset at me for trying to crush his hopes. I'm pissed at him. We really just need to talk this out. Maybe he'll listen next time. The entire trip home was just sad. I pretended to be happy and laugh with the children when they were silly but aside from that, the only thing I really saw was dirt on my boots. We got home just as the sun was disappearing behind the sky scrapers. I went straight to our room, collapsed on my bed and cried.

Never eat mostly raw pancake batter and m&ms. It doesn't taste too good and it's hot! Learn from my mistakes. Leave me some reviews. I love to read them! And I knoe. I'm a horrible wretched person for my plots. I can never let people be happy together. It's just not a good plot without sadness. Ska-chan.