Talk to me
Time To Go II ( 12/15 )
Disclaimer: I know they're not mine. I'm old and tired so, PTB, please don't slap me around for playing with your toys.
Last Time: Lincoln told Michael what it would take to come home. Michael quickly made the choice to give up Sara so he could be a father to his daughter.
Frustrated with the situation, all of us preparing to go our separate ways first thing in the morning, helpless to change what was about to happen I took the chance of being spotted, seen by the wrong eyes, and went for a long walk alone while Sara bathed Em and packed their things for the trip home.
Walking back in after nearly ninety minutes, far longer than I'd intended to be gone, I'm surprised to find the living area empty, dark and quiet.
Starting down the hall heading toward the soft blue light from the television filtering under Lincoln's closed door I'm stopped where I stand by her voice, calling my name.
" Michael? Can you come in here a minute? "
Stepping through the door I can do nothing more than look at her.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, damp freshly washed hair hanging down over her shoulders soaking the top of her T-shirt until it turns just the right shade of blue to match her well worn cotton pajama bottoms, she looks more beautiful than I ever imagined she could.
Looking around the room, because looking at her without being able to touch her is tearing me apart, I immediately notice the absence of the portable crib.
" Where's Emma? "
" She's with Linc... " She looks up and over at me watching me carefully for any reaction on my face leaving me wondering what will show there, nervous and uneasy about being suddenly alone together for the first time. " Linc offered to take care of her for the night. We need some time together. Time to talk..."
Whatever the look is it can't be good as she rushes in explaining away worry I've yet to voice.
" Lincoln loves Emma, Michael... he takes good care of her. "
Standing there trying to keep my cool stuffing my hands deep in my pockets, studying the floor instead of meeting her eye jealousy, the tiniest nagging bit of it, I can't hold down rears its ugly head.
" He's important to the two of you ... you've become really close?"
" He means the world to me, Michael."
Having no choice in the matter, the idiotic jealousy inside me turning into a full fledged green eyed monster with her words, my head snaps up, my eyes finding her oddly warm smiling face feeling as if I've been kicked in the gut. " I see... "
She grins at me shaking her head softly understanding my confusion perhaps worse yet seeing the hint of jealousy in my eyes. " I never had a lot of family. What I had wasn't what you'd call warm and loving. I like having a big brother to look out for me... Linc means the world to me in that way ... and nothing more. "
She pats the bed next to her pleading to me with her eyes. " That's one down, how many more to go... We haven't talked about anything. You know as well as I do there are so many other things that need to be said. Please ... sit down ... talk to me. "
Taking a seat, doing what I can to keep a reasonable distance, something she shatters by scooting across the bed to be closer to me the instant I take a seat, I say the first thing that comes to mind.
" You should have told me you were pregnant, Sara."
Expecting excuses, explanations, believing she'll defend her actions with everything she has in her I'm caught off guard by the simple open honest response I hear coming from her lips. "I"m sorry. I should have told you but I wanted you safe as much as I wanted the baby. I wasn't willing to take any chances with either one of you."
" Sometimes people do the wrong, even hurtful, thing, with the best of intentions. I hope you can see and understand that, Michael. "
She turns away from me sighing heavily bowing her head low enough that still wet strands of hair fall forward hiding her face. " It was wrong. I'm sorry I hurt you. You can be angry with me, hate me if you need too but you're not dead or in prison ... you're safe where you are. Both of you are safe. That's what mattered and I wouldn't change what I did even if I could. "
Watching her sitting there, hearing her voice crack with emotion as she speaks I cast aside my fear of being too close, my feeble attempt at protecting myself, by moving closer to her working my fingers slowly under her hand resting against her leg until her hand is tucked safely in my own.
" I don't hate you, Sara. Its just not possible...I'm not even angry anymore..."
She looks up, offering a weak half smile, tears filling her eyes threatening to join the ones already drifting down her pale cheeks. " I... its just ... you've hardly spoken to me ... gone out of your way not to touch me... I just thought... "
Seeing her in pain, knowing she believes I don't care all the arguments for not getting too close fall away all at once "I'm not angry. I DON'T hate you... I love you, Sara."
Without even realizing I'm doing it, desperately needing something to hold on to while I say the last thing I ever intended to say when I came to her I clasp her hand tightly in mine drawing her closer to me.
" I love you, Sara... I love our daughter. I want to be with both of you so much it hurts more than I..."
Before I know what's happening she stops me with a kiss.
Part of my brain, an ineffective part of it at that moment, screams at me to stop.
It whispers inside my head that letting her in now will only cause more pain for all of us.
But the pleading with myself, any attempt to step back is washed away by the feel of her fingertips caressing my face as her lips tentatively meet my own.
As she pulls back a bit, searching my eyes, waiting for a response, I'm taken back the first time we kissed in the infirmary at Fox River. " This feels familiar ... like we've done this before. I think my line here may be ' What do you want from me, Sara? '. "
I smile at her making light of the situation, doing anything I can to distract myself from the feel of her so near, doing whatever it takes to block out the sweet smell of her warm skin and freshly washed hair. " Tell me you're not gonna confuse the hell out of me by say something vague and cryptic like ' wait for me, Michael ' "
She leans in brushing her lips, soft teasing kisses, gently against my own in-between her words. " No...tomorrow we'll leave here... who knows when and if we'll ever see each other again... I'm not going to play games. This time together is too precious to me not to tell you exactly what I want. "
She slips even closer one arm wrapping around my waist while the other takes hold of my hand moving it upward trapped lightly in her delicate touch, coaxing it slowly over her hip and side, until coming to rest under her breast, before I know what's happening, she's leaning into my touch. " I want you to touch me, Michael. I want you to hold me. I'm asking you to forget tomorrow, everything that comes after that, and stay with me tonight. "
I stayed there watching her sleeping next to me, catching no more than a few winks here and there for hours on end but one quick glance to the digital clock on the nightstand reminding me that five am is not as early as it use to be when you have a six month old baby in the house and I need to be going if I plan to be gone before she wakes.
Gathering my things in my hands slipping through the door as quickly and as quiet as possible, dressing in the dark hallway as not to disturb anyone I'm shocked to find him sitting in a chair watching me as I tiptoe into the living room.
" You're gonna slip out before she wakes?"
Wishing I'd been able to slip away without having words with him as well, knowing it's no longer possible, I walk over, righting my clothing as I go, and take a seat on the couch next to him. " I can't say good-bye to her tomorrow ... not like that ... she doesn't know what's really happening, Linc. I can't face it. I hope she'll understand that one day "
He sets the empty bottle down on the side table hoisting my little girl to his shoulder patting her back softly coaxing a tiny burp from her as he speaks. " I don't know, Michael. Maybe she will ... maybe she won't. All I know is, historically speaking, slipping out before dawn when you've just shared a bed tends to have a negative effect on most women. "
Hearing her cry softly in his arms, something about it different - more urgent, and more than eager to change the subject I rise to my feet crossing to them laying the palm of my hand gently against her forehead. " She's so fussy ... feels warm. Is something wrong with her? She sick, Linc? "
Without warning he takes hold of my hand, hard, frustrated with me, or the situation - its hard to tell, bringing it down between the two us to her. '" She's just teething, Michael. That's all it is ... teething..."
He takes the tip of my finger guiding me until I can feel the tiny tooth just below the surface. " ... cutting teeth is hard on them but she'll be just fine once it breaks through. I'm gonna go grab the baby Tylenol from the kitchen. If you're not gonna say good-bye to Sara the least you can do is sit down here and say a proper good-bye to your daughter while I'm gone. "
" Thanks...You'll still do as I asked you to, Linc?"
Nodding his agreement he rises up to stand in front of me looking me over with all the sadness and regret, the only good-bye we'll share this time around, that his stoic face of his can muster as he slips her into my waiting arms and disappears into the other room.
My bag waiting by the door, knowing he'll give me enough time to say good-bye and slip away, holding her upright against my body, her tiny head tucked neatly against my shoulder so she cannot, as if it would matter or she'd understand, see me crying, I walk her down the hall to the bedroom drinking in the smell and feel of her near me with each step I take, before whispering my good-bye with a soft kiss against the top of her head as I place her gently into her crib.
TBC...
Next time: Will Lincoln do what Michael asked him to do? Will he finally tell Sara what her father has demanded in exchange for Michael's freedom?