-1Fandom: Xxxholic

Title: Awake

Author: Lannie

Rating: G

Theme: # 23 Roses ; daisies ; carnations ; water lilies ; Or any random flower

Warnings: No spoilers I can think of. Eventual DoumekixWatanuki.

Disclaimer: Characters owned by Clamp and their associated publishers.

Notes: Unless I'm very much mistaken we haven't been given the names of Doumeki's family members so here are mine for the purpose of this story.

Doumeki Seito: Shizuka's grandfather and formidable exorcist.
Doumeki Kazuko: Shizuka' grandmother, a highly intuitive woman.
Doumeki Youka: Daughter of Seito and Kazuko, never formally trained in exorcism but highly sensitive to the energy of places.
Doumeki Souya: Husband of Youka. As a veritable orphan, he adopted the Doumeki surname when he married Youka.

Italics indicate thoughts.

The golden yellow sun had just come over the horizon when the tempest blew in. Wind and rain whipped about in a frenzy, wilder than they had all winter. Kazuko could feel it in her bones and the signs were plain to see. The tenth moon had come to their very doorstep on the sixth of March. She put on a few kettles and gathered up the necessary linens. They would never reach the hospital in time, not in this weather.

"Souya? Mother? Father?" Youka called from her room down the hallway. Kazuko could hear the tremor in her daughter's voice.

"I'm in the kitchen, dear, and the boys are outside locking down the shed," she replied. "I'll be right there."

Kazuko gathered up the sheets and towels, and made her way to the guestroom. Normally, Kazuko and her husband shared one of the upstairs bedroom, but in these last months of pregnancy they all agreed it was safest to keep the expectant mother on the ground floor.

"I think it's time," Youka told her mother, looking both pale and flushed on the futon.

"Has your water broke?" the older woman countered. She had done more than a little midwifing back in the days before hospital births had become mainstream

"Not yet, but the contractions are quickening," explained Youka. "We're not going to the hospital?"

"Not in this weather," Kazuko laughed. "Looks like you're getting your wish of an at home old-fashioned birth."

"Oh good, I hate hospitals. Too much fear and death," Youka wrinkled her nose. "And all those doctors watching! It's like a medical peep show!"

Kazuko was relieved the way events were turning out. Youka had always been sensitive to the energy of places and she had feared a hospital birth might traumatize her daughter beyond repair. Even the strongest wards she and her husband could construct wouldn't hold for long in such an emotionally high traffic area. Evil spirit energy could be blocked, but the filth everyday people carried around in their hearts could not. The temple was on consecrated ground and all who entered had to undergo ritual purification. For one such as Youka, it was the ideal place for such an important event. Despite it being her first, all the signs pointed to Youka having a relatively easy birthing with no undue complications.

"Mother?" Youka suddenly sounded much younger than her twenty-five years.

"Yes, dear," Kazuko knelt beside her daughter.

"I know this sounds awfully foolish," she squeezed her eyes shut. "But this is going to hurt so much, isn't it?"

"Sooner or later, the important things always do."

Several hours and much screaming, cursing, and gratuitous bodily fluids later, it was over. Youka was exhausted beyond belief and still in a significant amount of discomfort, but the new little boy in her arms had been worth it to her. It was evening now, the storm had passed and the night sky was awash with stars. The baby had promptly fallen asleep after the initial bout of post-birth crying, cleaning, and feeding, and was quiet as she cuddled him.

"Shizuka na," Youka remarked to the darkness outside her window. The newborn stirred in her arms and opened his eyes at the sound of her voice. He blinked, slowly and owlishly, showing off bright golden eyes.

"Oh? Do you like that for a name, my quiet one?" she teased.

"How's my favorite girl and her new gentleman caller?" Souya came into the room with a large vase of pink carnations. He picked one of the blooms and tucked it into his wife's hair.

"Carnations are for a mother's love," he explained. "I thought they would suit the occasion. What are you two up to?"

"Dreaming of evening stars and cinnamon trees," laughed Youka. "And rice cakes, I just know tomorrow I'm going to be ravenous for them."

"Give me some warning before you return to the moon, Kaguya," Souya held his wife and son closer.

"Always, Souya," came the reply. "Tell me, what do you think of the name 'Shizuka'? I have the distinct feeling this little gentleman will be of the mind, 'silence is golden'?"

"Must get it from his grandfather," he reasoned. "It's not exactly conventional, but it seems to fit."

"Well, he doesn't come from an exactly conventional family," Youka added. "But he is loved, very much."

"That he is, our Shizuka."

Outside, a dark purple butterfly fluttered into the night.

A little over a year later, April the first to be precise, Shizuka was toddling about with great gusto despite having shown no inclination to talk. His family wasn't overly worried over his development. Even though his grandparents had had only one child, they had watched many children grow up over the years and knew that there was no strict time table to a child's development.

"He's always thinking such big thoughts behind those big eyes," Youka often said. "I can never guess what's really on his mind."

It may have sounded like a mother's wishful thinking, it was in fact quite true. Shizuka was by no means a genius, it was just his soul hadn't quite forgotten everything it should. And yet, neither could he remember those things in their entirety. It was quite frustrating for the boy, whose half-remembered lives confused his worldview and taxed the comprehension of his toddler's brain.

That particular spring morning, Shizuka woke up feeling as though something important was going to happen. Having no real way to articulate this feeling, he scowled By noon he was still scowling while playing in the garden. Normally the temple gardens delighted him with their riot of color of life. Today, however, even his favorite flowers (his mother's pink carnations) seemed to mock him. He angrily shoveled the same patch of dirt and continued to scowl.

"Shizuka, you have a guest." The little boy looked up and saw his grandfather standing before him with a tall woman at his side. "I'll leave you two alone."

He knew he knew her. He just didn't know how.

"Hi Shizuka," the tall woman stooped to join him on the ground. "My name is Yuuko, mind if I play with you?"

He nodded, scowled, and handed her his extra toy shovel. They dug in silence for a few minutes and just when his curiosity was about to burst the strangest thing happened.

How fare you?

Shizuka jumped at the strange feeling of another mind touching his own, though quickly adjusted.

I am confused, he admitted. My purpose eludes me and I have no words for these feelings. It is only now with you than I can begin to shape my thoughts, before it was all jumble.

Do you remember me? she prodded.

A little, though it is more impression than actual recollection. It then hit him. Why are you here?

It occurred to me that Seito Doumeki's grandchild might need an ally, a fairy godmother as it were. What think you? The strange woman seemed more amused than concerned, but Shizuka rather thought this was her default manner.

Why are you doing this? You are not a woman who gives without taking.

You wound me! Yuuko chuckled lowly. Truthfully, I have grown quite fond of you over our many different meetings. More importantly you are the cornerstone in the life of someone dearer to me still.

So you do know him. The one I see most in my dreams. He didn't know whether to be elated or enraged.

I'm on my way to visit him after we finish talking. It's his birthday today.

How old? What if his companion was already an adult. Would he even meet him this lifetime?

You are of an age once more, no worries. I'll be back this evening for the rites. Being who you are, you could use the extra blessings.

Yuuko handed him back the shovel and kissed him on the forehead before standing.

Wait! Shizuka knew this mental clarity would disappear with the woman and he wanted to do something for his friend. He picked some of his favorite wildflowers and handed them to Yuuko.

Give him these for me, he pleaded. I know he won't know and I probably will forget about it when you leave, but please do it any way.

I will. Stay strong, little one, I shall see you later.

Sure enough as the woman walked away his thoughts and feelings blurred and burned, but at least this time he could feel hope as well.

Yuuko looked down at the impromptu bouquet and smiled. Of course it wasn't a conscious choice on the part of young Shizuka, but there really was no such thing as coincidence. Blue violets for faithfulness and white clover for promises, even more appropriate considering the eye color and complexion of their recipient.

This time they'll have a better chance, she thought. This time it's Inevitable.

Yuuko smiled to herself and knocked on the door. With Kimihiro inside she knew there was just as much April sunshine in the house as there was out.

To be continued

Author's notes:

Tenth moon: Gestation of a normal human baby is approximately nine solar months, but used to be calculated in ten lunar months.

Shizuka na: "How quiet it is!" Doumeki's given name sounds like the Japanese word for "quiet", though off the top of my head I'm not sure of the characters are the same or not.

Dark purple butterfly: Butterflies aren't active at night, moths are. Which means this isn't a normal butterfly, but a construct of Yuuko's to keep an eye on things.

Inevitable: There's a common misconception among fans that hitsuzen is fate or destiny. Literally translated, hitsuzen means "inevitable" or "inevitability." Hitsuzen works in hand with chaos theories and allows for a much broader scope of freewill than either of the classical definitions of destiny or fate. For example, hitsuzen supposes that based on certain patterns or behaviors a certain thing is going to happen when these patterns collide. Fate or destiny declares what events will happen according to a predetermined pattern. I think this distinction is important because if Clamp wanted to use the term fate or destiny they would have. Remember, according to Yuuko, words have power.