Er, sorry?
Have I mentioned how much I love Lily in here? Have I? 'Cause I do. Very much, actually.
Speak No Lies
By: Nekare
It snowed and snowed, the whole world over, Snow swept the world from end to end. A candle burned on the table; A candle burned.
Boris Pasternak, Doctor Zhivago
Light filters through the half-closed curtains of the Hospital Wing when Remus opens his eyes, sepia colors woven into the scene when there had only been harsh contrasts before, pure untarnished white from the snow and unfathomable darkness ahead. His limbs feel heavy, his mind muddled; eyelids flickering open and close to the rhythm of a soundless song, taking snapshots of soft-looking curtains and clear ceiling.
Then a jet of green light erupts in his mind, and his eyes open wide as every memory from that night in the smoldering darkness rushes to his brain. He sits up, heart beating wildly, and soft hands push him back into the pillow, gently, the way his mum would do after nightmares.
He turns his head to see Lily standing up beside him, the bed she must have been sleeping in empty behind her, sheets rumpled and pure white as the outside world, covered in blankets too, snowing and snowing until the world's heartbeat stopped for a second, a halt that would resume once the first flowers bloomed bright color against monochrome whiteness. There's a candle floating beside them, and Lily's hair is as bright as the flame, green eyes flickering with the same warmth.
Another burst of memory, and Remus shies away with eyes wide-open, readying himself for the rejection he's feared since his full moon nights had become slightly more interesting than reading by the fire. Lily frowns, reaching out for him again, and when Remus moves back she sighs and drags a chair next to his bed, sitting with a stern expression and looking as if she had belonged there all along, in the same way the Marauders always look around him.
"Fine, you don't want pity, I understand that." says Lily with a resigned way, and Remus doesn't get why is it that she can read him so very easily. "but I think I deserve an explanation, don't you think?"
Remus opens and closes his mouth like a fish, a somewhat surprised she hasn't run in fear (although he knows her better than that), somewhat hoping she won't run in fear after all, somewhat wishing he could have Sirius by his side to trivialize the entire thing. "Yes." he croaks at last.
"All right. I already have my questions done, since you've been asleep for two days, and I've had time to think, so first things first: are you really a werewolf?"
The logical part of his brain wants to ask about those missing days, those missing minutes that he's lost sleeping from his possible not long life. Then the questions strikes home, and he gulps hard as he closes his eyes. "Yes." he says again, a mutter, a whisper, a silent plea for forgiveness he shouldn't ask for being himself.
Lily takes a deep breath. "Well I guess that makes a lot of things make sense. You disappearing so often, for an instance. The full moon is in two days, are you feeling all right?" There's caring in her voice, honest caring, and he wants to melt under it.
"That's- that's all? You ask if I'm all right and we go on with our lives?" Remus just can't seem to hide the surprise in his voice.
Lily sighs again, and sits on his bed, resting her head lightly on his shoulders as he stares without knowing what to say. "Did you expect me to run?" yes thinks Remus, but doesn't voice it. "You poor thing. Remus, I like you, you're such a nice boy, and you really don't deserve all of this. I won't desert you, you know?"
"Thanks," Remus says, and prays so he won't cry.
"Sirius, the dog, he's an animagus?"
Remus feels odd shouting his secrets for the world to hear after so many years of secrecy, but Lily almost died because of him, and this is the least he can do for her. "Yes. The three of them are, they- they did it to help me, with my, uh, situation."
"That's what I'd figured," says Lily, ever the smart girl. "I think I've been wrong about the four of you after all. They do care about you, don't they? More than I'll ever know." she sighs. "All of those years thinking the worst of them, and it turns out one's wrong in the assumptions about everyone in the end."
"No one is what they seem,"
"No," she agrees, "but if you cared enough you'd be able to see behind the fake. "I'd like to do that, Remus, see what's behind the four of you, behind…"
"James?" Remus finishes for her, and she blushes a bit.
"You're one to speak. Just what is going on with you and Sirius, anyway?"
He lets his gaze wander across the beds, his three friends asleep in the beds across them, rising and dropping bundles of blankets, and Remus feels a cold stab of guilt at having brought them with him.
"I- I'm not entirely sure, myself. It's been… Strange, to say the least, between us."
"But you want him," she says, sounding wise beyond her years, and Remus can't help but admire her once more.
Remus nodds, and allows himself to speak the words for the very first time. "I do. I do."
There's comfortable silence for a while, and Lily just stays there, head on his shoulder in that sort of uncomplicated contact boys usually can't manage, staring at the other three boys tossing in their sleep, each of them thinking by themselves.
"You should be grateful of them," she says after a while, and Remus doesn't hesitate when he speaks.
"I am. You've no idea how much I am."
---
That night they go back to Gryffindor Tower, but not even the stars reflecting on the snow can keep Remus from thinking of the green curse and the possible future three inches would have made.
Sirius sits with him for a while, and when he kisses him softly Remus feels as if heshould push him away, but he's too tired for that. He kisses back as if to forget, and for a while, it almost works.