'I am not a hero' He muttered softly to the young witch before him.
'I never said you were or that you needed to be one.' She whispered just as softly to the dark looking wizard.
'I've killed many people, one of them was your beloved Headmaster.' He said more forcefully, but still in a quiet and defeaten tone.
The young witch sighed. "You loved him just as much as I did, probably even more so. He was a dying man, trying to help the son he never had, by letting himself be killed.You know that. He tried to help you in your quest to help others.'
'If I loved him, I wouldn't have killed him.' His tone of voice increased with every word he said. A single tear started to fall down his cheek.
'You know that is not true..' Before she could continue, he interrupted her angrily.
'If the bothersome old man would've known I loved him, he wouldn't have made me kill him. He would've known that if I loved him, that this would break me in pieces. Leaving me with nothing but nightmares and a bad reputation throughout the wizard society."
Her eyes started to water and she looked him intently in his eyes. 'Even if you didn't kill him, you would still have been shattered, because someone else you cared about would have gotten hurt. And besides that, you were already broken. Not believing in yourself, the person you turned out to be. Not in the strenght you have, in all your qualities like bravery and cunning.. '
He interrupted her again. This time with a soft spoken sneer 'Bravery is for Gryffindors.'
It made her smile, only a little, since she knew this conversation was to delicate and important to ruin it by smiling at him. She needed to make him understand.
'I would've thought you, of all people, would know better than that.' She told him, still looking in his eyes, waiting for a reaction.
'I suppose you are trying to tell me, that all the horrid acts of crime I've committed, were not as appaling as they seem. Trying to lace them with a dash of unselfishness and the best of intentions?' He was getting a tad bit annoyed again.
Once again she sighed, this time out of frustration. 'No, not exactly. Not everything you have done can be condoned in such a way, but you redeemed yourself and tried to make it right. That still counts for something. Not everything is as black and white as you see it.'
'Walking this path of redemption, you naïve girl, is an endless one for me. It will never be sufficiënt, no matter how hard I try to convince anyone otherwise.' He managed to choke out the words, but his composure fell a little and he knew she could see it. Before he could send her away, she spoke again. This time more harshly than she had intendend.
'Maybe if you weren't so preoccupied with thinking about how other people might think about you and what you have done, you might see that people around you do not think of you in such a way. They see a different side of you and are willing to know the rest of you.' Expectantly she looked at him.
His face was contorted with disbelief at her words and she could see his anger was rising even more. 'And which people might that be?'
'Me, for instance.' His eyes widened at her admission. And he saw how she looked away from him with a blush creeping up her cheeks. She turned her stare to the floor and didn't look at him, afraid of what he might yell at her next. But he surprised her by saying something, that sounded so insecure and sad.
'But why?' Her soft brown eyes darted upwards, meeting his dark endless ones.
'I just tried to convince you of why other people would look differently at you and even told you some of the reasons. Even though you are broken, you still try your best to help the people you care about. Even though you made mistakes and committed crimes, you're repaying your debt in full. Even though you act like a rude selfish bastard, I can still see that that's not all there is to see. Even though you may loathe yourself like there is no tomorrow, I still see why there is so much worth caring about. You are more than meets the eye and I want to know all about you. Not as a studyproject. Nor as conquest or victory in my favor. I just want to see you and want you to see you, for who you really are. You're not that horrible person that you want everyone to see. Don't you understand?'
Her passion and dedication in her speech, left him speachless. He could see the fury in her eyes, when she spoke of his selfloathing and he could see the glimpse of hope and admiration, when she complimented him and encouraged him to see more of himself. The young with infront of him, seemed to know more of him, then he could have thought. Somehow, she had read him like a book and how unnerving it might have been, he was just stunned by her and her words.
For a few minutes it remained silent, except for her ragged breathing. He could only look at her and think about her words and the implications of what might happen, if he took those words to heart. Just because one person was willing to try to know him, maybe he should make an effort himself. Before he could reply to her, she spoke again.
'There is more to this, if you wish to know.' She looked nervous at that and he motioned she could continue.
'Perhaps I should correct some of the words I just said. Even though I want you to see, who is the real you. The reason why I want to see the real you, is a little more complicated. Perhaps it's main purpose of making you see, is in my favor. Not intentionally, nor to ridicule you.'
He interrupted her, his voice laced with contempt. 'But you do have an alterior motive? Do enlighten me and make me laugh.'
As soon as he saw her cringe at his words and see the tears forming in her eyes, he felt regret. He wanted to tell her so, but she continued in a small voice.
'Yes, make fun of me while you can. Because you will never have to hear it again. I dis have an alterior motive and that was to see if someone like you could love me back. After all of these years of working together, I was hoping you would notice the fact I had fallen in love with you and perhaps return my feelings. But I can see, you probably don't. I'm sorry I have taken up so much time of you, Sir and I will no longer be a nuisance to your presence.'
She turned around and walked away, tears streaming down her face.
'Hermione, wait.' His cry startled her and made her stop dead in her tracks.
'But why me? I'm not a loveable man, nor an agreeable man. I'm not a sensitive, nor a romantic man. I'm not a hero? Why would you waste your time on an old man like me, while you have every man at your feet?'
Hermione Granger turned around to look at the man she loved and said;
'Severus, if I had wanted someone loveable, agreeable, sensitive or romantic. I could have had every man I had wanted. But I don't. I want someone who is intelligent, stimulating, not agreeable all the time, wise and conscious of what they have done and can do. You are that someone. And about you not being a hero. I don't want you to be a hero, nor will I call you that. Because hero's do not need to be named. They just are.'