Sorrrrrrrry! That it took so long, I mean.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. You know that, right? If not, get a brain check.

Hope you enjoy and don't hate me for being as not-prompt as the other two.

This Is Why I'm Smarter than Her

Maggie

"Way to go, Jackie."

Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap, crap, crap. Of course, Jackie had to open her fat-ass mouth and basically alienated the people most likely to kill us in the next few minutes or so. Well…since they were questioning us about Voldemort and stuff, they were the good guys, so they wouldn't kill us. Just, you know, hex us and annoy us and stuff. Hell, I didn't know. This was Jackie's problem, not mine.

Of course, since I had met Jackie and Jadyn, Jackie had been the one who had always gotten us into trouble, and then we had had a chore of getting out of it. I tried to keep my head down and away from trouble, and Jade-well, I never really understood her take on it-but Jackie? She just didn't know when to shut up.

We had met in sixth grade, when I was a new girl at Franklin Middle-High School. Jackie and Jade had been friends since…God, I couldn't remember, though Jackie liked to talk about it a lot: after all, she was the talkative one. She basically adopted me, and ever since I had kind of been the sarcastic one, who really didn't talk all that much unless I was around my friends. Jade had been really kind of…gothic, I guess, although she hated being labeled that. And Jackie-well, she was the outgoing one who had her sights set on being the first female president.

And the chances of her being first female president were starting to look seriously grim.

I leaned back in my seat, ready to face the reactions of the people we wanted to be on the good side of, the people looking at us like we had just sprouted extra heads. The witch spoke first, her voice wavering. "Um…excuse me?"

"Are you mad?" asked Twin #1, on the verge of laughing. "You're bloody mad, that's what you two are!"

"Yup, that's what we are," I said quickly. "Bloody mad. Indeed. The bloodiest type of mad this side of the ocean." I rubbed my red wrists, trying to look mad and not about to conk out again because of my headache. Which I really did feel like. I felt like my brain was going to fall out, and I knew I wouldn't be able to stand up for a bit.

"Of course you are," said Twin #2 sarcastically. "Now…if you're done with this crock of nonsense about fantasy books, we've got a few questions to ask about the whereabouts of You-Know-Who and his followers for you?"

"What about us being mad?" asked Jackie.

"We're going to overlook that for the second," said the witch, waving her hand casually. "Where is You-Know-Who?"

"We don't know," says Jackie emphatically.

"The book doesn't tell us," I muttered under my breath.

The witch gave me a sharp look, then turned back to Jackie. "All right then. Do you know the whereabouts of any of You-Know-Who's supporters?"

Actually, we did, but it wasn't like we'd tell these sociopaths. What did they do for fun anyway, sit around and interrogate people? They were all way too pale, although from the amount of freckles on the twins, the sunlight wouldn't help them anyway. Besides, who knew if Snape still lived where he did?

"Maybe this will clear your heads," said the witch sharply. "You obviously know quite a bit about Harry. You know about his personality, about his…love life…so, therefore, what could you be but Death Eater spies? You're very good ones, though, I'll give you that. We didn't know anything about you."

"If we were Death Eater spies, we'd have wands, wouldn't we?" I asked. "And why the hell would Voldemort want to know anything about Harry's love life?"

The three flinched. "Maggie," hissed Jackie beside me, and I realized what I had done. I had slipped and called Voldemort Voldemort. "Oops...my bad…" I muttered. "I mean, eh, why the hell would You-Know-Who want to know anything about Harry's love life?"

Twin #2 rubbed his head. "I don't think You-Know-Who would allow anyone quite this annoying to be with him for very long, do you, Fred?"

"Hey! I resent that!" said Jackie quickly.

"Well, we told you we weren't his spies," I said, leaning back.

The witch furrowed her eyebrows. "No, I think these are You-Know-Who's spies. I mean, they're difficult…Voldemort would probably enjoy spies like these."

"Creepy thought," I said sweetly, "isn't it? Seeing as he knows nothing about us and we aren't his spies."

"Okay, look," said Twin #1 hastily, "the reason You-Know-Who would want to know anything about Ginny is so that he knows where to hit Harry. So, therefore, you knowing about Harry's love life could be very, very bad."

Well, duh. That's why he broke up with her. But Jackie wasn't saying anything, so I kept my mouth shut too. At least when she does shut up, it's for a good reason.

"Let's start with the basics," said the witch. "These two found you by a-a bush? Yeah…so, um, how did you get there?"

I looked over at Jackie. Jackie looked over at me.

"Do we tell them?" I asked.

"Tell us? Tell us what?" asked Twin #2.

"I don't know," said Jackie. "They might not believe it…"

"Believe what?" asked the witch impatiently. "What are you hiding from us?"

"Well, it's worth a try, right?" I asked.

"Oh, this is ridiculous," said Twin #2.

"No, no, it isn't!" I said.

"Then what is it?" snapped the witch.

"Well…" said Jackie. "We kind of…came through a book. Us and another girl."

"There's another one of you?" asked Twin #1 in interest.

"Yeah...Jade, but she wasn't with us, so we don't know where she is," I said, biting my lip as I thought about it. I was worried about it—who knows where she was now?—but right now, my priority was to get out of this mess. But, seeing as we had a) antagonized our interrogators, b) had no idea what we were doing right now, and c) kind of felt like horse shit, we didn't seem capable of doing that either.

"Tell us how you got to where we found you," said the witch, giving Twin #2 a meaningful look, whatever the hell it was for.

Well, I guessed it wouldn't hurt to tell them that; maybe they could help us. Then again, it wouldn't have hurt to tell them anything, but then they would've thought we were spies or whatever (as if they didn't think that now), and that would have been a problem.

In fact, this was all a problem.

Thanks, Jackie. Thanks a hell of a lot.

Sorry, couldn't get beyond there. Like? Then review.