Akito's Thoughts
Fuck, this sucks. Another fit. Can't this body ever cooperate with me? I'm trying so hard to open my eyes. I hear voices around me, I fell warm hands touching my skin and all I can fucking do is cough. As my hand moves to my mouth I feel it and I know this one is more serious than the fits I've had as of late. That hot, sticky liquid that can only be blood. I try to speak. I need Hatori. Where the fuck is Hatori! Through the tears streaming from my stinging eyes I see my dear, loyal Kureno. Why isn't he rushing to get Hatori? And there it is, the faintness. I know it's coming. My head is too heavy to lift anymore and I can't even move my eyes, let alone open them. Please Kureno, please go get Hatori.
"Ha...hat...ri.."
What should I do? Should I leave her here to find Hatori? I could carry her, but I'm afraid to move her body. As I watch her pass out in my arms, a small and fleeting thought crosses my mind. Maybe she'll die and I can be free of her. Wait, what am I thinking. I could no sooner betray her than stop my own heart from beating. Akito means everything to me, right? I make the quick decision to lift her into my arms. I cuddle her close, trying my best to keep her body warm. As I rise, I'm careful of how I step. Rushing down the hall as smoothly as I can, I finally come across one of the house maids. Her eyes travel from Akito and then to my own face. A sudden look of worry floods her dark brown eyes.
"Hurry Miko, find Hatori. Akito needs ( I stress the word "needs") Hatori. Please go find him as fast as you can!" And off she goes without a single word. I watch only briefly as she runs down the hall and out across the grounds. She'll be back soon with him. So I turn into the next room. The room Akito and I share every night. Hurriedly I move to our cot and I lay her down on it's softness. Once I'm sure she's laid comfortably I pull over the thick blanket we keep close to the bed and I tuck it in around her. I hear a soft groan from her lips and I lean in close, gently running my hand over her sweaty brow, pushing back her damp dark hair. I say a silent prayer that Hatori gets here soon.
"Mommy! Mommy please don't!" I see a six year old version of myself, lying on the floor with hot tears and runny snot flooding down my face. Why was she always yelling, always ready to raise a fist? What did I do this time? What didn't I do? I'm the head of this family and still she treats me with such hate. "I HATE YOU! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! NOW!" That's it! I'm done with her. I will run this family how ever I see fit. It's MY family. MINE! I stand and watch her as she finally leaves my sight. I wish she would just die. Die like Dad did. I don't need her. I only need myself. I only need my zodiac. They would never treat me this way! As that thought comes across I see him enter my room. My first love, my only friend. "Shigure!" I rush into his open arms and let it all pour out. He's always there when I need him.
"Shh, I'm here my Akito-kun." His arms tighten and as the shudders start to come on, I feel for the first time a taste of what the rest of my life is to be like. The cough starts, my lungs seize up on me and I can't feel anything but the agonizing pain. My eyes shut with the continued tears and I feel the blood come up. Shigure pulls me down to my bed and tries his best to get me calm. I black out in his arms.
Finally I watch as she opens her eyes. Her head turns to me and I see in her eyes that I wasn't who she wanted to see when she awoke. She looks away from me as if I'm no more than a ghost to her. Do I not show her enough love? Enough loyalty and care? A sigh escapes me. "Shall I leave you then?" My hurt filled eyes stare at her face.
"How long was I out this time?" Her voice barely above a whispering wind.
"Three days. Hatori has been here every hour of all three days to check on you. I've fed you broth and bathed and dressed you. I haven't left you once."
"Then it's time you had a rest. Go to your room and leave me alone for a bit." She doesn't turn to look at me and the chill to her voice stops my heart beat. Alright, if that's what she wants.
"Then I shall see you when you would like me to come back." I hope that she hears the hurt in my voice. I rise and exit her room to enter my private quarters. For the first time in weeks another woman enters my thoughts as I lie down on my cot. I wonder if she still works in that store. I pull the blanket over my body and drift to sleep with the picture of Arisa's smile in my thoughts.
How dare he act as though he needs thanks for staying by my side. That is his duty and I don't reward one's actions that should be done regardless. I have enough strength to move myself to the doorway that takes me outside. I move the door open and lean against its frame. Where was Shigure now? He's never there now when I need him. He betrayed me. The one man I thought would always love only me. I crave his touch now. His voice soothes me and his lips excite my senses. If only he had never incurred my scorn. He would have been there next to me, waiting for me to wake. After that nightmare all I wanted was for him to be sitting next to me, his hand holding my own or even brushing across my face. Fuck him.
Okay, not really sure where I was going with this. I just wanted to write about Akito. I really love him/her and Kureno and I adore the way Shigure feels towards him/her. I will hopefully write more to this. If anyone likes or dislikes or has an opinion at all, please let me know! Sweet Pea