Title : How to Thank Someone
Disclaimer : Me no own, You no sue.
Warning : Slight INCEST and language
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Chapter Two : In the End
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You know that it's all just a ruse. You know that he really blames you, though he would never say it aloud, and you can't really blame him 'cause you still hate yourself because you were the one who pulled the trigger. You hate yourself because you were the one who brought him this pain, after he had done nothing but cared for you and loved you and held you and healed you, and this is how you repay him? By taking away his father? Your father?
But still, you don't know how to tell him. How the hell can you say anything to him? How the hell can you talk to someone who never looks at you? Is that even possible? Yeah, you'll just walk right up to your brother and tell him straight up that Dad wanted to use him as a sacrifice. You like your head where it is, thanks.
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The gun falls from your hand and you sink to the ground, thankful that you had managed to save Dean's life at least once before the week was over.
He looks over and glares at you, angry for your interference. But you're just thankful that he's looking at you again and it's all you can do to stay where you are and not move to check on him and he seems just a little thankful for that much.
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There are times in people's lives when they just have to throw everything out the window and just do or say what they've been holding back. So when you realize that you're falling back in love with your older brother, you have to remind yourself that he still hates you and probably always will on some level. You know that he used to love you; he used to want to do anything and everything for you. And you want that back, you want your big brother who at times would double as a lover. But when he looks at you, his hazel eyes seem to except something, not an apology… but he thinks that you're about to do something. Then one day, while you're thinking about it Dean answers the question for you.
"Aren't you gone yet?" he asked, upper lip curling in a light snarl as one hand dug through his duffle, searching for a shirt while the other held a white towel loosely about his hips.
The question stuns you almost as much as the way the light hits that thin sheen of water that veils itself across his skin.
"What are you talking about?" you ask, dragging your eyes away from a long scar that trailed down his lower back.
"Why haven't you left yet?" he throws over his shoulder as he continues his search, his voice is light as if he was asking about the weather.
You sigh and decide that it's time to break it to him gently. "I'm not going back to Stanford," to hell with it all. You were never really good at prettying things up in these type of situations, you just say what you're gonna say.
Dean whirls around and glares at you with a fire that would make Lucifer blush. "Don't fuck with me, Sam," he snarls viciously and you notice how he pointedly calls you Sam.
"A little late for that, don't you think?" you ask him quietly, letting your eyes roam noticeably across his torso. "I'm not going back to school. Unless you really want me to go back, unless you really want me to leave again."
He's watching you watching him and his hazel eyes are darkening with a lust that you haven't seen in nearly three weeks. But then something flashes in his eyes and he turns around and angrily stomps back toward the bathroom and you can't help but notice that bulge just underneath his white-knuckled fist.
You smirk and are off the bed faster than even you could've imagined and you have Dean pinned to the wall. "Do you hate me?" you ask, using your superior height and weight to keep him against the wall, and despite his struggling, he's not going anywhere soon, and you both know it. "Dean," you whisper his name and brush your lips against his. He freezes at the familiar touch. "Do you hate me, Dean?" you repeat.
"You killed Dad," he's struggling with his voice and you hate how you can't tell him the truth. But then the next words out of his mouth nearly kill you. "I can't ever forgive you, Sam. I loved you, more than anything in this entire world. And I know that you won't tell me about why you did it, but I'm not an idiot, Sam. I knew what Dad was planning, I knew the lengths he was willing to go to just to end this demon. I knew but I didn't do anything about it 'cause I figured you'd go back to Stanford and then Dad would leave. And I can't be alone; not again, Sammy; I can't be alone."
"Whoever said you were going to be alone, Dean?" you ask, your own voice is weakening and you tighten your grip on his wrists.
"You said that you weren't going to live this life," he turns his head to the side, away from you and you know that he's trying so desperately to hide his tears because he's the older brother and older brother's aren't allowed to cry, he's told you that once before; you never really believed it… didn't want to believe it.
"I take it back," you whisper. "I can't leave you again; I can't leave you again, Dean. You'll never be rid of me again, Dean. I'll follow you wherever you go. Are you listening to me, Dean?"
"I want to believe you," he says through clenched teeth. "You have no idea how much I want to believe what you're saying right now," he turns back to you and you can finally see the broken man your older brother has become. His hazel eyes are wet and pleading and loving and hating all at the same time and the truth is, all this emotion from Dean is starting to scare you just a little bit.
"What can I do to prove it to you?" you beg him.
"Nothing," he shakes his head and slowly pries himself from your grasp and you let him go reluctantly. "Sam, just go back. Forget about everything. Forget about Dad, forget about the Hunt, forget about the fucking monsters and spirits. Forget about everything," his voice has a detachment to it that freezes your heart and brings up the taste of bile to your throat.
"Don't let me go," you say, your staring at his back, at the scar at the base of his spine. It's one of the may that he's gotten from protecting your sorry ass. "Please, don't let me go, Dean."
"I said to forget about it, Sam!" Dean shouts, turning to face you. "Go back to school! At least one of us should be normal. It's what you've always wanted, right! Go! Be fucking Joe College and have everything that you've ever dreamed of, just leave me the fuck alone!" He turns on his heel and storms into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him and leaving you alone.
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