Disclaimer: Dick still owns 'em.

The writer's block is slowly leaving me, so hopefully the next few chapters will come quickly.

This chapter was really difficult for me to write. I think I wrote it down about fifty times before deciding on this one. It's Alex telling her story, so I'm going to make the rating a little higher, just because it gets a little graphic.

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They sat on the couch together. Olivia was leaning against the armrest and Alex was sitting next to her. She had her hands in her lap and stared at them, shaking and trying to figure out how she was going to do this. Olivia sat up and gently wrapped an arm around her. "Whenever you're ready, Alex. We have all night."

Alex closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and nodded. There was so much to tell. She knew she had to get it out. If she didn't, it would consume her. She just prayed Olivia stayed true to her word.

"I guess I should start from the beginning," Alex said finally. She tried to gather her strength. "I had an older sister named Alexandra Sarah Cabot. My name was Sarah Alexandra Cabot. My parents weren't big on naming us I guess. I never want to be Sarah again. Never…Olivia, I'm so sorry I lied to you."

"Hey," Olivia said softly as she squeezed Alex's hand. "No apologies. I love you. I'm not here to judge. I'm here to listen. No apologies, Alex. It's okay."

Alex nodded. "Okay. Well, one night my parents told us they were going out, and would return the following afternoon. I was five and Alex was fifteen. She was so mad that she had to stay home with me instead of going out with her friends. She ignored me as soon as they left and refused to play anything with me all night. I remember being so mad because she wouldn't play dolls. The next thing I remember is her running into my room and telling me to hide in the closet. She looked so scared. I crawled into the corner and shut the door. Then this guy stormed in. they were both screaming, but he was angry. She was terrified. She was begging him not to hurt her but he didn't listen." Alex's voice started to shake, but she refused to fall apart now. She took a deep breath and held it for several seconds, then let it out and continued. "I crawled to the door so I could see what was happening. He held a knife to her throat and ripped her shirt off. Then he shoved her onto the bed and straddled her. He unzipped his pants and made her suck him until he…until he 'got hard' as he put it. Then he raped her. When he was done he stood up and told her to get dressed. He walked over to the closet but didn't open it. He knew I was there. He said that he would kill us if we said anything. He smiled and said he would come back for me when I was old enough."

Olivia kissed the back of her head as she hugged her. "I am so sorry you had to go through all that, Alex."

"I should have tried to stop him."

"No, Alex, honey," Olivia said gently. "You were only five years old. He held a knife to her throat. There was nothing you could have done. You couldn't have stopped him sweetie."

"They always blamed me!" Alex yelled angrily.

"Who? Alex, who blamed you?"

"My parents!" she said as she started to cry. She had given up on trying to fight the tears, but she refused to let them get to the point that she couldn't talk. "They - they said it was m – my fault that she was raped. They told me I should have stopped him." She started breathing faster as the tears began to flow more heavily. "I was only five! I watched a man rape my sister at knifepoint and I was only five! Why'd they have to blame me?"

Olivia pulled Alex up against her and kissed her forehead. Alex buried her face in Olivia's chest and cried. "I don't know, honey," Olivia said softly. "But I promise you it wasn't your fault. You couldn't have stopped him." She rubbed Alex's back and combed her fingers through her hair. This was so hard. Alex was in so much pain, and the only thing she could to was hold her and listen to her. She felt so inadequate, like there must be something more she could do. She prayed what she was doing was enough. She hugged Alex a little tighter. "You can do this Alex. You're doing so well."

"Y – y – you're s – s – st – st – still here, r – r – right?" Alex asked, still sobbing.

"Yes, a thousand times yes. I'm right here Alex. I'm not going anywhere. Talk to me. Let it out. You can do this. Let me help you."

Alex took several deep breaths to try to regain her composure before continuing. "Our parents made us promise not to tell anyone. I don't think they believed she was raped. They just thought she had gotten pregnant and wanted an excuse to keep mom and dad from blaming her. It didn't work. They still blamed her for getting pregnant.

"She cried when they told her that she couldn't have a sweet sixteen party. They told her she was too fat and they didn't want people to talk. They didn't want people to know that their daughter was pregnant. Two weeks later, I was told that I couldn't have a sixth birthday party for the same reasons. God they were so concerned with public opinion. Coming from money really isn't all it's cracked up to be, trust me," she laughed nervously. "Two months to the day after I turned six, Jess was born. God she was so beautiful. She looked just like my sister – still does actually. Anyway, Alex died in a car accident three months later. A drunk driver ran a red light. I always believed Jess had died with her.

"Things at home continued like normal for the next seven years. My parents still blamed me for her pregnancy, and made sure to remind me every single time we went to visit the graves. Deep down, I knew it wasn't my fault, but a kid can only hear those things so many times before she starts to believe them.

"Anyway, six years later, my sister's rapist stayed true to his word. He came for me. Only after six years, he was ready to do more than just rape me. A lot more…" her voice trailed off.

"You're doing great, Alex." Olivia said softly, rubbing her fingers through Alex's hair. "You're almost there. You can do this, I know you can."

She nodded. "He must have had the code for our alarm system because he got into the house without it going off. He…he was so fast. He came into my room and knocked me out – hit me over the head with something. When I came to I was…I was naked. I was in my bed. my wrists were duct taped to the headboard. I heard him pulling off more duct tape and he wrapped it around my one ankle, then taped it to the foot post. Then he did the same to my other ankle. My legs were – they were spread wide for him.

"I heard him laughing and tried to scream, but he put duct tape over my mouth. I tried to struggle but he had me strapped down so tight I could barely move. He walked over and told me we were going to have a fun night.

"The first thing he did was pull out his knife. He told me he was going to make me ugly. He started cutting me. Each cut was small, but it was deep. I'm pretty sure every single one of the twenty-four cuts he gave me needed stitches. Every time he pulled the knife out of me I was sure he was done, but he just kept going. Finally he stopped. He pulled his pants down and – and raped me. He wasn't rough, but it still hurt. I was a virgin.

"When he pulled out of me and zipped up his pants, I thought my hell was over. I was wrong. He lit up a cigarette, then put it out on my stomach. God the knife was nothing compared to that cigarette." She took a few deep breaths. She could feel herself breaking down, but she refused to let that happen, not when she was so close to finally talking to someone about what happened. "He burned me thirty times. Thirty fucking cigarette burns. I don't know if I passed out from the pain or not, but I remember writing in the restraints and screaming through the duct tape as he burned me. When he was done burning me, he raped me again, only this time he kept telling me I was an ugly, worthless whore.

"When he was done raping me the second time, he smiled and looked me in the eyes. He told me that he was going to remove the tape from my mouth and if I screamed he'd burn me again. I stayed quiet. He told me I had to say 'I'm an ugly, worthless whore,' while he…while he…sucked me. he told me if I didn't obey, he'd punish me even worse than he'd already punished me. The pain he had inflicted was unbearable. I did the only thing I could think of to do. I begged him to stop hurting me, promised that I'd be good if he would just stop burning me and cutting me. As soon as his tongue was…inside me, I started saying it, over, and over, and over. I stared up at the ceiling the whole time, wishing I could be anywhere else. I remember wanting to drift away, mentally go someplace else, but I knew I couldn't. I knew I had to stay in the moment, obey him, do exactly what he said. If I lost it then, my hell would only get worse.

"After what seemed like forever, he pulled his tongue out of me. He smiled, thanked me, and kissed my cheek. Then he gathered his things and left. He left me there, naked, unable to move, and in more pain than you could ever imagine.

"she paused for a second, but knew she had to finish. She didn't want to give Olivia the chance to say something just yet. She knew that if that happened, she would break down. She would lose it completely, and she wasn't ready to do that yet.

"My parents found me and took me to the hospital. They must have paid those doctors a hell of a lot of money because nobody ever found out about what happened to me. I checked. I looked through medical records and online for news information. Nobody knew. Sarah Alexandra Cabot had never been admitted to the hospital for injuries like mine. I guess they used a different name on my charts or something. They were so desperate to keep this a secret. They, once again, refused to let anybody know what happened. They told me to keep quiet about it and I did. Besides, who the hell was going to believe me? then they really made me focus on school, more than they usually did. They told me that I was going to have to be self – sufficient. I was always going to be alone because I was ugly. Nobody would ever love something as ugly as me. God they blamed me for my sister's pregnancy and told me I was too ugly to be loved. As soon as I turned eighteen I changed my name. I had to start over. Sarah…she was strong. She made it through so much, but I needed to be stronger. Alex was always so strong. I…I wanted to make her proud. I took her name because…she was so strong. I – I wanted her to be proud of me. I w – wanted to m – make her p – proud."

Alex finally let go and released the flood of tears that had been threatening to fall for so long. Olivia held her and gently rubbed her back. "She is proud. Your sister would be so proud of what you've done." She kissed the back of her head and smiled warmly. "You did it, Alex. You told your story. You did it. I am so proud of you. I love you so much. You are beautiful. I hope to God that you see that one day."

Alex continued to cry in Olivia's arms. As the minutes passed, Olivia started singing as she rocked her gently. It was one of her favorite songs, and she hoped it would send the message to Alex better than she could say in words.

You're the bravest of hearts,
You're the strongest of souls
You're my light in the dark,
You're the place I call home
You can say it's all right,
But I know that you're
Breaking up inside,
I see it in your eyes
Even you face the night
Afraid and alone.

When the storm rises up,
When the shadows descend
Every beat of my heart,
Every day without end
Every second I live,
That's the promise I make
Baby that's what I'll give
If that's what it takes
If that's what it takes.

You can sleep in my arms,
You don't have to explain
When your heart's crying out,
Baby whisper my name
'Cause I've reached out for you
When the thunder is crashing up above,
You've given me your love
When your smile is like the sun
That shines through the pain
That's why I'll be there.

When the storm rises up,
When the shadows descend
Every beat of my heart,
Every day without end
I will stand like a rock,
I will bend till I break
Till there's no more to give,
If that's what it takes
I will risk everything,
I will fight, I will bleed
I will lay down my life,
If that's what you need
Every second I live,
That's the promise I make Baby, that's what I'll give
If that's what it takes.

Through the wind and the rain,
Through the smoke and the fire
When the fear rises up,
When the wave's even higher
I will lay down my heart,
My body, my soul
I will hold on all night
And never let go
Every second I live,
That's the promise I make
Baby that's what I'll give,
If that's what it takes.

They spent the next few minutes in silence. The only sounds were when Alex occasionally let out a sob. She was trying so hard to cry silently, even though Olivia repeatedly told her to just let it out. She felt Olivia's hand on her shoulder, rubbing gently. She heard the song, listened to the words, and cried even harder. She was loved. Somebody had seen her, heard her story, and still loved her. She curled closer into Olivia and continued crying.

"I love you, and you are the most beautiful woman in the world," Olivia said softly when she saw that Alex had fallen asleep. She leaned slightly so she could reach a pillow and placed it in her lap. She gently eased Alex's head down onto it. She grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and laid it across the two of them.

"We're going to beat this, Alex," Olivia promised as she rested her head on the armrest. "Together, we're going to beat this. I love you." She kissed the back of Alex's head and closed her eyes. Given the awkward position she was sitting in, she knew her back and neck were going to be screaming at her in the morning, but didn't care. She wasn't going to try to shift positions and risk waking Alex. She was sleeping so peacefully, and Olivia wasn't going to let anything disturb her. Besides, tonight wasn't about her. Tonight, it was all about Alex. She wrapped an arm around Alex, took her hand, and went to sleep.

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The song is "If that's What it Takes" by Celine Dion.

Please let me know what you think!