Authors Note: Hey! I had this idea for a fic stuck in my head for a while now.
This story was inspired by the song 'What if', sung by Kate Winslet.
Summery:'You two were destined to be together, you can't deny it!' How wrong were they, a realtionship that was meant to be, turns out to be full of heartache and regret. Will Ron and Hermione learn to forgive and forget, or will they live the rest of their lives wondering, What if?
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the character mentioned in this fic. I also don't own the song 'What if' by Kate Winslet, that is mentioned in this fic.
This chapter will be in the Point Of View of Hermione, and then Ron.
What if?
Chapter One:
What if? That would be the question spinning in the mind of those people who have loved and lost. People, who took a chance at love, but have it thrust into a world of heartbreak and despair. What if we could turn back the hands of time? It is possible, we could use the time-turner, but we both knew time wasn't meant to be played with. Time is something that can't be changed. What was done, cannot be unthread in the fabric of time. One pluck at the delicate thread, and time could be changed, forever.
Here I stand alone, with regret and a heavy heart I wonder. I wonder if people were right in saying we were destined together. 'You two were destined to be together, you can't deny it!' I laugh internally at the irony of it. If we were destined to be together, we would be standing here, together. I wouldn't be standing here alone, in the cold staring out into the dark night, trying to mend my broken heart.
Do you wonder? Do you wish that I never left your side? I wonder all the time whether you have the same regrets. Do you wish I were by your side right now instead of being miles away without an emotional bond to keep your heart and soul warm from the bitter coldness of life. I know I need that warmth. My heart feels like its freezing over, without your touch to keep it warm.
Many a times, I wonder what made us change. How could someone change so much in a space of a few years? We both changed something we both couldn't prevent. Nothing could stop the aching heart when I found you changed so much, that I didn't really know you anymore. I question myself all the time. Did we really have something in common? All we ever did was argue. We picked at each other's faults, and we could never really get along. Maybe some people were right in saying that we only held together for the sake of Harry.
I don't regret the time we shared together. I don't regret opening that carriage door on the Hogwarts express and seeing your face for the first time. I don't regret asking you to show me the spell you were going to use to turn your rat, Scabbers yellow. I don't regret telling you; you had a little dirt on your nose. I don't regret meeting you that day. I never had, and never will.
Do you regret meeting me? All I have done to you is criticise your way of learning. I always told you what to do, and how to study, how to do this, and how to do that. I don't know how you put up with my perfectionist behaviour, but you did. You stuck by me and proved you were a true friend when you saved me from that troll that escaped from the dungeons in our first year. I also remember you faced your phobia of spiders for me, to awaken me from my long slumber when I was petrified. I remember much more than those two points. All our Hogwarts memories are at a constant play in my mind as I try to re-live the moments we shared, before all this pain and devastation took over.
I look at the photos of each year that passed us at Hogwarts. Photos of the two of us after the seventh year. After the defeat of Voldermort and the fall of the darkness that has brought fear into a world that was once happy. All those deaths were brought to justice as the man who took innocent people's lives was made to pay the price of death. Husbands, wives, children, parents, friends, aunts, uncles, cousins were all lost in a war that lasted well over a decade. A decade of pain, despair and loss. Three people's deaths were definitely brought to justice. Lily and James Potter, proud mother and father of the boy who brought an end to a tragedy. Sirius Black was also lost, a Godfather, who spent most of his Godson's life behind Azkaban walls for a crime he didn't commit.
We looked so happy together back then, arms round each other with smiles on our faces. I wave and he pulls me into a loving hug. Ginny laughs as she takes the photo as Harry on-looks happily seeing his two best friends find the love they were holding back for a long time. The photo freezes and re-plays itself, showing the same clipping of me waving and Ron pulling me into a hug. It plays over and over again, playing like an old broken record.
Photos play the same thing over again, capturing the image and happiness of young love. That kind of love doesn't last long, and when it dies, you know its time to face the fact that love can bring pain, as well as happiness. I never thought that the love in my life, a love I have been feeling for years would die. I don't think the love is dead, I know its still in my heart, and faintly calling for that flame to bring me back to the warmth I once felt.
Life was always a complicated thing, something that we would never understand. Why was it that humans spent their entire life, trying to figure out the mysteries that have baffled them since the beginning of time?
I walk slowly in Diagon Alley, past all the shops that reminded me of the time we spent together shopping for our Hogwarts equipment and books. I stopped outside Flourish and Blotts and looked through the glass shop window. I remembered the last time we came in here, I wanted a new book to read and you took me here and brought me one, I can still see us standing by the bookshelf, reading a book together. We looked so happy.
How can something so happy change so quickly? I guess we took each other for granted, now that I look back on it I knew I over reacted. I should have trusted him, should have known that he wouldn't do anything intentional to hurt me. I guess I didn't show it. I feel like a fool, if only I hadn't jumped to conclusions maybe we would still be together.
Then again, he had always worked long hours. He never had time for me. He was always working. He always seemed to come home later than Harry, despite both being Aurors and partners. I sometimes wonder what I had done wrong to make Ron act this way, to make him not want to come home. I cast my mind back to some of the arguments we had, some were little like forgetting to post an important owl, or not picking up certain things that were needed. Other times the arguments were about major things like forgetting to meet me somewhere, or coming home at seven in the morning. Those were the times when I truly doubted Ron's love for me.
Maybe if I tried to talk to him about it more, maybe if I had told him earlier how I felt about him working late nights then maybe it would have turned out differently. You see; we were both to blame in the breakdown of our relationship.
I walk past the Leaky Cauldron, memories of the time before third year appeared. The time I first had Crooksanks, Ron blamed me since my cat was chasing his rat, Scabbers all over the place. I give a depressed sigh as I wrap my coat around tighter, trying to keep whatever warmth I had left from the winter cold.
The smell of Butter beer fills my nose. I close my eyes to take in the familiar scent. We shared so many happy times together drinking Butter beer in Hogsmeade during their school trips. I take a deep breath, trying to prevent the tears welding in my eyes falling down my face.
I look up and see snow slowly starting to fall. I bite my lip nervously, and wipe the tears from my face. I knew I needed to go home, but ever since he moved out I have disliked being in the cold flat on my own.
I sigh as I tread back to my flat, situated a few streets from the leaky cauldron. I step inside the warm pub and pass through silently, not wanting to indulge in conversation with numerous people. Ever since my break up with Ron, everyone seemed to be in an awkward silence whenever Ron or I was around. I just put it down to them not knowing what to say. What is there to say when two people whom were destined to be together, break-up?
I step out into the brisk cold air of London. I see people hurrying from work, not seeming to care as to what is around them. They seem only interested in how to get home, that they fail to notice each other, and pass each other by without a second glance.
I walk the short distance towards my home, with the snow coming down fast and quite heavy, I quicken my pace. As I approach the entrance to my flat, I remember the first time I walked into the building. The first time I walked into the building was with Ron. I take another deep breath, as if to prevent myself from crying. How can I not cry, when the one person I truly loved is gone?
I step into the lift and press the button indicating for it to go to the fifth floor. When I first stepped into this lift was with Ron; we were excited about moving in together for the first time. I sigh, that was only a year ago, when we were twenty-one. Maybe we shouldn't have rushed into things, maybe we would still be together if we hadn't had rushed things so quickly. Then again Harry and Ginny are perfectly fine, they moved in together just after Ginny turned twenty. They are still together, and happy. Why couldn't Ron and I be in that position?
I walk towards my flat door, knowing that all that would be behind this door would be silence and loneliness. I sigh, dreading the fact that I am home. Most people would be happy to come home after a long day at work, me, I just prefer to walk round Diagon Alley taking in the memories of us. I wonder what if I had not overreacted, let Ron explain then maybe, I would be coming home to a warm smile, instead of an empty flat.
I step inside and discard my coat and bag. I leave my keys on the table by the door and walk around the empty flat. As I go I pass many photos of Ron and I. Why was it so hard to let go? My heart knows the answer to that one.
"I still love you, Ron"
I sigh as I leave the Auror headquarters. Since I lost Hermione, work has been the thing holding me together. Regret washes over me like rain-washes away the mud on the pavement. I would never believe that something that felt so right could be over. People always use to say to me 'You two were destined to be together, you can't deny it!' If we were destined to be together, then why are we apart now?
I wish I could turn back the hands of time, to try and fix this. I wish I had come home from work earlier. Harry managed to do it, so why can't I? I had to stay on and do more work. I had become something that I swear I wouldn't be. A workaholic.
I really didn't give Hermione the attention she needed. I caused a rift between us that only grew further apart as time went on. I miss her smile, her laugh, everything about her!
After that huge fight, the fight that ended our once good relationship I walked out. I remember hearing her tears as I slammed the door behind me. I remember the sound of crashing glass as she threw a glass on the floor. I remember seeing the pained look in her eyes when I tried to explain.
I know I am not all to blame for the breakdown. I tried to explain to her, but she wouldn't listen. I guess I deserved that though, I would have suspected something like that if she were behaving the way I did.
After I moved out, I went to stay at the Burrow. My Mum and Dad were supportive about it, but deep down I knew that they were upset as much as I was about the failed relationship. They treated Hermione as a second daughter.
The hardest thing that I had to do was collect my things from my old home. Hermione was there, sobbing quietly as I packed my things. We never spoke apart from the greeting at the door. I went around the flat, gathering all my belongings. Photos planted all over the place brought me back to happy times, times when I thought I would never have to do a thing like this. If only we had talked that day tried to resolve things, then maybe we would be laughing happily together over a candle-lit dinner instead of being alone.
I had so many chances to fix this. It was mainly my fault the relationship never lasted. If only she would have spoken to me sooner, I would have changed; I would still be living with my true love. What if? I always ask myself that question. What if I had done this differently? What if I had treated her better?
I never expected Harry and Ginny to choose between us. It wouldn't be fair on them. Their relationship was affected by ours. Both had different viewpoints. Harry thought Hermione was being irrational and overreacting, whilst Ginny thought I was being selfish and unkind. I agree with Ginny, I was being selfish, thinking of myself without thinking how it would affect Hermione. I was also being unkind, not taking Hermione's feelings as seriously as I should have done.
I still live at the Burrow. I didn't want to move out, I didn't want to move on. Living at the Burrow brought a sense of hope. Hope that we will get back together. Another reason I stayed at the Burrow was that this is where we spent many summers outside in the garden just being together. After the war we all appreciated what we had. We appreciated each other a lot more. I guess I forgot how much I need her.
I apparate home with a loud pop and arrive in the infamous kitchen. Many memories were filled in this very room. All his family, including Harry and Hermione would sit round her and eat, sharing current stories and events. I sigh with a heavy heart.
I walk up the long stairs to my room on the top floor. The walls were still painted orange, but as time went by the colour faded, much like my relationship with Hermione. I see old posters of the Chudley Cannons with the ends ripped.
I lay on my bed, looking up at the ceiling. Two months ago I would be at home, with Hermione instead of being here alone. If only I spent time listening to Hermione, seeing how upset she was when I came in late. If only I hadn't of treated her for granted, I would be with her right now.
"I still love you, Hermione"
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cutehelenjames