Disclaimer: I own Jess, Allen, and Steve. Dick owns everyone else.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She put the ring on her finger. "Allen, I…" she looked around the room at everyone's shocked expressions turn into smiles and excitement. She couldn't breathe with everyone watching, and she felt like she was going to throw up. She bolted out of the living room, not even caring what everybody would think, and ran into the kitchen. This wasn't happing, was it? She started pacing back and forth. Allen hadn't just asked her to marry him, had he? Then she looked down at the ring on her finger and realized he had. She half-smiled. It was the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. She was so glad he had bought a simple one. He knew her too well. He knew she would have hated a huge, gaudy ring. This one was perfect.

"Alex helped me pick it out."

She looked up and saw him standing in the doorway. His hands were in his pockets and he was smiling lovingly at her. He looked so casual, as if what she had just done hadn't been a big deal. She searched his eyes for any hint of anger but couldn't find any. "Why?" she asked softly, trying not to cry.

"Because I had no idea how to go about finding a ring. I figured she'd be able to help me get a good idea of what size you were. Plus, she's a woman. I needed a female opinion as well as my own."

She shook her head in frustration and rolled her eyes. God you're an idiot sometimes, she thought. "Allen, that's not what I meant and you know it."

He walked over to her and bent low so their eyes met. "I know," he said. He stood up slowly and brought her head with him, so their eyes never lost their connection. He could tell that she desperately wanted to look away, but she resisted that urge. She was giving him a chance. "I love you, Jess," he told her. He put his hand on her face and held it gently as he rubbed his thumb along her cheek. "You make me the happiest man in the world. Every second I'm not with you is torture. You make me a better man, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you, Jessica Matthews. I love you."

She shook her head, unable to accept what he was saying. Nobody could possibly love her this much. Nobody could possibly want to spend the rest of their life with her. "Allen, you have no idea what you're getting yourself into. We can't do this. I don't want to hurt you! I love you too much."

He narrowed his eyes in confusion. Hurt me? "Jess, you –"

"Don't Allen," she said, the anger in her voice rising. "Everywhere I go, I hurt people. I was always a constant disappointment to my parents. They were always so hurt and upset every time I failed to meet their expectations. No matter how hard I tried I could never make them happy!"

He tried to hug her but she pulled away, and he didn't try to push her. "Jess, your parents –"

"And Casey!" she interrupted, ignoring his attempts to argue with her. "I don't deserve her forgiveness, Allen, yet for some reason she's given that to me. I hurt her Allen. I really, really hurt her. The pain I caused that woman, Allen she didn't deserve any of that. I saw the pain in her eyes when that tape was over. I can never forgive myself for that, Allen."

"Jess, Casey's –" he tried to argue again.

"And don't even get me started on the pain I've caused Alex just by coming here! She has so many flashbacks and panic attacks now and it's all my fault. If I had just left her be she'd be fine." She took a deep breath as she tried to regain her composure. "I hurt people, Allen, everywhere I go. Why the hell do you want to marry me?"

From her spot on the couch, Casey could hear and see the entire argument. It killed her to hear Jess saying such horrible things about herself. Yes she had made mistakes in the past, everybody had. Yes, one of those mistakes had been terribly cruel and painful for Casey, but it was in the past now. She had paid for those mistakes. Jess didn't need to keep punishing herself. Casey turned to Steve, who nodded and smiled. He whispered softly, telling her to go talk some sense into Jess. Casey smiled as she realized the true value of his words. He, too, hated hearing Jess say those things, which meant he had finally forgiven her. Casey smiled in relief as she stood and slowly walked into the kitchen.

"Allen," she said softly as she gently placed a hand on his back. When he turned to face her, she motioned with her head for him to go back to the couch. She noticed that Jess had her back to them. "Go," she whispered. "Let me talk to her."

He nodded reluctantly and sighed. He wiped away a few tears and sniffled. Usually he hated crying in front of people, especially people he didn't know well, but he didn't care now. Right now all he cared about was Jess. "I love her, Casey," he said. "I love her."

She nodded and mouthed, "I know," as she pushed him out of the kitchen. When she saw him sit down next to Steve on the couch, she turned to face Jess, whose back was still towards her.

"You come to tell me I'm not good enough for him?"

How the hell did you even know I was standing here? Casey wondered. "Jess –"

"Because you're too late. I already know."

Casey took a deep breath and walked over to her. She hesitantly put a hand on Jess' shoulder and was relieved when Jess didn't immediately pull away. When Jess turned around, Casey noticed the tears pouring down her cheeks. "Hey," she said as she squeezed Jess' shoulders. "You are good enough. Jess you have got to stop blaming yourself for the past. Your parents were crazy for never being proud of you, but it wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong, honey. They were wrong."

"Casey, I…" Jess said, trying to keep herself from crying.

"And you have got to stop feeling so bad about what you did to me. I forgave you years ago, Jess. Yes it hurt, but that was a long time ago. You have changed so much since I first met you, and I am so amazed at the person you have become. I am more than willing to replace my feelings of the old you with those feelings of the new you."

Jess shook her head, trying to convince Casey she was wrong. "But what I've done to Alex –"

"You mean help her?" Casey asked, trying to get Jess to understand that she wasn't the terrible person she was making herself out to be. "Jess you have no idea just how much you've done for that woman. I've known her for two years and I have never seen her this happy. She's living life now Jess. She's going out – she's having fun. You did that. You helped her get her life back, Jess."

Jess tried to wipe away the tears but they were flowing so heavily the task was nearly impossible. When she felt Casey's hands push her own away, telling her to let the tears fall, she reluctantly obeyed. "I want to marry him, Casey, but I'm scared," she confessed. "I feel so bad for freaking out on him." She looked up, panicked at the sudden realization of what she'd just said. "What if he doesn't want to marry me anymore?"

Casey smiled. "He does, don't worry."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because he loves you. I can see it in his eyes. He is completely head – over – heels in love with you. This isn't going to change anything, I promise."

She was finally successful in drying her tears as she looked away. She shook her head. "This is so embarrassing. I totally freaked out."

Casey nodded as she put her hand on Jess' back to get her to turn back around. "It's okay. When Steve first pulled out this ring," she showed Jess the ring on her finger, "I dropped a cold turkey on his head."

Jess laughed, "You what?"

She nodded. "I was facing the counter, gutting the turkey – disgusting job, mind you – when it happened. I picked it up to put it in the pan on the table. I turned around and there he was, kneeling and showing me the ring. I was so surprised I dropped the damn turkey right on his head." They both laughed, and Casey took Jess' hand in hers. "This will work out, Jess. If I can get married after dropping a cold turkey on someone, you can get married after freaking out a little. It's not nearly as big a deal as you think, I promise."

Jess laughed so hard she almost started crying. She was so glad to hear Casey's turkey story. It wasn't just because Casey also had an embarrassing proposal story. It was more because, by telling the story, Casey had proven to Jess that she had forgiven her. "Thank you," she said as she wiped away a tear and took a deep breath. She didn't know what else to say. "Just…thank you."

Casey smiled and nodded as she led Jess back into the living room. She prayed that this relationship worked out. The two of them were too damned cute together to not get married.

Allen stood up and nervously rubbed his hands together as Jess entered the room. Alex and Olivia looked up, concern all over their faces. Jess smiled, embarrassed, as she met Allen's eyes. She took a deep breath. "Yes," was all she could manage to say.

Allen's eyes widened with excitement. She just said yes! He thought excitedly. Still, he didn't want to force her into something she wasn't ready for. He wanted to make sure it was what she really wanted. "Are you sure? Is it too soon? If it's too soon we can wait a while. I want –"

Steve smacked him in the back of the head. "Shut up, man!" he said as he shoved Allen towards Jess. "She said yes!"

"He's right you know," Jess said as she grabbed Allen's belt loops. "I did say yes." She kissed him lightly on the lips, then felt him wrap his arms around her as she rested her head against his chest. She couldn't remember ever feeling this loved, and she was sure she'd never been happier than she was at this moment. "I'm so sorry I freaked out on you," she said. "I freaked out. I was just so surprised and I wasn't expecting it and –"

"Enough with the apologies," he said gently. He rubbed his hand along her back, then ran his fingers through her hair. "It's okay. I still love you more than anything else in this world." He hugged her tighter as he kissed the top of her head.

"And you'd better like that ring on your finger. Allen here dragged me all over damnation trying to find it. He just had to have the perfect one."

Jess turned around and laughed as she saw Alex standing behind her, a huge and loving smile on her face. Jess let a few tears fall and didn't even bother to wipe them away. "Thank you," she said as she hugged her.

Alex returned the hug, squeezing her tight. "Anytime, Jess. Anytime." She put her chin on Jess' shoulder and whispered, "Are you okay?"

"Yea, thanks," she replied.

Alex pulled away and smiled, then went to hug Allen as Olivia wrapped an arm around Jess. Olivia could tell that Jess was still upset about her initial reaction to Allen's proposal. "Don't worry," she told her. "Casey's got an even funnier story."

Jess laughed. "Yeah, she told me. Made me feel a lot better about freaking out on Allen."

Olivia pulled out of the hug laughing. After everyone hugged and congratulated Jess and Allen, they took their seats at the table. As Jess and Allen served the food, Olivia couldn't help but smile. Just a few months ago, the lives of everyone at the table had been falling apart. Steve and Casey's marriage was barely hanging on. Alex hadn't even been living any life at all, and Olivia had found herself lonely and uninterested in her job. Then Jess had walked into Alex's office and everything changed. When Jess and Allen sat down at the table and everyone started eating, Olivia hoped that Jess would one day see how truly amazing she was.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Two months after Thanksgiving, Alex and Olivia bought a house together. They had been discussing it for several weeks, and had finally decided on a nice one – story ranch twenty minute from the city. Both women felt that while they loved the hustle and bustle of city life, they wanted to be able to come home to a relaxing environment. The house itself was nothing to get overly excited about. It was a two bedroom, one bathroom house situated on three acres. Both bedrooms were huge and the bathroom had a Jacuzzi tub, but it was still much smaller than Alex had originally intentioned. She could easily have afforded something much larger, but after thinking about it, she realized that wasn't what she wanted. It had taken Olivia a long time to convince her that she really loved her and wanted them to live together in their own home. When she finally felt comfortable buying a house with Olivia, she knew she wanted a small one. A large house would feel too empty, have too much unused space. She didn't like that feeling. She'd grown up with it her entire life. Besides, a smaller house meant that she could be closer to Olivia.

"It's even more beautiful than when we first toured it," Alex said as Olivia pulled into the driveway and parked the car.

"That's because it's ours."

Alex smiled as she looked at Olivia. When Olivia grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, Alex let a single tear fall down her cheek. "Yeah, ours." She looked back at the house and sighed happily. This was really happening. "I never imagined that this could ever happen tome," she told Olivia. "With everything in my past, I never believed anyone would ever love me."

"Well believe it," Olivia said quickly, before Alex could put herself down. "Believe it, Alex. I love you, with all my heart. I love you more than words could ever say."

Alex smiled. "I love you, too. Come on, let's unpack."

As they made their way inside and started unpacking the boxes, both women couldn't keep the smiles off their faces. Casey and Steve soon arrived to help move all the furniture. Allen also stopped by for a few hours. Jess had called and apologized profusely for not being able to come over on their first day in their new home. She had to finish a packet of brochures and was really struggling with the color schemes. She promised to stop by the following afternoon to help "feng shui" the place. Alex had taken the next two days off in order to get settled in, though Olivia had been unable to do the same. The Jennings case was huge, and she wanted to make sure she was there to see that it was processed correctly. Alex was glad Jess would be over to keep her company.

That night, after all their furniture had been put in its place and all the absolute necessities had been taken out of their boxes, both women were exhausted. Casey and Steve had only been able to stay to help move the furniture, and Allen had left to help Jess finish the brochures.

"Well, I'm a gross, sweaty mess," Olivia said once they were alone. "I'm going to take a shower." She wanted so badly to invite Alex to take one with her, but Alex still hadn't even felt comfortable fully exposing herself to Olivia. Olivia knew that when Alex was ready, she would join her in the shower. She needed to move at her own pace, and Olivia was going to move at that exact same pace, no matter how slow it may be. As long as Alex was happy and comfortable, she was happy.

Alex smiled. She couldn't remember ever being this happy. For a long time, she had been convinced that Olivia was just playing a horrible game with her. She felt stupid for thinking that, and she knew Olivia would never do something so cruel, but still, the feeling remained in the pit of her stomach. Now, however, after buying this house together, Alex finally allowed herself to believe that Olivia truly loved her unconditionally. She took a deep breath. "I, um…uh, I…would you mind if I…if I joined you?"

Olivia felt her heart skip a beat. The thought of showering with Alex greatly excited her. What excited her more, however, was the inner strength that was growing inside the woman she loved so deeply. "Of course you can join me." she saw the apprehension in Alex's eyes and smiled warmly. "We can move as slow as you need. You can wear a t-shirt or something, I don't care. I just want you to feel comfortable."

Alex grinned as she lightly kissed Olivia's lips. The woman was so patient with her and she couldn't stop smiling. She shook her head. "I'm tired of hiding from you. We've been together for more than three months and I still haven't let you see or touch me." She held up her hand to keep Olivia from protesting. She knew the woman would just say that it was fine that they were moving slowly. "I cannot even begin to express how grateful I am that you've been this patient with me. You never get upset when I move your hands away from my stomach. You never get angry when I wake you in the middle of the night screaming. You never get annoyed when I go through random crying fits. I love you Olivia, and I thank you for everything you've done for me."

Olivia smiled as she wiped away a tear. "I love you, too," she said as they made their way into the bathroom. She noticed Alex was getting tenser all the way there. she hated that this was so hard for Alex, and she was determined to do anything she could to make it easier. "Do you want to take a shower or a bath?"

Alex thought for a moment. She couldn't believe she was about to expose herself like this. Never in a million years could she ever have imagined doing something like this, yet here she was. She looked at Olivia and smiled, grateful that the woman was so willing to move slowly. Still, she was scared. She looked away. "Uh, I think I'd be more comfortable taking a bath, if that's okay."

"Of course that's okay," Olivia said gently as she turned on the water. She added some lavender bubble bath to the water to add to the relaxation. Plus, with all the bubbles, she thought Alex might be more comfortable because she could hide in them. she turned around and began undressing. When she was naked, she looked up and saw that Alex hadn't yet removed her oversized t-shirt. "We can get in like this, Alex. It's okay. I know this is a huge step for you."

She shook her head. As terrified as she was of pulling her shirt over her head and exposing her scars, she also desperately wanted to be naked with Olivia in the bathtub. "No, I'm going to take it off." She paused and took a deep breath. "Could you, could you just…" her voice trailed off.

"What?" Olivia asked gently, her eyes full of concern. "Tell me what I can do and I'll do it. I will do anything to make you feel more comfortable Alex, I promise. You've just got to tell me what it is that I can do."

Alex nodded. "Could you…could you please just…just not…could you please not tell me that I'm …that I'm ugly? Please don't tell me that. I don't think I can stand to hear it again."

Again? Olivia thought. She shook her head as she wrapped her arms around Alex. "Oh, honey," she said softly. "I could never, ever say something like that. You're not ugly. You're nowhere near ugly. You're so beautiful. You're the most beautiful woman I know, Alex."

Alex pulled away and took a deep breath. This was it. She closed her eyes as she slowly removed her shirt. She kept them closed, waiting for Olivia to react in disgust, ready for her to run away and leave her there alone. To her surprise, Olivia did none of those things.

"You are beautiful, Alex. Beautiful." Olivia told her as she kissed her. She wrapped her arms around Alex and kissed her softly. Their foreheads met and Olivia smiled. She could feel Alex's tears on her cheeks. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too. Thank you…for everything."

Olivia smiled. "Come on. Lets get in the tub."

Alex allowed Olivia to lead her to the tub. Olivia got in first, and Alex stepped in after her. As Olivia leaned against the tub, Alex leaned against her. This in itself was a huge step for her, and she was surprised that she wasn't more nervous. Until this moment, whenever she and Olivia were in bed, she had to be facing her. She knew it was silly, but she hated being vulnerable and not being able to see the person with her. Now, however, she felt comfortable wrapped in Olivia's arms.

Olivia was amazed that this was happing this quickly. Alex was showing more strength than anybody else she'd ever known. She kissed the top of her head. "You are amazing," she told her as she gently rubbed her shoulders. She knew better than to let her hands go any lower on Alex's body unless Alex gave her permission. "I love you." She kissed her again. "I love you."

Alex felt herself grabbing Olivia's hands. She felt herself slowly lowering them down her body until they were resting on her scars, giving Olivia full access to her deepest secret. She hadn't even realized she was doing it until she felt Olivia gently trace several of them with her fingers. When that happened, she tensed, but she didn't push Olivia's hands away. Her breathing increased, but she just swallowed. She needed Olivia to see and feel her. If Olivia still loved her afterwards, it would be worth it.

"They always told me I was ugly," she said after a while. Olivia's hands felt so good on her stomach. The woman had such a loving, gentle touch.

Olivia stopped rubbing and grabbed Alex's hands. "Who?"

"My parents," she admitted. "They always made me stand naked in front of the mirror. They'd trace my scars with their fingers and tell me I was ugly. They'd tell me they were doing it to save me. They wanted me to believe I was ugly so I would never let myself get hurt by someone pretending to love me. Nobody could love anyone this ugly anyway." She let the tears fall after Olivia told her not to wipe them away. She bit her lower lip. "Jack said the same thing. He would rub his hands over my stomach and tell me I was ugly." She sighed. "That's why I always pushed away your hands. I was afraid of what you would say."

It wasn't fair. Too many people had hurt this woman and it just wasn't fair. Olivia felt the tears running down her own cheeks but she didn't care. She couldn't stop them even if she tried. It hurt so much to know Alex's pain, but she was more than willing to carry as much of it as she could. She slow began tracing Alex's scars again, hoping it wouldn't send her into a flashback. She knew that after telling this part of her past, doing what had initially caused the woman pain could be risky, but she needed to try something. As she traced the scars one by one, she whispered softly. "I love you, Alex. you are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are beautiful." She continued until she had traced every scar. She felt Alex's body shaking with sobs, and she hugged her tight. She wasn't sure what else to do, and she hoped that just by holding Alex in her arms, she was providing some sense of relief.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So, how was the house?" Jess asked Allen when he came home. She was sitting at her computer, desperately trying to get the stupid color scheme to work. She had to use the company colors, and that wasn't always easy. Sometimes she just wished she could pick her own colors. That would make her job a hell of a lot easier.

He smiled as he joined her at the computer desk. "It was cute. It's a little small, but I think it's perfect for the two of them. It has two bedrooms and one bathroom, and it's on three acres. It's pretty nice though. They are so excited about it. They're so happy to finally have a house of their own."

She shook her head and smiled sadly. "I wish I could have been there. It was their first day in their new house and I missed it. Sometimes I hate this job. Are they mad?"

He wrapped an arm around her and smiled. "Not at all. They understand why you couldn't make it. Alex told me to be sure to remind you that you need to help her 'feng shui' the place, though. She told me you're much better than her at decorating and organizing everything. Olivia's going to be at work all day tomorrow, and I think Alex was a little nervous about having to be home alone. She's glad you're coming over."

Jess smiled. "Damn right I'm coming over. That woman has no idea how to decorate her house. We'd go over next week and her dishes would be in her bathroom. It's sad, really," she joked. She looked down at the keys as she was typing and smiled when she saw the ring on her finger. Her life had been a living hell for so long, but now it was finally turning around. She had more friends now that ever before, and she had a fiancé who she loved deeply. She looked up and kissed him, then went back to typing.

"What was that for?"

"Nothing. I just love you."

He smiled. "Well then," he kissed her back. "I love you, too."