Hey y'all! How's everyone doing? Welcome to the next chapter! Plot wise, we have only advanced by one day in the timeline since I'm using this chapter to establish the story specific environment we're entering into in the second year. We'll be seeing lots of Professor Lockhart unfortunately but he is somewhat relevant to the plot so in he goes. Of course there will be some changes to what happens here as opposed to what happened in the official story since Seth is here now to act as the pseudo older brother who's just going through some things and just really needs therapy. Anyways, that's all I got and I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Like always, I enjoy any comments, except for those that are just full of negativity and not constructive at all. Just give me something to work with instead of just "It's bad." I also appreciate any positive constructive criticism since I'm always looking to improve my writing and storytelling capabilities.

Thanks for reading this story! Virtual hugs and cuddles to y'all.

Disclaimer: I still do not own anything except any OC's that may come up, any world building that has not yet been officially stated by the books or movies, and any plot points/structures that have not been used in the books or movies.

Warning: No beta, we die like Stingbulbs.

Chapter 3: Presenting "Professor" Lockhart

XXXXXX

The first day of classes went about as well as could be expected when it came to Hogwarts as Seth would eventually conclude after another year or two of first weeks.

Schedules were handed out during breakfast as usual and everyone was eagerly talking about what classes they were looking forward to while equally dreading the classes they were required to take. Seth himself was eager to get back into potions, much to everyone's surprise considering Snape's very well known animosity towards Gryffindor and its 'celebrity' student, Harry Potter. But Seth waved them all off and cryptically stated that things might be different with the cantankerous professor this year.

The dominating topic of conversation, however, was about Professor Lockhart and his Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Many students, mainly girls and some boys, were chattering in anticipation as to what the fabulously dressed and highly accomplished professor could offer considering his 'numerous achievements' as documented in his books. However, the rest of the student population wasn't as taken by Lockhart's charms and could only dread the potential disaster the class would no doubt become.

The quartet headed off to Herbology after breakfast, crossing the vegetable patch and making for the greenhouses where they saw the rest of the class hanging around outside. It was clear they were waiting for Professor Sprout as the stout woman was nowhere in sight.

Just as they joined the others by the greenhouses, Sprout came striding into view across the lawn accompanied by Professor Lockhart. Her arms were full of gardening supplies and she seemed more frazzled and irritated than usual. Lockhart looked immaculate as always with sweeping robes of turquoise and golden hair shining in the morning sun.

"Hello there!" Lockhart called out and beamed once he spotted the gathered students staring at him with varying looks of awe and distaste, "Just been showing Professor Sprout the right way to care for a whomping willow! But I don't want you running away with the idea that I'm better at herbology than she is! I just happened to have come across several exotic plants on my travels."

Seth snorted in disbelief and opened his mouth to retort but was stopped by a sharp glare from Hermione.

"Greenhouse three today, chaps," Sprout snapped out, clearly disgruntled.

Everyone murmured with interest since they'd only worked in greenhouse one so far. Greenhouse three was where the more interesting and dangerous plants were. Sprout swiftly stomped away from Lockhart, still regaling some of the students with embellished tales of the exotic plants he'd come across. She took a large key out from her belt and unlocked the door.

Immediately, they were all hit with the scent of damp earth and fertilizer mingling with the heavy perfume of the giant umbrella sized flowers dangling along the ceiling. The students filed inside but just as Harry was about to enter, Lockhart's hand shot out.

"Harry! I've been wanting a word with you," Lockhart said before turning a charming smile towards Sprout, "You don't mind if he's a couple minutes late, do you Professor Sprout?"

Sprout looked like she did in fact mind. But before she could say anything, Lockhart went to close the door in her face only for that door to be stopped by Seth.

"Oh!" Lockhart exhaled in surprise. Then he swiftly recovered and smiled brilliantly in an attempt to be disarming with his charm. "Pardon me good lad, but do you mind moving? I really need a word with Harry here."

Seth smiled innocently at Lockhart as he maneuvered himself and the door so that he'd be able to get a hold of Harry who managed to extract himself from Lockhart's grasp. "Sorry Professor Lockhart. But it's the first class of the first day so there's no excuse for Harry to miss it. Plus, I'm sure Professor Sprout does mind you taking her student before class starts, don't you professor?"

Sprout nodded, looking very cross. "Of course I do. If you wish to speak with Mr. Potter, Professor Lockhart, you will need to wait for when he is not in class or is in yours."

"Now, now, let's be reasonable here," Lockhart said with the persistence of a dog who really wanted that bone, "Surely it'd be alright for him to miss a few minutes? It's the first class of the first day after all."

He tried to reach for Harry again but Seth managed to pull Harry out of range and into the greenhouse. "No means no, Professor Lockhart. We'll see you later in your class."

Sprout nodded sharply. "Quite right, Mr. Sorenson. Now if you'll excuse me. I have a class to teach. Good day, Professor Lockhart."

Then she closed the door in his face with an irritated huff and turned to Seth and Harry. She nodded proudly to Seth. "I appreciate your assistance Mr. Sorenson. Take five points."

Seth jokingly saluted. "Happy to help professor."

She snorted in amusement. "Alright then. Go join the others."

The two boys didn't need to be told twice and went to join their classmates who were trying to act like they hadn't been watching the whole encounter with Lockhart.

"Thanks Seth," Harry mumbled out bashfully.

Seth shrugged. "Like I said, happy to help."

Then they rushed to join Hermione and Ron after Sprout sent a pointed look their way. Ron patted Harry sympathetically on the back while Hermione looked torn between being jealous or supportive of her friend.

Their attention soon turned to Sprout when she cleared her throat and began their lesson for the day. They were learning about mandrakes, the benefits and dangers of said plant, and how to repot them.

To no one's surprise, Hermione knew exactly all the right answers to Sprout's questions and earned Gryffindor ten points. To everyone's surprise, the mandrakes were one of the strangest magical plants to exist. Even Seth was taken aback by its appearance.

Once they all had fluffy earmuffs firmly secured over their ears, everyone watched in wide eyed surprise as Sprout pulled out a small, muddy, and extremely ugly baby out of the pot. The leaves were growing right out of its head, it had a pale green, mottled skin, and was clearly bawling at the top of its lungs even though they couldn't hear it.

Sprout swiftly grabbed a large pot from under the table and plunged the mandrake into it, effortlessly burying it in fresh compost until only the tufted leaves were visible. She dusted her hands off, gave them all a thumbs up, and removed her earmuffs.

"As our mandrakes are only seedlings, their cries won't kill yet. However, they will knock you out for several hours," she said calmly as though she'd done nothing more exciting than water some muggle garden variety flowers, "And as I'm sure none of you want to miss your first day back, make sure your earmuffs are securely in place while you work. I will attract your attention when it's time to pack up.

She clapped her hands together. "Now four to a tray, there's a large supply of pots here. Compost in the sacks over there. And be careful of the venomous tentacula, it's teething." She gave a sharp slap to a spiky, dark red plant, making it draw in the long feelers that had been inching sneakily over her shoulder.

The quartet shuffled over to a tray together where a curly haired Hufflepuff at a nearby tray tried to make small talk but only succeeded in proving his annoying ability to talk non-stop.

"Justin Finch-Fletchley," he introduced himself without preamble, "I know who you are of course, the famous Harry Potter. And you're Hermione Granger, always top in everything. Then you'd be Seth Sorenson, the one who sat at a different house table last year, and you must be a Weasley cause of your hair."

The quartet were immediately put off by him but Justin continued to happily chat as they gathered the needed supplies clearly showing his inability to read the room. "That Lockhart's something isn't he? Awfully brave chap. Have you read his books? I'd have died of fear if I'd been cornered in a telephone booth by a werewolf but he stayed cool and zap! Just fantastic! By the way, my name was down at Eton, you know. I can't tell you how glad I am that I came here instead. Of course, mother was slightly disappointed but since I made her read Lockhart's books, I think she's begun to see how useful it'll be to have a fully trained wizard in the family."

Harry nodded along to show Justin he was still listening even though it was clear he wasn't paying attention to anything that was spewing out of the other's mouth. Ron grimaced when he saw that Hermione looked as if she'd found a kindred spirit in worshiping Lockhart. Seth scowled, looking one moment away from socking Justin in the face just to shut him up. It wasn't like he had anything against the boy but the simmering emotions from summer were making it easier for him to be aggravated by the smallest things he'd usually never taken issue with before.

Soon, the quartet had to snap their earmuffs on, as everyone else had already done so and were impatiently waiting for them, when it was clear Justin wasn't going to stop unless a mandrake knocked him out. Seth was sorely tempted to try but refrained because even in his child body, he was still a 'mature and responsible adult.'

He shook his head to rid himself of all the negative thoughts that threatened to creep back on him and focused his attention on the assigned task before him.

Despite how extremely easy Sprout managed to make it look, repotting the mandrakes was quite the chore. The mandrakes didn't like coming out of the earth but also didn't seem to want to go back into it either. They squirmed and kicked and flailed their hard little fists and gnashed their teeth. Seth was only able to repot his mandrakes with some ease due to his experience dealing with all the bullshit that happened on the preserves.

Surprisingly, Neville proved rather capable of repotting which even he seemed shocked by. Sprout graciously rewarded him ten points for his apparent talent because if anyone sorely needed a win, no matter how small, it was Neville Longbottom.

By the end of the class, everyone was sweaty, aching, and covered in dirt. Thankfully, this meant that Justin had no energy to come chat up to the quartet because there was no telling what Seth would've done to ensure they could make a clean getaway from the annoying boy. Everyone went back to the castle for a quick wash and then the Gryffindors hurried off to their next class.

Transfiguration was always hard work, especially with McGonagall as a professor, but today was especially difficult. Just like with non-magical school, everything learned from last year disappeared into thin air. Thankfully, Seth was fortunate enough to have retained enough experience and knowledge to have some success in turning his beetle into a button after the umpteenth attempt.

Ron was the worst off out of all of them though, even worse than Neville. His wand kept sparking at the oddest moments despite Ollivander's fix job. And while McGonagall was understanding, she was not sympathetic to his plight. However, she did soften a smidge when Ron had to meekly ask her for a new beetle because he accidentally squashed his.

XXXXXX

Ron whacked his wand against the table with a scowl as he viciously ripped off a chunk of his sandwich and chewed on it while sulking. "Stupid, useless thing."

"Why don't you write home for another one?" Harry gently asked as he polished off his pumpkin juice.

Seth nodded. "Yeah. The professors have been understanding so far but it's only the first day. Eventually, their patience is gonna get tested if you can't even do the practical work without your wand making the spells blow up in your face."

"I can't remember?" Ron glumly reminded them, "Until we've got the money, I'm not getting a new wand."

"Oh…" Harry awkwardly mumbled. "What've we got this afternoon?" He asked in an obvious attempt to change the subject.

Hermione swiftly pulled out her schedule and scanned it. "Defense against the Dark Arts."

But before she could put it back, Ron spotted something that had him snatching it out of her hand. "Why have you outlined all of Lockhart's lessons in little hearts?"

She snatched her schedule back, blushing furiously. "It's none of your business, Ronald."

"Oi! You can't call me that! Only my mum can! And only when I'm in trouble," he said indignantly.

"I can call you whatever I want," she sniffed haughtily, "And who says you aren't in trouble, Ronald."

Ron sputtered and glared at Harry and Seth when they snickered at him.

Then they finished their lunch and went outside to hang out in the overcast courtyard until break ended. Hermione buried her nose into 'Voyages with Vampires' again with Seth boredly reading along over her shoulder, not really paying any attention to the words on the page. Harry and Ron talked about quidditch until Harry became very aware that he was being closely watched.

He looked up and saw a very small mousy haired boy from the sorting last night who seemed transfixed by him. The boy was clutching what looked to be a press camera from the 50s and went bright red when he saw Harry was looking back at him.

"Umm Harry?" The boy nervously shuffled in place, "I'm…I'm Colin Creevy." When he saw no rejecting or dismissive reactions from Harry, he took a tentative step forward. "I'm in Gryffindor too and, you think…would it be alright if…if…"

Seth, feeling sympathetic for the kid, spoke up before he could pass out from all the blood rushing to his head. "Hey now, Harry's not gonna bite your head off." He slung an arm around Harry. "Right Harry?"

Harry pushed his arm off and said, not unkindly, "Oh sod off, Seth."

Seth grinned in amusement. "See? Big ol'softie. So just go ahead and ask what you wanna ask."

Colin seemed to relax at that and held his camera up with a hopeful smile. "Can I have a picture?"

The quartet looked at the boy in surprise, having not expected that to be the reason why he approached them in the first place.

"A…picture?" Harry blankly repeated.

Colin nodded meekly. "It's so I can prove I've met you. I know all about you, everyone's told me," he explained, getting more enthusiastic the longer he continued to speak, "About how you survived when You-Know-Who tried to kill you and how he disappeared and everything and how you've still got a lightning scar on your forehead and a boy in my dormitory said if I develop the film in the right potion, the pictures'll move!"

He was now practically vibrating with excitement. "It's amazing here isn't it? I never knew all the odd stuff I could do was magic till I got the letter from Hogwarts. My dad's a milkman. He couldn't believe it either so I'm taking loads of pictures to send home to him and it'd be really good if I had one of you!"

"Maybe your friend could take it and I could stand next to you? And then you could sign it?" He asked, looking wide-eyed and hopeful.

Harry blinked owlishly, not quite knowing how to comprehend what was just asked let alone dissect the word vomit Colin just gave. "Ummm…"

Seth whistled, highly impressed. "Wow. I think I found your long lost brother Hermione. The motor mouth on this kid could even put you to shame."

Hermione scowled and whacked his shoulder with her book. "Excuse you. I'll have you know that I've gotten better at that."

He grinned teasingly at her. "Sure you have. But that's just one more thing that makes you you."

She shook her head at him with an exasperated but fond look and returned her attention to her book.

Ron nudged Seth with a grin. "Dodged a fire there, mate," he whispered.

Seth rolled his eyes and nudged him back. "Don't I know it," he muttered, "Hell hath no fury than a preteen girl scorned."

Harry snorted in amusement. Then they realized that Colin was still standing before them and looking more and more like a kicked puppy the longer they ignored him.

"Oops, sorry Colin. Didn't mean to ignore you," Seth sheepishly apologized.

Colin meekly shook his head and looked down at his camera. "It's no problem."

Seth nudged Harry insistently. "Come on, man. Answer the poor kid already."

Harry glared at him then tried to smile kindly at Colin though it came out a bit like a grimace. "Look um…Colin. I'm very…flattered." Ron coughed to cover his laugh. "But I'll have to say no. It's just…it doesn't really feel right being known for something I don't even remember and that took my parents away from me."

Colin wilted but nodded. "Oh…I understand. Sorry if I made you feel bad, Harry."

Harry waved his hands about in a panic since he thought the first year was about to cry. "No, no, it's fine. It's just…I've never really been comfortable with attention anyways and being asked to sign a photo of myself was just very surprising," he tried to explain.

Colin nodded again but seemed to perk up a bit. "Then maybe…ummm…later, you wouldn't mind?"

"Maybe later," Harry agreed with a strained smile.

Colin immediately brightened up and was about to say something when a hush seemed to fall over the courtyard. Seth looked away from the TV comedy happening before him only to groan when he saw the cause for the hush.

"What's all this? What's all this?" Lockhart asked, confidently striding towards them with a winning grin, "I heard something about someone giving out signed photos?"

Then he saw Harry and the camera in Colin's hands. Seth could practically see the moment when the narcissistic professor put two and two together only to get fifty.

Lockhart laughed out loud and managed to secure the attention of everyone in the courtyard who were wondering what the hell was going on. "Shouldn't have even asked. We meet again Harry!"

Harry shrunk under Lockhart's attention and the courtyard's scrutiny. Seth spotted Draco and some of the Slytherins nearby watching the spectacle with curious gazes and amused smirks.

"Come on then Harry. Let's give Mr. Creevy something even better than what he asked for!" Lockhart beamed at Colin who blinked in confusion, getting metaphorical whiplash from the sudden turn of events, "A double portrait for the young lad! And we'll both sign it for you too."

Colin fidgeted uncertainly with his camera, clearly uncomfortable by the thought of taking Harry's picture considering the conversation that was just had. "No, it's alright Professor Lockhart. I don't need a photo, really."

Lockhart waved dismissively at him and slung an arm around Harry's shoulders. Harry looked like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole. "Nonsense! Ask and ye shall receive!"

Everyone and their mothers could see how uncomfortable Colin was and how humiliated Harry felt. Seth stepped forward with a frown and grabbed at Harry's arm to try and pull him away from Lockhart.

"Sorry Professor but break's going to end soon and we left our books for your class in our common room so we really need to go get them," he said with apologetic politeness and shrugged in a 'what can you do' way.

But Lockhart looked reluctant to let Harry go. "Well surely Harry here has time for one photo?" He tightened his grip on Harry's shoulders. "Don't you, lad?"

Seth slowly took in a deep breath in and out to control the irritation that threatened to break through. "Really sir, surely the photos can wait. After all, they can be taken anytime anywhere whereas your class has scheduled time slots and we need your books in order to show you that we are prepared and fully invested in your teachings," he said, really laying the ass kissing on as thick as possible.

And like the narcissist he was, Lockhart puffed up like a peacock. "Of course, of course. We can't have you all slacking off now can we? I didn't save that village from a horde of ghouls by not paying attention in class." Then he turned to address the entire crowd. "Look forward to my lessons everyone! For they will surely save your life one day!"

Seth nodded along indulgently even though it was quite clear he didn't believe a single thing Lockhart said or wrote. He saw Draco shaking his head in disgust before leaving the courtyard with the rest of the Slytherins following after.

Harry managed to escape Lockhart's grasp when he made his showboating declaration. Ron nudged for his friend to hide behind him to at least be able to act as a barrier which Harry nodded gratefully for. Hermione looked at Lockhart like he hung the moon and made the stars. The crowd was a mixture of semi-enthusiastic cheers and awkward clapping.

Lockhart nodded proudly to himself, beaming brightly as if he'd just discovered the cure for cancer and lycanthropy.

Just then, the bell rang, signaling the start of afternoon classes.

Lockhart waved at the crowd. "Off you go! Move along now! And you Mr. Creevy…" He pointed to Colin who jumped at the sudden attention. "Come find me anytime and I'll gladly give you a photo and a signature," he promised with a roguish wink.

Colin nodded and smiled awkwardly before making his escape. The quartet also made their escape but not before Lockhart managed to grab hold of Harry again.

"And you Harry, do stay after class for a little. I'd like to give you some advice."

Harry tried to grin but it came out as a grimace. "I'll try Professor."

"Sorry Professor, but we really gotta go if we wanna grab our books and be at class on time," Seth said, cutting in between the two.

Lockhart was a little put off by his interruption but recovered quickly and nodded. "Of course, Mr. Sorenson. I'm glad to see you taking your education very seriously."

Seth smiled disarmingly at him. "Of course, Professor. Bye Professor."

Then he pulled Harry away before Lockhart could say anything else. As the quartet walked away, Hermione scrutinized him.

"Seth, did you really forget your books?"

He snorted. "No."

She bristled like a cat whose fur had been rubbed the wrong way. "Then why did you lie to Professor Lockhart?"

"You're kidding me, right?" He deadpanned.

Ron shook his head with a sigh. "Forget it Seth. It's a lost cause trying to reason with her."

"Oh like you're any better, Ronald," Hermione snapped back.

"Oi!" Ron shouted, turning red.

"Guys, not now," Harry interrupted, looking at the two pleadingly, "Let's just get to class, okay?"

Ron and Hermione both looked away with a huff and made their way to the Defense against the Dark Arts classroom. Seth went to follow but stopped when Harry grabbed ahold of his robes.

"Thanks Seth…again," he said when Seth turned to look back at him.

Seth shrugged. "It's no problem Harry. Like I said, I'm always happy to help but you gotta be careful with Lockhart around. That guy's like a shark smelling blood in the water when it comes to you and your 'fame'."

Harry cringed and burned red again. "Can we not call it that?" He pretty much whined.

"Geez man, you could fry an egg on your face with how red you are," Seth said jokingly, "You'd better hope Colin chills out cause if he makes friends with Ginny, they'll be starting a Harry Potter fan club."

Harry scowled, looking around for any sign of Lockhart and when he didn't find any, shoved Seth who only laughed in response. "Shut up! The last thing I need is Lockhart hearing that and getting ideas."

Seth put his hands up in surrender with a grin. "Fair enough. You are proving yourself to be a magnet for trouble. Now come on. Let's go catch up or else we'll be late and then we'll never hear the end of it from Hermione."

Harry smiled and nodded and the two ran off to catch up to their friends.

XXXXXX

The quartet arrived at the classroom and followed Harry's lead, grabbing seats as far back in the room as possible despite Hermione's looks of disapproval. Harry piled a stack of books, gratefully taking the ones offered by Seth and Ron, in front of himself so he couldn't see nor be seen by Lockhart.

"Harry," Hermione scolded, "How are you going to be able to pay attention to Professor Lockhart's lesson if you block your view of the board? You're already sitting at the back, don't put yourself at more of a learning disadvantage."

"You're more than welcome to go sit in the front if you want, Hermione," Harry grumbled petulantly to which Hermione huffed and turned away in response.

Ron shook his head in disgust. "If you keep going on about Lockhart like that, people are going to start thinking you want to marry the bloke."

"Shut up, Ronald!" Hermione said, blushing bright red.

Ron was about to retort when Lockhart cleared his throat and a hush fell over the classroom. Lockhart reached forward and picked up Neville's copy of 'Travels with Trolls'. He held it up to show his own winking portrait on the back.

"Me," he said, gesturing at the portrait with a wink, "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile award. But I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her."

He waited for them to laugh. A few people smiled weakly and some of the girls, Hermione included, sighed with starstruck expressions. Seth rolled his eyes at the clear narcissism and wondered how the man was able to fit in the classroom given the size of his ego.

"Now I see you've all brought a complete set of my books. Well done! I thought we'd start today with a little quiz, nothing to worry about. Just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in my words of wisdom. I won't be grading them or holding your results against you."

He handed out the test papers, face down, and returned to the front of the class. "You have thirty minutes. Start…now!"

Everyone flipped over their papers and Seth's eyes widened in disbelief at the questions on the page.

1) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?

2) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?

3) What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?

On and on the questions went in a similar vein for three double-sided pages right down to:

54) When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday? And what would his ideal gift be?

Seth shared disbelieving looks with Ron and Harry who also couldn't believe what they were reading. Hermione was already scribbling down answers at mach speed, not even caring that the quiz had nothing to do with Defense Against the Dark Arts in any way, shape, or form. However, she did notice that they were not writing and glared until they picked up their quills and started scribbling away reluctantly.

Half an hour later, Lockhart collected the papers and rifled through them in front of the class.

"Tut tut. It seems none of you have truly digested anything you've read," he shook his head in disappointment, "Hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is lilac. I say so in 'Year of the Yeti' and a few of you need to read 'Wanderings with Werewolves' more carefully. I clearly state in chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non magic peoples, though I wouldn't say no to a large bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey." He gave a roguish wink.

Ron shook his head as if he couldn't believe what was happening right now. Seamus and Dean shook with silent laughter. The rest of the boys and a few of the girls looked like they'd rather be anywhere but here. Hermione listened to Lockhart with rapt attention and gave a start when he mentioned her name.

"But Miss Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair care potions. Good girl! In fact…" He flipped her paper over and scribbled on it with a flourish. "Full marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?"

She raised a trembling hand and he beamed brightly at her.

"Excellent! Quite excellent! Take ten points for Gryffindor."

Hermione looked like she was either about to burst into flames or tears from how red her face burned.

Then Lockhart turned his attention to Seth who raised an eyebrow in question. "And I must say, credit where credit is due Mr. Sorenson. You've managed to come up with fifty-four unique ways to describe how pointless and a waste of time you believe these questions to be. Why, I think my favorite one is 'I'd rather gouge my eyes out and take a bath in an active volcano than write down the steps for your skincare routine'."

Seth smirked proudly when some students snickered or shot him a thumbs up of approval. Hermione and a bunch of the star struck girls shot venomous glares at him.

"But alas, while these are very creative answers, I must take ten points away for your cheek," Lockhart dramatically lamented while not even looking remotely apologetic for what he perceived to be a 'good punishment.'

However, Seth was prepared and looked at the professor with wide eyes and an 'I'm innocent, I swear' expression he'd perfected at seventeen. "But Professor, I thought you said you wouldn't be holding what we put on this quiz against us? Surely you don't mean to go back on what you promised? That wouldn't be very professor-like behavior would it?"

The boys were snickering behind their hands while Dean and Seamus looked like they were about to die from how hard they were trying to keep their laughter in.

Lockhart was startled by how well Seth was able to throw his own words back at him. It was clear he wasn't used to people not bowing down and worshiping his every word. "Well, I-" He cleared his throat and grinned through the discomfort he felt. "I suppose I did say that. Very well, I'll return the ten points but I hope you'll take this as a warning for future conduct in my class."

"Of course Professor Lockhart. I'll be on my best behavior. I wouldn't dare to disrupt your class after all," Seth promised with a sugary sweet voice.

Lockhart nodded like he truly believed Seth wasn't lying. "Good. Moving along to business now." He bent down and lifted a large, cloth covered cage onto his desk.

"Now, be warned," he spoke with all the dramatics of a carnival ringmaster, "It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizard kind. You may find yourself facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm."

Harry, in spite of himself, peeked out from behind his stack of books. Ron straightened up, reluctantly intrigued. Seamus and Dean stopped laughing while Neville cowered. Seth rolled his eyes and looked bored as hell since he could sense that there was nothing truly dark or dangerous about whatever was in that cage. He was, however, begrudgingly impressed by the showmanship of Lockhart. Despite being a textbook narcissist, the man did know how to put on a show.

"I must ask you not to scream. It might provoke them," Lockhart warned in a low voice.

The whole class, sans Seth, held its breath as he whipped off the cover.

"Freshly caught Cornish Pixies!" He dramatically presented.

Seamus snorted in laughter that even Lockhart wouldn't be able to misconstrue as a scream of terror.

"Yes?"

"Well they're not, they're not really dangerous, Professor Lockhart," Seamus said with choked laughter, "They're just Cornish Pixies. Even me mum knows how to deal with them."

Lockhart waggled a finger annoyingly at him. "Don't be so sure. Your mum could be mistaking these for another species. These are devilish tricky little blighters."

Seamus looked irritated that Lockhart would dare to say his mum was wrong but kept any protests quiet. Seth took a moment to examine the pixies more closely.

The Cornish Pixies were electric blue in color and about eight inches tall with pointed faces and voices so shrill it was like listening to that screeching death metal Kendra enjoyed during her emo phase. The moment the cover was removed, they had started chattering and rocketing around, rattling the bars and making bizarre faces at the people nearest them. They seemed like everyday trickster creatures, nothing too special and the only thing dangerous about them is the possibility of pulling a trick that would break a limb or two.

Lockhart put his hand on the cage door latch and Seth's eyes widened in disbelief.

"He's not going to do what I think he is, is he?"

Harry clocked what Seth was asking about and blanched. "I think he is."

"Right then! Let's see what you make of them," Lockhart said, unlatching the cage.

"Oh shi-"

Lockhart opened the cage door and it was instant pandemonium.

The pixies shot out in every direction like rockets. Two seized Neville by the ears and would've lifted him into the air if Seamus and Dean hadn't grabbed hold of his arms and yanked him back down. A few pixies zoomed over to where Seth and the others were but quickly veered in different directions, keeping away when they felt the dark aura that shadow charmers naturally exuded. Several shot straight through the window in an attempt to flee from Seth, showering the back row with broken glass.

The rest proceeded to wreck the classroom more effectively than a rampaging rhino. They grabbed ink bottles and sprayed the class with them, shredded books and papers, tore pictures from the walls, up-ended the waste basket, grabbed bags and books and threw them out of the smashed windows. Within minutes, all of the students were sheltering under the desks.

"Come on now! Round them up, round them up! They're only pixies," Lockhart shouted encouragingly. He rolled up his sleeves and brandished his wand, bellowing, "Peskipiksi Pesternomi!"

Unsurprisingly, nothing happened. One of the pixies seized his wand and threw it out the window. Lockhart gulped and dived under his desk, leaving the students to fend for themselves.

"Do something Seamus!" Dean shouted.

"What do you want me to do?" Seamus asked incredulously.

Dean looked at him like he couldn't believe he was asking him that. "You said your mum knew how to take care of them, didn't you?"

"Well…yeah…" Seamus hesitantly said.

"Then do something!" Harry shouted.

"I can't!" Seamus shouted back.

"Why not?" Ron asked impatiently.

Seamus scowled. "Cause the best way to deal with Cornish Pixies is with a freezing charm! A freezing charm!"

"Oh…"

Seamus scoffed. "Yeah, oh."

"But I thought freezing charms were just immobilization spells and don't have anything to do with ice and such," Neville helpfully remarked.

Everyone looked at him in surprise at his knowledge. Neville turned red under the attention. "I spent my summer trying to memorize everything in our textbooks. I didn't want to fall behind like last year."

Dean thumped him on the back. "Good on you, Nev."

"Well you're right about that Nev," Seamus said, "Unfortunately, the 'tendencies' of my spells don't care about what the charm actually does. The fact that it's called the freezing charm already makes it blow up in my face."

"Well shit," Seth said, vocalizing the current mood.

"Is there anyone else who knows how to do a freezing charm though?" Harry asked.

They all collectively peeked out from the desk they'd hidden under and looked to the neighboring one where Hermione hid with Lavender and Parvati huddled beside her. She noticed them looking at her soon enough.

"What?"

Seth gave her a winning grin. "Would you mind casting a freezing charm so we can get the hell outta here ASAP? Pretty please with sprinkles on top?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh fine."

She stepped out from underneath the desk and whipped out her wand. "Immobulus!"

All of the pixies still in the classroom were immediately frozen and immobilized, floating aimlessly in the air.

Lockhart peeked his head out from underneath his desk when he heard the commotion stop. When he saw everything had calmed, he popped back up like he totally expected this to happen. "Well done everyone! Ten points to Gryffindor for excellent charm work, Miss Granger."

Hermione blushed while the girls glared at her enviously.

The bell rang and everyone made a mad dash to the exit. In the relative calm that followed, Lockhart straightened his robes and stopped the quartet who were almost at the door.

"Well I'll ask you four to just nip the rest of them back into their cage. And please come find me when you're done with classes for the day, Harry. We have much to talk about." Then he swept past them and shut the door quickly behind him.

Ron scowled as he stomped off and snatched a frozen pixie out of the air. "Can you believe him?"

Seth scoffed as he gathered a bunch of pixies into his hands. The pixies tried to squirm out from his grasp, eyes wide from terror but they couldn't do anything while still under the charm's effects. "Right? I mean, who releases a bunch of trickster creatures onto their students and expects them to just 'figure it out' without teaching them about the creatures or any charms that would be good to practice against them?"

"He just wants to give us some hands-on experience," Hermione said matter of fact as she stuffed two pixies into the cage.

Harry tried to grab for a pixie that was floating high above the chandelier. "Hands on? Hermione, he didn't have a clue what he was doing."

Seth nodded in agreement. "He metaphorically tossed us into the deep end without teaching us how to swim!"

"That's rubbish!" Hermione said, stubbornly defending the man, "You've read his books. Look at all those amazing things he's done!"

"That he says he's done," Ron muttered.

And scene! Just like the chapter title suggests this one was all about Professor Lockhart and how much of a terrible professor he makes. Now that Seth is in the mix, Harry is able to avoid Lockhart and some of the very uncomfortable situations he ends up in because of him. For example, the courtyard scene where Draco tries to bully Harry and ends up attracting Lockhart over is now replaced with Harry explaining to Colin why he dislikes, or at the very least didn't really earn, his fame. I feel like having Colin just being a one-off annoying fanboy was a bit of a disservice to his character especially considering what happens to him during Deathly Hollows. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed the changes I made here cause we're really going off the beaten path in the next chapter. Hint: the notebook finally gets its plot relevant appearance. Until then!