Disclaimer: I really wish I knew Dick Wolf. Does he have any kids? Maybe I could marry one and inherit these characters someday.

Okay, wishful thinking, I know. On with this angst-filled story…

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"Casey's letting me crash at her place tonight," Olivia told Alex as she was getting ready for work. "Jess should be over soon." She lightly kissed Alex and gave her an encouraging smile. "Tell her what you feel comfortable telling her, honey. It'll be okay. Call me if you need anything. If I'm chasing after an asshole, call Casey. She doesn't have to be in court at all today so she's getting caught up on paperwork. I'm sure she'd welcome an interruption."

Alex nodded and sighed. "Thanks, Liv, for everything." She looked away and nervously rubbed her hands together before turning to look back at Olivia. "I'm so sorry – I feel like I'm kicking you out and-""

"Honey, relax," Olivia said sternly as she gently rubbed Alex's shoulders. "It's okay. You're not kicking me out permanently. You just need your space when you talk to Jess. I get it. It's okay."

"You promise you're not mad?"

Olivia smiled. "I promise."

As Olivia walked down the driveway and got into her car, Alex noticed Jess coming down the street. She smiled as the two women stopped their cars and had a brief conversation. She couldn't believe they were both still such a big part of her life. They had both just accepted her, no questions asked, even after they found out her secret. Granted, Jess didn't know any of the details, but Alex wasn't worried about that at the moment. Jess pulled into the driveway and she went out to greet her. Before she could pull out the paint, however, Alex stopped her.

"Jess," she said nervously. "Before you drag all that out, could we uh, could we just go inside?" Her voice was shaky, and she was trying her best to keep from breaking down at least until they were inside. "There something I need to talk to you about."

Jess looked up and, noticing the fear and pain in Alex's eyes, nodded understandingly. She hadn't exactly come prepared for this conversation – she wasn't sure what she was going to say to Alex – but she was more than willing to give it her best shot. She rubbed Alex's shoulder. "Casey finally got that trial date set, huh?"

Alex nodded slowly as she led Jess inside. "Yeah, she did. It's in two weeks."

Jess' eyes widened in surprise. "That soon, huh? It's about damn time this got started." She and Alex sat down on the foldout couch in the spare bedroom. The living room was still a mess and she understood that Alex didn't want to have this conversation in her own bedroom. Jess looked up and noticed just how much fear was in Alex's eyes. It was almost unbearable to see, and she would have done anything to alleviate it. "You okay?"

"I don't know," Alex answered honestly. She took a deep breath. "The defense is calling me as a witness."

"Oh my God," Jess said, her jaw dropping in surprise. She knew what that meant. It meant that Alex had to testify on her rapist's behalf. What the hell? She wondered as she rubbed Alex's back. How the hell could the defense get away with something like this? When Alex looked up, Jess tried to smile. "What can I do?" she asked gently. When Alex just looked uncomfortably away, she squeezed her hand. "I know this isn't easy Alex, and I applaud everything you're doing right now. Please, if there's anything I can do to make it easier, please tell me."

Alex squeezed Jess' hand in return. She forced a smile as a few tears fell from her eyes. Jess' eyes were so full of love and acceptance that she knew she would be able to recount the details of her own rape without much difficulty. It was going to be much harder telling Jess about her father. Alex inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. "I want you to hear all the details from me, not sitting in the courtroom or hearing it on the news."

Jess took a moment to absorb what Alex had just told her. She shook her head. "Don't tell me if you're not ready, Alex," she said sternly, yet lovingly. "I'll avoid the courtroom if I have to and I rarely watch the news anyway."

"No," Alex said, her voice void of any discernable emotion. "I want you in that courtroom." She paused for a moment. "I need you in that courtroom." She took a deep breath as Jess nodded in agreement. Her eyes were fixed right on her – there was no turning back now. She would tell her about her own rape first. If she felt up to it, she would tell Jess about her mother.

"Then I'll be in that courtroom." She gently rubbed Alex's back. "You're an amazing woman, Alex. I don't think I've ever met a woman with more strength and beauty than you have." She took a deep breath and smiled. Alex was terrified of telling her everything; she could see it in her eyes. "I'm right here, I promise. I'm not going anywhere."

Alex nodded. It was now or never. She took Jess' hand, and when Jess gave her a gentle squeeze, she felt relief was over her. "I guess I should start off by telling you that I was born Sarah Cabot. I changed my name to Alex when I turned eighteen. Alex was my sister – your mother. I couldn't be Sarah anymore. So much had happened to her, and I needed to be someone stronger. I just had to wait until I was eighteen so I could legally change my name." She shook her head. "Anyways, I was thirteen when it happened. My parents went out for the weekend, or maybe it was just for the night, I can't remember." She shook her head. "Anyway, I was in my room cleaning when he came in. He hit me with something and everything went black. When I came to, I was naked and my wrists were duct taped to my bed. He spread my legs and duct taped them to the foot posts. I still can't stand the sound of duct tape being ripped from the roll. Freaks me out like you wouldn't believe." She took a deep breath and grinded her teeth. She would not let herself cry, not now, not when she was this close. "He laughed and told me he was going to make me ugly as he put a piece of tape over my mouth to keep me quiet. God his eyes, they were so full of hatred and excitement. He was actually excited about what he was about to do. The entire thing thrilled him. He pulled a carving knife out of his bag and started cutting me…" she recounted every detail she could possibly remember. She told Jess about being raped twice, once after being cut and once after he burned her with his cigarettes. She told Jess about what she had to call herself as the pervert sucked her, about everything. For most of it, she said it through clenched teeth, trying her best to keep the tears away. Finally, she told Jess about what the defense had found on her, about how she had so willingly given herself to the guy, and how she just wanted to cure herself of being gay. She shook her head in defeat as Jess pulled her close and wrapped her arms around her. "I'm such a whore…" she said as sobs overtook her.

Jess hadn't been prepared for Alex's story to be that horrific. She hadn't been prepared for Alex to have suffered so much. Of course, she hadn't gone into the conversation with any expectations, but after hearing the true horror Alex experienced, she started crying. "No, sweetie," she said as she gently rubbed Alex's back. "You're not a whore." She gently rocked Alex and ignored her own tears as they fell down her cheeks. "You are so amazing."

After crying until she couldn't cry anymore, Alex sat up. She looked down into her lap and sighed. There was one more thing Jess needed to see, one more thing that was going to be shown to everybody involved with this trial. She looked back up at Jess. "I need to show you…" she drifted off, looking down towards her abdomen. When Jess nodded, understanding that Alex didn't want her to be in the courtroom when she really saw her for the first time, she closed her eyes. Slowly but surely she removed both her shirt and shorts, so she was wearing only her bra and underwear. She refused to make eye contact with Jess for several seconds, then put her clothes back on and stood up, making her way towards the door.

"I'm ugly, aren't I?"

Jess closed her eyes and wiped away the tears. She stood up and slowly put a hand on Alex's back. When Alex turned around, Jess wrapped her arms around her and hugged her tight. "No," she said firmly. "You're beautiful. I thought that the first time I saw you, and nothing's changed my opinion. You're a beautiful woman, Alex. Absolutely beautiful."

Olivia had seen her. Casey had seen her. Now Jess had seen her. She had been convinced that all three of them would run screaming the second they saw what she was hiding, but none of them had done that. None of them had even hinted at the possibility that they thought of her as ugly. They all told her she was beautiful. If one had told her that, she would have thought of it as a fluke. Two would have been amazing. Three was simply a miracle. She wrapped her arms tightly around her niece. "Thank you, Jess."

Jess sniffled and smiled as she pulled out of the hug. She shook her head modestly. "You don't have to –"

"Thank you," Alex said again. This girl was horrible at accepting thank- yous.

"Fine. You're welcome."

She wasn't ready to tell Jess about her father, not yet at least. She looked out the bedroom door and saw the mess in the living room. Three of the five walls were a lovely shade of blue, which left two more and then the trim. She smiled. "I bet we can crank that living room out before dinner," Alex joked.

Jess looked at her watch. It was five minutes before one. She smiled. "I bet we can finish before four."

Alex smiled playfully. "You're on."

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Casey walked in her front door and was surprised to see Steve lying on the couch. She furrowed her eyebrows and joined him. "Oprah?" she asked, surprised. "Since when do you watch Oprah?"

He smiled. "Since it's the only show on right now that doesn't completely bore the hell out of me." He rolled over and looked at her suspiciously. "What are you doing home so early?"

She slipped her arm around him and gently kissed his cheek. "I only have the Jennings case and right now I'm done my paperwork. All I really have left to do is prepare my opening statement, which of course I'm procrastinating. I feel so bad but I can't do it right now. I have to go look over everything and I'm dreading it more than you can imagine." She looked away. "I don't want to have to ask Alex those questions. I don't want her to have to endure the torture the defense is going to throw at her. I just don't want any of this trial to happen. Can't there just be some magical wand or something so I can put Jennings in jail without this stupid trial?" She sighed. None of this was fair. Not a bit of it. "I wish there was more I could do to help her."

He kissed her softly. "You are an amazing woman, Casey," he told her. "You're doing everything you can, I know you are. That woman is lucky you're in her life. Believe me honey, she's not going to be angry with you about this trial. She might get angry and say things that she doesn't mean, but she won't get angry because of anything you've done. You're going to nail this bastard and finally allow her to get a peaceful sleep."

She leaned against him and closed her eyes. "You're too good to me. What did I do to ever deserve you?"

"You were you."

She sighed. "This is the hardest case I've ever tried, Steve. Yes my evidence is solid and I have a few of those girls who are willing to testify against him. It's a slam-dunk case and yet I still feel like it's the hardest. Why?"

"Because this time it's personal. This time it's your best friend." As she started crying, he kissed the top of her head. "You're a good person, Casey. I love you more than you could ever imagine."

"I'm so sorry this has taken so much of my time. I dropped all my other cases so we could spend more time together and yet here I am working on this one nearly as long as I worked on all my others combined. Steve, I –"

"Shh," he said softly. "It's okay. I would never ask you to drop this case, honey. Never. I know you want to spend more time with me and believe me I want to do the same with you, but this is more important. Alex's case has to be your number one priority right now Casey. She's too important to all of us to just push it off."

She closed her eyes, ready to fall asleep in his arms. "Thank you."

"I love you, Casey."

"I love you, too."

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Allen looked at the papers on his desk. Jess had stopped halfway through four projects so she could be with Alex tonight. He admired her more than he could ever express in words. Looking at all the designs she had laid out, he realized she had already picked out all the color schemes and placements for all the images. He smiled as he sat down at the computer and began piecing everything together. Jess didn't need to come home to the stress of four projects, all of which were due soon. It would be a huge relief for her to be able to come home and just relax. He knew that, after spending time with Alex, there was a huge possibility that Jess would come home emotionally exhausted. Jess loved that woman so much, and he loved her for it, but it was still hard to see his fiancé suffering so much. He shook his head, honored to be engaged so someone so willing to help others, no matter what the cost.

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Jess lost the bet. It was nearly six-thirty by the time they finished the living room. They had a quick bite to eat from the corner deli before heading back to the house to continue decorating. Both women agreed that they would do as much as they physically could, then crash and continue the following day.

As they were setting the pictures out on the shelves in the bedroom, Alex smiled at the frame she pulled out of the box. She looked up at Jess, who was staring at the wall, trying to figure out which pictures should go where. She smiled. "Do you want to see a picture of her?"

Jess turned around, confused. "Who?"

"Your mom."

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Yeah." She went over and sat down next to Alex, who then handed her the frame. It was an old picture. She swallowed as she realized what she was looking at. It was her mother, holding her and sitting in a hammock. She was only a few days old, judging by the picture. She took a deep breath. "I didn't realize I looked that much like her," she said softly.

"You're the spitting image of her." Alex said sadly. She wiped away a tear. "She really loved you, Jess. I want you to know that. She really, really loved you."

Jess felt her own eyes tearing up and even wiped a few away. "I wish I could have met her. She looks so happy here. You must really miss her."

Alex nodded. "I do miss her. I wish I could have had more time with her." She laughed. "She taught me how to ride my bike. Our parents were always too busy and she and her friends would always bike around the neighborhood. I got so jealous that I couldn't keep up on my stupid tricycle. So, one weekend, she decided she was going to get me up on her old two-wheeler if it killed her. I skinned my knees pretty badly a few times, but by the end of the weekend, I was biking around with them." She wiped away more tears, remembering all the good times she'd had with her sister. "I love you, Lexy," she said to the photo in Jess' hands. "I miss you so much." She handed Jess the picture. "Here, you take it. I've got plenty."

Jess took the picture and let Alex lean her head on her shoulder as she rubbed her back. As she stared at the picture, she cursed the world for not giving her the chance to know her mother. She wanted to badly to know the woman who gave birth to her. Somehow, a picture just wasn't enough to satisfy what she so desperately needed. She sighed in defeat, knowing that what she needed would never come. She would never know her mother. All she could do now was hope that she could move on and accept the facts.

"Jess, I think you need to know something, and I don't really know how to say it," Alex said suddenly.

Jess looked up, tears pouring down her cheeks. "What is it?"

Alex sighed. She couldn't believe she was actually doing this. There was really no easy way to do it, so she decided to just come out and say it. "Your mother, my sister," she said, then paused before finishing. "Was raped. The man who raped her also raped me…" she trailed off, giving Jess time to absorb everything.

My father's a rapist? Jess thought in disbelief. The only reason I exist is because of this sick pervert? She shook her head furiously and closed her eyes tight. "No," she said angrily. "No, no, no, no, no. Oh God, please no." She couldn't deal with it. She heard Alex calling her name, but it didn't seem real to her. It sounded more like someone far off, calling to her but not able to reach her. She couldn't focus on anything other than the fact that her father was a rapist. She had a rapist's blood running through her veins. She felt Alex wrapping her arms around her, but a hug was the last thing she wanted right now. She threw Alex off her and started flailing her arms wildly in an attempt to get all the anger out. It wasn't until she heard Alex cry out in pain that she opened her eyes. Guilt overtook her anger as she saw Alex covering her mouth, blood dripping down her chin.

"Oh, God, Alex, I'm so sorry." She stood to go get a rag. "I'll be right back." She couldn't believe she'd just hit Alex. She ran into the kitchen and grabbed a rag and some ice cubes, then returned to Alex. She put the ice in the rag and handed it to Alex, who in turn put it to her cut lip. "I'm so sorry," she said again.

Alex shook her head. "It's okay. I'm sorry I just dropped that on you."

Jess looked away sadly. "How can you still love me?"

"What?"

"How can you still love me?" Jess asked again in desperation. "How could you possibly love me? I look just like your sister, Alex. How are you not constantly reminded of her every time you see me? How are you not constantly reminded of what happened to the both of you every time you lay eyes on me?" She looked away. "How can I be anything else to you other than a constant reminder of the pain you went through?"

Alex hugged Jess with her free arm. "Hey, stop," she said sternly. "I love you, Jessica. You bring me so much joy that there's simply no room for pain. I admit that when you first walked into my apartment all I could think about was that man on top of my sister –"

"You saw it?"

"Yeah. I was hiding in the closet."

The extent of Alex's pain only seemed to grow with every second. How much had this poor woman been through? "Oh God, Alex…"

She nodded. "It was terrifying. But that's not the point. The point right now is that you are an amazing, wonderful woman Jess, and I love you for everything you've done for me. You've helped me more than you could possibly imagine. Yes you remind me of my sister, but you in no way remind me of what happened. It's hard, sometimes, to know that the niece I love so much only exists because of that man, but it's not your fault this happened. Don't punish yourself, Jess. I love you. Please understand that."

Jess wiped away a tear and tried to smile, but found that she couldn't. "I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know what to do. I just feel so…so gross, so disgusting. His blood is my blood. He –"

"It's okay." Alex took Jess into her arms and let her cry. Jess had been so strong for her. Now it was her turn to be strong for Jess. "It's okay, honey. You're not disgusting, I promise."

They sat like that for several minutes before finally deciding it was time to go to bed. They would finish the rest of the decorating and cleaning tomorrow. Both women were exhausted, and as they climbed into bed – Alex in her own and Jess in the spare bedroom – both wondered what would happen next. Neither knew what exactly was going to happen at this trial. Alex wasn't sure if she could hold herself together with everything happening so quickly, and Jess wasn't sure how she was going to handle dealing with being a rapist's daughter. It was almost too much for them to take, but as they fell asleep, they thought about each other, and all the people in their lives. They knew that with their friends' support, they would make it through.