CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

They'd been back at the hotel for almost two hours. It was growing late. Mike had been informed he could move into his house starting tomorrow, so he figured he could go shopping for things for the house in the morning. They were laying in the king-sized bed, and Andrea had been really quiet. Mike was still worried.

"Hey," he whispered as his fingers rubbed against her arm. She was facing away from him, her face hidden. He sighed. "Shortie," he said quietly. "Talk to me."

"I'm sorry," she said, and he heard the quiver in her voice.

"Hey, hey, no," Mike said gently as he wrapped his arms around her and gently pulled her onto his chest. She immediately wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his neck. "Maybe we did that too soon," Mike said as he felt his eyes sting with tears.

"No," Andrea breathed out. "I'm just…really sorry for this."

"Don't be sorry," Mike said and kissed her temple. "I understand. I get it. This is part of who we are, and why we are right here in this moment. It's always going to be here; it's always going to rear up. We can't control that."

"But I ruined a happy moment by letting the ghosts intrude."

"Oh, Babe, you didn't ruin anything," Mike said as the tears slipped down his face. "Let them intrude. We'll handle it together."

"I love you," she said as her face pressed harder into his skin. He could feel her tears sliding down his neck.

"Tell me all about it," Mike said as he rubbed at her back. "It stirred something in me too. I…all those bedrooms."

"I really miss Bob and Lilly," Andrea said, her voice hoarse from the tears.

"I know. I wish I could fix it. Even if it meant not having this," Mike said. And he meant that he realized. If he had the power and that was what made her happy, he'd do it.

"I was walking through those houses and just…"

"I know," Mike said after he figured she wasn't going to continue.

"I'm really sorry I wasn't in a better mood today."

"It's really okay. I get it. Want to go shopping with me in the morning? We can wait if you want."

"Shopping?"

"Well, I figured we'd need to get some stuff for the house. We might as well do it now while the James isn't ready. We both have tomorrow off so."

"I want a king size bed," she said as she stretched against him and nuzzled his neck. Mike laughed.

"So, you can squish me into the corner?" Mike replied with a snicker. Andrea picked her head up and smiled at him.

"Absolutely," she breathed out before she kissed him. They laid there for a while longer, lazily kissing and cuddling. Mike was content. But he knew Andrea was struggling tonight. It had been another hour, and they had been quiet for a while.

"I kept thinking about my girls today," Mike admitted. Andrea shifted so she could look at his face. Mike stared at the ceiling. "We moved to Norfolk when they were little. Lucas wasn't born yet. And I remember them wanting every house we looked at," he continued with a sad smile. "They'd get so disappointed when we said we weren't moving into such and such house."

"I never had to move with Lilly. Bob and I had the house before she was born."

"Are you happy with the house we picked?"

"Yes, it was beautiful."

"And the size?"

"It's a big house."

"We could always fill it," Mike whispered as he kissed the tip of her nose.

"More than one?" Andrea asked as her eyes searched his. Mike smiled.

"I always liked kids," Mike replied gently. "And there's kids out there that need a home."

"We can keep that in mind, but not while we're both still active deploying."

"Maybe we should change that."

"You asking me to give up my career?"

"Never," Mike said as his knuckles traced down the side of her face. "I was talking about me giving up my career."

"You're really thinking about that?"

"I'm not sure. Command has been my end goal all along. I never really had a plan for after that. Maybe Tom settling sparked something in me. I'm excited for this next deployment. But after that? I don't know."

"Something to think about," Andrea said with a happy sigh.

"Something," Mike whispered as he leaned in and kissed her.

Later as Mike lay on his back, Andrea curled into his side sound asleep, he thought about everything. His relationship, the house his status in the Navy, a family, the family he lost.

His thoughts were swirling and twisting and flooding him, causing him the inability to fall asleep. So much had changed in his life in a short two years. He glanced at Andrea and wondered if they would have ever realized what was between them in the red flu hadn't hit. Probably not, he thought.

Although he was unhappy and would have been divorced shortly after returning from the Arctic, Andrea had been happy with Bill. He would not be in St. Louis buying a gorgeous house either as he would still be Norfolk.

His kids filtered through his mind, as he thought about them. He wondered what they would be like now. He wondered what they would have been like as adults. He sighed and closed his eyes. He would never know. He tucked them away, pushing that pain down.

He looked at Andrea and smiled again. In six months, she would be his wife. That thought made him very happy. Then after that, he didn't want to waste time, they would start a family together. He would build the future with her by his side, and that thought made everything else bearable.

As the hours ticked by Mike continued to lay in the bed, Andrea tucked into him, sleeping, he felt a calmness coming over him. As much trauma and pain as they had been through, he was sure now, that they would both be okay.

Grief would still rear its ugly head once in a while, but together they were stronger and could conquer it. He knew that Andrea had saved his life. He wasn't lying when he told her that he wasn't sure how much longer he would have made it. The darkness was consuming him no matter what he said to everyone else.

His strong façade had cracks in it and had been crumbling. But then, Andrea was there. And she had helped him repair the cracks and fortify his heart. Now, he knew they would be okay. Things would be okay. And tomorrow they would start the journey of a life together as they furnish and move into their first home together.

To Be Continued…