A note from ileana: Another new chapter! This one is by Twig, known as TwiggyBlack on here. Isn't she brilliant?

And 7 is hilarious! I adore it.

Author's Note (by Twig): The Twentieth thing is a HUGE HBP spoiler. But I expect ya'll to have read it by now.

Why I'm Writing Lines (20 Things I'm Not Allowed to do at Hogwarts)

1. Professor Snape does not enjoy gift certificates to the spa.

2. Nor does he like shampoo bottles that "appeared" in his Potion's cabinet. Condtioner is also not an appropriate Christmas present.

3. Filius is Professor Flitwick's first name. Not Yoda.

4. When turning your desk into a pig, aim correctly. Draco Malfoy makes a much better ferret than pig.

5. Fun pet-names can get you cursed into tomorrow. ("Aw, who's a cutey widdle Fewwet Face?")

6. Ron and Hermione do not enjoy the chorus of "THE GOOD SHIP FOREVER!" whenever they are within three feet of eachother. Nor do they enjoy the "HA! YOU DELUSIONAL IDIOTS!" when they are within a foot of eachother.

7. Even Trelawney does not think "Mars is bright tonight" is a proper response to every question on a Divination exam.

8. Professor Flitwick is not the mayor of Muchkinland. "Ding-dong the witch is dead" also isn't a good song to sing in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

9. Harry Potter is not Spider-man. His scar senses do not tingle.

10. Teachers will panic if "OH MY GOD, LOOK, IT'S YOU-KNOW-WHO!" is used as a distraction.

11. The only thing you will get out of the question "is this canon, but not included in the books?" is a strange look.

12. No, it is not nice to sneak a Amortentia into McGonagall's goblet. Especially when it has been brewed by Snape.

13. "It was like magic!" isn't a good excuse for anything at Hogwarts. Especially when Charmed food just happens to land on Malfoy's head.

14. "Siriusly, though..." shouldn't be a way to start a conversation with Harry.

15. Knowing what Harry was thinking about "the creature in his chest" only scares him.

16. When you are angry about the homework Professor McGonagall has given you, do not call her Evil Kitty.

17. Taking advantage of your friends when they're asleep and casting a Dark Mark over their heads will lose you house points.

18. Under no circumstances is Polyjuice-ing myself as Ron and announcing my undevoted love to Harry right. Although it is rather funny, to say the least.

19. Snape is not a drag queen, or will he ever be. So the Vegas costume is a no-no from now on. And while photoshopping his head onto several pictures is utterly hilarious, a furious Snape will not understand the joke.

20. Using a time-turner and traveling back to the Trio's first year to tell them what will happen to them later in life will not make them happy.

On the contrary, conversations should not go like this:

"...Oh yeah, and Dumbledore dies in your sixth year."

The Trio then stares open-mouthed at you for a while.

"Why are you telling us this?"

"Hey, at least I didn't tell you that Snape killed him."