Challenge #: A Sudden Realization
Author: Elissa
Title: Through the Door
Rating: G
Spoilers/Warning: All of the JE's Books
I stood with my hand posed to knock. Today was a culmination of three years and two months of wanting, and waiting. Of being afraid of my own feelings and trusting myself to fall and hoping he would catch me.
I could have used my key, and I could have asked him over to my apartment. I could have a lot of things and I didn't. This had to be his choice. My hand began to shake, my knees were wobbly, and my breathing became erratic, I closed my eyes and concentrated on calming myself down.
It was during the dark hours of the last four weeks, four weeks of nightmares. Four weeks of feeling the panic, of thinking of losing him forever. Four weeks to realize how very much I was in love with him.
I stared at the door again and squared my shoulders, and thought; this was it. I knocked lightly; half hoping he couldn't hear it and I could go home. But I should have known better, he knew I was there.
I heard him say come in, and with a final calming breath I opened the door and walked in. I stood in his foyer, my heart beating rapidly, my palms sweating like a teenager on her first date. I put one foot in front of the other, and kept walking further into his apartment. I saw him in the kitchen, leaning against his counter, arms crossed over his chest. He looked at me with his half smile, and eyes warm and open.
"There is something I have been meaning to tell you for a while," He quirked his eyebrow at me and I took that as my sign to continue. I paused and took in a deep breath and let it out. "I love you."
Then I watched as he froze, and his blank face appeared, but I wasn't done yet, not by a long shot. "You told me your kind of love doesn't come with a ring, and that you wouldn't make a good father." I took a step closer to him, "You told me you don't do anything stupid, and that you loved me in your own way." I stepped closer still, "I realized I want it all, and that the person I wanted with was you." I could feel his emotional walls come charging up. I was almost in front of him now, "I asking you to do something stupid."
He turned his face away from me and looked at his wall for a long time before he finally said something, "My life isn't safe, and I'm not in a place right now to give what you want."
I reached out and barley touched his arm, "I'm standing here telling you I love you," I walked until I was pressed against him, and he moved his arms to his side. "Do something so irrational and unguarded and love back and see where it takes us."
"Babe," he whispered.
"Don't walk away from me again, I almost lost you and it nearly killed me. I need you, for as long as I can have you." I felt tears start down my face, and Ranger gently touched my cheek, and I rested my head in his hand.
"I can't," he said.
I looked up into his face, and I bared my soul for him to see, and I swear I felt him shiver. "Do something stupid and marry me?"
He jerked back, and I let go. I turned my back and fought down the disappointment and the sadness. I continued to walk until I was out the door. I kept going until I found myself in the parking garage. I hugged my arms around myself and fought the tears, but I lost.
I walked all the way to my mini, and I tried to open it, but my hands just wouldn't cooperate. As I finally managed to open the door, a strong hand shut it. I could feel his body heat, and he carefully turned me around. My tear blurred eyes met his dark fathomless eyes.
His eyes traveled my whole face, and then he pulled me into his arms. I felt myself control completely shattered into a million tiny pieces of hope and pain. I sobbed into his shirt and he continued to hold me. He rubbed gentle circles on my back, he leaned real close to my ear and he finally said, "Yes."
Finis
A/N: This is my first challenge piece. Let me know what you think.