Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own YGO, because if I did it would follow this genre: Boy sees Boy across Dueling arena, Boy leaps across dueling arena and glomps Boy, Boys skip off to go do obscene things in the background, duel is completely forgotten. That's my ideal YGO episode.
Yoru: I got this idea from a picture. I guess the humor comes more from what they make Duke do, because it is a little more of a drama when it comes to the romance.
Kuronue: Poor Duke. Poor Yamis and Marik. Duke's not going to be happy.
Yoru: I was going to use Japanese names, but I just woke up and typing "D-U-K-E" sounded much better than typing "R-Y-U-O-J-I". So if it changes or something crazy in the next few chapters, the reason is simple: I'm writing this when I'm awake. By the way, if anyone knows how bad the word "knee-biter" is, could they tell me so I know what I'm actually making Malik say?
"Kura, I'm booooooooooored!" whined two voices at once. Bakura covered his head with his (or rather Ryou's) homework. Trust the little prick to hop out when he knew Marik and Malik were getting bored and on a caffeine high. Plus he just didn't want to do his homework and Bakura owed him for not dispelling him when he had the chance…Now they were in separate bodies, but he still owed Ryou for giving him another chance.
"I'm trying to do my homework!" he gritted out. Marik popped up on one side.
"No you're not. You're trying to do Ryou's homework."
"Yeah. Make the little knee-biter do his own," Malik added, popping up on the other side. Bakura eyed him.
"The little what?"
"Knee-biter. Ryou says it when he gets mad. I'm assuming it's a bad word." The Yami shrugged. Bakura glared at him.
"Whoever's homework this is, I'm trying to do it. So go kidnap someone or something."
He had no idea the trouble that he was getting into with that statement as the two caffeine-crazed Egyptians ran out of the house.
Duke had thought it would be a normal day.
He really had.
He got to school and was attacked by the usual fangirls. Scary little critters. Couldn't they see he wasn't interested?
He passed the Geometry test with flying colors (as usual), teased Joey (as usual), played Dungeon Dice Monsters against Joey and won (as usual), got in a fistfight with Joey and technically lost until he pulled that sucker punch (as usual), got sent to the Principal's office (as usual), and got out of school.
Walking home was the usual. Girls screaming when they saw him, people pointing and whispering, that freaky Egyptian kid from Kaiba's tournament running up to him and glomping him…
That wasn't usual.
"Hey! What are you…aren't you supposed to be in Egypt?" He fell over with Marik on top of him.
"Hi Duke!" Marik chirped. Duke glared at him.
"This is not a position I want to be in while on a public street…Marik, isn't it?"
"Yep! I had three Mountain Dews and I thought I'd come see you and kidnap you and take you to my house!" Marik smiled winningly. Duke blinked.
"Wait a minute…" Suddenly another figure stood above them.
"That was easy. Couldn't you put up more of a fight?" it asked. Duke recognized it the next instant as Marik's Yami. Now he was panicked. He started pushing at Marik.
"Get off!" The next thing he knew was black as Malik knocked him out.
Duke realized two things quickly as he woke up.
He was tied to a chair in what appeared to be a walk-in closet.
He was in a French maid's outfit.
This was not good. Could not be good. He pulled at the ropes to no avail. As he pulled, he thought hard.
Why was he wearing a maid's outfit?
Where were his clothes?
Why had he been kidnapped?
He was rich, sure, so ransom was not out of the question. But it just seemed too…stupid. A maid's outfit? The door to the closet opened a crack. He heard voices in the hallway outside.
"I WAS KIDDING, MALIK! DO YOU KNOW THAT WE COULD GET IN HUGE TROUBLE WITH THE POLICE!"
"Just take over their minds when they get here. Not hard."
"DRAGGING MARIK OUT TO KIDNAP A RICH BOY! DO YOU KNOW HOW STUPID THAT IS!"
"Marik wanted to."
"What the hell is up with the French maid's outfit?" Bakura, as Duke recognized the voice, had finally asked one of Duke's questions. Duke listened hard for the answer.
"I dunno. It's just cute."
If he hadn't been tied down, Duke would have fallen out of his chair at the sheer stupidity of it all.
"HEY! LET ME OUT!" he shouted. Marik peered around the crack in the door. Duke snarled at him.
"Let me out, Ishtar," he growled. Marik giggled.
"You look cute," he said. Duke growled at him.
"Get me out of this stupid getup."
"If I do, will you promise to behave?" Marik asked sweetly.
"Behave how?"
"No screaming or running away. Doing what you're told. That sort of thing." Silence greeted these words.
"What am I going to be told to do?" Duke asked suspiciously after a moment. Marik shrugged.
"Whatever we think of, I guess." That sounded scary. But Duke wanted his clothes back.
"I promise," he gritted out. Marik hopped in, a little less flounce in his step than earlier. The caffeine was wearing off. He untied Duke, who got up and stretched. Marik looked around a little sheepishly.
"Um…we burned your clothes."
"WHAT! THAT WAS MY SCHOOL UNIFORM! THAT COST MONEY!"
"I know. But Bakura got mad and his powers sort of flared up and your clothes were used as a shield so they got burned to ashes and I'm really sorry about it 'cause I know it was expensive and we don't have the money to get you a new one but we didn't want to get burned up so the closest thing was your clothes and we grabbed them and you know the rest 'cause I told you already and…"
"Okay, I get it." Duke sat down heavily in the chair he had been tied to. He did not want to stay in this outfit. Marik shifted from foot to foot.
"Do you want me to go steal some clothes from your house?" he asked after a while. Duke glared at him.
"I think you've stolen enough," he replied. Marik blushed.
"We won't be mean to you."
"There's still the fact that you kidnapped me, tied me to a chair in a maid's outfit, and burned my clothes."
"That was an accident. Don't be mad at Marik for it." Malik was leaning against the doorframe. Bakura was still yelling at the top of his lungs, but Malik was ignoring him. His eyebrows looked slightly singed.
"What am I supposed to wear?" Duke asked. Malik arched a singed eyebrow, causing some of it to fall out.
"You're sitting in a closet. Pick something. Duh."
Duke got up and started shifting through the clothing. Most of it seemed to be costumes.
"What do you guys do with all these costumes?" he asked. Marik beamed.
"Mostly we just dress up and play pretend!" he chirped. Malik smiled.
"We do. Bakura just rolls his eyes and does whatever Ryou calls and tells him to do."
"Ryou doesn't live here?" Duke asked, inwardly sighing. Ryou was sane. These guys weren't.
"Nope. He moved in with his lo-ver," Malik said, emphasizing 'lover'.
"Lover? Who?" He heard Bakura stop yelling and start growling.
"The Pharaoh," he ground out. Duke blinked.
"Who?"
"Yami Yugi," Marik supplied, "Bakura hates him."
"Wait a minute. If Ryou's with Yami, who's Yugi with?"
"Kaiba."
"What about Joey?"
"That pointy-head guy."
This was all news to Duke. He suddenly snapped back to reality. He was not going to slip into normal life with these psychos.
"Okay. Hey, something normal!" He pulled out a semi-normal-looking set of clothes. He had to admit they were a little on the sexy, dominatrix side, but they looked like clothes…lots of leather, a few chains, but more or less modest…
"YOU CAN'T WEAR THAT! PUT IT BACK NOW!" Malik jumped on him and shoved it back in the closet. He was panting. Bakura, Marik, and Duke stared at him.
"What was that?" Bakura asked. Malik turned beet red.
"Just my own personal costume! Duke can't have it! It's MINE! It was not made to go on anyone else but me! Definitely not you or Marik! Most definitely not!" He was hyperventilating. Duke pulled down a shoebox.
"What's in here?" he asked. Malik leaped for him again, but he sidestepped. This was fun.
It wasn't so fun in the next second. There were pictures in here. Apparently Malik put this outfit on Bakura and Marik when they were asleep. Ryou once, too. It was not modest. It just looked that way on the hanger. The outfit showed things Duke did not need to see. Bakura looked up from the pictures, to glare scathingly at Malik.
"I'm going to kill you," he said matter-of-factly. Suddenly he lunged at Malik, who dodged and ran with Bakura chasing him. Marik stared at the pictures of him.
"I look good," he marveled. Duke sighed and put the shoebox away. Psychos the lot of them.
"Is there anything normal in this closet?" he asked wearily. Marik thought.
"No. Do you want some of my clothes? They're normal," he said thoughtfully. Duke looked him up and down. Tight leather pants and a belly shirt.
"Do they all look like what you're wearing now?"
"More or less."
"I'll invade Bakura's closet, thanks."
"He'll burn you to ashes."
"Malik's?"
"After that whole thing just now, you want to look in Malik's closet?"
Good point.
"All right, I'll look in yours."
"Oh good! We'll match!"
Oh, God.