Authors Note: Hello! Well, here's the fourth chapter! Enjoy!
Tuesday, September 21
Honda Residence- 3:28 AM
He walked through darkness, chasing after a wandering light. He was so close to it now.
"NO!" He shouted as the light once again wandered far out of reach. He was running now, his breathing heavy. His side hurt.
Would he ever get there?
Dark memories played all around him, put there by invisible projectors. He looked straight ahead, determined not to let the memories he had tried so hard to forget, the depression that had almost taken over, get the better of him. He had something to live for, even if it was just chasing after this light, in hopes of finally reaching his happiness.
He ran even faster now, the pain in his side forgotten. The light was almost within grasp! Finally the light stopped moving. It molded into a house. He was right in front of the door... he opened it, and moved inside. Following a silver pathway made of the odd light, he stopped when he came to a solid glass wall and peered inside. The darkness behind him molded into a world of his dreams; the grass was a wonderful shade of green, and lilac blossoms bloomed on the trees. The sun was high in the sky, and there were a few puffy white clouds around it. He ignored all this and backed away from what he saw on the other side of the wall.
Dark clouds suddenly took over the sky, rain pouring down, obstructing his vision. Voices, inhuman, high-pitched, sorrowful voices called out his name, but he ignored all of them. The only thing he could think about was the figure trapped inside of the glass.
"Kagura," he whispered, "I'm so sorry..." He let the sentence trail off as he ran far, far away from the darkness; ran away from the rain that was threatening to drown him.
He felt anger tearing at his heart; anger at himself for not going back and helping her. Tears were at the corner of his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. It was his fault she was going through this torture. His fault she was not here, with him, happy... but if he would have tried to save her, would she have let him?
He wanted to stop thinking of all of this. He hated being this way! He hated being so unsure of what she felt for him! In only a few weeks he had allowed the emotions he had kept on the surface for so long rush out, and he had felt free.
In only a few weeks he had fallen in love with the one girl he would never be able to have. The tears fell freely now, as he continued to run away from the horrible scene. He closed his eyes tightly, and opened them wide...
Sesshoumaru shot up, wide awake. He brought a hand up to his face and then back down again. It was wet. He was crying. No matter how much he knew he never would be able to, he wanted to go back to that peaceful world, without such pain lingering at the edge...
He lay back in bed, letting sleep claim him. The nightmare didn't come back, but instead he stayed in the peaceful world he had dreamed of in his youth.
Hours later, He woke up with a sigh, and got ready for the day ahead. He longed for the happiness that was always just out of reach. He knew what reality would bring crashing down on him today... he knew the sadness that would overwhelm him until the end of the day, when he was peacefully back in his home, dreaming of that wonderful world, where nothing was wrong.
Sesshoumaru had never been afraid to live in the 'real world'. He had never been one to shrink back from people and live in fear. He had never been called a coward in his life.
The only thing that people seemed to notice was that he was unaware of what was going on outside of his mind. Not that he didn't know what people were talking about all of the time, when they mentioned anything news-related, but just that he always seemed to live in his own world when there were people who tried to make it hard for him. People accused him of being emotionless... if only they knew how wrong they were.
These nightmares seemed to haunt him every night. Even in his consciousness, he could not escape them. So he retreated to his peaceful sanctuary in his mind. The place where he was never unhappy. The place where such things could not plague him. The place where he was at peace.
Some could say that he was cold. Most said that he didn't care. But he did care. He wasn't afraid of the world, most definitely not. He welcomed the world. But he was afraid of silence. And so despite his own silence, he surrounded himself with people.
Kagura had not shown up for classes yesterday, and though he would never say so to anyone aside from her, he was worried. He hoped desperately he had not made a mistake, been too foreword... but he also felt as though he had been part of her suffering, that he had ignored her feelings too often, thinking only of himself.
But now was not the time to be worrying; he had to be to school in forty-five minutes.
Sesshoumaru sighed and slowly got out of bed. After taking a short shower, he got dressed in loose khaki slacks that hung around his hips along with an extra long gray tee shirt. He put on his tennis shoes and his waist-length black leather jacket. Tying his long hair into a ponytail at the base of his neck, he set out for school, hoping that today would turn out nicely...
He wondered if Kagura would show up today, if today they would be able to talk about what happened. He hoped that things would not be awkward around them. But somehow, he also thought that there was no chance his hopes would be answered. Even so, a small light shone in his eyes.
AN: I won't have internet access for a while, so this is going to be the last chapter you get for... however long it takes to re-connect to the internet! Yeah, so please review! I would really appreciate it!