Past Haunting the Present

Disclaimer: Tite Kubo owns Bleach and all characters. I'd like to think the story was all mine, but I do not deny the possibility that it was inspired by some other fic subconsciously.

Anime: Bleach
Characters: Kuchiki Rukia
Pairings: IchiRuki, one-sided/implied KaiRuki, slight IshiHime
Summary: Ten years since they'd met, nine years since he was slain. Rukia's past experiences never failed to cause problems for her present. On the anniversary of the tragic events, Kiyone Kotetsu seeks to find the truth behind her Captain's sudden depression.
--

"Kuchiki-taichou." She'd been getting that desperate whining voice a lot that day. This time it was her subordinate Kiyone Kotetsu who was begging her to at least nod her head and let them all know she was alive. Rukia didn't move an inch; she'd curled herself up against a wall and pulled the thin layer of covering over her head, refusing to show her face to anyone. There were only a few people who would fully understand her actions, and those three were her brother Byakuya, and her friend Renji.

"Why are you being so selfish?"

Kiyone was being quite bold with such a question directed at a person of Rukia's rank, even Kiyone herself knew that, but if she had to be bold to snap her Captain out of whatever reverie she was in, she'd do just so.

Rukia shifted a bit, then slowly but surely, she turned to face her Vice Captain. She was hesitant to say anything at first, which forced Kiyone into an awkward silence in which her Captain looked at her with sad, gloomy eyes, her gaze never failing.

"K-Kuchiki-taichou..."

Oh yes, those eyes of hers had a profound effect on Kiyone; she felt as though they were staring straight through her, but at the same time, they allowed her a doorway into Rukia as well. It was obvious that 13th Squad's Captain was troubled about something, but when the Vice Captain saw her eyes, she knew just how very troubled she really was. "What's...wrong?"

Rukia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Everything."

--

The first time is the hardest. That's what was frequently said of killing. Most of the thirteen Captains had grown used to killing people, even the ones who hated killing would do so if necessary and use the excuse that it was a part of their job.

Rukia Kuchiki would never grow used to killing. No matter how many people she disposed of, it never lifted the burden off of her shoulders.

The first person she killed was a man very dear to her. His name was Kaien Shiba, and often she'd asked herself if she simply admired him, or if she loved him. Never was she able to answer that question, but when she met the boy who was so very similar to Kaien, she knew the answer. Rukia loved him; against all of her teachings and all of the rules of being a Shinigami, she admitted to being in love with him after stubbornly refusing the claim for so long. Though he never said it, Ichigo had loved her too.

Love made things so much harder.

--

"Ichigo," Rukia ran her fingers through his hair; he'd been positioned against his will in her lap due to a binding spell cast by Yamamoto when he refused to follow his orders. Yamamoto had assigned Rukia to watch over him and make sure he didn't try anything fishy.

"You're acting weird today, Rukia," he told her.

Rukia grinned, "It's so easy to act weird when you can't stop me though." She fingered a strand of his flaming orange hair.

That afternoon was when Rukia first realized that she was in love with Ichigo Kurosaki.

--

"Rukia!" There she went again, being reckless to prove a point. But this time it was absolutely necessary, and if she didn't do this now, Ichigo would continue being big-headed about his strength. Sure, he was fairly strong, a lot stronger than her, but that didn't mean others were inferior in all aspects. Rukia prided herself on being much smarter than the Kurosaki teen.

Ichigo watched silently as Rukia slipped out of her faux body and into her Shinigami form. The soul left to occupy her gigai landed on the ground in a graceful pose. "Rukia if you get yourself killed..." Ichigo began.

Rukia smirked and told him to shut up while walking off in the Arrancar's direction.

Fifteen minutes later, she returned carrying a small, pure white sword with a ribbon flowing from the end of the handle. Ichigo blinked, amazed that she'd come back so quickly. Rukia stood there, quiet for a few minutes, soaking in the moment when he looked at her like that.

Ichigo's thoughts right then were of how her Zanpakutou's beauty was only challenged by its' wielder's, and he knew then that a person who thought such things could only be a person in love.

--

The night that Kaien's terrible fate grasped hold of Ichigo was the night Rukia died.

Nothing had been going right that day. The night before she hadn't been able to go to sleep at all; she'd tossed and turned and even at one point she'd sobbed. Yes, she'd had that nightmare of when she'd killed Kaien once more, only this time, it felt more like a reality than a dream.

Instead of waking up to Ichigo's loud banging and bellowing about breakfast, Rukia awoke to the loud banging and howling of the weather. It was storming like mad, and she feared that every living creature out in the weather was drowning alive at that very second.

No one was at home, she later found out after exploring every space in the Kurosaki household. Usually at least Isshin was there, but even he was gone.

What could they be doing out of the house in such weather? she thought while biting her lip. Maybe it was just an overreaction on her part, maybe they were just out getting take-out or something, maybe Ichigo just didn't tell her...

No. Ichigo always told her things like that, no matter how unimportant they were. He never allowed her to be unknowing of where he was, and she'd appreciated that very much, but now Rukia wished that forgetting to inform her of such things was a trend of his, that way at least, she could say it was normal of him.

I'd still worry about him though.

"Kurosaki-kun!" Rukia froze. That was Inoue's voice, and it was coming from outside. Panic worked itself into her system as she bolted towards the front door. No matter how bad the weather was, she had to find Ichigo. That had become painfully apparant now.

From the moment she'd stepped out of the door the rain beat down upon her, almost as if it was trying to stop her. It was incredibly tiring trying to run against the wind, and even harder trying to strain her eyes so she could see even the smallest glimpse of light in the onslaught of raindrops. Wherever Inoue had gone, there was no way Rukia could follow her; thus, forcing her to follow her insticts and head blindly across an open plain and into the menacing clutches of a forest. It all felt like deja vu.

And then she saw that face again. The same face that haunted her dreams-the face of the Hollow that put her in the situation that resulted in Kaien's death. Certainly this was just another one of her nightmares…certainly this couldn't be happening for real.

That's just what you tell yourself, Rukia.

She threw her hands over her ears and closed her eyes as if to shut everything all out. But the voices in the back of her head still remained there; no matter how much she screamed and told them to shut up, they still spoke constant reminders of her dreaded past.

Look up.

Instinctively, her hand went to the handle of her zanpakutou.

What are you doing, Rukia?

Glancing upwards, she swung the sword full force, and the Hollow stumbled backwards.

You can't kill the Hollow without killing Ichigo.

The Hollow's laugh chilled Rukia to the bone, almost to the point of paralyzing her on the spot, but she had to do this. No one else could.

You're killing the one you love?

"Stay back!" she held out her bare sword threateningly; the Hollow replied by holding out Zangetsu in the same fashion.

"My, my, what a murderous look on that pretty little face of yours," he rasped, "and yet the tears are falling freely from your eyes."

"Kurosaki-kun!" Inoue had found them. "Kurosaki!" And so had Ishida.

They'll hate you for this, Rukia.

"Dance, Sode no Shirayuki!" That was the release command for Sode no Shirayuki, and Rukia never imagined she'd be shouting it at Ichigo. Make yourself numb to the pain; ignore your thoughts of hesitation, she told herself, or you won't be able to go through with it.

The Hollow jumped high in the air to close the distance between them.

This is it, Rukia. What are you fighting for?

"For…Ichigo's pride," she whispered hoarsely and raised the weapon above her head, keeping her eyes closed the entire time.

Inoue couldn't see anything, but her lack of vision didn't affect her hearing. The sounds she was aware of were those of feet shuffling, quiet voices, and loud cackles of someone who sounded deathly close to Ichigo. The noise that alerted her the most, however, was the sound of of something piercing human flesh. "I-Ishida-s-san," Orihime started to tremble when she heard the sobs.

Ishida allowed Orihime to use his shoulder to cry on.

--

"I-Ichigo," Rukia gasped.

Weakly, he placed his free hand on her back and using the final remnants of his strength, Ichigo drew her into him. "I'm glad…" he mumbled, "it was you who stopped me."

"Thank you, Rukia."

His hand fell limply against her side, and she knew at that moment he breathed his last breath. Burying her head in his body, she cried until the slightest glimmers of dawn had broken through the night sky.

--

Kiyone was dead quiet by the time her Captain had finished her story. "That's…horrible."

Rukia's gaze shifted downward to the floor. That was how she often reacted when trying to keep herself from crying.

"It sounds to me like your past has haunted your present all of your life," Kiyone remarked softly.

13th Squad's Captain hesitated before responding. At first, there was the slightest hint of the corner's of her mouth upturning, then, she broke into a warm smile – a gesture she hadn't used since he was alive.

"Kiyone…" the girl looked up just in time to watch as her Captain placed a loving hand on her shoulder.

"The past is where I find my heart."

-----

A/N: I hope you enjoyed the fic. x)

A few notes…

-I changed around the scene in chapter 201 for this fanfic.

-I made Kiyone the VC because the other dude scares me and I frequently forget his name anyhow. XD

-This was all based on my imagination, so I highly doubt any of the things in this fic will actually happen in Bleach.