When we left off, Ganondorf had taken Link to the bathroom to get him cleaned up. Still weird. Zelda just walked off somewhere. Would anyone discover what was happening before it was too late? Maybe not now...but...just read.

Marth was feeling especially proud of himself. Advanced humor was just what he needed. And having turned Link into a cry-baby, Zelda into a bitch, and Ganondorf into a dad/potential child molester/rapist...

Advanced humor was just what he got.

But it wasn't enough. As he walked the upstairs to the second floor, he had his next target already in place. It would be Mewtwo if he was here, but he had to go with second-best.

Falco.

Apparently, Falco had to use the bathroom, which meant that he wasn't going anywhere for a while. The shock of Ganondorf and Link being in the same room, yet alone the bathroom, settled and morphed into pity.

"That's just pathetic..." he said to himself.

"Yeah. I know," Marth said in an unexpected reply. "What could be Falco's exact opposite?" he thought.

"Link and Ganondorf in the bathroom together...what could they be doing?" Falco shuddered a little.

Now.

"You could use this to peek in there," said Marth, showing him the statuette. Falco took a quick glance.

"Yeah...if they're not doing anything important...whatever important is...they need to get out. Gimme that thing." Falco snatched the statue and slowly opened the door. Just a crack.

Marth was anxious and giddy.

Falco slowly put the statue halfway through the door and looked at the mirror.

No strength.

No feeling.

Nothing.

Marth waved his hand in front of Falco's beak (and took back the statue in the meantime).

"Wake up, little birdie..."

"Oh my God. Oh...my God!"

His pitch had risen considerably. And he had developed a lisp. Goodness...

"That outfit is fabulous! Just fab-u-lous! Did you pick this out yourself?"

"Yes..." Marth had to bite his lips to stop laughing.

"Well, I have to say, you have an impeccable taste in fashion. And- Jesus! What am I doing wearing these rags?" Falco observed his attire. "I need a tighter fit than this...oh, well. Anyway, Mr. Blue Man, are you...involved?"

All humor died. Instantly.

"You're a bird."

"Uh-huh."

"I'm not."

"So?"

"It won't work."

"It'll be like Beauty and the Beast." Falco then, in the most seductive (and scariest, for Marth) voice an anthropomorphic bird can produce, said this:

"Roar."

Marth was semi-petrified. But he had an idea.

"There's someone in the bathroom that's bound to be interested."

"Really-"

"He's wearing green. You can't miss him." Marth pushed Falco into the bathroom and quickly ran downstairs. Danger averted. For now.

But he had to hear them.

"Ooh! Can I join?" Falco.

"Are you here to help me? He's putting his hands in funny places..." Link.

"Don't worry. I'm almost done." Ganondorf.

"Eww! What is that? It's so wrinkly and brown...put that back..." Link.

"Oh, yes! This'll be fun..." Falco.

Okay, that's enough, thought Marth. He continued running downstairs and to the back. He stopped and caught his breath.

Only to lose it again from laughing so much.

Don't hate me too much for this...