Uninspired Voyages

A Star Trek: Voyager fanfiction by Andrew J. Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Star Trek: Voyager, Deep Space Nine, The Next Generation et al are the property of CBS Television, Para creation of Gene Roddenberry. Please support the official release.

Another script write up for...

"Sub Rosa"

The Enterprise-D is visiting the Federation colony Caldos II. It was terraformed to be a replica of the Scottish highlands, because terraformers are WEIRD people. The weather control system of the planet is malfunctioning, hence they're here to try and fix it. It's also where Doctor Beverly Crusher's grandmother lived, and where she recently died.

Mrs. May Shepherd asked to visit Grandma Howard's house with Beverly, and she got permission. So Mrs. Shepherd arrived and looked around cheerfully.

May: "Wow, this is rustic! I rather like it."

Beverly: "Granny was certainly old fashioned. It even has a real fireplace!"

May: "Ah... There is something magical about fire. Even during my lowest moments, just seeing fire burning like this was almost hypnotic."

Beverly: "It truly is... Hey, would you mind cooking something? I'd try, but Wesley was always snarky about my cooking... Even in sickbay."

May: chuckles "Teenagers..."

May cooks some food... Then some guy barges in.

Ned Quint: "Ye dinnae want t' be in this house, lassies! Yer grandma learned that the hard way!"

Beverly: "Who are you?"

Ned Quint; "Ned Quint! The caretaker, och! And if ye be wantin' t' avoid another Howard woman in the cemetary, ye'll leave this house!"

May: blinks "... Good evening Mister Quint, would you like some steak and eggs?"

Ned Quint: "Haven't ye heard a word I said, lasses?! Get out while ye still can-!"

May: "Yes, yes, we heard that part, would you care for some steak and eggs?"

May is treating this like some sort of local tourist attraction. This man's Scottish accent is too cartoonish to be otherwise.

Ned Quint: "This is serious-!"

May: "Yes, I'm sure it is, but I am offering steak and eggs... And potatoes."

Ned Quint: "Not in this cursed house!"

Beverly: sighs "You can take the plate outside?"

Ned Quint: "Not on these accursed grounds!"

May: "Well, you're quite picky."

Later... Back on the Enterprise, Beverly gossips about her grandmother's journals to Troi and May. Troi is fascinated, May is finding it... A bit strange.

Beverly: "She wrote extensively about a man named Ronin-Apparently her lover. They were very much in love."

May: "Aw, that's sweet, glad she found love with a good man late in life."

Beverly: "Yes, but apparently he was only 34!"

May: "... That's... A bit strange, isn't it?"

Beverly: "Why would that be strange?"

Troi: "Well, your grandmother was over 100, Beverly. It is a bit... Unsavory for such a younger man to be involved with such an older woman-"

Beverly: "She didn't see it that way in her journals. In fact, she was very detailed in how erotic things got."

May: blinks "... I'm... Sure they did?"

Beverly: "I had to stop reading after one chapter... But I had very... Intense dreams after."

May: "Yesss, I imagine they were?"

Troi: "Hmm... If I were you, I'd read two chapters before going to bed."

May: stare, low voice "... Deanna, have you been eating Bolian chocolates again?"

Troi: low voice "No! But let's be honest: Beverly's always had... Different tastes about what is erotic. If she gets off on her grandmother's journals, I'm not going to tell her to be ashamed. Especially when she just lost her grandmother!"

May: low voice "Fine, it's just still... Weird."

Troi: low voice "Yes. I know. But it's also Beverly."

May: low voice "True."

Beverly: "What are you two whispering about?"

May and Troi: "Nothing~!"

So Beverly has spent another night in her grandma's house... And weird weather things have happened on the planet. But weirder still is what happens when Beverly arrives at the Shepherd quarters for breakfast the next morning, smiling happily and looking like she got laid.

Troi is there, as is Riker, Worf and Barclay. Many crewmember shamelessly enjoy bumming breakfast off Mrs. Shepherd, since she is a good cook and replicator food is very repetitive.

Beverly: "Good morning~!"

Riker: "Morning!"

Troi: "Well! You look like you had a good night!"

Beverly: beams "I met someone..."

Chief Shepherd wisely moves to the far end of the table with the other men, while Troi and Beverly begin to gossip.

Riker: "So, what's this next hologame we're going to play through?"

Barclay: "It was a little complicated to program, but it's called 'Ghostbusters'. As a team, you must capture and neutralize various supernatural beings with a wide variety of often unpredictable equipment."

Riker: "Huh! Something from the 21st century?"

Chief Shepherd: "20th century, but it's based upon a game made about a movie, and that game came out in the early 21st century."

Worf: "To fight even the dead... It shall be a great challenge!"

Chief Shepherd: "That's the idea..."

May Shepherd comes out of the kitchen with platters of food, and hands them out cheerfully. She then steps over to Beverly and Deanna with a smile, and a raised eyebrow.

May: "You look quite happy, Beverly."

Beverly: "I met someone... He's a wonderful man..."

May: "Oh? That's good."

Beverly: "His name is Ronin."

May: blinks "... Isn't that the name of the guy in your grandmother's journals?"

Beverly: "Yes, and I've decided to resign Starfleet to be with him."

May drops her plate of food, and it shatters. Everyone stares at the happily beaming Beverly.

Deanna: "Wha-?"

Beverly: "I'm going to resign my commission and become a healer on the colony!"

Riker: "Isn't... This moving a bit fast?"

Beverly: "Nope!"

May: "Ah... Well! That's... Wonderful? I will prepare your going away party-"

Beverly: "No need!"

Riker: "Not even a going away party?"

Beverly: "Nope! I'm already packed, just need to talk to the captain. Thanks for the food, May! Take care, everyone!"

And she leaves. Worf blinks.

Worf: "... Mind control?"

Chief Shepherd: "Sounds like it."

May: "Completely."

Riker: "Your paranoia is rubbing off on me-I believe the same thing."

Troi: "Now now, we know that Beverly is... Well I mean, she did have a relationship with you, Will, when you carried that Trill-"

Riker: "I'm deeply hurt."

Troi: "But maybe she's not possessed... She could just be making an impulsive decision after a personal loss..."

Much staring by everyone.

Troi: "Oh, fine, let's get her to sickbay."

Chief Shepherd: "I'll get the rope."

Because this episode is still incredibly stupid...