Holy crapstickle on a stick I didn't know my fic was loved so. Yees...and if anyone is wondering when Spunky is coming, (he will eventually) Its in the next chapter. And I'm sorry for my lazy-procrastinatin-stupidityness. I blame family.
Upon finally finishing that last chapter I realized a horrific mistake that had me screaming at the computer for several hours trying to change it. Well, I couldn't so my excuse is inserted here somewhere. Yeah. I accidentally left out Vernon. Too many characters. Meh. THE CHEESE! CAN'T YOU SEE THE CHEESE?
Disclaimer: I don't own Psychonauts or much else of anything ever mentioned in these insane peices of crap for an excuse of a fanfic nor the CIA or FBI...or Jedis... Except Spunky. I own Spunky's soul
Spunky: You only wish.
urggg...Cant think of a name...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! THERE'S A FUNGUS AMOUNG US!" Benny shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Milka.
Raz sighed. It was during fitness and everyone but him had failed; for the fifth time.Well, he WAS a psychonaut. So he should be cool like that.Anyway.
Tensions were high, and Lili was about to attack everything and utter fierce demonic incantations.
"You kids suck. Redo it again." Ami by now, was tanning due to the lack of intrest of making fun of the children. She'd done it so many times she ran out of insults, puns, and snappy one-liners. But, just as the Children were about to fall over and die from exhaustion, Kanna walked over and saved their asses.
"Okay chillens! We're gonna do stuff!" Kanna shouted while posing. The children stared at her while Ami shook her head silently in shame. Kanna let down her pose and stated blankly, "What? C'mon! Teleportation class!"
When no one replied (due to lack of energy) Ami got up and screamed,
"GO TO YOUR NEXT CLASS BEFORE I CHOP OFF YOUR ASSES AND MOUNT THEM ON A WALL!"
The children instantaneously obeyed and Teleportation class began.
"Oklee Doklee...The first thing needed to know is that when teleporting it is very important to teleport your whole self to a destination. If not, then you'd die, or be severly hurt depending on how much of you is lost..." Kanna continued speaking, while other children did stuff. (A/n: funny how teachers never seem to notice anything unless its what you do. Or at least MY teachers) Raz and Lili were sitting next to Quenton and Phoebe.
"Hey, what did you guys name your band?" Raz leaned over and asked.
Phoebe and Quenton sighed and looked slightly annoyed.
"Well?" Lili pushed.
"Well, when we tried to submit our band name, the Leviflames, my little sister got hold of the submission form and changed it." Phoebe sighed.
"Go on, tell them what your evil sister put down." Quenton urged.
"She wrote, and don't laugh, Fuzzly wuzzly poopy llama pops." Phoebe ended and banged her head on the table they were at. Quenton patted her on the shoulder. Raz had the sudden urge to vomit, while Lili went into a slightly temporary self-induced coma.
"Wow...um...yeah...that...sucks." Raz finally concluded.
"You're telling us." Quenton sighed. Raz then noticed Vernon writing profusely. Vernon looked up, seemed to show signs of thinking, and scribbled more on his paper stuff.
"What'cha doin'?" Raz asked a little too loudly.
"RASPUTIN! PAY ATTENTION!" Kanna screamed, as she threw a chalk eraser at his noggin. Raz fell out of his chair and Kanna disapeared, then reapeared standing over him. "Quit talking dammit!"
"Everyone else was talking!" Raz interjected. He was rewarded with another chalk eraser smack. "AHG! What the freak?"
"QUIT TALKING!" Kanna beat him with yet another eraser and disapeared up to the front of the class to continue on a lesson no one was paying attention to. Lili looked at Raz, then at Vernon and sighed.
"So Vernon, what's so important to you right now that you're actually showing signs of intelligence?"
Vernon looked up at her. "Well, last year, when the brain-stealing-thing was over, I tried to submit a novel about the stuff that went on, but it was turned down."
"What did you submit it as?" Raz asked. Another eraser flew into his head. "Ack!"
"SHUT THE (A/n: insert "bleep" here) UP, RASPUTIN!" Kanna screamed, still in an after-throw pose. Then she promtly turned and said, "Okay, everyone get into groups of three. We're going to practice teleportation."
"But I thought you said teleportation was dangerous!" Chloe piped up in the audience.
"No, I didn't, I DID say that if you got it wrong, you'd probably die, or get cut in half...or worse...I've seen it! Funny actually... but, whatever, Which is one of the reasons I put you guys into groups of three. Well, anyway, hop to it!"
With a few grunts of boredom, and painy whiny moans of pain, the children assembled into groups of three. Raz and Lili grouped up with Vernon. The other children don't matter, and this paticular author is still too lazy to put in detail for that matter.
"Okay chillen, now then. To teleport, once again, you have to focus your mind on a destination. But before we teleport ourselves, we must first learn the basics better. For practice, we will have three minds teleport a simple object, like a rock, or a small furry dog or something, to a simple location." Kanna used her mind and passed out small rocks to the groups. Except the Kitty, Franke and Nils group got a weasel!
Lili poked the rock and it wiggled. "Um, what kind of rocks are these?"
Kanna glanced around suspiciously. Then she replied with a smile. "Don't worry about that, just think of where you want to teleport the rock. Its not like it'llexplode or eat small furrychildren anyway." She nervously laughed and went to go help a random group.
Raz glanced over at Vernon who was studying the rock oddly and jotting things down. Elton suddenly raised his hand.
"Yes, you." Kanna pointed at Elton giving him the OK to speak.
"Well, I read in a dictionary that teleporting was moving from one place to another, so, logically, if we just threw the rock somewhere wouldn't we be easily teleporting the rock rather than using our minds?"
Everyone stared at Elton as he stared at the teacher with a blank face. Kanna merely blinked, and stated emotionlessly,
"True. But that way sucks and you should feel stupid for even talking."
"Yes, b-"
"I SHUN THEE!" Kanna screamed and put her arms in front of her face. Elton put his head down in shame and Milka patted his back.
Meanwhile, Raz concentrated on the rock and a destination. With a small 'piff' sound, the rock was gone. And then an extreme scream of terror and/or pain erupted from Maloof.
"Gasp! Small Boss!" Mikail shouted in concern.
"Arg... Dammit." Kanna pulled out a small radio and spoke into it "Ami, we've got a kid crying in pain here. Come get him."
And then Raz, slightly guilty for putting a rock in Maloof's ear instead of Bobby's head, he tried again. But, instaed, Benny suddenly started twitching and frothing and screaming.
"Make that two kids in pain." Kanna stated darkly.
"Make up your mind." Ami's scratchy voice eminated through.
Well, it landed in Benny's head...hmmm... ehn... close enough. Raz thought to himself.
The two children were picked up and taken away.
Since Raz had already teleported the rock, he turned to Vernon.
"So, back with my question, What did you submit the novel as?" He asked.
"Nonfiction. It was all true anyways." He replied.
"Well then of course they turned it down. No onw in their right minds would believe you." Lili cut in.
"The worst part is, as soon as the meeting to discuss the book was over, I accidentally walked into a government base. They knocked me out and Ithink theystuck a tracking device in me and are watching me, making sure I don't say anything about what I saw. But I'm pretty sure it was all just a dream because I woke up on my bed." Vernon reminisced.
"So, what did you see?" Lili asked.
"Well..."
In some bushes nearby
"Sir, I think he's squaking. Permission to fire?" On shadowy government-like figure stated.
"No. It's what they'llbe expecting..." The larger shadowy government-like figure replied.
Back with the children
"I really can't tell you. But, I am working on another novel. It's gonna rock." Vernon then waddled off to go write and stuff, muttering something about 'DAMMIT MY ASS IS BEEPING!'
Raz looked at Lili and shrugged. At least they could be alone together. Lili took Raz by the hand and led him behind a bush.
Now then, due to general I'm-not-gonna-talk-about-what-they-do-behind-that-bush-too-damn-lazy-and-bad-at-romance laziness, the story will shift over to Chops, JT, and Chloe.
Chops and JT were trying to teleport the rock, while Chloe was being of no help and staring at the sky.
Chops stopped and walked over to her. "Why can't you be of anymore help? All you've done is stare at the sky and sigh at random times."
Chloe looked up at him. "Puny earthling. You know not of what you speak. Soon my people will come for me, and you'll all be sorry for doubting me."
JT glanced at Chops. "Do ya think she's really a..." JT started.
"There's no telling. But I think we should let the boys back home know of this." Chops concluded.
"The who?" Chloe sat up and asked.
"FBI. You wouldn't know." JT was smacked by Chops.
"C'mon man, we can't blow our cover. Remember why they hired us?" Chops whispered.
"Because we were young, easily overlooked and can get past most adults without suspicion?"
"Duh. But we cant let people knowthat we're in the totally aweswome, freakishly cooler than the other government agancies,FBI."
"Riiiiiight."
Nearby, about the same time, but with Kitty and Franke.
"Whoo! Can you believe, we're like spies and stuff!" Franke asked Kitty.
"I know, it's like, the best ever!" Kitty mused.
"Whoo!The CIA Rocks! Its sooooooo much better then the other government agencies." Franke and Kitty suddenly overheard the word FBI and the word accompaning them.
Chops and JT suddenly heard the same thing. Except with the word CIA.
The two groups glared at one another before breaking out into screams.
"The CIA serves coffee in the mornng!" "THE FBI SERVES DOUGHNUTS!" "THE CIA HAS "CIA" IN IT!" "FBI HAS COOLER LETTERS!" "WE GET PRETTY COLORFUL OUTFITS!" "THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! WE GET BLACK SUITS!"
This continued until Bobby walked over.
"What the hell are you losers screaming about!"
"OUR GOVERNMENT AGENCIES ARE COOLER THAN THEIRS!" They screamed in unison. Bobby rolled his eyes.
"Well, then. Why don't you guys just fight it out to see who's better instead of scream?"
A sudden look of revelation fell upon the four 'chillens'.
"Oh...right...heh...why didn't we think about that?" The children muttered among themselves.
"Duh. Now shut up so I can relax." Bobby lied as he walked off to go sell tickets to the event.
"Alrighty then, It's us cool FBI agents against y'all wussy CIA losers." JT challenged.
"We're not losers! We're like, so much cooloer than you dorky Freakish Boob Implants people!" Kitty shot back.
"GRRR!" They all screamed at each other, then lunged for the kill.
Five minutes later
Raz and Lili stepped out from the bush they were at. Both were severly dizzy from the...uh...erm...'ordeal' so they came back
The camp was a disaster. All who remained standing were Bobby and Kanna, who, Bobby was counting his largish generic wad of money for the tenth time, wondering how everyone was too stupid not to just cut around him instead of paying, and Kanna who was beating her head against a piece of wood out of sheer agony and lament for the class she had tried to teach.
"What happened? And where is everyone?" Lili asked. Kanna looked up.
"Nurses office. Again." Kanna groaned the last word and continued bodily harm.
"Wow I feel bad for Ami" Lili stated.
"I wonder how she's doing?"
With Ami
Dammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammit...I'm going to kill Kanna for this...dammitdammitdammitdammit... Ami wasnt really paying attention to the kids she was treating, so some of them hurt worse than others.
"Um...Ami? You're hurting my arm." Milka said ever so timidly. Ami was so angry she unkowingly had unleashed the Vulcan Death Grip on Milka's arm.
Ami's eyes glowed and her head spun around 360 degrees before hissing evily and screaming,
"GET OVER IT WUSS!"
Milka shrank back with a 'meep' sound while the other children huddled in a corner.
Back with Kanna and co.
Raz remembered Kanna "Hey now... maybe you should stop...you could get hurt..." Kanna glared at Raz and threw an eraser at his face.
"DUN TELL MEH WAT TA DO!" She screamed. Raz fell back and Lili helped him up.
"So...Did you guys teleport the rock?" Kanna asked as sheperked up hopefully.
"Well, um yeah, sure." Razreplied slightly guiltily.
"WOOT!" Kanna shouted. "Well, anyway, It's time for lunch! You kids go get washed up! Ford's gonna make hamburgers!" She then skipped off happily leaving Bobby, Lili, and Raz alone.
Raz had forgotten about his mentor/teacher Ford. He made a mental note to go see him later, and pulled Lili along to the eating place.
Eating place (for lack of better name, due to general idiocy)
"THE BURGERS WILL BE DONE SOON!" Ford screamed "THIS GRILL WON'T LIGHT!" His eyes were popping out of his head and even after Raz and Lili offered to start the damn thing he was still in denail that he could actually cook.
"Please! Mr. Crueller! For the sake of all sanity, PLEASE JUST LET THEM LIGHT THE FREAKING THING!" Kanna yelled.
"THE BURGERS WILL BE DONE WHEN THEY'RE GOOD AND READY!" Ford screamed, now convulsing with crazy doom ferocity.
Raz suddenly remembered something that contradicts what was written in the first chapter.
"I Have a Muffin!" He shouted above the twitching Ford triumphantly. Kanna, Bobby, and Lili scooted closer.
Raz took off his backpack and dug around.
"I thought it was here. I remember the fat lady throwing it at my head." Raz sighed with defeat. (A/n: remember this point. It's slightly more important than anythingelse.)The other occupants shrank back in hopelessnss.
"I blame you!" Bobby pointed to Raz.
"ME!"
"Yeah you!"
"What did I do?"
"You're stupid!"
"You're mom's stupid!" Lili suddenly shouted. Raz stared at Lili while Bobby burst into tears.
"That's not nice! My mommy doesn't have any legs!" He continued to sob and ran out of the eating place, leaving a baffled Raz, Lili, and Kanna. Ford was still convulsing.
"So... Who's up for some squirrel?" Kanna piped up.
And so, because the author is lazy, she's being stupid and skiping detail, and more classes. It's summed up below.
So Raz and Lili Went on with their next classes, TheCoach's class, All the kids were better and all patched up. They learned that Milka and Elton were now a couple. Not only that,but Elka, who had gained about fifty pounds, had collasped under the weight of being dumped by Nils, and dumping JT. And, as much as she wanted JT back, because she now found out what she had missed, he rejected her saying she was a (A/n: BLEEP!).
Anyway Raz had finally gotten a chance to talk to Dogen alone, when Lili ran off to go beat the crap out of Nils for hitting on her, Raz was glad to see that his friend hadn't changed. Except he was wearing a cool beanie now, and could control his kickass powers of exploding people. They also found out why Vernon wasn't here in the last chapter. He was sent into an interdimentional void and spat back out just in time for this chapter.
After the Coach's class, there was a break, and then another one of Ami's classes.
1 on 1 battling. This'll be good.
"Okay kids. You've had a rough day. But, you only have one more class to go before Dinner and then bed." Ami summed.
The children relaxed.
"But, once again, I'm gonna make your class hell on Earth. Get ready. I'm gonna strengthen your psychic abilities by pitting you against one another."
Everyone turned to Bobby to see him grin maliciously, and they scuttled away in fear.
"Okay. I want Clem versus Crystal, Dogen versus Benny, and Mikail versus Bobby. We might have time for another fight, but we'll see. Okay, first up, I want Dogen and Benny. Everyone else, get behind me and watch."
A field was already carved onto the ground, so Benny and Dogen steppd into it.
"Okay, kids Rules are, no using weapons, no killing each other, " Ami eyed them suspiciously. "Anything other than that is accepted. I suggest using Psychic powers cause it'll scare off the possums."
The children eyed her oddly before turning away to watch the fight.
"Okay, start!"
Benny lept upon Dogen and started to punch him. Dogen jumped back and hissed. Dogen activated levitation and dodged Bennys psychic fists until he was set afire to.
Dogen rolled around before launching a confusion gernade at him. Benny dodged and screamed out,
"GOTTCHA NOW SHORTIE!"
Dogen stopped, (still on fire) and disapeared and reapeared next to him.
"What...did...you...call...me?" Dogen's eyes flashed red and he started screaming out random sayings. and then a sudden, " I SUMMON THE SQUIRRELS OF UNHOLY DOOMNESS AND PAIN!"
With a flash, and dramatic smoke, several mutated squirrels apeared and surrounded Benny.
"Um... Dogen...?" A wide-eyed Benny managed to squeak out. "I'm sorry...?"
With that, the squirrels lunged at him and pummeled him just to the point where he was put into a coma. But not dead. Too bad so sad. Ami sighed and declared Dogen the winner. She then radioed Kanna to come pick up the kid and be ready to pick up more. She snapped the radio shut and told Mikail and Bobby to step up as Dogen skipped happily off.
Bobby snapped his neck and popped his knuckles as Mikail stood there looking awfully cool and confident. Ami looked at one fighter to the next and shrugged her shoulders while sighing.
"Okay, ready? Now once again, I cannot stress how important it is to NOT kill your opponent, or brutally injure them.Things will get bad, and complicate themselves, and we'll be left to deal with the crap that was handed to us. M'kay? Start."
Bobby lunged for Mikail and he easily sidestepped it. Bobby then jumped into the air and smacked Mikail with his foot.
Ergg... Must stay alive...hairless bear...tutu...hmmm... how to distract large haired fool? Mikail thought to himself. Bobby was just about to come back when Mikail shouted
"Look Bobby, distraction!"
"Where?" Bobby's head swivled around and Mikail's psychic fist connected with his face. There was a delightfully sickening thud and down Bobby went. The children cheered and began to sing, 'Ding-dong the Witch is Dead' but Ami threw pieces of meat at them to shut them up.
"Dear Goid this is getting nowhere... Okay, whatever, Mikail, please drag Bobby's semi-lifeless corpse off the area and send him to Kanna." Ami stated while rubbing her temples.
Mikail took Bobby by the hair and dragged him away. Ami watched the specticle before twitching her eye and calling up Crystal and Clem.
Elton, who was right next to Raz and Lili whispered to Milka about how Clem and Crystal were taken over by the spirits of fallen sad Jedis to roam the world in sadness and eternal pain and partially suffering. Raz looked to Lili, and Lili looked to Raz.
"Theres gonna be new hospital applicants, isn't there?" Lili asked.
"Yep," Raz stated back. He then took Lili by the arm and led her back about five feet and prepared to activate his sheild, if need be.
"Okay...yadda ya...no weapons...fight fairly...whatever... just start." Ami waved her hand in an uncaring manner and Clem and Crystal stepped into the area.
"Okay, Clem, here i come!" Crystal slow-ran to Clem.
"Me too!" Clem slow-ran to Crystal.
And the began to sissy slap each other.
"Ehn! erg! eehhhhh! ennnnnnhhhh!" were some of the random noises made.
The other children looked at each other and sweatdropped. Lili and Raz stared blankly at each other, and sensing the sudden impending doom, backed up several hundred feet.
Suddenly, to everyone's surprise, and eternal fear, Clem and Crystal fell to the ground and began twitching anf frothing as a green colored glow encircled them. They slowly got to their feet as the other children and Ami made "ooh" faces and stared.
"Manikan, Have you finally learned your lesson?" Crystal asked, in the most unlike Crystal voice.
"I'll never forvive you, Hobione!" Clem clenched his teeth. "You destoryed my love! And my life!" Clem pulled out a light saber as Crystal did likewise and they flew at each other in a random rage.
"Manikan! Get a hold of yourself! It was the evil in you! The cheese side has taken over you! Come back to the milk side!" Crystal shouted as she pushed against Clem's blade.
"NEVER! I LIKE THE CHEESIES!" Clem pushed away from Crystal. "I HATE YOU HOBIONE!"
"DON'T DO IT MANIKAN!" Crystal shouted as Clem jumped up into the air in a lunge. Crystal pushed her Light Saber up and over, and Clem fell to the ground, missing all of his limbs, and heavily unconscious. "MANIKAN!NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Crystal fell to the ground, and the glow surrounding them both disapeared. "Ohhh...Oh No! Dear Lard No! NOT AGAIN! WHY? WHHHHHYYYYYYYYY-" And Crystal was knocked out by Ami.
"Dear Lard this is annoying. Here, Nils, take these two to Kanna. I don't feel like it."
But Nils was on the ground, twitching.
"The full moon...It's happening...I CAN FEEL THE POWER!" Nils shouted.
The children once again shrivled into a nonexistant corner and huddled together. Nils' body warped and grew bigger. Then in an instant, he shrunk. The children, in a horrified manner stared down at Nils, then Maloof, courage summoned, wlked over and picked him up.
"It's a...sponge." He summed. The children gasped and Ami walked over.
"I should have known. But i was too lazy. Oh well..." She picked Nils up and walked away. "Oh yeah, you guys are dissmissed. Go eat dinner or whatever you do."
The children, in a blind zombie-like state filed into the Cafetearia type place to feast on spoiled dirt-meat.
But litle did they know...A shadow-like shadow watched them from the shadows. And another Chalk eraser smacked Raz.
Whoo! fianlly done! I'm sorry for the long time between that update. Procrastination turned into laziness and then I went on a Vacation. and camp is coming up, so don't expect a new chapter for a while. Ugh... not only that, but My stupid school is forcing most of the 9th graders to do serveral essays over the summer. I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED!
Spunky: I told you.
Silence fool! grr...them squeezy cheezies...well, until next time, read and review or the Spunky will be sad.
Spunky: I will?
yes.