Sorry about posting this late. There was a sudden increase in my family needing my attention.
Liara awakes to the shine of bright lights activating in her room. The rotation of this planet's sun would not rise for another two hours. Her lights, did not care. Without all the electrical systems back up, she could do nothing to reroute them. Rubbing her temples, Liara takes a deep breath. She sits up silently. Young bones ache. As she stands back up, a dull pain can be felt in her right side. It's a phantom feeling that still outlines where the Shadow Broker's hand had smacked her. The pain tinges in the shape of large fingers.
Automatically she seeks out work. A casual glance over her clipboard is how she begins every morning. Humming an old nursery song, she reads the pages she hadn't finished updating last night. The percentage of outside repairs has been the same for the last day. Progress has clearly been made. Liara bites her lip and frowns.
The thought of spending all day searching for Javik is not a pleasant one.
So instead she turns back to her computer. It whirrs in a way it never had before, as she powers it on. It used to be she could keep it running, at all hours without a problem. It was effective in cooling itself off and had a practical necessary purpose of allowing any and all contacts to reach her. Now with their limited power, and fuel, she has become used to the unfamiliar sounds. An empty folder greets her. Frustrated she throws her clipboard onto her bed.
Nothing. Still. Months of silence would not be uncommon if this were any other time.
Her anger, and fear mingle together in a dangerous dance within her chest. Reason rears its head, trying to beat down on her frustrations. They know their missions. She can trust her people to see their jobs through, and then use their reason to make the galaxy a better place. Especially Feron.
Always loyal, was Feron. Even when he didn't need to be. If he's not reaching out then perhaps something big has happened elsewhere, or maybe the communications weren't functioning again. Yes. That's the key. Feron would have checked back in during one of their any last four regularly scheduled exchanges if it was.
He was the one who went to further lengths then any other alongside her in order to retrieve Shepard's body. Kaidan was unreachable, and unconsolable. Garrus had vanished, off to play judge, and excutioner. Tali had returned to her people, and their nomadic ways. It worked out, all their sudden distance. She did not wish to burden any with her potentially fruitless dreams, but she needed someone. Feron had been that person in so many more ways then she cares to count. Now he leaves her with silence. Not even a casual update on Shepard's location. If he had so much as found a rumor about her, he would have shared it under the title of, 'that engineer'. This unresponsiveness is unsettling.
Was he alright?
As soon as she thinks it, Feron's smile is replaced by Javik's consistent grimace. She catches sight of her frown within the reflection of her empty email. Angry, she squeezes her fists shut tight. Her biotics flare at the ends of her hands for a moment in response. He's avoided her for days. Days! He can't just tell her to enjoy their victory, and then avoid her the instant a disagreement is made between them. That's not how reasonable adults face their problems. Was he dragging out the repairs, to get back at her? Avoiding her right after they had made any kind of progress wasn't enough, but now he has to keep them all trapped together!
Liara falls back into her chair. Blocking the lights with her hand, she struggles to sift through her thoughts. Feeling like a human archaeologist, constantly shaking the screens hoping to find anything worth studying beneath the ground, so too does Liara move through her thoughts trying to find one that isn't plague by Feron, worry, or Javik.
Unsuccessful, Liara stands. Grabbing her busted pistol she tucks it into it's holster on her side and steps out of her room. As the door slides open she's met with silence. Most of them were still asleep. In about an hour or so they would start to stir. All their sweetest dreams of going back home, dismissed for the cold reality that they aren't there yet.
They will though. Soon. Attempting to nurse that hope in her chest, Liara heads upstairs, and steps outside. The nights on this planet are cold. Even colder then the one on Earth during their final strike had been. Liara runs a hair along the back of her head. That final moment lingers on the edge of all her senses. Shepard's hair had scratched and tickled her forehead as they leaned into each other. Her greens eyes filled with a determination as she finally dropped her forced confident, grin. In that moment they were friends, sharing something they may never share again.
The chilly air stings her skin a little less as she stays on the memory. Casually she strolls through one of the many paths through the woods. Shepard enjoyed being outside. Not as much as she enjoyed gun practice, or wrestling with Wrex, but nature has it's benefits too. Liara always thought that interesting. Shepard enjoyed the natural world yet their ship lacks it almost entirely. She had her fish, and the hamster, but in the way of plants, there weren't many. Maybe that's what she should give the commander. If they ever find her again. She's little more then all the memories they carry right now.
Out of reach, but never out of mind.
"Liara?" Tali's confusion was clear in her voice. Standing a few feet ahead of her path, is Tali. The sun outlines her head as it rises in the distance.
"Good morning Tali."
"I was just looking for you." She steps further into the jungle. "I didn't expect to find you out here."
Liara meets her halfway. "I was out for a walk." She rubs her arms, to warm them back up. "My head feels clearer after feeling the fresh air."
"Well I have an update on the repairs!"
"Is the interior secure?"
"We are still patching up a few major gaps. Afterall we don't want an air leak out in the middle of space. Once the largest holes have been repaired, we'll be pushing colored air through the ship to see where it'll leak out of."
"Colored air?"
"It was Vega's idea. If we use air that's light then smoke, and tinted, we could pressurize it, and push it out of the ship. It would be easier to spy with the colored tint."
"And it won't damage the ship's systems?"
"Not a bit."
"I see. Then go ahead. When will you like for the ship to be cleared out?"
"We should be ready for the test two days from now."
"Alright, I'll make an announcement so everyone knows."
"Thank you Liara!" Tali walks out with a new pep in her step. She's done good work. Always does.
This latest win of theirs has done a lot to help the overall morale of the crew. Liara could feel it like a charge in the air. She could see it in the way people move about with purpose behind their steps. There's not a joy in them the way there is in Tali, but she has a lot to be happy about.
Liara makes way back to her room. Head feeling clearer, she may actually be able to get some work done now.
"Liara, its good that I was able to catch you." Of course there's always another problem. Stopping in her tracks, Liara forces a smile onto her face. Chakwas raises an eyebrow.
"Is there a problem Doctor Chakwas?"
"If I'm being honest, yes." She gestures for Liara to follow her into the med-lab. The door shuts tight behind them. "Let's get straight to the point."
"Doctor?"
Chakwas sits in her chair, immediately grabbing her pen. "Kaidan and Garrus have me concerned." She's clicking it, as she articulates her thoughts.
"Are the two fighting?" Did it have to do with Garrus attacking Joker? The two men were close.
"No. I have two separate concerns about them."
"Such as?"
"Kaidan's health is failing. He's losing weight, his memory is starting to fail him, his index finger on his left hand has been shaking, and there are claims of Kaidan talking to himself."
"Forgive me for my limited knowledge but those problems could be symptoms of many human sicknesses can't they?
"They can, but I can't figure out the core issue if he won't talk to me."
"What do you need from me doctor?"
"You two have been speaking more lately."
"We've worked closely together to look after the rest of the crew since the crash. Since he's taken up serving everyone's food, he has been able to notice problems brewing before they, pop off, as he says."
"My hopes is that he will open up to you. Joker has tried talking to him, but Kaidan just brushes him off. He sees us as his responsibilties. People he must take care of, however you're different."
"How?"
"With Shepard gone everyone has tried their best to step up and do their part in getting us out of here. If we're being honest, you're the one who's been leading us. Kaidan's a soldier he respects a chain of command. However it is also his only real social network, meaning he may be more willing to open up with a superior then someone he feels responsible for."
"You want me to get him to talk."
"More then anything."
"What about Garrus?"
"More of the same really. He's losing weight, clearly hasn't been eating, and the only people he's spoken too since the fight would be Tali and myself."
"I see."
"Sorry that I don't have a long speech prepared for each, but I think you understand the importance of these matters being confronted now rather then later."
"I agree."
"Then will you talk to them?"
"I will try."
"Thank you Liara."
In one positive aspect the kitchen is right in between her office and the med-lab. Stopping by wouldn't be too far out of the way. As soon as she raises her head, she's met with the sight of an empty common area. Hmm, had breakfast finished while she was outside? Perhaps Tali hadn't found her as fast as she thought.
Expecting an empty kitchen area as well, Liara is pleasantly surprised. "Joker? Where's Kaidan?"
"He's in our room, taking a nap." Joker shakes his hands as he shrugs. "I think he said something about his migraines. It's probably just some L2 stuff."
"I see." Liara looks around the room. There were a few people walking up and down the stairs, Samantha and another crewmate were heading for the beds, but for the most part. It's clear. "Has there been anything odd, that you've noticed lately?"
Joker waves his hand through the air, like a knife. "Oh about a kajillion things!"
"Kajillion?"
"A lot." Joker says with a deadpanned expression. He pushes a finger down for each listing. "He barely sleeps, like even less then Garrus had been sleeping." He leans closer across the counter. "And trust me, it was bad."
He pulls back away and continues. "I've heard him talking to himself in the morning. He keeps whispering Ashley and Shepard's names. Which don't get me wrong, I miss them too, but it's kind of weird for someone to talk to themselves all the time right?" Not necessarily. Many creatures talk outloud to themselves in order to properly process and idea. However saying that now may cause Joker to feel dismissed. Biting her tongue, Liara merely nods.
"His biotics keep moving things around the room. I know that's stuff yall can do, but he doesn't notice it. He'll move a cup from one table, to another and then go wide eyed as if he's shocked to see the cup has moved." Joker stops counting and rubs his neck, pulling his hand down across the back of it. "Okay so maybe that's not a biotics thing, but if not then his memory is going to shit, and I don't know which is more terrifying. A forget biotic, or a crazy one."
"Joker I don't think that's appropriate-"
He raises his hands defensively. "I know, I know."
Crossing his arms, Joker leans back against the sink. "Joker watch what you're saying. You're that's not nice. Joker stops touching everything!" His pointless mimicry leaves Liara feeling exasperated. Her early feelings of exhaustion were already seeping back in.
There's not enough hours in the day to fix every little personal problem everyone has with everybody else. Her own emotional bandwidth was stretching thinner by the day. Should she just go find Kaidan or Garrus? Looking at the stairs, Liara frowns. There, coming up from the lower floor, was the tippy top of Javik's green head. Nope. No.
Speedwalking away, Liara heads straight for the stairs going up. She's not dealing with Javik right now. Especially not with a cranky Joker. The human man can keep complaining all he wants. She's not staying.
Walking as fast as her balance would allow without tripping, Liara scales the steps. Of course she wasn't fast enough to get by completely unseen. There were a second set of feet clamouring up them. The sounds bounce off the walls. Every echo a little vibration she wishes would just past over her. Instead the noises grow louders. He's rushing up the stairs behind her, not in a panic, but determined.
She moves faster. He follows suit. Their little race ends at the top of the stairs. Liara tightens her grip around the railing at the top of the steps. Javik stops next to her. His frown grows deeper as he looks back from Shepard's cabin door towards Liara. She tries to will herself
"Liara, do you plan to face him alone?"
"Why the sudden interest Javik? Tired of avoiding me?" His eyes crease down, and he lowers his hand. He has no real comeback to that. Forcing herself to stand straight, Liara fixes a glare on Javik. He's a soldier. Just like any soldier, he respects command. "While Commander Shepard is off the ship, someone has to step up. There wasn't enough time to really sign an official back up leader assigned by the humans for the crew. So that role has fallen to me." He knows that, everyone on this ship knows that. So why was she repeating it now?
Deep down, she knows the truth. If things hadn't played out in such a rush this position wouldn't even be hers. She wouldn't be the one in charge of keeping the crew on tasks, or checking on people. All this worry about her agents wouldn't be accompanied by a deep seeded fear that everyone else on the ship secretly resents her for stepping up and taking charge. Yet if anyone else had been here to step up, she would still feel as anxious. All these years have only fed into her need for control. She can let others do their jobs, as long as she gave the order for them to do so. What does that say about her?
Does she have any right to criticize Garrus' anger, when her own emotions are so obvious, and uncontroable? Yes, says the rational part of her brain. Of course she can. Unlike him, she didn't lash out at anyone. That is, if her unkind words to Tali could be considered reasonable. Had they been, or was the stress getting to her too? Why was she here? Back in her room she could be focusing on the numbers, working until her fingers go numb. Liara raises her shoulders, and wills herself to stay on point.
"Go Javik." Without argument he walks back down the stairs. When his stomps pause Liara forces herself to walk away. She just couldn't do that right now.
Javik's steps start to echo through the hall again. Liara knocks on the cabin's door.
It slides open. That familiar thrum offering no comfort now. Garrus stands in the doorway, using his body to block as much of the space as possible. Before he notices Liara his eyes were focusing on the door. Once he raises his gaze blue eyes grow wide. The door stops before it's completely open. Liara tries not to take that personally.
She fails at it, but she did try.
"Good afternoon Garrus."
"Is it?"
"It is." Liara attempts to smile. "Could we talk?"
Garrus raises his head. He looks back into the room. After a good minute he faces her again. Whatever debate he was having internally, then resolved. "Yes."
Straight to the point. In the past their conversations had felt more inclusive. At least not entirely one sided. Well the subject she's there to discuss won't make it any better.
"I feel like our conversation may be more comfortable if we were both in the room." Garrus remains stock still. "Then perhaps we could both stand out here in the hallway." Another futile suggestion. Garrus doesn't even pretend to consider it. He continues to stand in the doorway. His build still tall enough to block her whole view of it, even though his body doesn't block as much as it would if he had his armor on.
"I think we would have to start a conversation before worrying about how to make it more comfortable." He leans a little over. That scaly head of his, towering over her.
"I won't force you out of this room Garrus. So you don't have to guard it with your life." Liara runs a hand down his arm. Garrus flinches under the touch. Her heart sinks. "So please don't hide away in here forever. with our ability to fly back, we all need to prepare for what comes next. It's easiest to do that by talking, altogether."
"More like everyone's preparing to say goodbye."
"This was always coming, Garrus. At least this time there's not the threat of reapers hanging over our heads."
"Some of us have no where to go back too."
"Well that's something you, Joker, and I have in common."
His eyes narrow as he rests a hand against the side of the door. His talons scrape across the metal. The rise and fall of his chest suddenly increasing. "Garrus?" She goes to touch him, planning to offer some sort of comfort. Instead Garrus raises his hands, and pushes himself back further into the room. Liara pulls her hands back. Garrus slams his fist against the door's button. He looks like he wants to flee further back into the room, but he keeps still.
Forcing himself to stay just on the other side of the door, he raises his hands. He holds the back of his head. Liara touches the door, leaning against it. "Garrus!" She could force the door to stay open with her biotics. She could even throw the whole thing open. That would just make him panic more. So she watches as the door closes. When there's only a sliver of space remaining. Garrus crouches down. His breathing grows more erratic. She watches until the closes completely.
The hall is empty as she trails back down the steps. Despite being alone, she doesn't feel lonely. This hallway used to feel sadder back when they didn't have power. In fact the ship isn't so eerily quiet anymore. There's a dull thrum of electricity coursing through. The currents give the Normandy a living feeling. The soft vibrations of such, can now coax all of them to sleep once more. Tali has sounded more restful since the power came back on. Even if some were still struggling, at least a few feel better. 'You can't save everyone.' It's a common sentiment always shared during war. Of course it's the same afterwards.
The usually bright lights of her room have begun to dim as she steps back in. The soft click of the door sliding shut behind her allows the tension to ease out of her shoulders. She picks up her clipboard and sits down. How fast will it take before they coul reach the relays? Considering how they still weren't even sure which planet this is, an estimate now would be a tough request. Let alone, it would be impossible to judge the accuracy of the estimate.
A click occurs behind her. It's not the click of Chakwas pen. Nor is it the familar sound of feet walking in step right behind her. No, it's the click of a door opening. Her door.
"You could have knocked."
"You would have locked the door then."
"It is my room, Javik."
"You are avoiding me. That won't do. We need to speak." He frowns and looks at a torn piece of scrap paper in his hands. "I have the percentage number for the hull repair."
"Vega has been updating me on that."
"I am aware."
"Then why are you here?"
"I do not wish to go." How rich that is coming from him.
"This is my room Javik. Leave."
"Is that an order?"
"Will you listen if it is?"
"Yes, but I do not wish too."
She just wants him to be honest! It's so easy for him! Ever since they found him, and woke him up he's been up front, and blurted out every thought in his head. Blunt, and rude. There's no way he's learn manner between now and then. So why is he tup-toeing around this? She wants to scream, to yell. This time instead of stopping herself, she does. "You avoided me first! Now here you are, demanding my attention. You won't even be honest as too why."
"I avoided you because I did not know how to speak to you."
"Well did you find you tongue in a pyjack's paw?"
"Is that a saying now?" She glares at him. He nods briskly catching onto her point. "My point being, you all talk of what is after this." He crosses his arms. Then a second later, as if noticing how he was blocking her out, he uncrosses them again. "I do not have an after."
Javik heaves a heavy sigh. "Liara when last I spoke to Shepard she asked me what I wanted. I think I now have a new answer."
"That is?"
"You."
What? Why is he saying that? Does he mean it? Questions fill her mind as the room starts to spin. She takes a step back, grabbing her head. "I-" Liara takes a deep breath to recollect herself. She waves Javik's concerned hands away. Her eyes fixate on his feet, unable to meet his eyes. "I can not do this right now."
"Then I shall go."
"Thank you."
Javik continues to stare down at her, not even taking a step towards the door. "Remember with Shepard gone I can not be guaranteed safety from the governments of the world."
"What are you getting at Javik?"
"As the last and only prothean I have no other loyalties. My goal of seeing the reapers defeated has been accomplished. Due to my circumstances, I can not be a covert spy, but an overt one may be just as useful."
"You want to work for the shadow broker?"
"I want to work for you. If you work for the shadow broker, then I will."
"Why?"
"All I know is how to fight. I don't know enough about the galaxies during this time to make my own way in the world. I rather be led by someone I know rather then by forces who are unknowable."
He has a point. The thought feels like swallowing a bitter pill. Still, of course he would be thinking about this. It's his future, and this is a world completely unknown to him in all it's new manners, and intricities. "I'll help you. It won't be easy for anyone to adapt to this new world with the reapers gone and all of our technology needing repairs. However I suggest you start considering if there is anything you want to try in this new world, aside from fighting."
"It is all I know."
"Unless you want to end up dead with your mercenary unit leaving you behind, you should consider learning new things."
"Then I shall give it some thought."
"Good." Javik starts to leave. Tali gives a little 'oh!' as the door opens in her face. The prothean pushes past her. She pushes herself against the wall, attempting to shrink out of his way.
"Ah Tali I was going to come find you." She waves the quarian in. "Now that the ship's outside repairs are well underway I was wondering if you have any time to try and turn our communications back on."
Standing still, and staring the quarian remains surprisingly silent. Was she asking for too large of a task? No. This should be simple for such an impressive engineer.
"I know you have a lot on your plate, but with the extranet down, we'll need our communications up and running so we may pick up radio signals that could be broadcasting from colonies, or satelites with resources."
Tali starts to shake her head. "It's not that, Liara it's just," her voice drifts off as she looks down at a clipboard sitting on the desk next to her. Tali hesitates to speak. Surely she must be trying to think of how to phrase her techno speak in a more common way. "Liara they are on. They came back with the lights."
What? They did work but only for a moment. Has Tali not noticed the fact that they've gone out again? Liara dismisses her words with a wave. "I know, but they must have malfunctioned between then and now."
Tali shakes her head. "No we would have noticed any sudden flunctuations right away. They're still up and working."
"I haven't recieved anymore communications."
"Well the extranet was down."
"That wouldn't be a problem. There's a direct line between my computer to several of my agents'. If the ship's communications capabiltiies were fine then I should be reciveiving all of their updates."
Tali is quiet for a long minute. Liara stands with her in that silence, ignoring the dread building up. She closes her eyes, trying hard to tune out the blinding ceiling lights. The throbbing in her head only grows. She rubs her forehead. "Liara, is it possible that they can't send you any?" Just like that Tali has spoken some of her worse fears into reality.
Liara's botics flare up as she runs her hand through Glyph's former platform. Sparks fly, through the air. One lands in the asari's eyes. "Liara! Are you alright?" Tali's hands were on her arm now. Tenderly the quarian tries to pull her back from the destroyed technology.
She should say something. A promise about her sanity, a hushed admittance of her fury, to undercut her actions. Anything, instead Liara remains silent. She slowly pulls her own hand back out of Glyph's platform. "There hasn't been a single email. Two hundred plus assents, and not one word for weeks now." Not even a S.O.S. from him.
They couldn't all be lost. No. It's just not possible. This must be a coincidence. One or two of her people may have lost their lives in the chaos following the final strike of the war, but someone, anyone could be breathing. He could be fine.
So what if he is? Asks another, crueler voice within her. What does it matter? With silence this long they may have banded together to usurp their current shadow broker. Any one of them could be working to overtake her network of people even now. She had told him to look out for ways to take advantage of the power vaccuum. Had she caused her own downfall? "I'm sure they're alive." Tali says, sounding a hundred percent convinced. "Something must be keeping them busy."
Leaning into Tali, Liara rubs at her irritated skin. Places where the sparks had landed, and faded away while she danced with her thoughts. "Yes they must be busy." She repeats, convinced of it. Now the only real question remains. What are they busy with?