Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, I wouldn't be sitting here at 1 in the morning writing a fanfic. And all my brilliant ideas would happen on the show. And Meredith and Derek would be married by now. Lol. And the show wouldn't be nearly as good.

Yet again, thanks for all the great reviews! I love you all!

And I know I promised an update yesterday, but I got caught up in writing my new fanfic, so it got pushed back a bit. But here it is. . .and well it's all Mer/Der so you know it's good!

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Derek's POV:

We do.

We need to talk. We have needed to talk for 5 years now, but I was too afraid to pick up the phone, to afraid of what might greet me at the other end. Now I knew what was at the other end, it was in front of me. But still I didn't know. I had hurt her.

We walked to the porch, silently agreeing that we couldn't do this in the house, with our daughter playing upstairs. Meredith sits down, looking at the unusual sunny sky. I watch as she takes a few deep breaths.

Meredith is scared.

So am I.

I sit down next to her. "I made a mistake."

Meredith just laughs.

"I had to choose. And I chose the wrong person."

"And you realized this 6 years after?"

"No." I pause. I don't want to say too much, to make her run. "I realized it immediately; I was just too scared to do anything about it."

Meredith remains silent, examining her fingernails.

"I was an ass."

"You were an ass."

"I'm sorry."

"Derek, I'm sure you are. But it seems a little too late to apologize now. So much has happened, so much has changed."

"But I am."

"You are. But you've been forgiven long ago. I, I can't regret anything that happened since the moment I met you. It gave me Emily."

I laugh, a sad one.

"Why now?" she asks in a small voice.

"Because . . .because I want a second chance. And I know I don't deserve one. I don't even deserve what I have. I broke you, Mer. And instead of leaving you to mend, I just kept breaking you some more. Until you ran."

"You have a point."

"I've regretted everything Mer, everything from the point that I chose Addison. It was all a mistake. I messed everything up."

"You did."

"I've spent the last 5 years regretting that night in the exam room. I don't regret it anymore, it gave us Em. But I regretted it for so long. It was so beautiful and perfect. But it shouldn't have happened. I was married."

"Derek, you weren't the only person there."

"I know." I refuse to blame her, it was me, all me.

"Why did you choose her, Der? You seemed so sure it was over, so sure you just wanted her to leave so you could continue with me. With us. But then you chose her."

"I don't know. I wish I had a real great answer for you. You deserve it. But, really I don't know. She was my wife. I felt I owed it to her, that I owed it to the vows I said. Now it seems like an empty and hollow excuse, but at the time I guess it seemed kind of important."

Meredith nods her head slowly, I wonder if she understands.

"And at the time, I thought, this, us, I thought it would stop. That I could move on and forget."

Meredith laughed, sounding small and sad.

"But it didn't. It didn't stop. It never has." Her hand sits next to mine, and I move mine so it covers hers. She doesn't pull away.

"And that's what prom night was about."

"That's what prom night was about. I wanted so badly to stop us Mer, so badly to make things work with my wife, but I just couldn't. And I finally gave up." I laugh now, small and happy. "And I liked looking at you."

"You liked looking at me. And you liked being with your wife."

"I was stupid. And I didn't like being with my wife, I liked the idea of being with my wife."

"You're an honourable man, Derek Shepherd."

"I'm a stupid man."

Meredith laughs. She doesn't say anything to disagree.

"After that night, why did you stay with her?"

"You were avoiding me. You wanted nothing to do with me. And I was scared."

"When did you finally leave?"

"About a week after you left. I couldn't do it anymore. I was miserable without seeing you everyday. And I couldn't have you anymore. I decided then that I didn't want Addison. Only you."

I felt Meredith's hand turn over under mine, as our palms met and she laced her fingers through mine. "And now you want a second chance?" She's smiling.

"I don't deserve one."

"Maybe you do."

"You need strength, Meredith." I say, thinking back to the words Bailey yelled at me the day before. "And Meredith Grey, when it comes to you, I've never been very strong."

"Der, you made mistakes. So did I." she says with a grimace. I wonder if she is thinking of the cause of our biggest fight, the men she used after me. "But you were always strong."

"No, I wasn't." I whisper.

"You were." Meredith says, squeezing my hand. "And you can be strong this time. Strong for our daughter. Strong for me. And for us."

"I'm scared. What if I can't be?"

"You can." Meredith says.

I take a deep breath, trying to sort out my thoughts, trying to figure out exactly what she is saying. It sounds like I may have my second chance.

"Meredith, you're a resident with a daughter. You can't have weak people in your life. Are you willing to take a chance on me again?"

"Derek, even if you are weak, scared and confused, I find my strength being next to you. You're my rock. Without you Derek, I'm weak."

"Meredith, you need someone strong." I don't know why I can't get my mind off this. She's saying everything right. She has the right words. And I'm just so scared, scared of hurting her again.

"Derek. I need you."

Hold your head high

Don't look down

I'm by your side

Won't back down

You wanted a hero tonight

Well I'm not made of steel

I'm not made of steel

But your secret's safe with me

Meredith's POV:

It's been six years, nearly seven actually.

Six years since a woman with red hair and legs for days walked into the hospital and with very few words destroyed me.

Six years since the man I loved more than life itself chose to stay with her.

He apologized. Finally.

It was long past due, and long past being needed. I knew for certain now, it had come slowly since I had been back, since that day he held me in the graveyard, the realization that all I really needed was him. I didn't need an apology, or even a profession of love, of always being together and the happily ever after. I needed him.

He seemed so weak, scared and vulnerable, sitting on my porch, trying to explain himself and trying to find the words that desperately needed to be said.

He needed me.

I squeezed his hand. "So, where does that leave us?" I ask.

"Working on it?"

"Working on it sounds good."

Silence for a few minutes, as we both sit and examine the ground at our feet.

"You can't." I pause. "You can't hurt me again."

" Mer, I don't plan to."

"I miss you. When I see a ferry boat. When I hear the Clash. When I see Muesli at the super market. When I see someone fishing. I miss you."

"I miss you too. Every time I smell lavender. When I come to here for supper or just to say hi. When I take a hike on our trail. Every time I pass the lingerie store and see black panties in the window."

Oh, those black panties. Over the years I've often wondered what ever happened to them. I laugh and lean closer into him. "So no more secret wives?"

"No more secret wives."

"Good. You know, we're not back, Der? Right? I mean, there's Emily we have to think about. We have to take time. Be careful."

"Make sure I can be strong enough."

"Make sure we can be strong enough." I correct him, amazed at the insecurity I have never seen in him before.

"We can take our time, Meredith. All the time we need."

My heart speeds up as I see him lean his face towards mine. His hot breath warms my lips as my hands linger up his chest. Our lips me, soft, loving.

Mike. I have to tell him.

Softly I push him away, hoping he doesn't take this the wrong way. "Before that, before all that, there's one more thing I have to tell you. And Der, I have to. We have to do it right this time."

Nervousness flashes in his eyes. "Okay."

"Derek, when I came here I left . . ."

The sentence never has a chance to finish. A car door slams in the driveway. "Meredith!"

Mike. In a weird twist of fates my secret shows up right before I'm about to alert Derek to it. Derek and I seem to be doomed.

"Mike," I say hearing the bitterness enter my voice. McDreamy's hand slowly raises up my back, comforting me from an enemy he doesn't know exists.

"Who's this?" Mike says, gesturing towards Derek. "Emily's father? They have the same hair."

Derek stands up and steps in front of me. Protective. I don't like the tone of Mike's voice. Seemingly, neither does Derek. "I am Emily's father. Derek Shepherd. And you are?"

"Mike Kent. Meredith's boyfriend."

My heart stops as Derek's head whips around to look at me, venom in the eyes I refuse to meet.

Sorry this took so long to get posted . . .it was my computer's fault not mine. And some blame could be put on my boyfriend as well, but it is here now. With probably more to come tomorrow.

In other notes . . .I'm not one to blow my own horn, actually usually hate when people compliment themselves, but I LOVE this chapter! Hahaha . . .I know it's awful to say that but it's true. That Mer/Der scene, as I was writing it took my breath away. I think I managed to get Derek to say a lot of what needs to be said (in actuality on the show). He NEEDS to apologize and admit he's an ass and everything else. So I'm really happy that it turned out that way in my fanfic. I wasn't really planning on it. Yet again, character did what he wanted to do. Shonda makes very strong will powered fictional people.

And Mike showing up right when Meredith was going to tell Derek about him . . . that was a brainwave in the middle of writing. Everything comes back around on this show, so enter the Addison entrance scene (so nicely referred to earlier on). And how Derek got all protective . . .to me Mike really is an asshole, so it seemed natural he'd rub Der the wrong way and he'd get protective. And yeah Derek's pissed . . .but remember, Mike isn't actually Meredith's boyfriend. So don't stress too much.

And yeah, I'm aware that Mer's POV was about 100 times shorter than Der's. But to me, this was Derek's chapter. He needed this. In my fanfic and on the show. Next chapter they should be more even, or if anything Mer's may be longer.

Anyway, as I said update more tomorrow after work . . . I'll do this one before my season 3 one (which is proving to have very long chapters)