A/N: Allemande takes place at the same time as the Fifth Movement.
Drab, filtered light snuck its way into Rei's apartment. The blind to her window was closed, like always, but it didn't keep all the brightness out. The plates of metal that created the walls and ceiling seemed to suck all the heat out of the air. It left a cold feeling to the place, though it was almost 90° outside. The feeling sank into Rei's bones, chilling her to the core. Not to say her soul was not already cold, though. Only in the past few weeks had Rei come to realize how emotionless she really was. She realized it, and tried to hate it—tried, but could not. She had never known hate, and so could not concentrate her energy on it. It was an unknown to her.
An unknown like so many other things. The sheet of ice that kept Rei's spirit from learning did not seem to have a weakness at all. No matter how hard she tried, the cold lazily bounced off her attacks, and seemed to laugh at Rei.
"What are you doing, puppet? There is no escaping me. I am part of you, and have always been. And will always be."
It mocked her attempts to destroy the only thing that kept her sane.
"If I die, so do you. We are one in the same, puppet. Break me, and you will be crippled beyond resuscitation."
I am not a puppet.
"Then what are you?"
I am I…
"That means nothing, and you know it. I am you. I am what keeps you alive."
No. That cannot be.
"And why not?"
Because…
Because…
"Exactly my point. If you would accept me like you used to, then all would be right in the world. You would not be so confused. Just give in, Rei."
The afternoon sun, blazing in the endless sky, shied away from the apartment. Its rays died when they ventured there. So an endless shadow was cast upon the place, leaving it look as though it was void of life, void of meaning. The truth was very much close to this.
Rei lay upon her bed, staring at the ceiling. She was trying to see the sun, but the shadow of doubt covered her imagination. Nothing came from the sky but darkness. Darkness with teeth that gnawed at her freedom, threatening to turn her into nothing but a doll.
I will not allow this.
"Fuck, like you can do anything about it, Rei. Listen to me for one damn minute, would you?"
I will not.
"You're just being a child now. You won't listen to reason."
This is not reason. This is a lie. I've been betrayed.
"Betrayed? By whom, might I ask?"
By Commander Ikari. He's lied to me my entire life. He has suppressed the feelings that prove I exist. He used you to control me. You are nothing but his tool.
"At least I know who I am. You don't know anything about yourself, do you? You have no idea…"
The cold laughed at Rei. It stung her soul, knowing that it was right. She did not have an identity. She was nothing.
I will not allow this.
"Yeah, I've heard that before, bitch. You aren't doing anything but whining, now. There's nothing and no one that can help you. So would you please just fucking stop?"
Silence was all that existed. Rei could not say anything to the cold. She was helpless, like it said she was. There really was no point in trying to be free; it was impossible. Freedom was in a distant land now, millions of miles away. It was unreachable, unattainable.
Tears rolled down Rei's pale cheeks. She had been defeated by her only real enemy. All she could do was stare at the shadow, waiting for the sun that would never show itself. All she could do was let the tears flow.
"There, there, puppet. There is no need to cry. Come, accept my bond with you once again, and I promise things will be better."
This cannot be, Rei thought in disbelief.
"I think we already went over that, Rei."
The world is not so cruel to reject my want for it.
"How would you know? You've never been out of Gendo's control. You don't know anything about what happens out there."
Liquid hurt flowed from Rei's eyes. The cold was right. How could it be so fucking right about everything? It's like the cold knew more about Rei than she herself did; it was an injustice against her soul.
Rei shuddered and, laying on her side, curled into a ball, knees to chest. She closed her eyes, trying to escape the shadow. The cold laughed at Rei's insignificance; it knew it was winning this battle.
You have no right to do this to me.
"And who the fuck is going to stop me?"
You have no right to keep me prisoner.
"I am keeping you prisoner?" It laughed. "You're doing this to yourse…" The cold stopped abruptly. It had made a mistake.
Rei opened her eyes, a spark of knowing deep within the red.
I'm doing this to myself?
"No, of course not! I never said that."
This is my fault?
"No! You have no control over it!"
Then…I can change it.
"You're fucking crazy! You are nothing but a puppet for Gendo!"
I've been keeping myself ignorant this whole time. By my own actions, I've been entrapped in this limited existence.
The cold shrank away from Rei's thoughts, retreating back into her soul. But Rei sensed it, and grabbed the cold.
You cannot escape now. I am myself. I have the power to change myself. I wish for you to be gone. I wish for you to die.
The sun felt something change. The creeping evil that had surrounded and engulfed the place where eternal shadow dwelt was weakening. It was being defeated at long last. The sun, radiant in its glory, shone its rays down upon the place, cracking the darkness' defenses.
Rei fought the cold, but with the upper hand now. She willed it to die, to be utterly exterminated. She could feel the ice crack and begin to melt.
"Rei, wait! If I die, you die! Your soul will be eaten by society! You cannot live in such imperfection!"
You lie. I have something to replace you. If you are replaced, I will live.
"That's impossible! I was created with you, we are the same entity!"
I understand now. I have found the one thing in the world that can help me, that can revive my soul, that can guide it to happiness.
Light broke through the shadow in a brilliant shockwave. The darkness was scattered and taken into the light, becoming that which it hated. The cold screamed in agony.
"THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! WHAT COULD POSSIBLY DEFY MY WILL?!"
Love.
The cold shattered. Its scream echoed through the halls of Rei's mind and soul. It was a terrifying sound, the death-cry of the ice, and Rei rejoiced in it.
At long last, the sun shone through the solitary window. The light lingered playfully upon the strong metal walls of Rei's home. The cold was gone, and a sweet, beautiful feeling replaced it. Rei stood and smiled in ecstasy; this was the beginning of her new life. This was the beginning of her happiness.
"I'm coming, Shinji!" Rei pronounced to the world. Her heart felt light, as her soul rejoiced in pure, exultant joy. This was the new Rei. This was the Rei that screamed 'I' at the heart of the world.
The door to the apartment flew open, creaking at the rusted joints. Rei ran out, not even bothering to close the door, and headed for the train station. She was headed to Shinji's house, headed there to tell him. Tell him what, she did not know. But she knew she had to talk with him.
Sunshine showered Rei as she ran, pouring from the heavens. The sun smiled, sharing the same joy Rei felt.
"She finally figured it out," the sun said to itself. "After all these years, she finally got it."