A/N: I've been wondering whether to up the rating of this fiction to M or not. I'm convinced that people on the internet read things regardless of the rating, but I don't want to get into any trouble. If my story gets removed I have no easy way of reposting it because more than half of these chapters are saved on my sucky Compaq that went to hell in an Amtrak. Over all, I'm not too worried about it.

Thanks again to all of my supportive constant readers! I'd be nowhere without you.

Thanks to my many reviewers. I'm really glad to hear that you love my little odd-ball of a story enough to expressively state so. I love long reviews, by the way. They give me some interesting light in my otherwise monotone world of daily rituals.

Here's an extra-speciallong post for you guys.

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James had cooled off quite a bit by the time he reached the room where he left Maria. As desperate as he was for company moments ago, he decided instead to search for someone else. Even Harry would make better company then the slutty atrocity that is Maria. James stood outside the door of Maria's room pondering over whether to see if she was there or not. The hellish scenery of the alternate hospital finally forced him to open the door.

Maria was gone. James sighed with relief then suddenly felt a pang of emotion that felt a lot like worry. He snorted to himself. Why should he be worried about her? All that she did was follow him around like a lost puppy anyway. James decided that he would be better off wandering around Stephen King's version of a hospital without her annoying presence. He suddenly found himself hoping that she had been devoured by something terrible.

Wandering around aimlessly (and slaying many horrid nurses) James checks each room for any necessary items, because you always have to do this sort of thing in the survival horror genre. He happens across an empty patient room with a dry cell battery on the table. Since James feels an obsessive compulsive need to stuff any seemingly non-important item into his never-ending pockets, he snatches up the battery like a ferret hording shiny things. While obtaining the battery, James discovers something of more importance.

A key sat idly on a scummy desk next to a bed stained with completely random substances. He snatched the key and discovered a small note beside it.

"I dropped my oh so precioussssssss ring in the basement's basement. I want my preciousssss backs but I can never go back theres! Stupid filthy hobbitsis!"

James re-read the note twice before his ferret senses began to tingle and told him that he must obtain the seemingly unimportant Oh So Precious Ring. Examining his newly obtained key, he realized that it was conveniently labeled 'BASEMENT STOREROOM'.

Skipping happily down a bloody demonic corridor, James seeks the elusive stairwell door. On his journey, he finds an interesting memo that reads:

'She is an angel no one knows only

I can see the Lady of the Door

they cannot walk along her Bridge

of Thread they fall from the weight

of their crimes.

Like bloated and ugly corpses

their sins she devours them

sin and sinner alike she saves

me she is an angel.'

The note being unimportant for now, he rounds a corner only to discover a hole in the wall nearly identical to the one that Henry and Walter use to travel about. Deciding to take a quick detour from his basement quest, James leaps into the amazing teleporting hole.

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Two nurse demons shuffle down the hallway and come to a stop where James was just moments ago. One took a long look around before slapping the other across the face.

"Dammit, Betty! I TOLD you he would get away if we kept shuffling so damn slowly! It's always the drama with you!"

This, of course, initiates a nurse demon slap fight.

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James finds himself in a disturbingly womb-like chamber with a large rotating metal thing (seriously, nothing else could better describe it) in the center. A young women with her arm in a sling shuffles awkwardly towards the metal spinner. The thing that has James's attention, however, is the ginormous crucified corpse suspended in the back. The most disturbing part was that the corpse was wiggling and screeching. James writhed in disgust.

Walter stood before the crucified thing with Henry confronting him.

"You're freakin' crazy!" Henry screamed at Walter, who was caked with blood.

"Mama!" Walter exclaimed, staring at the ceiling, "It's almost time! I'll be with you soon enough!"

"Hmm… a mother-obsessed villain," James spoke aloud, "This reminds me of Sephiroth, that momma's boy."

Henry turned to see James, startled by his presence only to witness a huge flock of Sephy Fangirls (and a few Fanboys) tackle James to the ground.

"James!" Henry yelled, "Save Eileen!"

James wiggled beneath the might of the Fangirls, screaming for mercy while Eileen waddled dumbly towards her metallic fate. Walter's most annoying laugh ever echoed through the room as Henry proceeded to pull THE MOST disturbing thing a Silent Hill protagonist ever carried in his pocket: an old dried-up umbilical cord.

Walter stared at the cord, a look of violation upon his face. "Good lord! That's nasty!"

While Walter was sidetracked, Henry looked from the cord to the crucified monster. "I can't use this item here." He concluded. After coming to this conclusion a few more times Walter became bored with Henry and proceeded to attack him with a handgun. Henry finally flung the umbilical cord at the giant crucified monster causing pretty much nothing to happen.

James struggled beneath the massive mob of Fangirls, barely able to breathe. He heard the sounds of multiple gunshots and the cries of the injured crucified thing. He then heard a disturbing grinding noise as Eileen finally waddled straight into the metal thing; dumbass.

As James finally threw the last Fangirl off of him he witnessed Walter fall to the floor defeated. The crucified monster now had twelve spears protruding from its chest and was presumably dead. Henry stared at Walter's dead body, then to the metal grinding thing.

"Eileen…" He choked out. He suddenly cried out in pain and collapsed on the floor going limp instantly.

James strides towards the two dead men leaving behind the pile of exasperated Fangirls.

"What the hell just happened?" He cried out, not realizing that he just witnessed the final battle in which someone received a bad ending in Silent Hill 4. Knowing that he would never know the answer, he loots Henry and Walter's dead bodies stealing much ammunition and health items. He then scampers happily out of the disturbingly womb-like chamber and back into his regularly scheduled program.

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James randomly decided to check the Day Room as he wandered past. Prying open the rusted door, he takes a look inside. The room was heavily padded much like the squishy walls in a psycho ward. Unable to resist the temptation, James vaults himself into the nearest unstained wall. He bounces off of the squashy material and lands sprawled on the equally squashy floor.

"Woo!" He squealed with childish glee, colliding with the wall a few more times. About the fifth time he hit the wall and landed on his back on the unnaturally squishy floor he found to his astonishment a refrigerator randomly lying in the middle of the room. He pulled himself to his feet and examined the fridge. Coming to the conclusion that something very important must be in that fridge, he proceeded to attempt to open it.

He clutched the oddly cold handle and tugged on the rusty excuse for a refrigerator, yet found that he was unable to open it.

"Holy crap." He mused, staring at the fridge "Even I with my almighty awesome studly-ness have failed to open this fridge!" His brain unable to comprehend the message, he forgets the refrigerator altogether and abandons the Day Room in search of greener pastures.

James managed to locate the stairwell and jogged ungracefully down its steps. At the very bottom of the stairs he located a locked door. James withdrew the key from the mysterious depths of his pocket and looked from the key to the locked door back and forth several times. He grins slyly to himself as he unlocks the door then squeals in surprise as the key spontaneously combusts after he uses it.

"Why do they always disappear?" he wondered as he proceeded through the now unlocked door.

James entered the creepy-ass yet very small basement and noticed a shelf propped against a wall. The shelf wouldn't have been so interesting if it didn't have hand prints of blood all over the side of it. James leaned against the corroding wall and stared behind the shelf. He could faintly see the outlines of a hole. Somehow a man who just had physical problems opening a refrigerator moved the heavy shelf with ease. Just as James was about to go down the ladder he revealed, the door burst open and he nearly wet himself with terror.

Maria came sliding into the room, her face still caked with the horrible slut makeup that never seemed to wear off even as she trapezes around this place.

"James!" She shrieked in her voice that highly resembled Mary's. James flinched with disgust. "You son of a bitch, why did you just leave me like that!"

James recoiled. "Huh? I went right back to you and you had wandered off! Anyway your slutty ass is still alive so what does it matter?"

"'Anyway'!" she yelled in return, clearly appalled, "What do you mean 'anyway'? I could have been killed!"

"Shame." James replied monotonously. "Besides, look at yourself. You're just asking to be killed or raped or something. Why are you following me in the first place?"

Mary sobbed. "All you care about is that dead wife of yours!"

"Huh?" He asked, confused at her lack of an easily digestible response.

Maria suddenly flung herself at James, embracing him tightly and crying. "Why didn't you come to save me?"

James twitched at her horrid attempt of affection and shoved her away. "I didn't know where the hell you were, okay? It's a damn shame you didn't get eaten by something nasty."

Maria seemed to not take in the last part of his response and sniffled, wiping the tears from her eyes. "Just promise that you'll never leave me alone again."

"You're the one who wanted to be left alone in the first place, wanted to take your meds." James continued to mutter under his breath as he proceeded down the ladder.

He found himself in a small square room with a shiny copper ring resting on the hideously textured floor. He plucked the copper ring from the bloody muck it rested on and wiped it off on his jacket. He stared at his own reflection in the extra shiny Oh So Precious ring, clearly captivated by himself. He then shoved it into his vortex pocket and climbed back up the ladder where Maria awaited him nervously.

James exited the room and jogged back up the stairs, Maria hot on his heels. He threw open the stairwell door to the third floor and glanced around in case a nurse demon waited to pounce on him there. When no attacks came or the trademark sound of the nurses slow shuffling, James entered the third floor patient wing.

Waiting for him in the patient wing were two nurse demons, one of them you may recognize as Betty from earlier.

Betty points at James and gurgles incoherently which I can translate to "There they are Martha, Charge!"

The two demons then shuffle slowly and dramatically towards James, each bearing a pipe-like weapon. James screams like a girl at the sight of the nasty nurse zombie things. Maria suddenly decides to be of more use and puts her attributes to the test. She walks down the hall swinging her hips dramatically and attempts to distract the nurses by awkwardly seducing them.

Betty then gurgles and shrieks in monster language: "Sorry chick, I don't bend that way." Betty swings her pathetic pipe at Maria and slams her foot. Maria cries out in pain and severely exaggerates her wound.

"Oh James! James, please help me! I think they've killed me!" She then falls to the floor and cries like the cheap prostitute she is. James laughs at her misfortune before seriously deciding to destroy the nurses because, well… they're creepy. He reaches for his trusty wooden plank when he suddenly remembers that the teletubbies destroyed it. Filled with the full shock of his loss, James is unable to react. He slides slowly to the floor, his eyes wide and filling with tears.

He sniffs. "My plank….I can't believe you're really gone forever." He wipes the sleeve of his jacket across his face. "You were so young and full of life, there were still so many more monsters for you to slay!" Tragic sting orchestra music begins to swell in the background as James pouts. He rises to his feet and shakes his fists at the rotting ceiling. "Damn you teletubbie! I will find you! And when I do, death will come slowly and painfully!"

James hangs his head in defeat. "Why God, why? What did I do to deserve your wrath?"

God obviously doesn't answer, because there's just something about James that pisses him off.

The two nurses, Betty and Martha, stare at James as he continues his angst fest.

"Ummm…" gurgles Martha in monster speech, "He's not supposed to do this, is he?"

Betty stared long and hard at James. "It's not really fair that we kill him now," she adds in a whispered tone, "he just lost his plank."

Martha shakes her head in sympathy before they both turn and shuffle away.

"So," started Betty, "Have you seen ole Traffic-Cone Head around here? That two-timing jerk owes me a dollar."

Maria continues to sob over her foot which no longer hurts. She realizes that the nurses have disappeared and she proclaims herself victorious. She scrambles to her feet and strides slyly over to James who wipes the tears from his eyes.

"There, there honey. It's okay, it'll be alright." Maria says in a disgustingly soft voice as she attempts to comfort James. She puts a hand on his shoulder and he quickly thwacks it away.

"No touchie. Wait, I was upset over something?" His single-tracked mind goes into overload as he attempts to understand what's going on. "Oh well, lets us continue. I must avenge my plank."

James pressed the elevator call button in the now empty patient hallway and was surprised when he heard the sounds of an approaching rickety elevator. As the elevator took it's sweet time, James stared into the abyss of the now grate-covered walls. He began to wonder what sort of dimension this hospital had been drawn into Assuming that this question would be answered at some point in his desperate quest, he presses the matter no further.

The elevator doors screech open and James boards the seemingly unsafe structure with Maria close behind him. The doors shut noisily as the elevator begins it's wobbly descent downwards.

Suddenly, an annoying static sound began to blare from nowhere. James glanced about the elevator, searching for the source of the defiant static. He suddenly remembered the radio that he had destroyed way back in the beginning of his journey. The static sounded just like the noise the old radio had emitted.

Proud of himself for remembering details, James smiles widely.

"Uh…James?" said Maria slowly.

"Yes?"

"Where did that radio come from?" She pointed at blocky radio enthusiastically blaring static on the floor. James stared at it in terror.

He pointed and shrieked "Phantom radio! You have returned to haunt me!" He snatched the radio from the floor and was about to hurl it against the elevator's wall when it suddenly began to speak.

The radio had somehow picked up some sort of game show signal. A man's voice with a prominent lisp could be heard.

"Welcome once more to another fabulous round of Trick or Treat!" The audience roared in the background as cheesy music began to play.

"Tonight we have a special guest," continued the lisping man, "James Scanderlund!" The audience roars. James stares at the radio with a look of mixed horror and surprise on his face.

"Now as we all know, Mr. James has to answer THREE questions and get them all correct in order to collect his special prize! But get them wrong, and BOOMBACHOWSPLATGRINDAAAARRRRGGHHH! Ha ha ha, isn't that FABULOUS?"

James dropped the cursed radio and backed into a wall far away form it. Maria stared dumbly at it as if nothing peculiar was taking place.

"Now James, are you ready to play Trick or Treat?" The audience roars. "Fabulous! Lets get on with the questions, shall we?" He clears his throat.

"Merry-Go-Round, haunted house, roller coaster, ferris wheel and tea cups. Quiet Hill is home to a fabulous amusement park that both children and Michael Jackson love. The question is: What is the name of this amusement park?

One, Quiet Hill Amusement Park;

Two, Neverland Ranch;

Or three, Lakeside Amusement park?

"Marvelous, now to question number two. Quiet Hill witnessed a gruesome murder a few years back. A brother and sister were playing in the road when they were attacked and chopped into PIECES with an AXE. Torn flesh, smashed bones, splattered blood, and finally..." The sounds of the lisp man vomiting could be heard as the audience screamed.

The man continues, "What gruesome end to such innocent lives. What was the name of the murderer who committed this vile act?

One, Walter Sullivan;

Two, Mickey Mouse;

Or three, Mr. T?

"On to the next and final question. Is the hokey-pokey really what it's all about? If you think you know the answers, head to the store room on the third floor; but you better be right or AAAARRRRGGHH! Muahahahahahahahahaaa! Oh, and keep the radio with you this time you imbecile" The audience applauded as the radio hissed then died. James stared at the radio with wide eyes.

"What was that all about?" Maria asked, as if James knew. James pocketed the radio without questioning it. The elevator slowed to a stop and then opened allowing James and Maria to escape.

"Ya know," mused James, "The elevator sure took a really long time to go down one floor. James spontaneously remembered the refrigerator in the Day Room that must have something important in it; otherwise it wouldn't be there, would it? Happy with his reasoning, James heads to the Day Room and pries open the doors once more. He heads over to the fridge and flexes his muscles before gripping the handle and pulling with all his might. The door still did not budge.

"Oh come on," sighed Maria, "You want me to help?"

"No," heaved James, "You're just a girl, what are you going to do with that pitiful excuse for muscle mass?"

"Humph!" Maria gripped the handle of the fridge and they both pulled in unison. This time, however, the door opened easily.

"Now that doesn't make any sense." Said James lowly, staring into the fridge, "I hope this doesn't mean anything symbolic or some crap like that."

Maria reached into the fridge and pulled out a heavy lead ring with a scull engraved in it. "Huh, not very CUTE is it? Not cute like you. Here, you take it." She drops the ring in his palm.

James smiles quirkily, "Thanks! Hey, were you trying to hit on me? That's just pathetic; you have more of a chance with Traffic-Cone Head." He stuffs the ring in his pocket and leaves the room, Maria following gloomily behind him.

He re-enters the elevator and rides it back up to the third floor. This time, the ride only took about a whole three seconds. James was heading towards the storeroom to claim his game show prize when his radio began to blare static again in an attempt to warn James of an approaching monster. Angry, James was about to destroy it when a nurse demon (recognizable as Martha) lurched at him from an open doorway. It gurgled and shrieked as blood ran down its oddly shiny skin and its head jerked from side to side. Mortified, James whipped out his brand new shotgun and loaded it with ammo he stole from Henry.

The nurse swung its pipe at James and struck him in the chest. Winded, he gasped and stumbled backward. Maria continued to stand behind him being useless, as usual. James quickly cocked his shotgun and pressed the barrel against the chest of the demon. He squeezed his eyes shut and pulled the trigger. A massive spray of blood guts and mucous expelled from the nurse, splattering both the walls and James. The nurse fell over instantly and convulsed in a growing puddle of its own body fluids. Disgusted, James squashed its/her face in with the heel of his boot causing a sickening crack to echo through the halls. The foul demon lay dead.

James made a squeaking noise of displeasure as he wiped nurse guts off of his favorite army jacket. Maria stared at him, havening been shielded by James's body she remains unstained by nurse fluids. James kicked Martha's body out of the middle of the hall and continued casually on his was to the storeroom. He pulled the door open and stepped lightly inside the small room, expecting something to attack him. When nothing happened, he explored the room.

An elaborately decorated black box sat on a small table. James examined it and found it to have three rows of three buttons. Each row was labeled 'one' 'two' and 'three' respectively. Having linked row one with question one on the game show, James poked in the third button. He knew the name of the amusement park; in fact he could never forget that place. His wife would always insist on going there and force him to ride that terrible merry-go-round.

For row two, James pushed in the first button. Killing two small innocent children sounds like something Walter would do. And for the last row, James pushes the third button; hoping that's what the hokey-pokey is all about. The box clicks and springs open. Beside himself with pride and joy, James loots much ammunition and health recovery items from the box. He leaves behind the bottle of alcohol, a cloth, a full box of matches, explosive charges, a working radio, and a can of Pringles.

Maria peers into the box, her brain working at a very fast pace. "Hey, aren't these things important?"

James looks into the box again. "Yeah, you're right." He grabs the Pringles and exits the room.

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James wanders into the 3rd floor patient wing once more and heads towards the stairwell door. Where there should be a door, a painting of a women looking very much like a religious figure covered the area. The disturbing part of the painting was that her hands, instead of being flat, were three-dimensional and jutted out of the wall; the Lady of the Door.

James withdrew the special rings he gathered earlier and slid a ring on each hand. Something clicked and the painting swung open like a door. James was amazed at how genius he truly was. Grinning, he jogs down the stairwell with Maria in tow. Maria stops on a landing and plucks a piece of paper off of the floor. She reads it then chases after James.

"James! Hey, James! This might be important." He snatches the paper from her and reads what it has to say:

'I took the direckters's key - the

one to the mooseum. I hid it

behind the preying woman when

I went out for the day trip. I

picked it up but I did not steal

it. I'm not a krimminal.'

Deciding that this might actually be important, James stuffs the stained piece of paper into his amazing pocket and opens the door at the bottom of the stairwell. Maria sticks close behind James, proud of herself for having uncovered something of value. She leans out form behind him and stares down the long corridor.

They have entered into a narrow hallway with walls and floors consisting of metal grates and decaying drywall. The hallway appeared to turn a sharp corner further down. Unhesitant, James strides down the hall. Maria followed him then slowly turned as she felt a presence behind her.

Red Traffic-Cone Head had appeared out of nowhere. Maria screamed and clutched James's arm. He turned around and screamed as well, his voice almost matching Maria's in frequency. Traffic-Cone stared piercingly forward at James, although you couldn't see his face through the large rusted, metal cone clamped about his head. Traffic-Cone ditched his big-ass butter knife of doom in favor of a more lightweight weapon; the new big ass toothpick of doom. Mortified, James turned and sprinted down the narrow hall.

Maria called after him and ran as well, although not as fast in her slutty boots. She watched desperately as James increased the distance between them. The sound of Traffic-Cone Head running as fast as he could after her got her adrenaline pumping. Now crying, she ran after James blindly, smacking into many walls.

"James! Jaaaames!"

James had reached the end of the hallway and pressed his back against an elevator frantically stabbing the call button. He watched as Maria rounded the corner with T-Head hot on her prostitute heels. The doors opened behind him and he quickly leapt inside. The doors suddenly began to close as Maria approached; she reached the elevator as soon as the space between the doors was less than a foot. Screaming, she attempts to force the doors open. James began to flip out as he frantically pressed the 'doors open' button in an attempt to save Maria.

"James!" She cried out. Her sounds were suddenly cut off as James witnessed the big ass toothpick impale straight through Maria as if she were a shish kabob. Her hand went limp and released the elevator door. James stared in horror as her blood began to flow into the elevator.

"Arg! Well at least I tried!" he kicked Maria's hand out of the closing doors in fear of her blood staining his precious army jacket. The doors closed shut and the elevator began its descent. Shocked, James leaned his back against the doors and slid to the floor.

"Holy crap, what just happened?" she muttered, staring at his boots. "Did she just die?" After a few more silent moments James lets out a happy victorious squeal.

"YES! She died and I didn't even have to do anything! YAY! No more dysfunctional whore following me around like an ugly lost puppy!" The elevators doors opened and James strutted happily into the first floor reception area of the hospital. Humming, he opens the door to the Director's room and finds a map of Quiet Hill on the cluttered desk.

A house was circled on the map and the following words were scrawled:

'He who is not bold enough

to be stared at from across

the abyss is not bold enough

to stare into it himself.

The truth can only be learned

by marching forward.

Follow the map.

There's a letter and a wrench.'

James shrugged and decided to check out the area with the letter and the wrench; you never know, the wrench could be shiney. He circled the house on his own Quiet Hill map and looked out the window just in time to see Lorla skipping merrily down the street.

"Lorla!" he snarled, "Stupid little girl is the reason why I came in this horrible hospital! And, she trapped me in the room with the teletubbies!" James remembered the teletubbie that broke his plank. He would never forget his loss, no matter how hard he tried. Filled with a new determination to capture Lorla, he leaves the hospital or horrors, never to look back.

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Traffic-Cone head meanders up the twisting narrow hallway, leaving Maria's worthless dead body behind. He sighs to himself as he turns the handle to the stairwell then steps backward in surprise as Betty the hideous nurse demon assaults him.

"Hey, you!" she shrieks in monster lingo, "You still owe me that dollar I lent you!"

T-Head snarls inside his metallic cone. "Hey I paid you that dollar, bitch! Get off of my case!"

"You most certainly did not! I would remember!"

T-Head rubs his metallic cone mask with his white gloved hand. "Look, I'm a very busy man. I know I paid you that dollar. I have work to do and I can't miss that dinner with the mannequin twins again or they'll kill me, so get the hell out of my way before I skewer you."

Betty sobbed, "I never meant anything to you, did I?"

"You're right! Worthless excuse for a demon!Now go make your useless ass useful and attack James some more." T-Head shoves her out of the way and continues up the stairs, muttering about how over-worked he is leaving Betty to sob quietly in a corner.

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