Chapter 8

Jack left the living room to go to the nursery, and Sam headed for the kitchen. She placed her now empty coffee cup in the sink and followed Jack into Alison's nursery; she entered just as Jack was straightened up from placing the baby into the crib. He remained there, hands on the edge of the wood, just looking at his little girl. Sam came up behind him, gently placing her hand upon his back. His eyes never left the sleeping baby as his arm came up around Sam's shoulders and brought her around to his front so she was standing in the space between his body and the crib. Jack's arms encircled her waist, as she leant back into his embrace, covering Jack's hands with her own. He placed a soft kiss at the base of her neck then set down his chin on her shoulder.

"What where you thinkin' about?"

"Huh? When?" Sam asked, still gazing at the sleeping form before herself and her husband.

"Before. In the living room; you looked as if you'd been there for a while"

"Oh. Nothing…well…everything actually," she took Jack's silence as a queue to elaborate. "We've been through so much and…I… I don't know, it's…it's nice to finally have something normal. Do normal things and…just be…"

"Happy?"

"Yeah." Sam turned in her husband's arms, so she was facing him. She splayed her hand over his strong chest, her finger caressing the soft cotton of his t-shirt. "Blissfully," she punctuated her words with chaste a kiss, "addictively," kiss "perfectly," kiss, "happy," Kiss.

This time, however, she continued the kiss, deepening it by tilting her head further up, allowing Jack better access to her mouth. Jack gently teased her mouth open with a gentle nip of her lower lip; she made a gentle mewing sound as she slipped her tongue between her husband's lips. He tasted of coffee and some other, un-nameable, thing, which Sam had come to know as simply Jack… she loved it. She leant further into his body, her hands coming up to intertwine in his soft silver hair, one of Jack's hands came to rest on the side of her face, while the other pressed firmly into the small of Sam's back. They broke apart, both a little breathless from the intensity of the kiss, and pressed their foreheads together. " I believe you promised me breakfast General?"

"That I did." Pressing his lips against his wife's one more time, the couple left their baby girl to sleep and headed toward the kitchen. Sam took a seat at the kitchen table as Jack handed her a fresh cup of coffee.

"So, what d'you wanna do today?"

Sam sipped her hot coffee and looked up at her husband as he began to busy himself, cracking eggs into a large bowl to make his 'world famous' omelets. After a few moments with no reply, Jack looked up to find his wife staring at him.

"What?"

Sam placed her cup down on the table, stood and walked over to her husband. She took the whisk and bowl from his hands. Jack looked confused, but put up no resistance. She then proceeded to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him. At fist Jack didn't respond; he was confused. But after a second or two he relaxed and kissed her back, his hands coming to rest on Sam's waist. After another few minutes Sam pulled back and looked into Jack's eyes.

"I love you,"

"I love you too…not that I mind, but…where's this come from?" he looked at his wife, he had that cute little crease in between his eyebrows that he got when he was confused.

"I don't know really…I was just thinking."

"Oh. Surprise." Sam gently tugged at a little of the hair at the nape of his neck.

"Ow!" Sam smiled at her husband; she kissed his again and felt him smile against her lips. Pulling back and looking into Jack's eyes Sam asked him,

"Do you remember our first date?"

"Official?"

"Yeah."

"So after we-" his wife cut him off.

"Yes Jack; after we did that," Sam rolled her eyes.

"Of course I remember it. It rained…a lot!"

"And the first time you took me to cabin?"

"Oh, that I remember…it took me eight years to get there… and it was a pretty huge turning point for us, if I recall." Jack tilted his chin towards his wife and wore a quizzical expression on his handsome features. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh I was just thinking about it the other day…well…the day Alison was born actually," a warm smile spread across Jack's face at the mention of his little girl. "And earlier, I was thinking about how we got here…we went through so much, we wasted so much time and…when we first got together I used to regret that it took us eight years to finally fight for what we wanted…"

Sam was lying awake, staring through the darkness at the ceiling…thinking, as usual. However, tonight she was thinking about things that she tried so hard not to think about…him…the General. She used to think of him as 'Jack' because she could never actually call him that, at least out loud. So liked to indulge in the simple pleasure of his name whenever she thought about him…which, if she was truly honest, was more often than she would care to admit. But now…now it was too dangerous to even think his name: she would slip up, she would…she didn't know, but she just knew that it was too dangerous to think of him as 'Jack', he was 'The General' or the classic 'Sir'. God, she hated this!

Two weeks ago Sam's life had been right on track…well…to anyone who didn't know her maybe…she had a great job, which she loved, she had wonderful friends who would go to the end of the earth for her (considering they go a lot farther away than that on a daily basis maybe that was an understatement!) her family was happy and healthy (or so she thought) and she had a fiancé who adored her!

See…right on track!

Or… that's what she had convinced herself…and then…it all hit the fan!

In a spectacular fashion!

Pete bought a house…a god damned house! Without, I might add, so much as even consulting her! But okay, maybe she was over reacting a little…it was a nice house…pretty even, but…Oh My God! A house! What was he thinking? Okay, so at that point she had to admit she was in a little over her head.

"The dog's gonna love it!"

Dog!

Okay, forget 'a little' she was completely out of her depth!

She wasn't ready to settle down. Marriage? Suburbia? Dogs? Nope! Definitely not ready to settle down…at least…not with Pete.

'Okay, stop it Sam!' she told herself 'you're engaged. You love your fiancé! You can do this!'

'Oh my God. Who am I kidding? I can't do this…this has gone far enough! Too far! I have to stop this before it gets any worse!'

So she broke it off with Pete…it was actually easier than she had expected…I mean it was still hard, but he seemed to take it pretty well, all things considered.

Next on her wonderful list of things that had gone drastically wrong in the past two weeks…

Jack was seeing someone…some stupid…perky, redhead!

'Oh stop it! What is wrong with you? He deserves this; he deserves to be happy, he deserves someone to love…' She kept telling herself that over and over…it didn't help. She still had a compulsive urge to hate that woman! Which, she knew, was stupid, but she couldn't help it. She had the one thing that Sam truly wanted, and the constant mantra she had buzzing through her mind just served to confirm the fact that Sam desperately wanted to be the one who Jack could love…and that just made things worse!

And last, and most painful, on her list was that her father was dead.

The odd thing was that, even though it was painful, and she still needed to mourn him, she was…okay. I mean she wasn't 'okay'… but…she was doing pretty well considering.

She actually felt lucky…strange as it may sound, but…she should have lost him years ago but the Tok'ra, well, Selmac had given her another chance with her father, and for that she would be forever grateful. The last few years she had been closer with her father than she had ever been while growing up, in some ways she regretted that fact, but it hadn't been easy for him…after Sam's mother was killed he had a hard time dealing with things: he was a hard Air Force General, who had suddenly become a grieving widower and had to raise two teenagers alone, and although Sam had blamed him for her mothers death for a while, she had forgiven him after a little time…her brother though, was another story. He had gone out of his way to make things difficult for their father. He was anti-military at the best of times, but after Alison Carter died…he became unbearable, and as he got older things between them just got worse. The final straw for him was when Sam joined the Air Force, at that point he became totally estranged from Sam and their father, no contact at all, he even moved to another state! But again, thanks to Selmac, over the last six years they had re-built their relationship and once again become the close family they where before the death of Sam's mother.

Part of the reason why Sam felt the way she did was because of her mother's death…that was merciless…she had been ripped from their lives with no warning, but with her father…she got to say goodbye, it didn't make the fact that he was gone any easier to deal with, but it softened the blow. Adding that to the fact that she had people around her to comfort her… her mind wandered back to the moments before her father had died…

She remembered sitting in the observation room, looking down at her father as he spoke to some members of the Tok'ra who had come pay their last respects to a dying comrade…friend.

She remembered when his strong arms had come around her shoulders, and she had taken his hand in hers…how good it had felt to have him there, to just…how good it was to have him comfort her.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Being here for me."

"Always"

It was that one word…'always'… that one word that had her awake at…ugh…three-thirty in the morning. She released a resounding sigh in to the darkness of the room and threw back the covers, flipping her legs over the side of the bed she walked to the door.

She opened it as quietly as possible, so not to stir the three other occupants of the small cabin. She crept down the hall, pausing outside one of the doors; it was slightly ajar. She hesitantly lifted her hand, placing against the smooth wood; she gently eased the door, silently opening it a little more.

She did not enter the room, but stood in the doorway…watching…just watching the rise and fall of his chest as he inhaled and exhaled the cool air of the cabin. He seemed so at peace, the lines on his face relaxed in sleep, the seemingly constant furrow of his brow smoothed out. He also looked completely adorable; curled on his side, his head resting on his bent arm and his hair…his silver hair was a total mess, he could almost rival the bed head of mischievous little boy…and that was quite an achievement!

Sam took in a deep breath and tore her eyes away from the man sleeping before her, she dipped her head, squeezing her eyes closed before she glanced back up releasing the air from her lungs, before she moved back from the door and continued down the hall.

Sam crept all the way through the cabin until she reached the living room; slipping on her sneakers she walked through the sliding door out into the crisp Minnesotan night. Although she was wearing only a small tank top and her pajama bottoms, she did not notice the chill of the air against her bare skin. She slid the door closed behind her, and continued out into the darkness taking a deep breath of the clean, cool air she tipped her head toward the sky. No matter how many planets, and how many skies she saw…she was still fascinated by the beauty of earth…of the stars above home. After a moment she sighed and walked out to the end of the small dock next to lake, she lowered her self down so she was sitting on the edge, her legs dangling above the water.

Again she became absorbed in her own thoughts…this time not so much about the General but more about her father…she replayed memories of her childhood, and ten of the past six years over in her mind…it was only then that it truly dawned on her that he was gone…that…she was never going to see him again.

She felt the sting of tears in her eyes but fought them back…she didn't know why; she had no-one to hide them from out here…in the middle of the night, but still she felt she had to be strong…she imagined what her father would have said:

'Come on airman! Buck up! Carters don't cry!'

She was so deep in thought, gazing into the now black water of the lake, that she didn't hear the door slide open. She didn't even register his presence until he startled her out of her thoughts as he lowered himself onto the dock next to her.

"What'chya doin' out here? It's cold."

She glanced down at her hands resting in her lap, before looking back out across the water.

"Couldn't sleep."

A slow nod of his head was all the response she got as his gaze matched hers: looking out across the dark water of the lake. They sat there in silence for a few moments before she felt the need to speak.

"It really is beautiful out here, sir. I can see why you like it so much." Her voice was quiet but sure and strong. He glanced up to her face,

"You should come out here in the daylight; it's even better when you can actually see the view."

A small laugh escaped her throat, he grinned back; loving that he could make her laugh even in the middle of the night. That was one thing that he could never get tired of; making her laugh, making her smile, making her happy…in his own little way…making her laugh was really all he could do…it was all he was allowed to do…and that killed him…but her smile, that smile she had, it seemed, just for him…that…that made his life a hell of a lot easier.

Sam's smile faded until only the very corners of her mouth were marginally turned up, she took in deep breath of the cool air, and tipped her head once again up to the sky.

"I like it at night: You can see the stars." She leant back, supporting herself with her hands behind her on the wood of the small jetty. Jack mimicked her position, also looking up at the deep blue of the Minnesotan night sky. "You should have brought your telescope, I bet some of the things you can see out here are beautiful."

Jack did not fail to notice the lack of 'sir' at the end of her sentence, for all that he may play dumb he was a highly intuitive man, intelligent beyond what most people gave him credit for. Okay, so he didn't understand the physics behind the wormhole theory, but… he was smarter than he let on.

"I don't need a telescope to see what's beautiful." Jack was, Sam noticed, not looking at the sky when the words left his lips. She turned her head towards him, and met his eyes; they looked almost black in the darkness. She allowed her gaze to trail over his face, before it momentarily settled on his lips… only for a second or two before she met his eyes once again. He had not looked away from her face in the few moments she allowed herself to take in his handsome features. A shy smile crossed he face before she looked down to a non-descript point in the middle of his chest.

"Lie back." Jack reclined all the way down, until he was flat on his back, looking straight up to the sky.

"What?"

"Lie back; you'll get a better view."

Sam did as he asked, and once again, they were echoing one-another's positions.

"Okay." Jack took in a deep breath and surveyed the sky laid out above him; he brought his arm up above him and pointed, with his index finger, a little to the right of where he was lying so his arm partially crossed over Sam's body. "Look, there's Orion." He tipped his head to the side to look at Sam. She was gazing up to where he was pointing. "Do you see it?"

"Yeah." She smiled as she tipped her head slightly towards him. Then back up to the constellation above them.

"And…oh. There's Polaris."

"The north star."

"Yeah," he said with a grin, "and that is part of the Little Dipper, which is also part of Ursa Minor." The whole time he was speaking his finger was tracing the outlines of the constellations they were looking at.

"Ursa Minor; Little Bear?"

"Yup. And if you look carefully you should be able to see the Big Dipper." He tipped his head, once again, to the side to see Sam's brow slightly furrowed.

"Where? I don't see it." Her gaze was scanning the area to where his hand was pointing. He shifted his position, so that his right arm came down into the space between them, this brought them closer together, as he leant forward, towards her lifting his left arm into the air and traced the outline of the stars.

"Look, right there." He glanced down just as a grin spread across Sam's face, this, in turn, made a small grin grace his own face.

"Yeah, I see it."

"Now, if you even more carefully; you should see the Big Dipper, Ursa Major or Big Bear."

The small grin on Sam's face grew to one of her mega-watt, melt your socks smiles, as she turned toward Jack, and noticed the huge grin on he was boasting. She turned onto her side, bending her arm and supporting her head in her hand. "You really love the stars, don't you?"

"Yeah. Always have." He glanced at Sam and then back up to the sky, "when I was a kid, I used to climb out my bedroom window, onto roof, and just…lie there…for hours just looking at the sky…"

Sam's smile had faded from the melt your socks, to a smaller but no less intense smile, that, if he was honest, still had the capacity to turn his brain and his socks to goo. It was so rare for him to share things about his past, that when he did, it made Sam feel all the more special, and like…well if she told the truth, she didn't really know what it made her feel, other than the fact that it felt pretty damn good. An extra piece of the puzzle that was Jack O'Neill.

He glanced across at her; they were only a few inches apart at this point, and just looked into her eyes, there was so much going on in there…he smiled back on then tore his gaze away, back to the stars.

"And then of course, my mom found out and all hell broke loose!"

Another small giggle escaped Sam's lips, and she turned her head again towards the stars. They just lay there, in companionable silence for…well neither of them had any idea how long they had been there, neither one of them felt the need to move until, a soft breeze caused goose bumps to break out across Sam's bare shoulders and arms, causing her to shiver, it wasn't until then that she realized how cold she actually was.

Jack, feeling her shiver, turned towards her,

"Come on, it's cold, lets go inside." Jack stood, ignoring the loud cracks of his knees, offering Sam his hand he helped pull her up to stand, however, he did not release his hold, like she had expected, but lead her back towards the cabin, hand in hand.

Once inside Jack released Sam's hand as she sat down on the sofa, there was no way she could go back to bed now.

"I'll make some coffee" Jack did not go straight to the kitchen, but walked to the opposite side of the room and put one of the lamps on, he also picked up a blanket. He handed it to Sam on his way to kitchen. "Here. Get warm."

"Thanks," Sam graced him with a warm smile, taking the blanket; she curled up on the couch, tucking her feet beneath her. While Jack was in the kitchen Sam just sat and took in her surroundings, of course, she had seen the living room before, on there arrival two days prior, but she hadn't really spent that much time in there; during the day they had been sitting on the dock fishing, and in the evenings they had stayed outside until well past dark, talking and eating masses of charred meat which Jack had cooked on the grill. So now she took the opportunity to just look around. It was nice, admittedly it didn't have a huge amount of stuff in it, considering that Jack never spent huge amounts of time here, but it still reflected the man that he was. On the walls were pictures of his son, various planes and air force memorabilia; the shelves were lined with books about fishing, astronomy and not surprisingly a Simpsons annual. At this Sam smiled to herself.

"What you smiling at?" Jack brought her out of her thoughts by entering the room holding two steaming mugs of coffee. He handed one to Sam.

"Thanks." Jack sat down next to her; she was sitting in the middle of the two-seater sofa so they were closer than they usually would have been, as he sat back into the couch Sam was suddenly overwhelmed by just how handsome he really was. His hair still mused from sleep and the breeze outside, she had always loved his hair; how it changed over the years she had known him, gone from a light brown, to charcoal gray, and know it was nearly silver all over. His broad shoulders, clad in an old washed out USAF t-shirt, which hugged his firm torso and revealed his muscular arms-

"What?"

Sam was pulled back from her musings by his words, and suddenly realized that she had been staring at him, she instantly averted her eyes and found the cup of coffee nestled in her hands extremely interesting.

"Nothing…sir" she wasn't sure whether she had added the 'sir' for his benefit or hers.

"So," Jack took a sip of his coffee, "wanna tell me what you were doin' outside in the middle of the night?"

"I told you; I couldn't sleep." She sipped her coffee, savoring the taste as the dark liquid slipped down her throat.

"Yeah." He took another drink form his cup, "why?"

Sam leant forward and placed her cup down on the coffee table.

"I don't know…I guess there a little too much going on my head right now." She sat back into the couch, shifting into a comfortable position causing there legs to brush together, both felt sparks fly down their nerve endings, but neither gave away the reaction to the other, after eight years they were seasoned at hiding it.

"Well that's gotta be a record. Is it even possible to have too much goin' in that head?" a smile formed on Sam's lips at his comment, and he grinned back, 'Okay,' he thought 'progress; a smile. That's progress, right?'

"I don't know...it's just so much has happened recently…I mean, the war is over after, eight years, and with Pete and my dad…and…I'm here, and…I'm loving every second…but, I guess I…I feel…guilty," Sam could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, but she didn't bother to fight them, she knew there was no point…not with him…he would know anyway. "I feel guilty because my father just died and I shouldn't be this happy."

Jack turned to look at Sam, his expression steely. "No. Don't you even think that…not for a second." A few errant tears escaped Sam's eyes and began to tumble down her cheeks. Jack moved off the sofa, placing his cup down on the table next to her and crouched down in front of her, ignoring the cracking of his knees. Sam was looking down at her hands in her lap, avoiding his eyes. He lifted hand, placing two fingers under her chin; he gently pushed her chin up to look at him. Another few tears ran down her face. Jack moved his hand to her cheek brushing away the tears with his thumb, his expression softened, and Sam leant into his hand. "You have nothing to feel guilty about. Sam you deserve to happy more than anyone." Suddenly she smiled, not a small one, oh no! One of the Carter patented super smiles, the ones that set Jack's nerve endings on fire and cause his brain to go to mush. "You never call me 'Sam.'" A small grin crossed Jack's features and he cocked his head sideways for a second. "CO's prerogative." And in that instant Sam's smile was gone and she looked back down to her lap.

"Right…CO." Sam felt her eyes begin to sting once again and Jack's hand slipped from her cheek. They stayed there for a moment; it felt like a lifetime to both of them, before Sam spoke again. Her voice small; barely above a whisper.

"I don't wanna do this anymore." She looked up and saw that he was avoiding her eyes. "I'm tired of fighting…and I don't want to do this anymore because…" her voice caught in her throat, "because…I love you."

Their eyes met and took about a half a microsecond before his lips were on hers. Her hands were in his hair, his hands were on either side of her face. Trying to get as much of each other a possible. When the need for air became too great the pair pulled apart and pressed their foreheads together, both taking deep, ragged breaths.

"We can't."

"I know…doesn't mean I don't want to."

Sam pulled back just enough to look at his face, they just stared at each other for a moment, and Jack's hand came round and pushed some blonde hair behind her ear.

"God, you're beautiful."

A shy smile, along with a faint blush swept across Sam's face, she looked down for a moment before meeting his eyes once again. Suddenly her smile was gone as a horrible thought passed through her mind…

"Wait…uh, what about…Kerry?"

Jack looked down for a moment and let out a whisper of a laugh;

"Right, uh…that didn't really work out; she, uh, she broke up with me."

"Oh." Sam was suddenly filled with fear and dread. 'What if he's just doing this because she left him? Am I just the reserve, the fall back? Oh my god, am the rebound!'

"She said I have issues," he looked up to in time to Sam cock an eyebrow, "but it was one particular issue she couldn't live with…"

Sam's curiosity peeked

"Which was?"

Jack looked up and met her eyes, his expression was impossible to gauge. Damn him! Why was he so good at hiding his emotions?

After a moment he spoke.

"You."

Sam's eyebrows shot up and any façade of calm and collected that she had managed to sustain was out the window!

"What? Me?" Sam could feel her face begin to flush and willed it away, which of course only made it get worse! 'Damn my fair complexion!' her brow furrowed in confusion as she ran over anything she could have done to be considered an 'issue.'

Jack let out a small chuckle at her obvious confusion, on any other occasion he would have milked it for all that it was worth but, right now…he decided to put her out of her misery.

"It's okay, you didn't do anything wrong." He watched as a visible wash of relief flowed over her, "she basically said…" he looked down at his hands, which were now resting on either side of Sam's knees on the couch, "that…she couldn't love me when…" he met her eyes "…I'm in love with you."

Sam took in an audible gasp. She had waited almost eight years to hear those words, and now she had…

"Really?" she wouldn't let herself celebrate just yet, the cautious part of her, the part that had been hurt before, and lost people that she loved, wouldn't let her; she had to be sure.

He smiled and nodded,

"Yeah…"both of his hands came to the sides of her face, "…I love you Samantha Carter."

TBC…