I got a bite!
Title: Gone Fishing.
Author/Artist: GuardianYugi/WhiteAsh
Warnings: AU CRACK
Pairing(s): Some Doku/Kou
Notes: AU. That annoying Sanzo-ikkou is at it again! This time they're bent on ruining Kougaiji's fishing trip! What'll happen?
Gone Fishing.
Why was it always so difficult to, first of all, find fishing gear that worked and, secondly, get it all into a boat? Kougaiji struggled with his rod; the line was completely convinced it was a birdnest.
"Do you need any help, Kou?" Dokugakuji's voice sounded muffled. That was understandable, considering that he was holding everything and could have easily been confused with a packhorse.
"I'm fine. I can get it. It's this… stupid… loop…" Kougaiji fiddled with the knots, determined to prove he could do something for himself. Dokugakuji set down the fishing gear and everything else that went with it so he could work on dragging the boat to the water. Kougaiji finally managed to untangle his line and felt extremely accomplished. "Dokugakuji, I've-"
Dokugakuji was busy tending to the boat and hadn't seen Kougaiji's triumphant victory over the knot. It was one of many things that bothered Kougaiji. He sighed and walked over to the gear, noticing at once how organized everything was. He considered knocking it over, just to be a pest, but realized he did have his image to maintain.
"Kou, could you bring me the life jackets? I need to check them over." Dokugakuji called from the boat, which was now securely tethered to the dock and ready to be loaded up. Kougaiji wondered why they didn't just load it while it was on shore.
"Alright." Kougaiji ansered, noting the lifejackets were, as luck would have it, located at the bottom of the organized pile of gear. There was only one thing to do. "Dokugakuji. The lifejackets are at the bottom of the pile. If I pull them out it could knock everything over."
Dokugakuji sighed. Kougaiji really did act like a helpless little prince sometimes… but more often than not he was simply a royal pain in the ass. Still, it was a simple enough task considering how light everything was… and truth be told, he honestly didn't mind doing things for Kougaiji.
Dokugakuji headed up to the pile of gear and began carefully moving everything. He noticed that Kougaiji seemed anxious about something… then he noticed the unknotted fishing line.
"You untangled it on your own! I'm sorry to have doubted you." Dokugakuji smiled, pretending it was the greatest accomplishment the world had ever known.
"I told you I could do it." Kougaiji smiled. Dokugakuji resumed his task and eventually had both lifejackets in hand. Kougaiji watched him inspect them. "Why are you inspecting them? We used them a while ago and they still worked."
"That's very true, but you can never be too careful." Dokugakuji replied as he moved on to the next jacket.
"How do you know if they work if you aren't even going to get them wet?" Kougaiji sighed.
"I'm only checking for tears and faults. I have no doubts as to whether or not they float, Kou." Dokugakuji smiled, adding, "Don't worry so much."
"I'm not worried. I never worry." Kougaiji said quickly. He shifted his weight from his heels to his toes then back to his heels again. "I'm going to go wait in the boat."
"Put your jacket on first." Dokugakuji said at once.
"We aren't even far out yet! We haven't even gotten into the boat yet!" Kougaiji complained. It seemed ridiculous and needlessly embarrassing to him. "Besides, we can both swim."
"Being able to swim doesn't mean you'll never find yourself in a situation where having a lifejacket could save your life, Kou." Dokugakuji argued. Kougaiji sighed. He hated arguing with Dokugakuji… mostly because it felt like arguing with a safety message commercial. "Now put it on."
"Fine." Kougaiji took his lifejacket and put it on, waiting for Dokugakuji to do the same. If he didn't do the same, then it would mean he was a hypocrite and Kougaiji wouldn't allow that. "You're putting yours on too, right?"
"Yes, Kou. Just let me bring the gear down to the lake first." Dokugakuji laughed warmly.
"I'm just making sure." Kougaiji smiled.
Eventually, and with much coaching from Kougaiji, the boat was loaded, both men were seated in it, and Dokugakuji was wearing his lifejacket.
"Are we leaving now?" Kougaiji asked impatiently.
"Just let me finish untying the boat… there." Dokugakuji placed the rope on the dock and turned to start the motor. Eventually, the motor roared to life and the boat began its journey to the usual fishing spot.
As they made their way across the water, Kougaiji heard an enthused shout and some rather loud hoots. He groaned. The Sanzo-ikkou was once again making any attempt at time alone with Dokugakuji absolutely impossible.
"Dokugakuji, I thought I told you to make sure they weren't going to be here this time!" Kougaiji hissed.
"I even asked them in advance not to follow us, Kou! I had no idea they wouldn't listen!" Dokugakuji stated in his defense.
"You let them know we were going? Well, this is just wonderful." Kougaiji sighed.
"Hey! Kougaiji! Dokugakuji! Is that you?" came the voice of one Son Goku.
Oh joy. thought Kougaiji. They're water-skiiing today.
"No, it's someone else! Go away!" Kougaiji shouted back.
"It is you! Wow! What a coincidence, huh?" Goku shouted back in completely unconvincing surprise.
"It's not a coincidence at all." Kougaiji muttered darkly. "Dokugakuji, they'll scare away all of the fish."
"Hey! Gojyo!" Dokugakuji shouted. The red-head was water-skiing alongside Goku and turned in response to being adressed.
"What is it?" Gojyo called back.
"Could you do that some other time? We're trying to fish!" Dokugakuji explained.
"I love fish! If you catch some can we all have a barbeque together later?" Goku shouted back.
"That would be great! Hey, yeah! Let's do that, bro!" Gojyo offered.
"That sounds like a good idea!" Dokugakuji admitted, turning to Kougaiji. "What do you think?"
"A barbeque with the Sanzo-ikkou?" Kougaiji asked, considering it. It wouldn't be the first time that the antics of the Sanzo-ikkou had ended in something pleasant.
"Well?" Goku asked.
"We'd need to have fish first." Kougaiji said to Dokugakuji.
"This is true. What do you want me to tell them?" Dokugakuji asked.
"Tell them I wouldn't do it in a million years." Kougaiji smiled.
"Not in a million years, bro!" Dokugakuji shouted.
"Then we won't get off the lake, bro!" Gojyo shouted back.
"And we'll be really loud too!" Goku added.
"Really? I couldn't tell!" Kougaiji shouted.
"Kou, I think we should just let them goof off over here. We can fish on the other side of the lake where it's quiet and have the barbeque later." Dokugakuji suggested.
"I should just send Engokuki after them if they keep trying to bother us. Then maybe they'll stop acting like this." Kougaiji sighed.
"I'm terribly sorry if we're bothering you, Dokugakuji!" Hakkai called from his boat. He took a sharp turn and sped off another way, throwing both Goku and Gojyo off of their skies and into the water.
"If you were terribly sorry then you would leave us alone!" Kougaiji shouted at them.
Kougaiji may have been willing to have a barbeque with the Sanzo-ikkou, but pretending to hate them was very hard to do when in actual fact he was beginning to hate them in reality. He couldn't believe that his fishing trip was being delayed once again by the Sanzo-ikkou… it was just a blessing that Sanzo himself hadn't shown up.
"Come to think of it, where is Sanzo?" Kougaiji shouted to Hakkai.
"Oh, he'll be along soon enough. He's trying out his Seadoo." Hakkai smiled, stopping his boat alongside Dokugakuji's.
"Kyuuu!" said the boat. Dokugakuji blinked, thinking he needed his ears cleaned.
"Did you say… Seadoo?" Dokugakuji asked.
"You're not serious." Kougaiji demanded.
"Oh, I'm quite serious. I think it's a midlife crisis." Hakkai chuckled lightly.
"But he's only 25!" Kougaiji exclaimed. Gojyo and Goku had made it back to the boat and were climbing in, lines and skies with them.
"He's 25, sure… but he doesn't know that." Gojyo chuckled. It was at that moment they heard the fierce buzzing of a motor. Kougaiji looked to the shore to see a sky blue Seadoo heading towards them.
"He's going to hit us!" Kougaiji shouted.
"Nah, he was practising the other day. He's good at it." Goku laughed, standing up in the boat.
"What are you doing?" Kougaiji asked, curious.
"This!" Goku laughed, jumping into the air. Just as he would have hit the water, Kougaiji was able to see the sky blue Seadoo (which said MAKAI TENJO on it, among other things such as PRIESTS DO IT WHEN YOU'RE NOT LOOKING, in bright orange letters) for only a moment as Goku landed behind Sanzo and it rushed past them.
"Dokugakuji!" Kougaiji hissed, wanting to get to the other side of the lake before Sanzo realized he could do something stupid to annoy them like he usually did.
"Maybe you could listen to me the next time I ask that you not show up on a certain date, Gojyo." Dokugakuji warned, pretending to be upset.
"Maybe… or you could take your certain date and show up somewhere else. Come on, Hakkai. You're up." Gojyo laughed.
Dokugakuji started the motor again and eventually both he and Kougaiji were at the other side of the lake. It was much quieter. Dokugakuji got his fishing rod prepared and offered to help Kougaiji with his. Kougaiji wasn't going to argue this time as he wanted to catch something, so he allowed Dokugakuji to help him.
"Kou, it's perfect over here. We can relax and have some fun and then go to the barbeque later on." Dokugakuji said softly, wanting to make up for his brother's antics.
"I still can't believe they showed up at all, though. Are they trying to drive me insane? I don't even want to be friends with them and they make it so damned hard to hate them!" Kougaiji snorted, missing Dokugakuji's point completely.
"I know. They're awful and someday they'll all be dead." Dokugakuji said reassuringly as he handed Kougaiji his prepared fishing rod.
"Thank you, Dokugakuji." Kougaiji smiled.
They spent the next ten minutes in peace, happily chatting about various things. Kougaiji caught two fish within five minutes of each other. Dokugakuji still hadn't even felt a nibble on his line. Still, he felt that the weather was absolutely perfect and that even without a single bite, he could still relax and enjoy his time alone with Kougaiji.
Kougaiji felt the same way, but always began blushing whenever he thought about being alone with Dokugakuji. It was hard to maintain his reputation as a tough individual when sometimes he just wanted to fess up and admit he really did-
Kougaiji's fishing rod gave a sudden jerk and he was almost tugged into the water. That was his reward for letting his guard down. Dokugakuji hurriedly got the net and waited as Kougaiji struggled. He said nothing as any form of encouragement could be taken the wrong way. The fish thrashed about violently, but Kougaiji seemed to know what he was doing, and he seemed to be winning the battle… until his line suddenly snapped.
"Damn it!" Kougaiji cursed, falling backwards into the boat. He righted himself then shouted in excitement, "Did you see how close? How big? I mean… hell!"
"I did! I saw! It was incredible! You have to try again." Dokugakuji encouraged him.
"Of course I will!" Kougaiji grinned, giving his rod to Dokugakuji for preparation.
Dokugakuji began preparing the line… but the telltale buzzing of the sky blue Seadoo had begun getting louder. Turning to look, both Dokugakuji and Kougaiji saw Sanzo and Goku riding closer and closer to them.
"What are they up to?" Dokugakuji asked quietly.
"Knowing them, something idiotic." Kougaiji growled.
The Seadoo approached with no signs of slowing down at all. Kougaiji wondered if perhaps Sanzo was suicidal. He began getting nervous, urging Dokugakuji to move the boat. Dokugakuji tried starting it, but the motor had gone comatose and refused to start at all. The Seadoo was almost on top of them!
"The waves are awful this time of year aren't they?" Sanzo shouted as he turned at the last minute, sliding across the water, the large MAKAI TENJO on the side of his Seadoo nearly blinding them in its bright orange glory, then sped off in another direction as the powerful waves from his Seadoo slammed into the boat. Goku's laughter echoed after him.
That was the final straw for Kougaiji. He'd put up with a lot from the Sanzo-ikkou, but being blinded by the MAKAI TENJO on the side of a Seadoo AND being splashed violently was INTOLERABLE. He began chanting in fury, a portal opening between his hands. Dokugakuji attempted to calm him down but there was nothing he could do to stop Kougaiji once he'd gotten this angry.
"COME OUT! ENGOKUKI!" Kougaiji roared, forcing the portal open and releasing his faithful servant. The fiery beast of hell exploded out of its cage and toar across the water, following Kougaiji's unspoken direction and chasing down the sky blue Seadoo.
"UWAHAHAHAAAAAA!" Goku screamed in terror.
"SHIT!" Sanzo screamed as well, speeding up.
"GO FASTER, SANZO!" Goku begged.
"I'm going as fast as I can!" Sanzo shouted. If they waited any longer, Engokuki would kill them both! They had no choice. Both Sanzo and Goku dove from the Seadoo into the lake and swam as quickly as they could. Gojyo and Hakkai, who'd been watching from their sunchairs on the shore, began laughing hysterically.
The explosion was magnificent. As Engokuki tore through the Seadoo the fuel tank ignited, blowing it into a million pieces. Sanzo and Goku watched from a distance in complete disbelief. Sanzo fainted with a cry of grief. Goku helped him to shore. Engokuki turned and charged back to Kougaiji, fading away back into its fiery dimension in the process. The deed was done.
"Hahahaaa! Take THAT!" Kougaiji shouted. Dokugakuji blinked in shock. Kougaiji turned to face him. "They won't be bothering us anymore."
"No, I suppose not." Dokugakuji chuckled, ruffling Kougaiji's hair. "Do you really think that was necessary? What if they don't want to have a barbeque now?"
"Don't worry about it. For all of the things they've put us through this should be nothing." Kougaiji smiled, feeling better already. The Sanzo-ikkou may have been a band of misfits bent on wreaking havoc, but Kougaiji did have to admit they amused him somewhat.
"But Seadoos are expensive, Kou." Dokugakuji explained. Kougaiji thought about this for a while.
"I'll just buy him another one. Now let's hurry up and catch some extra fish. We owe them one hell of a barbeque."
"Of course." Dokugakuji smiled. "This has been our best trip yet, I would say."
"Definitely. I wonder what they'll try next time?" Kougaiji chuckled.
Owari!