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Within the Depths of Randomness
Story Five: Captain Fisty.
There was a pirate ship sailing on the open sea. The captain of the ship had two eye patches, two hooks for hands, and two peg legs. His name is Captain Fisty.
"Yarrgh, me fat little ladies!" yelled Captain Fisty the fistless, legless, eyeless pirate to his crew, "Throw thee yard arms!"
"What did ye say, Captain?" asked the first mate, Fishheads the keeper of discarded sardine tins.
"I want one of ye fat cows to hand me a measuring tape thingy!" Captain Fisty replied.
"BLARG YAR ARGH?" asked Blargy the speaker of the pirate form of Gibberish screaming.
"I be building a birdhouse for me parrot, Squawky!" said Captain Fisty cheerfully.
"Ye can't build a birdhouse, Captain," said Fishheads, "Because ye don't have hands."
Captain Fisty angrily drew his cutlass and skillfully held it in his hook.
"How dare ye mock me, Seaweed Brains!"
"Seaweed Brains be over thare, Captain. I be Fishheads."
"Sick 'em, Squawky!" Captain Fisty ordered. A pterodactyl swooped down from the highest mast and devoured Fishheads.
"BLARG! ARGH RARARGH!" Blargy screamed.
"Gerbils? Whare?" Captain Fisty searched blindly.
"Gerbils be rowing ye lifeboat to thee ship with thee treasure!" exclaimed Seaweed Brains.
"Be quiet, Squid Guts!" Captain Fisty snapped at Seaweed Brains.
"I be up heer, Captain!" Squid Guts called from the crow's nest.
"Shut up! Or shall I have to taunt ye?" Captain Fisty threatened.
"Noooo!" Squid Guts cried out in pure horror. Then Squid Guts jumped overboard and was eaten by a cheese danish that thought it was a shark.
"Whare's Groggy the Froggy?" Captain Fisty demanded.
"Ye made im walk thee plank yesteeday, Captain," said Seaweed Brains.
"Who's still heer?"
"There be you, Captain Fisty thee fistless, legless, eyeless pirate. Me, Seaweed Brains thee guy with thee fattest bum. Blargy thee speaker of thee pirate form of Gibberish screaming. Seahorse Kidneys thee pirate who swabs the decks in slow motion. Gerbils thee... no, thee cheese danish got Gerbils."
"Is thee treasure alright?" asked Captain Fisty.
"Maybe," Seaweed Brains replied nervously.
"Oh, well. I never really wanted thee treasure. Adventure on thee open sea with ye mates an unforgettable memories be what really counts."
The crew agreed with their captain and they sailed off into the sunset and burned.