Disclaimer: I don't own G Gundam.

Too Much Too Little

Chapter Two: Heartburn

Kumiko Okeda, evening receptionist at Takashi Yamane Medical Center, thoughtfully tapped her pen against the desk. A soft, hmming sound escaped her lips, her mind busy at work as she tried to find the correct word that would fill in the final blank of the crossword puzzle she was working on. Of course she wasn't supposed to be doing crossword puzzles while she was at work, however just sitting around and waiting for someone to approach her with a question was just… well, boring. And with that mindset, flipping through magazines—or in this case, doing a crossword—didn't seem like such a bad thing after all. A seven letter word for misery, Kumiko pondered as she bit down on the top of her pen, not paying attention to much save her crossword. She hmmed thoughtfully. Distress? No, that's eight letters…

The sharp sound of heels clicking against the floor could be heard down the hall. The sound increased in volume as a person drew closer to the receptions desk, eventually breaking Kumiko's train of thought. The black-haired woman blinked, looking up from her puzzle just as a mane of chestnut tresses passed by her. It was familiar, belonging to a doctor she recognized from the fifth floor.

"Konban wa, Mikamura-sensei," Kumiko greeted, her voice loud as she called to the doctor.

Rain stopped her advancement towards the exit and turned to the receptionist, smiling politely as she stopped in front of her desk. "Konban wa, Kumiko."

Kumiko's smile brightened, a small rush of excitement creeping through her at the thought of a conversation with the woman. Dr. Mikamura was one of the few people she knew who understood traditional Japanese—let alone knew how to speak it as well. Ever since the Gundam Fights began taking place, English had been named as the universal language of all countries in order to ensure easy communication. Countries began to phase out traditional dialects, English being taught in schools and used as the main language. Though in some places both English and the country's original tongue was spoken, those places were rare. Kumiko herself had learned Japanese from her grandmother when she was a child, it not being taught in her grade school. It was satisfying to be able to put her language skills to use—even if just a little bit.

Kumiko turned around, looking at the clock mounted on the wall behind her. It was after six. "You're here a little late today. I thought you were gone already."

Rain nodded, understanding. "I know. My shift ended more than two hours ago." She sighed tiredly, running a hand through her hair. "However one of the doctors on my floor said he would be an hour or so late, so I decided to stay and help out a bit until he arrived."

Kumiko smiled. "That was nice of you. So are leaving now?"

She nodded. "Hai. I'm done for the day."

"I see." Kumiko leaned forward on the desk, resting on her forearms as she completely forgot about her crossword puzzle and continued to chat with the other woman. "Tomorrow's your day off right?" Rain nodded again. "Will you be coming in? I've noticed you've been working on all of your days off lately."

Rain arched a cinnamon brow in question, the faint traces of her past smile leaving her lips. "Is that a problem?"

"Of course not!" Kumiko exclaimed quickly, putting up her hands before her as she attempted to amend her mistake. "I didn't mean it to be rude. It's just that…" Her words trailed off, guilty brown gaze falling to the desk.

Rain's brows furrowed in question and she moved closer to the desk, curious as to what she had to say. "It's just what?"

The younger female looked up slowly. "It's just that—" She paused again, her voice taking on a lower tone. "Doesn't your boyfriend have something to say about it? I mean, he's a little possessive…"

Possessive…? Rain thought, momentarily confused before Kumiko's meaning hit her. Domon. Rain could feel the familiar pang in her chest at the thought of the man, pain she had come to feel whenever she thought about him now. Trying to avoid this, she'd decided not to think about the man at all, though that was much easier said than done. Domon had always occupied Rain's thoughts, and now that he had… gone, he only occupied them more. Still, she didn't want to hurt, and resolved to try and keep the fighter out of her mind as much as possible—which she did by working all the time.

Rain had taken to working at least one shift everyday, though she tried desperately to get in two if she could. A single eight-hour shift didn't do enough to tire her out—to bring her to a point so close to exhaustion that she couldn't think even if she wanted. And Rain craved for that kind of exhaustion—she needed it. Most of the time, she couldn't get to sleep without it. Sixteen-hour shifts were necessary, and if it weren't against the law to work a third at the same establishment, Rain would have been working twenty-four hours a day—give or take an hour or two for break. Her work schedule was all screwed up because of it; no one knew if she was coming or going anymore. Rain didn't care though. And she didn't care if anyone else did, either.

However today her help wasn't needed, which meant that tonight, Rain would be sleeping in her own bed, not on the ratty old couch in the staff lounge she tended to crash on after working for hours on end. The thought made her cringe.

Rain looked away from Kumiko, not really paying the woman much attention. "Oh," she said softly, thoughts of Domon dominating her mind. "This is about him."

Kumiko nodded. "Well, yeah. I mean, that last time you worked all these shifts in a row, he came here and made you go home. And he wasn't too happy about it either…"

Rain nodded, her face taking on a distant expression as her mind recalled the incident. It had been… interesting, to say the least. The looks on some of her colleagues faces as they watched her and Domon argue with each other were priceless. A fellow doctor on her floor had gone on maternity leave and Rain had picked up a few of the woman's shifts, which hadn't agreed with Domon Kasshu at all. She was just doing a coworker a favor—a favor which Domon wouldn't have minded nearly as much had it not cut into the time Rain usually reserved for him.

And though the fact made something within her surge with affection for the fighter, Rain hadn't hesitated to tell him that he was being irrational, and that behaving like a petulant child. Granted, they were on their way home when she said this, and in reality, Rain was only teasing, however Domon had responded to her words with his usual abrasiveness. The two argued the issue the whole drive home, the argument continuing even as they entered the house; heated words passing between them still as a trail of clothes was made from the foyer and up the stairs to their bedroom, their lips connecting and parting in brief but fervent kisses.

Yet though the incident had been funny and even sweet in its own way, the thought of the occurrence failed to raise Rain's newly lowered spirits. He's been gone for five weeks now, she thought as she looked away. Five long weeks. She sighed aloud. Broken hearts really weren't any fun.

Rain, of course, had had her heart broken before, however this time it was different—the feeling wasn't the same. This time, there was a sharp, burning feeling deep within her—almost as if her chest was on fire. And sometimes it was almost too much to bear. Her lower lip began to tremble and her eyes pricked with the promise of soon-to-come tears. Oh Domon, I just wish you'd come back to me!

For five weeks she'd been alone in their house. Their big, empty house. It was why she didn't want to be there. Everything was so quiet, so lonely. Rain got the impression that the walls were closing in on her, trapping her, giving her no space to move, no air to breathe. It was maddening, and it made Rain feel incredibly vulnerable. She felt like she was a child again, cringing in fear and crying out to her parents to save her from the monsters under her bed. Only, she wasn't child anymore, and she wasn't crying for her mother or father to rescue their scared little girl. She was a grown woman now, and, while not exactly sure if she was crying out to Domon, Rain knew that she was waiting for him. And that the monsters were no longer under her bed, but that they were inside of herself.

What the monsters were, she didn't know. There were there though, and with all of the ferocity of a thousand of silly, childish nightmares, which don't seem quite so childish when you're younger, and didn't seem quite so childish to Rain now, they attacked her mind. She couldn't stand it. And she couldn't stand to be alone while she faced the pain.

And maybe she did know what was bothering her. Maybe she did know why, this time, she so desperately wanted him to stay. She couldn't say it—God, no, she could never say it—but she knew what it was. It was her flaw, her secret, her monster. And it had resurfaced. Rain had never dealt with it without Domon near, and, frankly, she didn't think she could. She wasn't. Anyone who looked at her now could see that. Little more than a month had passed since Domon had left. Could she really keep this up for much longer?

Her imperfections had her mind in turmoil, and her lover's absence had her anguished heart broken into miserable little pieces. No, she couldn't do this at all.

During the daytime things weren't so bad. She could ignore the pain—pretend as if it didn't exist. It was silly, she knew, but it got her through the day. However at night Rain could ignore it no more. The empty bed was too much reminder of it—too much reminder of who wasn't there. At night she cried herself to sleep, sometimes unable to bear the cool sheets on her skin even if she was exhausted. Her heart was broken, and no amount of pretending would ever change that, or convince her tormented mind that it wasn't true.

When it all boiled down to it, it came to this: She needed him. Now.

And yet, Domon wasn't there.

Kumiko stared at the pained expression on doctor's face, her alarm obvious. "Dr. Mikamura, are you okay?"

Rain blinked, her mind floating back to the conversation she was having with the receptionist. She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath through her lips. "Oh don't worry about me, Kumiko. I'm fine." She provided the woman with a false smile, all the while forcing back her tears. "And yes, I'll be coming in tomorrow as well."

Kumiko's eyes widened in worry. "But won't your boyfriend be upset with you if you do? After last time…" she trailed off, choosing not to finish the statement.

Rain gave her a pained smile. "Don't worry about it, Kumiko."

"But Dr. —" She stopped at seeing Rain shake her head. "Doctor?"

"He left," she said, her voice quavering a bit as she spoke. "So I don't think he'll mind much."

Kumiko's eyes widened, a startled gasp escaping her lips. "Oh no! That's horrible!"

Rain nodded. "It is."

"But I don't understand. I mean, he may have been possessive, but he loved you."

If he loved me so much then why did he leave? Rain bit back in her mind, keeping the bitter comment to herself. Of course Domon loved her. Everyone didn't see it—some couldn't see past her charm or his moods to realize that, when you stripped them both of everything they used to cover themselves before the eyes of the world, they were, essentially, perfect for each other—that they fit. But neither Domon nor Rain cared for what other people saw, nor for what they thought.

They heard what some people whispered, what some people had been whispering for years. Domon may have been the winner of the 13th Gundam Fight, and he may have helped to save the world from the Dark Gundam, however, when you got right down to it, what did all of that mean? It changed him in ways, but basically, he remained the same. The same egotistical, indifferent prick that cared naught for what other people thought of him, and was prone to temper tantrums and even pouting when he didn't get what he wanted. He was insecure, and sometimes he needed to be held, though it was something that he'd never admit.

He had terrible nightmares sometimes, nightmares that he awoke from sweating and shaking and crying. Sometimes Rain had to wake him herself, and deal with his tears, and his shaking, and put him in the shower because he was just soaked. And when she would ask what the dreams were about, he'd never say. Though she already knew what they were about; it would take a complete moron not to. She didn't know anything specific, but she knew the basics. His dreams were about his family and his master; about the Dark Gundam and all the pain and destruction it had inflicted on the people close to his heart. He didn't like to think of himself in that category, though; didn't like to think of himself pain. Physical, maybe. But nothing emotional. Never emotional. It made him feel weak, and God forbid the King of Hearts felt weak. And, in some insanely complicated way, he figured that telling Rain of his dreams would make him weak, and would make her see him as weak as well.

Sometimes, when she asked, he told her to mind her business and leave him alone. Sometimes he was silent. Sometimes, he just cried. After awhile, Rain had stopped asking. She didn't really need to know, not yet. Not until Domon was ready at least. And though years had passed, to him, those wounds were still quite new. Deep down, Rain knew that it would take far more than time to heal the abrasions on his soul and the pain in his heart. Her own experience taught her such—her pain from the Dark Gundam was still fresh, and the effects from being used as its life force unit haunted her today—however she didn't like to dwell on things of that such. Because if time didn't heal all, then what would?

Some of them thought Domon was domineering, which he was. They saw him as possessive, and thought he fancied himself above them, because in their eyes, he didn't seem to care for much in the world at all. He was strong, they knew, which is why they whispered. They knew he heard though. God, how couldn't he? And the fact that he didn't care about that only assured them of the fact that he thought himself a cut above the rest.

Rain was too good for him, they thought. She was too pretty, too kind, too polite, too everything. And she was naïve, they thought, for letting herself fall in with someone like Domon Kasshu.

But what did they know? Those people were hypocrites, bowing in thanks to Domon after the Dark Gundam incident, yet scorning him for being who he was when he tried to move on with his life afterwards. Everyone thought they knew, thought that, because they saw it, it was true. But people didn't see Domon when he was broken and vulnerable. People didn't see Domon when happy and laughing; when he held her hand as they walked down the street, or when he clutched her tightly as they slept. They didn't see the looks he sent her way, or the way he'd run his fingers up and down her spine while they sat holding each other, watching TV. They didn't see the way he would stand up for people, or the way he would help someone who needed a hand. And if they saw, they never gave him due credit.

Simply put, they didn't see what Rain saw. They didn't really see at all. And, according to Rain, what they thought of Domon meant nothing, and what they thought of their relationship meant even less. People didn't keep her warm at night; Domon did. Or he used to at least.

Everyone didn't share the same prejudice against the King of Hearts, though. In fact, a lot of people didn't. To some, he was a celebrity and they treated him as such, which didn't always turn out okay, given the fighter's ever pleasant disposition.

The truth was, the reason why Domon didn't care much about people whispering behind his back was because that's how things always were for him. Domon had told Rain that, after he had received the King of Hearts title from Master Asia and was traveling on his own, people had always called him arrogant and rude and thought he hadn't a bit of home training at all. To have people treat him the same way as they had before the Dark Gundam, he said, made him feel normal. Like things hadn't changed so much after all.

He was quiet afterwards, and Rain knew he thought it was weak of himself to think that way; she saw it in his eyes. And, giving him a smile, she laced her fingers with his and gently squeezed, silently giving him all the comfort and reassurance that she could. That was how things were between them, though. They both hurt, and they both needed support. And words, usually, just weren't enough.

Their relationship wasn't all hugs and kisses—seeing as that just wasn't the type of man Domon was—but it was beautiful in its own way. In all honestly, it was actually pretty turbulent—with arguments about this or disagreements about that. Rain didn't care though; she loved Domon, temper and all, and didn't want him to change for anything. Just as she was sure he didn't want her to change anything about herself, either.

However some promises were more important than others, and the one Domon had made to Rain came second to the one he'd made to his master. And thus came their current predicament: Domon going to train for six months and leaving Rain, alone.

"Doctor you're zoning out on me again." Kumiko waved a hand in front of the woman's face, letting it drop to the surface of the desk when she regained Rain's attention. Rain blinked, and Kumiko studied her uncertainly. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," Rain answered, rubbing her forehead to relieve herself of some of the pressure building up there. "Just a little tired." Upon seeing the uneasy expression on Kumiko's face, Rain offered her another synthetic smile. "Really, Kumiko, I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" Kumiko asked, not feeling particularly comfortable with Rain's response.

Rain nodded, turning away from the receptions desk and walking to the exit. She stopped and fastened the light coat she was wearing, preparing herself for a walk in the early February weather. Turning back to Kumiko, Rain offered the woman a small smile. "Mata ashita, Kumiko."

"Yeah," Kumiko responded softly. "Dewa mata." She looked down at the nearly-finished crossword puzzle she'd been working on before her conversation with Rain. A seven letter word for misery… Suddenly it hit her, and the woman's brown eyes widened briefly before she hastily scribbled the word in the blank.

Despair.

Rain walked through the automatic doors that led in and out of Takashi Yamane Medical Center, her pace sluggish as she made her way to the hospital parking complex a block away. She sighed tiredly. It seemed that no matter how hard she tried to keep Domon out of her thoughts, he always found a way to the front of her mind. She knew how to get him out though—the way she did everyday.

Rain crossed the street, walking right pass the parking complex and continuing down the moderately busy streets of Kobayashi City—one of the few places in Japan that hadn't been destroyed by Gundam battles. Not yet at least, Rain thought as she sighed, looking up at the darkening sky. The city was so beautiful. It was depressing to think of what it could become.

Four blocks away from the hospital Rain turned a corner, coming to a stop almost immediately in front of a small ice cream shop. She'd been coming here everyday since Domon left, ice cream becoming the single thing that made up her daily meals; a sundae for breakfast, a milkshake for lunch, and a pint of whichever flavor she was feeling like for dinner. It may have been unhealthy—in fact, she'd gotten sick quite a few times from her pure confectionary diet—and she could see that her waistline was clearly suffering, however Rain couldn't help it. The moment the cold sweetness came in contact with her taste buds, her pain was momentarily relieved—her mind being lifted on a sugar induced high. Yet as soon as Rain swallowed, the high was gone—her relief dissipating rapidly as that oh too familiar pain came over her once again. It was always going to be there though. Thus she constructed a rigorous schedule revolving around the two things that took her mind off of it—work, and sweets.

Rain walked back to the parking complex slowly as she enjoyed the treat she'd just purchased. The ice cream was cold as it slid down her throat, cooling the burn of her broken heart. She stood in front of her car while she finished, depositing the container in a nearby trashcan before getting into the vehicle. She sighed as she started the engine, heat beginning to blast from the vents on the dashboard. She removed her coat, preparing herself for the hour drive to where her home was located outside the city.

Over the past five weeks Rain had considered moving into a small apartment near the hospital where she worked to avoid the frustrating commute. However she decided against it. Domon had purchased that house for them with the money he'd received from the Neo Japan government for participating and winning the 13th Gundam Fight. And, whether he was with her or not, Rain would stay in it, traces of his past presence in the house haunting yet comforting all the same.

In all honesty, from the substantial amount of money Domon had received from the government, neither he or Rain would ever have to work a day in their lives. However just sitting around the house doing nothing with her time wasn't too appealing to Rain, which led her to get a job at a hospital in one of the cities close to their home. She wasn't particularly sure of what Domon did with his time while she was at work—he never giving her a straight answer when she asked. Though Rain was certain it was mix of training, meditation and wandering. Their home was surrounded almost completely by woodland, and Rain was positive that's where he was when she couldn't find him.

Halfway through her drive home, traffic slowed before coming to a halt completely. There'd been a major car accident up ahead, consequently adding another hour to Rain's drive home.

"Damnet," she cursed, banging her hands against the steering wheel in frustration. Sighing, Rain settled back into her seat, preparing herself for a wait. She looked through the windshield at the sapphire sky, seeing a few stars glimmer in the dark. She barely noticed her eyelids drooping closed as a sudden wave of fatigue washed over her form. Her mind began to drift from where she was in the car and into the past; to a time where her chest didn't burn from heartache and her mind was at ease. She wasn't alone either. For Domon was there, standing right by her side—just as he said he always would.

It was well after eight when Rain finally arrived home. The sky was nearly pitch black, and had Rain been coherent enough to notice, the lack of street lights along the road in the area she lived in would've driven her mad—as the fact often did when she drove at night. However tonight was different, as she was too tired to notice much of anything besides the point where she had to turn off the road and into her driveway.

The drive home was a blur, Rain being awakened from her impromptu nap in the car by the angry driver behind her; him or her constantly blowing their horn in order to get Rain to move when traffic began to pick up again. Rain was fairly amazed she managed to get home in one piece, pretty sure she'd been half asleep the entire drive home, her little doze in the car doing nothing to take away from the fatigue that had been building up steadily for weeks. Unlocking the door had been near impossible, and Rain had half considered slumping down on the doorstep and falling asleep right there. However, upon feeling the cold, February wind that blew through the area, she abruptly changed her mind, endeavoring to unlock the door with renewed vigor in hopes of lying down in her nice, warm bed and sleeping for the next three weeks.

Rain's eyes had been drooping closed again within moments, and she stumbled into the foyer when the door finally opened. She took off her coat, the material falling to the floor somewhere near the coat rack as she hastily redid the locks on the door. Rain looked to the staircase, the structure seeming impossibly far away as walked over to the couch, legs giving way as she lay sprawled out on the comfy sofa.

Rain sighed blissfully, closing her eyes and fully expecting to be swept away by fatigue. She snuggled into the cushions, remembering the feel of the warm body that used to lie here beneath her, an arm wrapped possessively around her waist as they both slept. She remembered a hand rubbing soothing circles on her back, a voice whispering that it was okay and the same arm holding her tightly while she cried. Rain could feel something tightening in her chest, and she shifted her body, rolling over onto her stomach as she felt tears prickle behind her eyes.

Oh, Domon, she thought despairingly, old memories making her temporarily forget her exhaustion. She sat up, shoulders slouched and head slightly bowed as she began to make her way to the staircase. The memories, however, wouldn't leave her, and everywhere she looked, she could see herself with him, his arms wrapped around her as he soothed her tormented soul. All those times before, he'd seen—understood. So why not now? Every other time he'd been here to save her, so why not this time when she needed him—possibly more than ever before?

Rain's pain was apart of something far bigger than Domon leaving and breaking her heart. Maybe another time, she would've been okay about him going to train. She wouldn't have been happy about it, and her heart surely would've been broken as well, but she would've dealt with it—far better than she was dealing with it now. He'd left her twice before, after all; the first time to train for a month, and then the second time train for three. On some subconscious level, Rain supposed she had suspected he would be leaving again. And soon. But when she found out that Nastasha was pregnant… God, nothing that she suspected mattered after that.

Domon had known before her, and he, being the ever-caring boyfriend that he was, had waited before telling her. It'd been two weeks before he left; they were in the kitchen, he seated on a barstool and she on the counter in front of him, both of them having just finished their lunch. His voice was low—though steady—as he spoke, his eyes watching her closely for her reaction. Rain listened intently to what he said, both mind and face blank of anything as she processed his words. When she had, however, the only emotion she showed—and felt, for the matter—was surprise. And then she was all questions and smiles, asking Domon things he wasn't even remotely sure how to answer and telling him how happy she was for the two.

"They've been married for more than a year," she had said. "There's no reason why they shouldn't be starting a family."

Not like there is for us. The thought gave Rain a start, and she felt something within her twist and tear and break all over again. Her heart was pounding; she could feel it—hear it. She couldn't swallow. She couldn't breathe. And God, she was going to be sick—

"Rain?"

The woman blinked, inner turmoil vanishing instantly as she looked into familiar brown eyes. She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath through her lips, giving Domon an apologetic look when she opened her eyes once again. "Sorry. I was thinking about something."

He'd nodded, accepting her reason, and discussion had turned back to the new edition of the Gulski family. Afterwards, when the topic was old and her questions asked and unanswered, he'd asked her if she was okay. Rain, touched by his concern, had given him a smile.

"Of course I'm okay," she told him—lied to him. The fact made her uneasy, and she pushed the thought away. She wasn't supposed to feel like this. She wouldn't feel like this.

"Rain?"

She shook her head, silencing his inquiries. "I'll always be okay, Domon," she said, running a hand through his hair. Her voice quieted a bit and her face softened. "As long as I have you."

Domon returned her smile then. He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips, placing a tender kiss on the smooth skin of her palm. "I love you."

Rain's smile brightened a bit. "I love you, too."

And then she was in his arms, his lips on hers and his hands roving over her form as he sought for that familiar, intimate connection. Rain's mind went blank once more, and she was scarcely aware of Domon carrying her to their room, or of the soft cushioning of the mattress beneath her as he laid her down. The only thing she felt was his lips on her neck, and his skin on hers, and her legs around his middle, and Domon pushing forward, and forward, and God, God, God, she loved him so much.

A few hours later, Domon had left. It was still early in the day, and he had more "training" to do. He wouldn't be out long, he said, and he expected Rain to be up by the time he returned. There was a clear warning in his words, though Rain paid it little regard. The woman stayed in bed long after he had gone, the afterglow of their lovemaking fading and being replaced by an unwanted tightness in her chest. Rain curled up into a ball, naked body shaking regardless of the sheets placed over her as her mind asked the same selfish question it'd asked long ago, when the facts were new and the pain was still fresh.

Why?

She didn't want to feel this way. She wasn't supposed to feel this way—especially not after what she just had with Domon. It was supposed to be okay. For the longest time, it had been okay. She'd accepted it, lived with it. So why? Why did it hurt so much now?

Rain felt her knees buck, and she crumpled to the floor, tears running freely down her cheeks as she sobbed. Why? Why couldn't it be her? Why couldn't she give Domon a daughter, or a son? It was because of the Dark Gundam, she knew, and her mind was instantly filled with more questions. Why was she the one used as the life force unit? Why couldn't it have been someone else? Why did the Dark Gundam have to take so much? Why did it have to cause so much pain?

Rain knew the answers to all of these questions. She had thought of them constantly when she had first found out about her problem, and had logical answers for them all. And she hated that; hated that each question had an answer, and that each answer made sense. It made it all so painful, so much harder to bear. This was wrong. Things weren't supposed to be like this. Hadn't she given up enough already? Hadn't Domon?

The Dark Gundam took away a year from both of their lives, and had taken away the lives of his mother, brother, and Master, and the life of her father. Wasn't that enough? Did it honestly need the blood of their unborn children as well? Yes, they had each other now, but why couldn't they have more? Why couldn't they build; try to replenish what had been taken away from their lives? Why was it that, after they had put an end to the destruction caused by that monstrosity of a Gundam, they couldn't even live happy, normal lives, like other happy, normal couples, in a happy, normal house, with happy, normal children? Why?

And why, after she had accepted this—come to terms with it—did it still hurt so much now?

New tears burst from her eyes, and before Rain knew it, she was curled up on the floor, hands clawing at her stomach as she prayed for the pain to go away.

Rain adverted her gaze from her reflection, not wanting to see the puffy, red eyes, matted hair, or blotched makeup that covered her face. She caught a glimpse of herself anyway, and choked back another sob as she shut off the faucet, feet heavy as she trudged her way from the master bath and into the bedroom. The empty bedroom. Rain felt the familiar clenching in her chest at the thought, and she placed a and over her heart in a childish attempt to suppress the feeling, whimpering softly as the pain remained. Rain closed her eyes, unaware of the twin tears that streaked down her cheeks as she sat down on the bed.

For awhile she was still, body heaving as she fought to get her emotions under control. She peaked a glance at the clock on the bedside table once she had, looking away quickly when she realized the time. 11:57. She'd spent nearly four hours crying on the living room floor. Great.

God, what was wrong with her? Three years had passed; why was she still crying over about it—agonizing over it as if it she'd just found out a few days before? She'd cried over it so much already that she should be able to deal with it on her own now—shouldn't even need Domon to be near. But what she should have been able to do was not what she could, and what she shouldn't have needed was not what she did.

But Domon was gone. Yes, she needed him—desperately so, in fact—however the fact remained that he wasn't there. He hadn't been there for the past few weeks, and wouldn't be there for many more to come. So why was she still crying for him?

The answer was simple: She didn't know what else to do.

It was ridiculous. Utterly, utterly ridiculous. She was so weak; crying for the children that she couldn't have, and for the lover who wasn't there. These things should have settled in by now. She shouldn't have been crying anymore.

Rain felt a flurry of emotions within her, and she realized, for the first time since Domon left, that she was angry. She was angry with Dr. Kasshu for creating the Dark Gundam, angry with her father and General Ulube for misusing it. Master Asia and Wong wouldn't have ever gotten their hands on it if not for her father and Ulube, but Rain was angry at those two as well. And she was angry at the Gundam itself; angry at the monster it had become, and at the devastation it had wreaked upon her life.

Rain was angry with God for letting this happen to her, and with Nastasha, too, for getting what she so badly wanted to have. She was angry with Domon for not being here with her—for leaving—and for not having the decency to give her a proper goodbye.

Yet most of all, Rain was angry with herself. Because after three years, she had thought that she'd gotten over these things—that she'd moved beyond them. She had thought that she was no longer angry. Though she'd been lying to herself, it appeared. For, after all this time, she still pretty much felt the same way she had when the doctor first told her she could never bear a child.

Rain blinked, eyes wide with shock from her realization. Nothing had changed. Nothing at all. She'd been… hiding, all this time. God, she was so weak.

An unknown feeling churned within the woman, and she climbed into the bed and lay on her side, fully expecting to cry herself to sleep. She stared into space for awhile, not even noticing that she hadn't shed a single tear. She did notice, however, the blinking red light of the contraption next to the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was the answering machine. She had a message.

Without even getting up, Rain reached over and pressed a button on the machine, a computerized voice informing her that she had one new message before it began to play.

"Rain." The deep, familiar, tone was impossibly loud in the quiet of the room. "How are you? I was hoping I'd catch you home now, but I suppose you're still at work. I won't go into detail now, but I need your help. Call me back as soon as you get this message. It's important."

The voice disappeared, and there was a beep signifying the end of the message. Rain sat up in bed, emotional turmoil briefly forgotten as her eyebrows marred in confusion and lips pulled low into a frown. She replayed the message over in her head, perplexity increasing as she tried to make sense of the words.

Odd. What would Dr. Kasshu want with her?

- - - - - - -

Love is... heartache.

- - - - - - -

TBC...

Author's Note: Hey everybody. Yes, get prepared for the excuses. They'll sound familiar, but I really don't know what to say. I could write out some long winded excuse as to why it's been nearly two months since I've posted, but I really don't feel like it. I've been a bit depressed lately--with personal stuff, and then with everything happening in the Gulf Coast with Hurricane Katrina. Probably more than it usual would, seeing as one of my friends/reviewers/beta reader lives in that area. We all know and lover her (and her writing) and I'm just glad that she and her family are safe.I pray to God that everyone who lives in that area is safe, and that they're able to get back on their feet soon.

Now, to the fic:

This chapter is unbeta-ed, and I feel bad for saying this, but I need a new one. If you guys would be so kind, point out any grammatical errors that you see and I'll fix them as soon as I can.

As for content... I'm sure everybody can see how much extra content I've added to this (if you remember how short the chapter used to be before--about 2500 words). But I seriously think I overdid it with the angst in the tears. It may be because I took so long in writing this, I'm not sure, but there just seems like there's too much. I kinda sorta give out a lot of information in this chapter (the whole part about Rain not being able to conceive children wasn't mentioned in the original fic until chapter fourteen), but I'm starting to think that it was too much. And is it just me, or did this seem choppy too?

All in all, I'm not overly happy with some parts of this, and I hope I'll do better with the next chapter for both my mental sake and your enjoyment. I'll try to have out a chapter a month (ask for anymore and I'll give you crap--literally), and the next chapter will be shorter... I think. You never know with me. This chapter is nearly 6500 words.

To my reviewers: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. You guys are totally awesome, and you light up my day with your comments. I'd respond to everyone individually, but word has it that the site is deleting stories with individual reviewer responses in them, so that's that. I really love you guys though, and chances are that you just might receive an email from me thanking you. If I ever get off my lazy ass that is.

Much love guys,

Zoe (if you don't know that's my name by now then... well, yeah. No comment.)