Disclaimer: I still don´t own them, unfortunately. Everyone belongs to Shonda who´s torturing my heart a lot with the way she´s writing Addek. But I keep my hope up and my fingers crossed.
A/N: First of all, I have already written the second chapter of Hope. I´ve sent it to my beta and I´ll probably have it up by the end of the week. So that´s for those who are interested.
This little ficlet here is about Addison. It´s post prom. Derek and Meredith are also in it, but it´s mainly Addison and Addek. Go read and review. I love reviews. They make my day!
- Glances -
I was was reading through a patient´s chart when I first heard their voices. At first they were trying to avoid me at all costs, to make it less akward, to feel less guilty. Definitely to feel less guilty. But after a while, it seemed, it got too complicated to hide from me. So now , from time to time, I hear their voices, only their voices since I don´t try very hard or at all to listen to their conversations.
She was mumbling something while trying to eat a muffin and from the way he responded I knew that he was stealing glances at me. Again. He´d done that ever since I´d left him that night after the prom. He hadn´t needed to tell me. I´d known from the way he looked, at me and at her and at the vet. I´d just told him that I was leaving. And all he´d done was nodding, he hadn´t fought or even looked at me. It´s not that I hadn´t expected it. How could I? She had been about to choose him. And that´d been what he wanted, hadn´t it? Her. And she´d been about to choose him.
And still he was stealing glances at me whenever he could. I wasn´t looking up anymore. I just knew when he was looking at me. I felt it. I´ve always felt it. He was begging me with his eyes, begging me to forgive him. It was his way to make sure that I was doing okay and to show me that he still cared for me. That he still loved me. It´s not that he wasn´t happy with her. At least if the rumor mills were right. I heard the nurses talking about them and that Derek had finally sold his trailer and had moved in with her. There was no need to keep the trailer anymore. There was no need to create his own world, an anti Addison world. I was out of the picture, permanently.
And he was still stealing glances at me. Sometimes I wondered if she saw them, like I´d seen them all these months. If she just chose to ignore it, like I´d done. Sometimes I wondered if he´d make me his dirty mistress if I looked up and let him drag me into an empty on call room.
This thought lingered in my mind while I was signing the chart I´d just read. So I started smiling, not at him, but I was sure that he saw it. I didn´t care and I didn´t look up.
And while I was walking away, I was wondering if he thought about me when he was fucking her.