a/n: This is long for no other reason than the fact that I love Ellie. And I apologize in advanced for the Crellie.

Chapter 4: Swallowed In The Sea

Ellie Nash had never been prouder in her life.

Craig had just finished his first show opening for his idol, Kid Elrick, and everyone he knew had come out to support him. Right now they were celebrating backstage. She had lost him moments earlier – he disappeared somewhere to "get some air", but she knew it was because of Manny and her suffocating ways. She wished he would come back from wherever he was, because she was bored – standing alone, and reduced to people-watching.

From the corner of Craig's dressing room, she scanned the room. There was Spinner, Marco and Jimmy, looking star struck after meeting Kid Elrick. There was Ashley, Darcy and Manny, having what was probably a really awkward conversation. There was Paige, wandering around the room sans Alex, which was weird.

She remembered the first time she thought Alex might be into Paige. It was last summer, when she, Alex, and Craig, still hung out. The three were talking about prom; rather, Craig was talking about prom, while the two girls pretended to be interested.

"Then, Paige ripped off Manny's dress, which was awesome," Craig said, adding sound effects. "Two hot chicks, battling it out," he said, a faraway smile on his face.

"You've told us that story a billion times already," Ellie said impatiently.

Alex huffed. "What is it with guys and lesbian fantasies?"

"Better question, what is it with guys and Paige and Manny fantasies?" Ellie countered.

Craig rolled his eyes. "They're hot. First, the big girl-on-girl fight in the hall, then Paige rips off her dress. Hot!"

"Would we really call Manny hot?" Alex asked. "I mean, she barely looks human with all that makeup on," she said, making Ellie laugh.

"Please, Manny's great looking," Craig defended..

"You're just saying that because Paige's one of three girls at Degrassi who have yet to hit on you, the other two being me and Ellie," Alex countered. Ellie faced away from the two to hide her newly forming blush.

"Paige is hot, sure, but she's not hot like Manny," Craig insisted.

"At least she looks like a person. And doesn't dress like a prostitute," Alex answered.

"You're telling me you think Paige is hotter than Manny?" Craig posed, like he was ready to challenge her answer.

"I'm saying that Paige is more than some chick who got into a hair pulling match with some girl. She's been through a lot, and she didn't need Manny, or anyone for that matter, causing more crap. And she doesn't deserve to be lumped in your sick wet dream," Alex bit back, looking ready to start a fight. Ellie had never seen Alex so defensive and upset since she broke up with Jay.

Craig shook his head. "Girls are weird," he mumbled, before lying back on Ellie's bed, humming along to the song playing on radio.

"I thought you hated her," Ellie said, thankful that Craig was clueless about girls and their feelings. Alex shrugged.

"I guess I've changed. Or my feelings for her have changed. Not feelings," she said quickly. "But she's kind of my friend now," she said, a small smile on her face.

"Ellie!" she heard someone yell, pulling her out of her thoughts.

She looked up and saw Paige pushing her way through the crowd. She nearly gasped for breath when she reached her.

"Ugh, people need to wear deodorant," Paige complained.

"Tell me about it. Being off to the side is safer."

"Whatever, loner. Do you know where Alex is? I lost her…"

"No idea."

"Damn. I hope she didn't leave," she sighed, standing next to her. She turned to her excitedly. "So you and Craig were looking cozy, El."

"Not. He's still with Manny, remember?"

"Well that's not stopping him from making the Craig-eyes at you," she giggled, annoying Ellie.

"Craig-eyes?"

"You know; his 'I'm a bipolar, guitar-playing, really sweet heartthrob, who just wants someone to love me' eyes."

Ellie shook her head and glared. Maybe she could get drunk, but drinking always reminded her of how stupid her mom used to be. She took her soda and gulped it. "Speaking of cozy, what about you and Alex?"

"Okay, is there some kind of coalition in support of getting me and Alex back together?"

Ellie's heart stopped beating for a second. "What makes you say that?" she said, not helping the edge in her voice.

"Oh, just the fact that pretty much everyone here has asked me about things with Alex. Ashley wouldn't shut up about it, J.T. asked if he could be the ring bearer at our 'wedding', and Darcy congratulated me on finding love."

Ellie exhaled, not aware that she was holding her breath. She laughed in relief. "We just care about you two," she offered.

"Yeah, no kidding."

"You know, people wouldn't be asking if you weren't so terrible at hiding your feelings for her."

Paige frowned. "Am I that transparent?"

"Like glass. Fortunately for you, Alex is way too caught up in her own denial to even notice."

"What are you talking about?"

Ellie rolled her eyes. "Um, hi. She loves you."

"Um, hi – stop with the sass and be serious."

"I am. I mean, she hasn't directly said anything to me, but I can tell. She's like one of my best friends, remember?"

"She doesn't love me."

"You're all she talks about. She's always cancelling on me, her supposed friend, to hang out with you, her supposed non-girlfriend. Not to mention the way she looks at you..."

"She doesn't love me," she said again, more firmly.

"You know, for a smart girl, you're an idiot," Ellie said. Paige looked surprised, but didn't say anything. "As if it's not obvious – go for it. Why are you sitting here talking to me, the romantic train wreck, when you've got a good thing going with Alex? Use your Paige-eyes, find her, talk to her, get back together with her! Preferably before Saturday – but not today." Ellie said the last part in a mumble.

"Paige-eyes?"

"Yeah; your 'I'm a super-tense, overachieving, generally nice drama queen, who just wants someone to love me" eyes."

"It's not that simple."

"It can be."

"Do you like it when people harp on you over Craig?" Paige asked. Ellie couldn't tell if she was yelling over the loud music, or if she was angry. Either way, she said nothing.

"Look, you like him – and don't lie, you do," Paige said, stopping her before she could deny it, "but his life seems to be fine and dandy without you. He's going one direction, and you have no idea if you want to follow. But that's kind of like me and Alex. I'm off to Banting, and she's trying to figure out her life, and I have no idea if I even have a place in hers or she in mine. I don't know if I should give up or keep going."

"At least you know she has feelings for you," Ellie grumbled.

"Hun, you say Alex is blind? Craig's worse. I doubt he even knows how he feels. You know how stupid he can be, especially when Manny's involved."

"I guess."

Paige slouched slightly, defeated.

"Well, it looks like we're in the same boat. Hopelessly wanting something we can't have," she said. After a moments pause, she asked, "How exactly do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"You know, pretend it's nothing? I mean, we all know how much I apparently suck at it," she chuckled.

Ellie shrugged. "Lots of practice. First being Marco's pseudo-girlfriend, then with Sean leaving, and now Craig," she sighed. "Depressing conversation, thanks for starting it."

"Hun, my entire life is like a Coldplay song," Paige consoled. Ellie glared, wanting to disappear.

Just then, Alex came back into the room with Craig behind her. Quickly spotting Paige, she left him as he was swarmed again by well-wishers.

"What I miss?" she asked, coming up to them.

"Where'd you two go?" Ellie asked.

"To get some air. Don't worry, I'm still a lesbian, I didn't take your boyfriend out for a quickie," Alex grunted. Paige unconsciously leaned against her but then pulled away.

"Alex, you smell all smoky." Although she had a disgusted look on her face, she put her head on Alex's shoulder anyway.

"Um, yeah, Craig. Uh, he smokes."

"No he doesn't," Ellie said, eyeing Alex suspiciously.

"Would I lie about this kind of thing?" Alex asked. Her eyes told her not to press the subject. She shrugged, knowing it wasn't smart to start an argument with her.

As the three continued to people-watch, Ellie looked over at the two, both stubbornly unaware of each other's feelings. Rather than having wistful feelings of romance, she found herself wishing that they'd get their heads out of their asses and finally be together.

So she could at least live vicariously through someone else's happiness.