Chapter 30
Separated?
Vader sat on the couch in the shared Temple apartment and sipped a cup of sweet tea. It was late evening now on Coruscant and Obi-Wan was off in his own room catching up on some paperwork. Vader supposed he should probably be working on some of his own work, homework that he'd let slide a little bit longer than he should've, but he knew there was no way he'd be able to concentrate on it tonight.
They'd arrived back at the Temple in the afternoon, roughly a day after leaving Naboo. Without even stopping back at their quarters first, they reported to the Council. Nothing important was decided, but an appointment was made for the two of them to visit Master Yoda and Master Windu later in the evening.
An 'appointment for later' meant only one thing. After his initial appearance in the Temple and interview with the Council, anything dealing with his actual status was dealt with outside of the Council Chamber. Electronic records were automatically kept and most were open to the Senate. The Council had altered and heavily classified his interview to keep the Senate in the dark about him, but they would only do this once. So outside meetings were scheduled to address his issues when necessary.
Vader could guess what this 'appointment' would be about. With war declared, they would be discussing what to do with him. The whole point of his deal with the Jedi was that they would keep him safe and he would tell them what he knew…eventually. War is something decidedly bad for one's safety and health, so they needed to find a good way to keep him out of it.
He wasn't looking forward to this. Not one bit. He'd already thought it over on the flight back to Coruscant. And there was only one solution he could foresee.
Obi-Wan was a very talented Knight on the verge of Master-hood. His skills would be in demand in this conflict, and there was a good chance that he'd been shifted to the front lines to lead clone troops head-on into the Separatists. It wouldn't be fair, wouldn't make any sense, to keep Obi-Wan someplace safe like the Temple just because his 'Padawan' was a…special case.
No, they would be divided. Obi-Wan would go to the fronts to command. Vader would stay behind to rot in his uselessness. And this was totally unacceptable.
"Shouldn't you be working on that history report that was due three weeks ago?" Obi-Wan asked, suddenly appearing next to the couch. If Vader had any tea left in his cup, he would've been wearing it.
"Probably," he shrugged, quickly recovering from the brief shock.
"So why aren't you?" Obi-Wan pressed.
"Can't focus until that stupid 'appointment' with Yoda and Windu is over." Vader grumbled, setting his tea cup on the low common room table.
"Well," Obi-Wan glanced over at the wall chrono, "it's almost time for us to meet them. We might as well leave now."
"Fine by me." Vader shrugged, standing up and resettled his cloak over his shoulders.
Obi-Wan nodded slightly and together they left the apartment. Several levels up and many hallways to the left and right, they came to the door that they were seeking. It looked rather ordinary, but beyond it was Master Yoda's meditation chamber. In that room, those seeking the ancient master's advice could go to speak with him. It was also a place for members of the Jedi Council to go and discuss things in private.
Since they were expected, Obi-Wan simply opened the door and went inside with Vader on his heels. The small chamber, usually dim, was darker than usual as the blinds had been closed. Master Yoda and Master Windu sat cross-legged on a pair of round, squat, cushioned stools in light trances, waiting. Obi-Wan and Vader each took a seat on some stools opposite the two Council members and waited to be acknowledged.
"Early you are." Yoda observed after a minute, opening his eyes to regard his guests.
"I ran out of paperwork," Obi-Wan replied, almost jokingly. "And young Vader was rather anxious to get this out of the way."
"Well then, let us begin." Mace declared. "I believe we all know what this meeting is about," he continued. "Now do you have any suggestions as to how to proceed Obi-Wan?"
"The most believable excuse I can think for Vader to remain behind would be due to his handicap. But that would only work for the short term. Once he learns to compensate, I can see no plausible reason to keep him from the front lines." Obi-Wan answered.
"A special assignment we could find him within the Temple." Yoda theorized.
"Perhaps," Mace agreed. "Do you have any thoughts?" The dark-skinned Master asked Vader.
Vader swallowed hard as he struggled to find the best, and least offensive way (for a change) to speak his mind. "While I will abide by whatever decision is reached, I request no special considerations be made for me." Translation: you can stop coddling me, let me go with Obi-Wan.
All three Jedi was clearly caught off guard by his statement and it was several minutes before anyone replied to him.
"I thought you 'joined' us to hide?" Obi-Wan sputtered.
Vader struggled not to smack his own forehead. Trust Obi-Wan to totally misunderstand me. "Yes, I did. But Dooku has seen me, he knows where I am, so there isn't too much point in consciously hiding."
"So you are no longer interested in our arrangement?" Mace asked in a low voice.
"I didn't say that," Vader scowled at the floor, frustrated. "He knows that I am among the Jedi, but that doesn't mean I want to go find a rock to hide under to avoid risking ever running into him again. Nor do I mean that I wish to leave and go off on my own." Man I suck with words! I don't want to hide, I don't want to leave, I want to stay and make sure Obi-Wan doesn't get vaped on his first command! How hard is that to understand?
"An odd choice this is," Yoda murmured. "Perhaps revenge it is that you seek?" The troll suggested, pointedly glancing at Vader's right hand.
Vader wanted to kick the wrinkled old gnome but, with effort, held himself calm. "It would be a lie to say that I haven't thought about it like that. But I can assure you that that is not the motivation behind my decision." I won't go looking to kick Dooku around, but if I do run into him and wipe the floor with him I wouldn't complain.
"So what is your motivation?" Mace frowned suspiciously.
Agh, you just had to ask that, didn't you? "If I were to remain in the Temple, I would feel useless and I…dislike feeling useless. I simply don't take too well to sitting around and doing nothing. I would much prefer to take a few risks, see some action and feel infinitely more useful, than hiding in the Temple like an overgrown Initiate." He replied tensely. There, an answer. Not a complete one, but totally true.
All three Jedi regarded him with expressions containing varying degrees of incredulity, skepticism, and in Master Yoda's case something akin to amusement. Vader valiantly fought back an embarrassed flush, refusing to allow his face to show anything but calm neutrality. He wasn't sure he entirely succeeded, though he did manage to keep from visibly squirming.
"You wish to accompany me to war because you want to be 'useful'?" Obi-Wan blinked, utterly puzzled.
Yeesh Obi-Wan, for a guy who's as smart as you, you can be really stupid sometimes. "Yes," Vader shrugged. "What's wrong with that?"
"That's…a very odd reason." Obi-Wan frowned, his confused expression was almost comical.
"Why do you desire to be 'useful' to us? That's never seemed to be a concern of yours before." Mace inquired.
"I'll admit that I've been dragging my feet," Vader grumbled sourly. "And this, I think, is a good way to make up for that."
Master Windu and Knight Kenobi clearly didn't seem sure of what to make of his statement or his odd willingness to go to battle, but Master Yoda appeared strangely calm and unconcerned. He took control of the little meeting before either of the other two Jedi could ask Vader any more questions.
"Unexpected your request is. Think on it we will. When next you appear before the Council, our decision we will give." Master Yoda declared. "Late it is. Return to your quarters for the night you should."
When Master Windu raised no objections, Obi-Wan nodded in acceptance. "Thank you Masters, goodnight."
Vader merely nodded them a stiff farewell as he stood and to follow Obi-Wan out of the dark meditation chamber, but paused just before the door. "Wait, almost forgot," he mumbled and rummaged around in one of his belt pouches. He withdrew a small data disk and offered it to Master Windu. "Something I've been working on," he shrugged at the dark-skinned master's inquiring expression. Master Windu accepted the disk and Vader returned to Obi-Wan's side.
After leaving the chamber they traversed the hallways silently. Vader was certain that he radiated tenseness. And Obi-Wan also seemed tense, though a feeling of confusion was more prominent. The silence between them ended as soon as the door to their shared apartment closed.
"What are you doing? I thought you wanted to be safe?" Obi-Wan asked, frowning.
"I did," Vader shrugged, flopping down on his back onto the couch leaving his legs dangling over one of the couch arms and staring up at the ceiling.
Obi-Wan leaned over the back of the couch to stare down at his 'Padawan'. "So why are you willingly risking yourself now?"
"I thought I already covered that," Vader snorted. "You know I'm not the patient sort, content to sit around all day and do a whole lot of nothing. And you know I haven't exactly kept up my end of the deal here. I wish to be active and helpful."
"I doubt that that is the extent of your motivation in this." Obi-Wan almost scowled. "Now would you care to elaborate further?"
"No," Vader snorted. Obi-Wan shot him a glare laced with a touch of disappointment and Vader found he had to turn away as he was unable to stand up to the weight of that expression. "Part of your duty to me is to…to die if necessary…right?" He asked stiffly, his eyes fixed on the white ceramic teacup he'd left on the table near the couch before the 'appointment'.
"Yes," Obi-Wan replied in a puzzled tone. He was probably wondering where Vader was going to go with this.
"Well, I don't want you to die." Vader replied so softly it was almost a whisper.
Obi-Wan said nothing, but he didn't have to. His emotions spoke quite clearly all by themselves. Confusion mainly with some disbelief on the side and the faintest trance of suspicion.
Something hard, cold, and prickly settled itself in Vader's chest and it became slightly difficult to swallow. "I'm going to bed," he muttered, rolling off the couch and stalking into his room. He didn't look at Obi-Wan, the carpet beneath his boots was far more important to his eyes at the moment. He locked his door behind him, killed the lights, and curled up in the darkness.
You kriffing idiot Obi-Wan! Is it really so hard to believe that I care? That I'd miss you if you died? Is it?
Obi-Wan stared at Vader's bedroom door for a while. The turmoil he sensed in the young man was…worrisome. But he had no idea how to go about rectifying the problem. Nor did he know what to do about what he'd recently learned.
Somehow is seemed Vader had developed an attachment to him. That was the only explanation for the young man's recent behavior. But how could it have happened?
He had always been careful in training the boy, mindful to keep a respectful distance. He was the teacher, Vader the student. He was the guardian, Vader was what he guarded. And yet somehow something had gone wrong.
It was true that in the usual Master/Padawan relationship a certain level of attachment was to be expected. He himself had been quite attached to his late Master, and while it had made them a formidable team, it had also devastated him when Qui-Gon had died. And that had been in a proper Master/Padawan pair with both members being raised as Jedi from infancy.
How had it happened here? Vader was no Jedi, he had no loyalty to the Order. He was independent, disrespectful, and callous. He had no need for friends, only allies. There was no reason for him to feel anything at all towards Obi-Wan.
Yet the young man had lunged across a room to block a blow from a man he feared to save Obi-Wan's life. He had sacrificed his arm and nearly died then. And then in the aftermath of his injury, Vader had clung to Obi-Wan and seemed to find some comfort it that. Attachment of some kind was the only thing that could explain such behavior.
Obi-Wan sighed and rubbed wearily at his temples. Trying to puzzle over this was just giving him a headache. The swirling turmoil emanating from Vader's room didn't really help matters much either. Something had to be done about that.
Sighing again, Obi-Wan moved to stand in front of Vader's locked door and knocked. There was no verbal response, the door stayed locked, and the Force only swirled and twisted harder. Grimacing slightly, Obi-Wan gestured at the door, unlocking it and then opening it.
It was dark inside and it took a minute or two for his vision to adjust to that. When he could see, it was clear that Vader wasn't in his bed. He was curled up in a defensive crouch pressed tightly into a corner. Obi-Wan cautiously approached and took a seat on the floor a few feet away.
"What do you want now, Master?" Vader snarled acidly, though it was muffled by the fact that his face was buried in his knees.
"You're upset." Obi-Wan stated calmly.
"Bravo! Give the man a cookie!" Vader spat peering up from his knees just enough to glare at Obi-Wan through the darkness of the room.
"Would you like to explain why?" Obi-Wan asked, ignoring the rude outburst.
"No I would not like to explain why." Vader growled. "But you'll keep asking until I tell you, won't you?"
"Perhaps," Obi-Wan shrugged. "Or maybe I'll just sit here and wait for you to answer on your own."
"You'd sit there all night?" Vader wondered.
"Maybe," Obi-Wan replied evasively.
"You're wasting your time then." Vader sneered. "You wouldn't understand."
"You don't know that." Obi-Wan frowned.
"Yes I do. You were raised as a Jedi. I was raised, for the most part, as a normal human being." Vader snorted. "You wouldn't understand."
Obi-Wan's frown deepened. "Explain anyway."
"Fine," Vader grumbled, shifting his gaze to burn a hole in his floor. "Fine," he repeated softer. There was a long pause before he continued.
"I don't like lying, and I don't like being alone. I can stomach this whole fake-Jedi thing fine, but…if I ever tried to-to make friends here then I'd be lying to them…the entire time. So…that's why I have no friends. I've never even tried. That's why I spend pretty much all of my time with you. I don't want to be alone and I don't have to lie. You know what I am so I don't have to fake anything." Vader paused in his ramblings, then added: "And most of the time you're decent enough company. Mostly."
"You flatter me," Obi-Wan sighed dryly.
"Yeah, I do, don't I?" Vader snorted. "Well, there's your answer. Are you going to leave me alone yet?"
"I thought you didn't like to be alone." Obi-Wan pointed out.
"I usually handle it pretty well in the short term." Vader sighed, slightly annoyed. "But more than a couple of days…would be more difficult."
"I see," Obi-Wan nodded, and he really thought that maybe he was starting to 'see'.
It was very strange to think of an admitted Darksider to have any sort of conscience, let alone for one to be bothered by lying or dishonesty. Yet that seemed to be the case here. Vader didn't mind imitating a Jedi, but the idea of making friends within the Order and allowing them to believe his false front as a truth was too much for him.
And it was also strange to think of a Darksider to dislike being lonely, to want company, real friends. Those of the Dark Side, the Sith in particular, were known to be selfish, deceitful, and manipulative. Such traits do not make for good, true friends. They didn't even make for good acquaintances. And yet Vader wanted friends, and he wanted to be perfectly honest to these friends. Half-truths and vague statements would not suffice.
"Well," Obi-Wan got to his feet, "are you going to sit in the corner all night or go to bed?"
"I'm going to bed." Vader mumbled though he didn't immediately move from his seat in the corner.
"Alright then, goodnight Padawan." Obi-Wan began to leave, but paused in the doorway. "Don't forget to do that history report tomorrow."
"I won't," Vader groaned sullenly. "Goodnight Master."
"Goodnight," Obi-Wan repeated and left, closing the door behind him.
Before turning in for the night, Obi-Wan settled on the thick rug near the apartment window to do some meditation. He needed to clear his head if he wanted to get any restful sleep that night. As he settled into the familiar exercise, he was relieved to sense that Vader wasn't quite as upset as he had been before, though the young man still radiated some negative prickles.
I can handle a squad of battle droids or mediate the most complex of negotiations without much of a problem, Obi-Wan sighed to himself, but give me a moody teenager and I have no idea what I'm doing…
Vader silently removed his Jedi robes and pulled on a pair of black sleep pants. Since he was going to sleep in a few minutes anyway and he knew where everything in his room was he didn't bother turning on the light. Once he had completed that task, he climbed into bed and buried himself under the covers.
He wasn't sure what to make of Obi-Wan's little visit. The Jedi rarely interrupted him when he was sulking or after he'd stormed off. On the rare instances that he did, it was usually because they had to go somewhere or do something important very shortly. Otherwise Obi-Wan generally left him on his own to cool down.
But this time, Obi-Wan had come after him to talk some more. He tried to understand why Vader wanted to do what he wanted. And he'd never really seemed to care about anything like that before. Perhaps it was idle curiosity on his part. Or maybe it wasn't.
Not feeling particularly tired, but sick of thinking about things, Vader sighed and closed his eyes. He slipped into a light trance to get relaxed and empty his mind. And at some point after that, he fell asleep.
The next morning, after some early meditations, Master Yoda hobbled through the hallways of the Jedi Temple to meet with Master Windu. He could use his hoverchair and get there faster, but this was no emergency and he was in no hurry. Besides, exercise was good for him, it kept his ancient joints from stiffening up.
When he reached Master Windu's apartment, he found the human Master hunkered in front of his data terminal screen. Yoda limped over to one of Mace's armchairs and clambered up into the seat and waited for Mace to finish reviewing the file that held his attention. It took nearly a half an hour for Master Windu to leave his terminal and come to face the diminutive Master.
"My apologies for keeping you waiting Master Yoda." Mace greeted almost sheepishly.
"Informative your reading was?" Yoda asked, amused.
"Yes, it seems that young Vader has decided to share what information he has with us." Mace replied.
"Oh?" Yoda inquired, pricking up his long ears with interest.
"It isn't as much or as detailed as we had hoped it might have been." Mace sighed. "But it is very interesting nonetheless."
"Imagine his motivation to be his injury, I would." Yoda commented.
"Most certainly," Mace agreed. "I should have copies for the Council made up in time for this afternoon's session."
"Good, look forward to reading this report I do." Yoda nodded. "Now, your opinion on young Vader's request?"
"I must say, I'm not entirely sure what to make of it." Mace admitted. "His request goes against all his previous behavior and while I sensed no deception from him, I don't believe he was entirely open with his answers. He held something back."
"Yes, agree with you I do." Yoda nodded gravely. "An attachment, I sense, he has formed to Obi-Wan."
"An attachment?" Mace frowned, his tone slightly alarmed.
"Correct," Yoda confirmed. "A risk it is, however, also a benefit it can be."
"How so?" Mace wondered.
"A Jedi Vader is not. Loyalty to the Order he does not have. But loyalty to Obi-Wan…that, it seems, he does. Anchors him to us and the Light it does." Yoda explained. "Though, if one with the Force Obi-Wan becomes, risk losing young Vader we do." The elderly Master admitted. "A delicate situation this is."
"So what do you propose we do?" Mace inquired, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Grant young Vader's request we should." Yoda declared. "Separated they should not be."
"Alright," Mace hesitantly agreed after several minutes' consideration. "When next they come before us, we shall inform Vader that he has permission to accompany Obi-Wan to war."
"And promote Obi-Wan we will," Yoda added. "Deserve it he does."
"Yes, I agree, and I'm certain the needed majority will too." Mace agreed with a slight smile. "We probably should have raised him to Master months ago. Even with Vader for a Padawan he's done some amazing work."
"Indeed he had," Yoda nodded cheerfully, "indeed he has."