Note: Meant to say this last chapter, but I started up a rather lame forum. Check out my author page if you're interested...
Also, from this point on, updates aren't likely to be as quick or regular. Finals are coming up so I'm really busy and I'm out of already-written material.
Chapter 34
Crumble
Vader sat on the couch in the common room of his apartment. His posture was painfully stiff, every muscle tense, shaking even. He stared unseeing at the dark vid-screen that hung on the far wall. It was silent, save for his slightly ragged breathing.
He'd returned to Coruscant and the Jedi Temple early that morning with Jedi Master Ki-Adi-Mundi and his Padawan A'Sharad Hett. The entire morning had been consumed with meetings with the Jedi Council and a brief check-up with the Healers. And he'd only just now, sometime after noon, been released to the privacy of his quarters.
His skeletal prosthetic rhythmically opened and closed, making faint whirring, grinding sounds. But he didn't hear it. Nor did he realize that he was doing it. He was too busy replaying the morning in his head to notice much else…
Vader didn't know how he managed to keep from attacking the Council. He really didn't. Perhaps he was too angry to move. Yeah, that was probably it.
How dare they ask him that? How dare they? And so soon! He'd only just made it back from Jabiim. How dare they ask him who he would like to replace his Master? Replace him!
There they sat in their comfortable chairs. Eight of them were present in the flesh. The other four attended as holograms. They sat there and waited for his answer calmly and impassively.
He hated them. He hated them all. If only he could move, if only he could speak, he'd show them all how much he hated them.
"Perhaps it is too soon to ask this of the Padawan," Ki-Adi-Mundi suggested, breaking the tense silence. "We have only just returned from battle and young Vader has not had much time to recover."
"What do you suggest we do then?" Adi Gallia asked. "He requires supervision, guidance; he cannot be left to his own devices."
"I could look after him until he makes his choice." Ki-Adi-Mundi offered.
"You already have a Padawan," Mace Windu pointed out.
"True," Ki-Adi easily conceded, "but Hett is very close to being ready for the Trials, both of them seemed to get along well together on our return journey, and the arrangement would only be temporary."
The other Council Members sat back in their chairs and looked thoughtful as they considered this possibility. They glanced at one another and when they saw no argument, they turned as one to face Vader.
"What say you?" Yoda asked curiously.
It took Vader a moment to get his voice to work properly. "If the Council approves, I accept Master Mundi's offer." He replied tensely.
Master Yoda glanced around the chamber and seeing no disagreement, nodded to Vader. "Approve this the Council does," the aged Master rasped.
"Return to your quarters and rest, Padawan Vader," Master Windu commanded. "Master Mundi will speak with you when the Council concludes it's business."
Vader clenched his teeth, bowed very stiffly, and all but fled the Council Chamber…
His hand kept flexing. Open. Closed. Open…
It was suffocating in here. The walls, ceilings, and floors pressed in around him. The silence strangled him. Every breath was a battle.
When he had first come here, he'd seen this apartment as a beige jail cell. The mask of the dutiful Jedi Padawan he wore everyday was stifling. He'd hated the boring accommodations with a passion.
But somehow, over time, that impression shifted. It became less a jail cell without the bars and more of a sanctuary. Here he could let himself relax a bit, speak his mind if he felt so inclined. There was only one other pair of eyes here that watched him instead of the multitude that wandered the rest of the Temple. Only one who observed him, saw his true nature. Or…at least there had been.
Now it was back to the prison, though it wasn't quite the same as before. Now it was cold, drab, and so very, very empty. Faint echoes of a familiar Force signature danced at the edges of his mind, tormenting him endlessly as did the faint lingering odor of tea.
His hand froze in the fisted position. He couldn't breathe. His eyes stung and vision misted. He couldn't swallow. His chest burned and tightened painfully. He could feel himself breaking.
No. He'd suppressed it too long. Too long to crumble now. He refused to let himself shatter.
Vader lurched up from the couch and strode to the door. He stormed from the apartment and out into the halls of the Temple. A walk would help him calm down. Walking had helped him on Jabiim, it would work here too. He'd just take a walk and be back in time for his meeting with Master Ki-Adi-Mundi…
A blow to his chest quite violently snapped Vader back to the present. Someone had run into him. He dazedly grappled with the stranger for a moment, before the stranger, a sleazy-looking Rodian, broke away and dashed down the street. Vader staggered to his feet to find he was clutching a woman's handbag in his left hand.
He stared at the small black bag for a minute, before he looked up and around. He wasn't in the Temple. He wasn't even near the Temple anymore. And it was starting to get late.
A second impact, this time to his back, cut off his train of thought. Now more aware of what was going on around him, he spun around to see who had hit him this time. This time it was a frazzled woman wearing concealing robes with her hood thrown back. She was out of breath and furious.
"Where did he go?" She demanded sharply.
"Who?" Vader blinked, his thoughts still on the slow side.
"The thief who stole my purse," she snapped, her dark eyes blazing as she scanned her surroundings in search of the thief.
"Was he a Rodian?" Vader asked, getting the distinct feeling he knew exactly who the thief was.
"Yes! You saw him?" She exclaimed, staring up at him hopefully.
"I think he ran me over." Vader replied. "Is this yours?" He held up the black purse.
"Yes!" She squealed excitedly, snatching the purse from his loose fingers and hugging it to her chest. "Thank you!"
"You're welcome," Vader nodded faintly and turned to return to the Temple.
"Wait!" The woman cried and Vader obligingly stopped and turned back to face her.
She looks…familiar. He noted.
She scrutinized him for a moment. "Padawan Vader?"
He blinked. "Yes, that's me."
"Tonight is my lucky night," she giggled. Then she noticed his puzzled expression. "Oh, you don't remember me?"
He squirmed nervously. "You seem familiar," he offered hesitantly.
"Oh," she sighed, "I see. Little Sabé gets forgotten again."
"Sabé?" He repeated. And then it clicked. "Oh. Aren't…you supposed to be on Naboo serving Queen Jamilla?"
"So you do remember me." Sabé smiled. "Yes, I was supposed to be on Naboo serving the Queen. But then Dormé's father took ill and she wished to return home to be closer to him. So Padmé and Queen Jamilla did a little Handmaiden swap and poof! here I am."
Vader nodded silently.
"So what are you doing down here all alone?" Sabé asked curiously.
"I went for a walk and lost track of time and place." Vader shrugged evasively.
"Mm-hm," Sabé nodded a tad skeptically. "Well Padawan Vader, it seems that I still require some assistance."
"Oh?" Vader prompted.
"You see I was sent out here to purchase some take-out for dinner and all this mess with that thief has gotten me a bit lost. Could you direct me to," she paused to glance at a slip of paper, "the 'Gregori Café'?"
Vader frowned and wracked his brains, but… "I'm sorry, I can't say that I've ever heard of the place."
"Drat," Sabé scowled at her wrist chrono. "And I'm late as it is."
Vader studied his surroundings more closely as he chewed his lip thoughtfully. Hmm, this is Coco Town… "Might I suggest an alternate?"
Sabé raised an eyebrow. "I'm listening."
"I happen to know of a restaurant around here that does take-out. It isn't fancy, but I've always enjoyed the food. It's called Dex's Diner, interested?" Vader tried to smile, or even smirk, but the corners of his mouth just wouldn't respond.
"Well, seeing as I'm so late and since you approve of this establishment, I think I'll take you up on your offer." Sabé grinned faintly. "Lead on young Padawan."
Vader rolled his eyes, annoyed, but he set off down the street, leading her to Dex's. Sabé quietly glided behind him, still clutching her purse tightly to her chest to keep any more thieves from trying to remove it from her person. Her posture was amusing, but he didn't laugh at her, he just forged on ahead. He kept on walking and desperately tried to forget about who had introduced him to Dex's in the first place…
Vader leaned against the back wall of the lift, careful not to let the small pile of take-out crates in his arms shift too much and fall. He vaguely recalled that he was supposed to be doing something in the Temple right about now, but there was no way Sabé could carry all of this back to Padmé's penthouse apartment by herself. Besides, he could always call the Temple if he was delayed any further. It wasn't like he had to ship out in the morning or anything.
The lift came to a stop and chimed as it reached Padmé's level. The doors hissed apart and Sabé hurried through as soon as it was wide enough for her to fit through. Vader sighed, straightened up, and followed her at a more sedate, Jedi-like pace.
A pair of rather unhappy looking Handmaidens greeted them. Well, they greeted Sabé, they didn't seem to notice him. He hung back in order to hopefully keep it that way.
"You're late," one of them observed sternly.
"And those don't look like the take-out boxes from Gregori's," the second one frowned.
"Yes, well, Moteé, Ellé, I had an unavoidable misadventure that caused a change in plans." Sabé tried to explain.
"Lady Amidala specifically requested that you pick up her favorite meal from Gregori's for tonight." The second one scowled.
"Moteé, Ellé, is that Sabé?" Padmé called from another room.
"Yes my Lady," the first one called back.
"Oh good," Padmé sighed, hurrying into view. "I was starting to get worried."
"Sorry Padmé," Sabé apologized sheepishly. "I didn't mean to take so long."
"I'm sure you didn't," the Senator smiled, "now let's eat. I'm starved!"
"Of course," Sabé grinned, causing the other two women's frowns to deepen slightly.
The four women filtered into the apartment's dinning room with Vader trailing several steps behind them. He was somewhat amused that they were so focused on Sabé being late and the food that they hadn't acknowledged his presence yet. But at the same time he was glad of it. Hopefully he could take his meal, dump off the ones he were carrying for Sabé, and escape unnoticed.
"Those don't look like take-out boxes from Gregori's," Padmé noted as Sabé dumped her armload on the table.
"Yes," Sabé cringed, "about that… I tried to find this Gregori's, I really did, but while I was searching a Rodian stole my purse."
"Goodness," Padmé blinked, alarmed.
Moteé and Ellé looked deeply skeptical and Vader began to really dislike them.
"I tried to chase the scummy villain down and get my purse back, but he eluded me. Thankfully, though, a brave Jedi Padawan came to my rescue. He'd had a run-in with the thief and got my purse back for me. I asked him about Gregori's, but he'd never heard of it, though he did direct me to a different restaurant that he was familiar with." Sabé paused in her narrative to check the contents of one of the boxes. "And so that is why I was late and why we're having Dex's Diner instead of Gregori's Café."
"Cute story," one of the Handmaidens snorted before Padmé could respond.
Vader scowled at the two disbelieving Handmaidens. If they didn't believe a fellow Handmaiden, perhaps they'd believe a Jedi. He stopped hovering in front of the doorway and stepped through to deposit his own load of take-out boxes. The looks on their two faces was enough to inspire a faint smirk on his part.
"Oh, and I forgot to mention that he kindly offered to help me carry the food home." Sabé grinned.
"Vader!" Padmé squeaked in surprise. "When did you get back to Coruscant?"
"Just this morning," Vader shrugged a tad uncomfortably. He started to pick through the boxes searching for the one that had the food that Sabé had bought for him as a thank-you for his help.
"Really? Where were you?" Padmé asked, radiating innocent curiosity.
Vader swallowed hard as prickly ice shards formed in his gut. "Jabiim."
"Jabiim," Padmé murmured. "There haven't been many reports since it was blockaded. What can you tell me about it?"
He was starting to feel vaguely ill now. "I'd…I'd rather not speak of it now. It'd prob'ly just ruin dinner."
"Oh, it was…that bad?" Padmé asked hesitantly.
"Yeah," he nodded jerkily. He finally located the box with his breadsticks and chaavi soup and scooped it up. "I should go."
"Please stay," Padmé pleaded. "It's been so long since I've seen you."
Vader made the mistake then of looking into her eyes. She'd missed him. And she wished to spend more time with him. How could he refuse?
Dinner ended too soon. But, as they say, all good things must come to an end. And so the calm, quiet meal ended and his doom approached.
Thankfully touchy subjects didn't come up while they ate. Mostly it was just Padmé, Sabé, Moteé, and Ellé gossiping. Vader was quite content to just sit off to the side and work on his spicy soup.
But when the meal ended, he had no real excuse to avoid talking about Jabiim and other such things.
"So, Vader, tell me about Jabiim." Padmé sighed as she settled into her couch in her common room. Sabé took a seat to the Senator's right, and Moteé and Ellé sat to her left.
Vader huddled up on the loveseat across from the couch and felt himself pale. "What do you want to know?" He mumbled.
"What was the planet like?" Padmé asked.
"Miserable," Vader snorted. "Rained pretty much every day and there was mud everywhere. For a while I swear I forgot what it felt like to be dry."
"Eww," Sabé wrinkled her nose. "Sounds like a nightmare."
"You have no idea," Vader shuddered. The trenches were rivers of mud and blood and–
"What about the rumors?" One of the new Handmaidens, Ellé, asked.
"What rumors?" Vader asked softly, feeling sour dread congeal in his stomach.
"They say that all the Jedi on Jabiim were slaughtered," Ellé replied uncomfortably. "Though that can't be right because you're here."
Vader almost felt like he was dying then. "It's almost true. Almost." He had to swallow several times before he could force the rest out. "I'm the only one who made it back after the blockade."
"The only one?" Padmé repeated very softly.
"The only one," he confirmed, his voice soft and raw.
"Then…Master Kenobi…?" Sabé murmured, trailing off without really asking a question.
Vader squeezed his eyes shut as the mention of his Master's name hit him like a sledgehammer. It hurt so much it took his breath away. A lightsaber strike to the heart would've hurt less.
The loveseat beneath him shifted and he opened his eyes to see that Padmé was now sitting next to him. She was hurting too, for his Master had been her friend. But she couldn't feel his loss as keenly as he could. She was Force-blind. And Vader envied her for it.
The tight agony in his chest migrated up into the back of his throat. Then it sent fiery needles into the backs of his eyes, making them water and blur. And then, as he struggled to hold it together, she took his flesh hand in hers and the walls came crashing down…
Padmé sighed shakily as she gently ran one hand through Vader's short spiky hair. She peered up through the glass ceiling of her apartment's common room at the now inky-black sky. The constant light pollution from all the buildings of Coruscant made it all but impossible to see any stars, even on the clearest nights. Such an empty sky made her long yet again for Naboo.
Shuddering at the sense of emptiness the black night sky gave her, she looked back down at the young man who was now passed out and curled up on her loveseat. Poor Vader had sobbed himself into utter exhaustion on her shoulder. Now at least he seemed to be at peace. And Padmé was glad.
It had been shocking to see him break the way he had. When he'd been recovering on Naboo after Geonosis he'd probably cried, but she'd never seen it. He'd done it in private if he'd done it at all. So for him to break down and weep in front of her it…it just left her speechless.
Sabé quietly ghosted to her side, clutching a spare blanket to her chest. Wordlessly, her friend draped the blanket over Vader's unconscious form and then carefully began to peel the young man's boots off. Padmé slipped her hands under the blanket and removed Vader's utility blanket so that he didn't shift in sleep and lay on something uncomfortable.
Just as Padmé pulled the belt free, something on it beeped. She choked on a squeak and almost dropped it in surprise. When it shrilled again she quickly searched along the belt for the source of the noise, she didn't want it to wake Vader up when he'd just fallen asleep. By the third chime, she located the noisy device, a comm-link wailing for attention.
Padmé swiftly unhooked it and retreated to the far side of the room before switching it on. "Yes?" She answered softly.
There was a pause and then, "who is this?" It sounded like Master Windu.
"Senator Amidala of Naboo." She replied.
"How did you come to possess Padawan Vader's comm-link?" Master Windu asked slowly.
"I answered it for him since he's passed out on my couch." Padmé answered, smiling very faintly. "I assume you've been looking for him?"
"Yes," Master Windu sighed. "He was supposed to meet with Master Mundi but apparently decided to disappear instead."
"Well I apologize. It seems that he went for a walk and found himself assisting one of my Handmaidens in acquiring dinner. And then I insisted he stay and dine with us." Padmé apologized. "I should've thought to allow him some time to at least relay his changed plans back to the Temple."
"It is alright Senator, no real harm done." Master Windu assured her. "You said that he's passed out on your couch?"
"Yes," Padmé nodded even though she knew he couldn't see it. "He was…upset earlier."
"Upset?" Master Windu asked.
"I touched on some sensitive topics… Namely Master Kenobi and Jabiim." Padmé swallowed, knotting her free hand in the folds of her skirt.
"Ah," Master Windu mumbled.
"Do you require his presence back at the Temple or is he allowed to stay the night?" She asked, slipping into her more formal senatorial tones.
"He may stay. If his presence is not an inconvenience to you, that is." Master Windu replied.
"Good, then I shall send him back after breakfast?" Padmé smiled.
"Yes, good night Senator and thank you for looking after him." Master Windu sighed with a hint of gratitude.
"It is no problem Master Windu, good night." Padmé assured the Jedi and switched off the comm-link.
Padmé sighed tiredly and wandered back over to Sabé and the unconscious Vader. She hooked the comm back onto the utility belt and left it on the low table that crouched in the half-circle of furniture at the center of the room. After one last glance to see if Vader looked comfortable, she turned and headed for her own room with Sabé at her heels.
"You can go back to your own apartment now you know." Padmé sighed as she slipped into her bedroom. Moteé and Ellé had already left for their own quarters.
"I know," Sabé nodded quietly. "But I was wondering if I could stay in the guest room tonight so I could get an early start tomorrow."
Padmé sat on the edge of her bed and began taking her hair down from its elaborate style. "You're volunteering for extra work?" She asked dryly.
"Yes," Sabé nodded, walking over and helping extract the numerous hairpins from Padmé's head. "Or you could look at it like I'm too lazy to go back to my own place."
"Hmph, well, I guess you can spend the night." Padmé decided, infusing her tone with mock-reluctance.
"Thank you my Lady," Sabé grinned. "Always so generous."
"Go to bed Sabé," Padmé giggled softly, giving her friend a light shove. "You have to get up early and make us breakfast!"
"Fine, good night!" Sabé called softly and vanished off to the guest bedroom.
"Good night!" Padmé sighed at the Handmaiden's retreating form.
Now with her hair down, she carefully brushed it out while fishing a nightgown out of her drawers. She quickly shed her fancy dress and slipped into the light, simple nightdress and all but dove into her bed. But despite her weariness, sleep proved to be elusive and her eyes were continually drawn towards the common room.
Please be alright, she prayed silently, please make it through this…