Trigger warnings: trauma, flashbacks of domestic violence (there will be ***** symbols at the end and beginning of SMALL descriptive scene), miscommunication/relationship troubles
Warnings/Spoilers: sex toys (anal), spanking
-SoFi, PTD Day 1-
It was the first day of the concert. I was currently in a private, VIP room that had a great view of the guys. I had acquired the room for all four days and invited the guys' girlfriends and Ky. I had offered to get other private rooms for the guys' families, but they all preferred to be a part of the crowd. They liked to witness the fans first-hand.
Currently, Unnie and Ky were having a conversation about the upcoming concert in Seoul. The show hadn't started, so I had been looking around at the crowd. However, there were a few keywords Unnie and Ky had said that were pulling me to their discussion.
"Have you seriously never been to Korea?" Unnie asked Ky.
Ky nodded. "All my grandparents died when I was very young and all my aunts and uncles live here in the States, so there was never a reason to go. But this will be the first time I visit."
This threw me off. I didn't know about Ky going to Korea. "Wait, you're going?"
"Yeah, Yoongi invited me to the Seoul concert," Ky answered.
I looked appalled. He and Yoongi had become close over the years and were KakaoTalk buddies. Ky was going to be taking Yoongi to a Clippers game in the upcoming weeks. However, I'm the one who Ky had known the longest and in the two years I lived in Korea, he never came to visit. "So, if Yoongi asks, then you go?"
He gave me an innocent smile. "He gave me free tickets."
I sent him a glare. "Freeloader," I teased but kind of meant it.
Ky laughed and didn't deny it.
Finally, the show started. The entire audience went wild as the lighting changed and the opening preview on the screens started.
As the show went on, there was an overwhelming sense of glee. Namjoon never looked more attractive than when he sweat bullets and tonight was no exception. It had been years since their last live audience and it was emotional for them. They looked exhausted and spent, but that didn't stop them from giving it their all. I clapped and cheered the entire show, beating my vocals raw. When they gave their final bow to the crowd, I was in desperate need of either a cough drop or tea. I took easy and quick notice of Namjoon's face. He was feeling a mixture of different emotions. He gave his blood, sweat, and tears to every individual in the audience. He had been couped up and kept away from what he loved and had finally been given his freedom.
Through the monitors, anyone could see how touched he was and how close to tears he was on several occasions. My heart swelled at seeing him. He was grateful, he was appreciative, and most importantly, he was happy.
Tears caught up to me eventually as the guys exited for the final time.
Ky and the girlfriends began to exit and I followed. However, before we left the stadium, I remembered something and rushed to the restroom.
I didn't get to see the guys immediately after the show. They were put into private vehicles immediately after their bow and rushed to their hotel so as to avoid fans finding their location.
The girlfriends and I arrived at their hotel no more than half an hour after. Namjoon had sent me a message instantly after the show, asking my whereabouts. He seemed to have forgotten our small fight and was in a good mood by his very intimate and explicit language.
MONI: You remembered to forget your night clothes, right? ?
God, even the wink emoji made me weak; I instantly thought of his wink.
ME: Yes. I also got a surprise for you….
MONI: What is it?
ME: …you'll have to wait and see….
MONI: What is it?!
I decided to torture him, so I put away my phone. Once at the hotel, we were privately escorted to their floor by hotel staff. Once on their floor, we were greeted by some of the guys.
We hung out for a bit in Jungkook's room, dancing and drinking a bit before Namjoon and I were able to sneak into his room, making sure their staff wasn't looking. We did, however, catch Yoongi's eye.
"Lock the door this time," he said with a teasing grin, surely remembering the time Namjoon's parents almost caught us last month.
I sent him a glare. "It locks automatically behind us."
Yoongi laughed. "Knowing your luck…."
We dodged prying eyes and rushed into Namjoon's room, which was right across from Jungkook's. Namjoon put a Do Not Disturb sign on his door and turned on his Bluetooth speaker, selecting a playlist for us. The walls were pretty solid, but he was ensuring we would have full privacy.
I gave him a coy smile. "Why have the music so loud?"
He smirked. "It's not because of what you think. I always have it this loud."
"Uh-huh…sure…." I turned away from him and took off my shoes, tossing them to a corner and setting down my overnight bag.
Long, warm arms wrapped around my waist from behind me, pulling me flush into hot and sticky skin. "So, where's this surprise?" his low timbre voice was enough to weaken my knees.
I shivered as his lips traveled along my neck. "Find it," I breathed out, taking hold of his long hands and bringing them to my shirt.
He took the hint and began to undress me.
I was down to my lingerie when he took several steps back and made me do a full spin so he could take a proper and long look at me. I had on a lacy and black matching set and judging by the way his eyes were ravaging my body, I had chosen right.
"I love surprises," he mumbled, a little bit of saliva coming out of the corner of his mouth.
I let out a chuckle. "This is not the surprise, baby."
His eyes shot up, meeting mine. His features turned soft at hearing the endearment.
I fought back a smile, my heart fluttering at knowing the word had such an effect on him as it did on me when he called me 'babe'. I kept the focus on the task at hand, however. Taking a couple of steps closer to him, I managed to fill in the gap that separated us. I took hold of his hand and placed it on my lower back, on top of my panties. "It's somewhere under these," I said in a husky voice.
The furrowed brow told me he wasn't understanding. I decided to get a little bolder. Taking control of his hand, I pushed it underneath the material so his hands could touch my flesh. His long, slender fingers brushed between my lower ass cheeks, close to my pucker hole. It didn't take long after a shift in his fingers for him to find it. His eyes grew wide in shock and surprise.
I let go of his hand, allowing his fingers to linger there; allowing him to trace his surprise.
He hadn't taken a shower yet. He had merely wiped down his sweat, so he was sticky. And it was a complete turn-on. I remembered the amount of sweat that dripped out of him during the concert. Recalled the see-through t-shirt clinging to his chiseled chest, how he had brought down his jacket halfway down his arms as if he was going to take it off. But he had been a complete tease. That damn jacket remained on while he was out on stage.
Remembering this, I took hold of his shirt and tugged at it, needing him just as exposed as I was. He bent down, allowing me to undress him. I silently cheered in triumph; his wide chest and back were fully exposed to me now. And I wanted more. I reached for his belt and with hurried fingers, I took off his pants.
Namjoon's thick lips took hold of my top lip, his tongue slipping inside my mouth to get a better taste of me. He was as hungry for me as I was for him.
I gripped his shoulders and I climbed him. His powerful arms wrapped around my waist and buttocks. He lifted me easily off the ground, never breaking contact with my lips.
As he reached around to my bra, I remembered something. I reached into my cup and took out another small surprise.
He noticed my hand reach inside my bra and stopped after unclasping it. His eyes at first stayed on my globes, his mouth drooling. However, he almost choked when he noticed what I had taken from my bra. His heavy-lidded eyes widened as he recognized what I was holding. A small bottle of lube.
Pulling his eyes away from my hand, his sight traveled up to meet me, a question looming there.
I gave him a confident nod, reaching around and pulling the plug out of me. A small moan made its way out of my lips. Namjoon's fingers, which were on my ass cheeks, gripped me at hearing the sound.
Keeping eye contact with the demi-god before me, I brought the plug to my lips and gave it a long lick before my mouth wrapped around it like a lollipop. Namjoon's thick and long cock strained against his boxers. I had to be careful not to push too much. He looked ready to cum just by my little demonstration. Taking hold of the bottle and opening it, I applied a good amount of lube to it before reaching back and reapplying it inside.
A deep moan left me as I pushed it back in. I had done anal with a couple of guys, but I never liked it, even though I enjoyed it when I used and experimented with a plug by myself. I wasn't planning on letting Namjoon take me up the ass tonight, but maybe we could experiment a little. Push some boundaries. We had already discussed what we would like to try out in the bedroom and this was one of them. Tonight seemed like the perfect, special occasion.
His lips were on mine again, claiming me. He led us somewhere, but my brain was too foggy to think where we were headed. His kisses made it hard to concentrate.
Suddenly, I felt a stinging coldness against my bare back. He placed me down on the ground, giving me a final kiss before he pulled away.
I clung to his forearms, feeling dizzy. I looked up into his dark eyes, the wildness in them making me shiver.
He'd never looked this intense before. I imagine the concert had pent up a lot of energy. I knew the feeling. I had no experience with drugs—my mother's dependency when I was younger served as a lesson to never try any of them—but the high people described from them, I related to the feeling I got right after walking off a stage. I always needed to do something big to bring my body back down after a show. And sometimes sex was the right kind of counterbalance for it.
Namjoon was on that same high and needed to let out his energy on something—or someone, somebody. And judging by the look in his eyes, he was thinking the same thing.
Shit, I wouldn't be surprised if my pussy was creating a puddle right at our feet. I was so turned on by his feral look.
I took a step back and recognized we were by the balcony. My naked back was pressed against the glass door. I knew why he brought us here. We were high in the hotel—high in the LA skyline. The view of the city lights was breathtaking. Thousands of people living below us. Thousands of people to have sex in front of without them knowing.
I kept my eyes on him, my hand reaching down between us, and finding nothing was covering him. He had taken off his boxers. Even better. I took hold of his cock, giving it long, slow strokes. He let out a moan as he closed the gap between us. I was now pinned against his hot, naked flesh and the cold, glass door. Polar temperatures, but exactly what I needed.
"Use me," I nearly begged. My body shook, wanting to give in to his.
His wild eyes turned soft at this. He held my stare for a moment, and we had a silent conversation. I knew what his body wanted. I was aware of what was to come. And I trusted him with my body—he had never given me a reason not to.
For a moment, he held my cheek affectionately in his palm, his primal features having dissolved to turn into the absolute fluffball I adored. "Tell me when you want me to stop. Or tap me twice, ok?" There was a slight worry in his tone, but his confidence was still taking charge. Namjoon never did something he wasn't fully sure of.
We had discussed the possibility of this. Namjoon didn't believe in a safe word. A simple 'no' or 'stop' was all he needed. And we had agreed that if I was in a position where I couldn't speak, then tapping him would be the alternative.
My eyes stayed on his and I nodded. "I trust you."
His lips were on mine; he was soft at first. Endearing. Affectionate. But quickly, the fire went ablaze. His mouth turned rougher; his tongue turned desperate.
I could hardly catch my breath; my lungs begged for air. I pulled my mouth a little away and his lips didn't chase. Instead, they traveled downward, claiming my jaw. His full lips took pecks throughout my body. He spent some extra time and attention on my breasts, sucking on them and making them red and wet before going down my stomach.
He gave my pussy a few licks before taking hold of my hips and turning them around. My ass was now right in front of his face as my chest pressed against the cold glass. I let out a long whine when the tip of his tongue touched the rim of the plug.
A sudden slap on my ass echoed throughout the room and I felt a sudden gush of slick come out of my cunt. It didn't hurt too bad, but it certainly was no love tap and I was surprised by how good it felt. A loud moan let out from deep within me.
"Quiet," he said roughly. "We're gonna be found out."
A slap to my other cheek. This time it was a little rougher, but still had the same effect on me. However, I bit down the moan this time.
Namjoon's hands began to knead at my ass, enjoying the feel of my thickness. "My girl likes to be ordered, huh?"
Slap.
I pressed my thighs together. I was sure he was going to make me cum by the slaps and his voice alone. I bit down hard on my bottom lip, following his orders.
"Answer me," he nearly barked out.
Pressing my legs tighter together, I sucked in a deep breath to better control myself. "Yes," I squeaked out.
Slap!
"Shit!" My fingers dug into the icy glass as I held back. If this son of a bitch slapped me again, I was positive I was going to cum.
He must have realized this himself because he began to soothe my skin and press kisses around it. His fingers grazed at the plug. "You're doing so good." A light kiss on my lower back as I felt his fingers take hold of the plug. "You ready to take this out so we can play a little?"
Now, I was positive his voice was going to make me cum. "Yeah," I said in desperation.
The plug slowly pulled out of me. A sense of relief and loss swept through my body at it leaving me.
"You want it back in, baby?" Namjoon asked, having sensed my body.
"Mmm-hmmm," I let out a whimper.
Ever so slowly, Namjoon pressed it back in. Then began to pull out.
For the next few minutes, he played with my pucker, taking me to the brink of ecstasy until he pulled fully back and kept me from reaching my orgasm. It was the sweetest type of torture.
I had never taken a liking to anal when done by a partner, but Namjoon treated my body so well. This exploration felt just as good as any of the other positions we had tried.
Finally, after long moments of him having fun torturing me, he put the plug back in and got back on his feet. "Think you can take me with that inside you, baby?"
I nodded my head enthusiastically. "Please."
His lips took hold of my bottom one, nibbling it a little before pulling away. "I love how my girl is so quick to try anything."
My fingers dug into his shoulders, pulling him to me. "Only with you," I confessed. "I trust you."
A look flashed across his face as he stared down at me. It felt familiar. I had seen this look in a set of eyes before but I couldn't pinpoint to who or when. His facial features were so soft and serene—so goddamn beautiful. The beauty in turn made me feel warm all over.
My heart hammered against my chest, something primal coming from the pit of my chest.
He opened his mouth, ready to say something.
Acting purely on instinct, I took hold of his face and pulled him down to meet my lips.
For the next, long moments, we kissed intensely. And then I felt myself get scooped up off the floor. My back became cold again, but the thick and long cock that slowly entered me kept me warm.
There had been so much foreplay that my body was begging to come apart. Not to mention the plug inside my backdoor pecker was stimulating me in all the right ways. I was able to come fully apart right then, but my soul didn't want to give in just yet. He still needed to get there and I wanted to fall apart in the heavens with him.
He let out a curse as he came in and out of me; I was positive the plug was hitting his cock along my inner walls.
At first, he went long and slow, but very quickly, his rough side took over.
Namjoon caught on that I was holding back. Judging by the vein against his throat making an appearance, I knew he was close. And he always made sure I came before him.
He moved my hips to a different angle. I let out a gasp as his finger ran circles on my clit.
"Oh, my—Namu!" My hand snapped to his wrist, wanting him to slow down his strokes.
He stopped, waiting to see if I would say anything or move his hand away. While my brain wanted to stop him, my body craved for him to take me wherever he wanted to.
After a few seconds of me not moving his hand away, Namjoon continued at his previous pace. He kept hitting a sensitive spot over and over with fast agility. His head dipped down to me. I could feel his breath along my neck. "Fucking cum for me," he demanded in my ear through clenched teeth.
It was just what I needed—what my body couldn't resist. His commanding voice had a way of making me do anything and everything for him. My knees quivered, my hand kept his fingers in place, my cunt tightened around his long cock, and I came fully undone.
Namjoon let out a moan, joining me in the stars.
My vision was full of darkness, my head empty of thoughts. All that was present was how incredible my body felt. How light I was. And how perfect the heavy body holding me up felt. My soul and flesh wanted to wrap themselves around Namjoon's and live there. I never wanted to detach.
It was in the middle of the night and I had just woken from a long nap with Namjoon. I had taken a peek outside and noticed security was stationed around the elevator. Their backs were to the doors. I could hear music and laughter coming from the room across. Jungkook seemed to still be partying. Possibly with Jimin, Hobi, and Yuna.
If I left Namjoon's room now without security seeing me, they would think I was part of Jungkook's party.
Closing the door quietly, I decided it was the perfect time to leave. I gathered my things quickly.
"What are you doing?" said a tired voice from the bed.
Setting down my things on the table, I made my way to him. I gave him a smile as I answered him, "There's not much security. I'm gonna take advantage and head out before more guards come."
He frowned at me, looking appalled. "What? Are you serious?"
My features fell at his reaction. "Yeah…?"
He turned over to the bed frame where an alarm clock stood. "It's 3AM."
"Uh-huh…?" Suddenly, I was having trouble understanding why my brilliant idea wasn't so brilliant.
His frown deepened and he started to look more incredulous at my responses. What was I saying that was getting him like this? "Is something wrong?"
"Is something wrong?" His tone was sharp and nearly venomous. "What do you think this is, Mayahuel?"
"Huh?" I don't think I could be more lost.
"You're treating me like some one-night fucktoy. You're ready to just fuck me and leave me. What kind of shit is that?"
His sudden outburst of cursing was unexpected and it made my hands feel a little clammy.
****""What the fuck is this?!"
"What?"
"This!"
"I don't know. Yours?"
CRASH!
"Those are NOT mine, you fucking asshole. It belongs to your goddamn fucktoy!"
"Again? You're accusing me again?!"
"Get the fuck out!"
Crash!
"Why are you always so fucking crazy? Did you not take enough of your meds today?!"
Crash!
"Get out!"
"This is my house too, woman!"
"I pay the mortgage, asshole!"
"And I take care of the farm!"
CRASH!
"GET out!"*****
I wasn't sure why I was thinking back to fights between my parents. Namjoon had barely let out a few curse words and he sounded angry. It was nothing like my parents so what was triggering me?
I took a breath as I tried to calm myself. "I just want to leave so that way we don't get caught."
He let gave a big shrug. "So what if we do?"
Was he being serious? Did he want to get caught? "So what if we do?" It was my turn to repeat back his question.
Namjoon sat up. "So the staff finds out. So what? They won't care. They won't leak it out. As long as we stay on our floor, they'll mind their business. You're not the only girlfriend in the group. We've all been through this."
"It's different," I insisted.
"How?" he challenged.
I thought for a moment, trying to remember the reason why it was important we keep our relationship a secret. I think I was still trying to wake up myself because my brain couldn't gather up the answer.
"See?" he insisted. "You can't even think of a reason."
My noodle brain remembered a point. "We haven't been together for that long. It's been a couple of months. It's too soon."
His anger was not coming down. "It's been almost 100 days. Aren't we getting more serious by now?"
Shit, it was more than three months. When did that happen? I tried to scramble a response. "It's still early on, Namjoon. We said we were going to take things slow."
Heated anger flashed in his eyes. "That was weeks ago. You're trying to stay in the same phase, but I'm wanting to take the next step. And it's not even that big of a step. It's simply the staff knowing we're seeing each other. They. Do. Not. Care."
I took a breath, not knowing how to answer. I felt a battle within me: one part wanted to fully give in to Namjoon, seeing how passionate he was about this which meant it mattered to him. And another part of me, there was fear. I could identify the emotion because I had felt it so many times, but I couldn't pinpoint the root and reason for it.
Suddenly, I felt my heart rate pick up, and began to feel nauseous. The room around me spun as Namjoon's words kept repeating in my head. He was angry. He never sounded that way... Flashes of my past swept through my vision. Old memories of not only my parents but my own toxic relationships. Memories of my ex trashing my place after accusing me of cheating. He had been a gentleman the first few months. Until around our 4-month anniversary when he began to yell and curse. Those yells and cursing quickly turned to breaking things...
What if Namjoon's yells grew as well?
God, I couldn't get any air in.
Namjoon's gentle hands were immediately on me. "Breathe, baby." His voice was low and steady.
One of his palms was on my chest, applying pressure. He modeled my breathing technique and I followed.
After a couple of minutes, I managed to settle down from my anxiety. "Sorry," I said automatically.
Namjoon placed a finger on my chin, pushing it up so I could look at him. "No apologizing for that. I shouldn't have come at you like that." Taking a breath himself, he took a moment.
I kept myself quiet, seeing he was struggling with coming up with the words he wanted to form. I took that time to ensure I was fully settled and stayed calm.
Finally, he explained himself. "I got angry when you wanted to leave because it felt like I was some cheap booty call for you." His eyes stayed on me, so I could see how bothered and sad he was. "Things got very heavy for us—heavier than any other time. You leaving me in the middle of the night after doing something that intimate and intense…. It feels cheap."
My heart sank at hearing this. Immediate guilt and shame took over. He had not only mentioned something similar about this to me at the start of our relationship, but I knew Namjoon. He wasn't a puritan by any means but he did have his morals when it came to sex. He tried the one-night stand thing and it wasn't for him. He didn't have to be in love with someone in order to sleep with her, but he definitely had to care about her to some extent. And the more intense the sexual act, the deeper he needed to feel about that individual.
I differed from him in my views on sex, but I respected his opinion…. Or at least, I used to respect his opinion. I had fucked up, yet again. I had hurt him and I felt disgusted with myself for doing so.
Taking his hands into mine, I decided to start my groveling. "I'm a bitch for not having considered that. I'm sorry. You are definitely not someone I think of as just a piece of meat. You're a lot more than that, of course. I'm sorry for…hurting you." The moment the word came out of my mouth, I felt my throat tighten as I was disgusted with myself.
There was still plenty of hurt in his eyes, but they had softened significantly. He reached over and brushed my cheek. It was at that moment, I realized I had been crying.
I wiped the other side of my face and felt it was very wet. I hadn't realized how hurting him was physically affecting me. The tears just didn't stop coming down.
Namjoon's gentle hands helped me wipe them away. "It was something I felt in the moment. I don't really feel that way. I know I'm more. But the question I have for you is…what exactly am I to you?"
I frowned, not understanding his question.
He further explained himself. "I know we're exclusive. I know we're a couple. But what else? What's our progress? Because I'll be honest with you, I want to move forward."
I thought about it for a long moment, thinking of his question and what my answer was. The truth was that I couldn't think of an answer. "I don't know," I said honestly.
There was a slight look of irritation that flashed across his face.
I spoke quickly, trying to keep him from misunderstanding me. "I haven't thought about it because I've been happy where we're at. Things are going well with us and I just don't want to mess it up. Why ruin something that's going so well?"
He took another deep breath. He was doing his best to remain calm. "I don't want to remain stagnant. I'm not satisfied keeping you a secret from everyone. I'm with you in keeping it from the public for obvious reasons, but not our circle. I have to give up so much already and have to put on a façade in front of others. There are a few things I can have that will make me feel normal and sane. I want to feel like I'm not having to hide you in the few places at work where I feel safe to be myself."
His words lingered in the air as I processed them. I completely understood him and found it fair for him to feel this way. Namjoon did give up so much, among them was his privacy. But his team did their best to try to make sure things were as normal for all of them as possible while at work. All he was asking for was to not pretend in front of them. Namjoon wasn't into PDA really, so it's not as if he would do more than hold my hand in parts of the building. Usually, it was Jimin and Jungkook who were handsy with whoever they were dating. Jin, Hoseok, and Taehyung were more subtle. But I had never seen Namjoon do more than hold a girlfriend's hand in front of everyone.
It really didn't seem like that big of a deal.
Namjoon was looking down at something on the bed, distracting himself as he allowed me to think. Not pressuring me to hurry.
"Ok," I said as confidently as I could.
Namjoon's head snapped up, his eyes searching mine. "Ok?"
"Ok, we can let the team know. And Sihyuk." I knew the team knowing wasn't going to be enough for Namjoon. He was going to want Sihyuk to know as well. And I think I was ok with that. I wasn't thrilled, but it wasn't the end of the world either.
The corners of his mouth perked up a bit. "Really?"
Seeing him hopeful and happy brushed away my worry. I felt his dimples becoming infectious and I found myself smiling back. "Yes."
"You're not just saying that?" He tried to control his excitement.
I shook my head. "I want to be with you," I said with full conviction. "And if it's important to you for your team to know, then I'm ok with them knowing."
He leaned fully over and took my lips into his. "I don't want you to agree just to agree," he said genuinely.
"And I don't want to be without you," I said without thinking.
His hand caressed my face, his forehead leaning down onto mine. "I don't want to be without you either."
For a long time, we hugged each other. I clutched to him, fleeting moments of fear brushing through me. The thought of him breaking things between us because he was unsatisfied with our progression sent anxiety to my core.
It took a while for me to calm down. Namjoon slept soundly next to me, his arm wrapped warmly around me. I breathed in his scent and swam in his warmth. The anxiety I was feeling forgotten.