A/N: Thank you kyer and SesshouMaru-sama's Rin:). And myfaithful beta Satine:D
Part 6. Gimme a kiss pretty boy
The last time we visited (a week ago) the Death Eaters and their Master we left them to deal with the schizophrenic Veela themselves. Now let´s step into the house again to see if they are all still alive.
"Master, please, let me cut your hair!" Bella shouted while running behind the fleeing Veela.
"Get those fucking ssscissorsss away from me! You are not touching my curlssss, you Bitch!" The DARK Lord screamed as he disappeared into the kitchens. "Ssssave me, Slinky!"
"I've got the Chip'n dale dancers!" Lucius shouted from the sitting room where he had 10 stupefied men lying on the floor wearing nothing but red g-thongs.
"Oh goody," Avery said clapping his hands together as he stepped into the room with Sergay who had a lapful of red roses.
"Hey, their thong colour matches with the roses," Sergay pointed out eagerly after he had set the flowers down to the table.
"Of course they do. And if you knew how to use your brains you might also notice that the colour is exactly the same as the Gryffindor crest," Lucius said proudly.
"Show-off," Sergay muttered while checking the men's conditions.
"How far did you have to go to get them?" Avery asked while nursing a class of vodka.
"They are from America, New York's finest elite. And the only group in the world who wears red thongs," Lucius said, pouring himself a class of Coca-Cola, long live America.
"Didn't the idea of kidnapping some random men and buying them all the same coloured panties ever cross your mind, Lucius?" Severus smirked from the door.
Lucius' face fell. No, he handn't thought about that. Damned Snape and his black hair! He himself had blond hair which lead immediately to stupidity. Poor Barbie.
"Arrrrrrrrrg," Voldy screamed as he sprinted past the sitting area, with Bella hot on his heels.
"We have to do something about his not wanting to look more human-like," Severus said.
"Potter won't look twice at him if he keeps those red eyes, spiderhands, messy hair, white face and vampire teeth," Lucius agreed (silently dreaming of Voldy's fine qualities). Every Barbie wants her own Ken.
"We can work on that later. Now we should make a plan to send these pretty boys to Potty-head and make sure they do their job," Sergay said while feeling the dancer's arse-firmness. It didn't do to send loose flesh to a young boy. Noup. Zip. Nada.
"Snape, do you have the potion, the one that is similar to the Imperio?" Lucius asked.
"Of course I do, just tell me when and where," he answered.
"Now would be nice if you could, please," Lucius said as he pointed his wand towards the men and muttered: "Enervarte".
The said naked men rose up rubbing their eyes. When they were finally awake enough they all jumped up and started to scream.
The Death Eaters just watched the men that were now running aroud the room.
"Lucius, put them down. It will be more easy to give them the potion that way," Severus said while measuring the drug.
"Stupefy," Lucius said, whirling his wand in every direction. The naked men hit the ground and Severus started his work. He poured a small amount of the potion in every man's mouth while the rest of the Death Eaters levitated them to the gift box.
While the Death Eaters worked with the strippers on the second floor the Dark Lord had hid in the dungeons. It had been a long day for Tom. So to relieve some stress he took out his sewing bag and laid its contents onto the hard and cold stone floor.
"Now letss see where my inssstruction-book for voodoo puppetsss isss," Voldy mused as he fumbled to find the said book.
"OHO!" Voldy finally cried as he saw the thing among his old hippie robes. He started to flip through the old pages and a couple of minutes later laid the book onto the floor and lifted the lace thongs from his front pocket. Placing the thongs next to him he started to read.
"Sssstep 1. Find a piece of fabric for a voodoo dolly of your liking," Voldy read aloud, looking for the needed item at the same time. When he found nothing suitable he stood up and slided his knickers off.
"Thessse will do," he said and cut them into two equally big parts.
"Sssstep 2. Sew a voodoo dolly," Voldy read as he slipped the twine through the little hole on the needle. After doing that he reached towards the fabric and started to work.
Some three hours, 11 bloody fingers and two voodoo dollies later.
"Sssstep 3. Stuff the dolly with soft cotton," the Dark Lord read.
"But I don't have any sssoft cotton," he sulked.
So there Voldy was without his cotton. Sitting on the hard floor getting a sciatica.
"But wait a minute!" Voldy suddenly cried. "I can take sssome of Luciusss' hair, I think they will do!" So without further ados Voldy crept out of the dungeons towards Lucius' room where he was sure his hairbrush would be.
Skipping hastily past the kitchen and the first floor Voldy was certain that Bella wouldn't catch him, but alas, his luck was eaten by a pink bunny.
"Where could he be?" Bella's mutter was coming closer to him. (At this point I suggest you turn on Mission Impossible.)
"Sssshit," our favorite bad boy cursed and did a MacGyver dive towards the red curtains that hid the portrait of late Culiver Malfoy.
"Why on earth are you dirturbing my peace, young man?" Culiver asked annoyed.
"Ssshut your mouth, you old fart! I need a place to hide from a maniacal hair-hater," Voldemort hissed and glued himself more firmly to the painting.
Outside the painting Bella had foud Slinky dusting the corridor.
"Slinky have you seen my Master recently?" Bella asked the house-elf.
"What does Mr.-- Mrs. Bella mean 'recently'," The elf asked and glanced towards the black shoes under the red curtains.
"Have. You. Seen. My. Master. Some. Hour. Or. Two. Ago," Bella said slowly like talking to a child.
"N-no, no I not seen Master-Who-Hides-Behind-The-Red-Custains some hour or two ago Miss," Slinky said and bowed deeply. Bella wached the elf for a couple of seconds and then strolled away.
"Hickypoo, that was close!" Voldy said and stepped out behind the dusty curtains, coughing his lungs out.
"Slinky you hideousss worm. Can't you even dussst the curtainsss properly!" Voldemort screeched and bitch-slapped the elf.
"How many stamps do we need?" Lucius asked while putting a red ribbon aroud the box.
"I think 34.5 but to be sure I would put 36 so the present won't end up in Madam Rosmerta's pub," Severus said while collecting his potion-kit.
"Hhmm, yes, yes, that will do," Lucius said and turned to inspect his handywork.
"Should we ask our Lord to put a card with it?" Wormtail asked, fumbling with his fat fingers.
"You mean like a love note, Peter?" Lucius sneered. His plan was going perfecto and now the idiot tried to ruin it!
"Well, eh, y-yes, or maybe--," Peter piped and took a few steps away from the now snarling blond. "Maybe not?".
"Of course NOT, you imbecile! We don't want Potter to know the identity of the sender yet," Lucius said and started to levitate the box towards the 20 owls who were watching the box fearfully.
"But Lucius darling, our Lord doesn't have to sign the card. He can just write a little love poem and be done with it," Severus smirked as he saw the blond's white face.
"Well that would be just rude, Severus dear," Lucius said as he walked away so that the other man wouldn't hear the answer.
Back in the dungeons Voldy had by now stuffed the two dollies and was about to move on to step 4.
"Sssstep 4. Put ssssomething persssonal on/in to the dolly," Voldy read and grabbed Harry's thogns.
"Dwindlecore," Voldy murmured and pointed the thongs with his wand, shrinking them so they would fit for Harry-Dolly.
After he had successfully shrinked the thongs he grabbed one of his socks and did the same thing to it. When he was done he lifted the Voldy-dolly from the cold floor and put the sock onto "his" foot. Next he took the Harry-dolly and slipped the thongs onto their place.
"Sssstep 5. Dip the dolly into a fressshly made Pirotte-potion ssso the texture won't rot, ssshrink, or ssstart to develope its own mind so that you will eventually be murdered while you sleep."
Voldy got up from the floor and walked to the fireplace. He took a handful of floopowder and tossed it in the fire and then stepped into the green flames that were licking the hems of his robe.
"Severus-Snape's-Chambers-That-Are-Forbidden-From-The-Students-But-Will-Let-The-Dark-Lord-In-And-If-They-Won't-I-Will-Lynch-Your-Nose" Voldy called and was standing in Snape's personal chambers a few seconds later. At first he peered around the corner to see if he was alone and then crept towards the potion cabinet to "borrow" some ingredients.
"A little bit of that and that. Oh and that too, can't do it without that either. Hmmm where does he keep the Viagra?" Voldy hummed as he raided Severus' collection.
It was dinner time at Hogwarts when weird things started to happen. At first there was a loud crash, which made everyone look up the little windows where the usual morning owls came in. For a moment nothing could be heard but then the loud crash came again. At this point the older studens and the teachers had their wands at the ready. And then there was an owl. Actually, make that 20 owls, carrying a box as big as a little house. Its red ribbon was flapping while the birds were nearing the ground.
"Who is it for?" a little Hufflepuff boy asked in wonder. Finally the owls landed. In front of Harry Potter.
At the teachers table, Albus Dumbledore started to kiss the air and do some very dirty dance moves, at same time shouting things like: "Yeah baby! Shake that wonderfull arse of yours! Grooovy! Give it to daddy! Gimme a kiss pretty boy!"
As a result, McGonagall fainted, Snape choked on his drink, the Hufflepuffs blushed, the Slytherins cheered, the Ravenclaws looked horrified and the Gryffindors were examining the odd box, not seeing any of the weird things going on around them.
"A present for me?" Harry asked in wonder as he fiddled with the red ribbon.
"Uh, Harry maybe you shouldn't open it," Ron said warily.
"Why not, Ron?" Harry muttered as he got closer to the box.
"Remember the last gift you got, Harry?" Hermione asked strictly eyeing Harry's every move.
"Oh yeah, that," Harry smiled remembering Barry's lovely voice.
For a while the Golden trio and plus some others circled around the giant box, trying to decide if it was evil or not, while the rest of Hogwarts watched Albus Dumbledore's barmy behaviour until madam Pomfrey shipped him out of the hall in a straitjacket.
Finally Harry came to the conclusion that they just couldn't leave the box unopened. What if it contained a puppy? You can´t leave a puppy in the box! Harry decided and walked to the box. He grabbed the ribbon and pulled it with all his might.
When the red ribbon was off the walls of the box started to open up slowly.
"OH MY GOD! This is unbelievable! Who in their right mind would--," Hermione shrieked while,
"MY EYES, MY POOR EYES! This is the most EVIL thing ever--," Ron yelled while hiding his face behind his hands.
"Oh my my my my. What do we have here?" Ginny asked hurskyly between Seamus and Dean who were also wondering who they must thank for this wonderful--
"Harry, why are there there naked men in front of us?" Neville squawked, hiding behind him.
"They are not naked, Neville. They have red g-thongs. Tight, little, hot g-thongs," Harry whispered.
"B-but--," Neville tried but was cut off when one of the naked men grabbed Harry from his sleeve and pushed him to the wooden chair in the middle of the box's base. When he was seated a man whit blond hair and blue eyes put a portable radio set on and they all started to dance around him.
Harry watched in wonder as the firm arses swayed in front of him.
By now the whole hall was watching the scene. First Dumbledore and now this! they all thought.
If they keep this up we will get rid of that madman before Christmas, Severus thought while helping Minerva onto her feet.
"Wanna touch?" the blond dancer asked after couple of minutes dancing as he climbed on Harry's lap taking the younger man's hand and placing it on his sweaty chest.
"THAT´S IT YOU FUCKING STRIPPER! DO NOT TOUCH HIM! HE´S MINE! I WILL RIP YOUR HAND OFF YOU EVIL OFFSPRING OF SATAN!" Draco Malfoy screamed as he sprinted towards Harry and the dancers. The body of Hogwarts' students parted like the Red Sea and made room for the blond boy who was watching the hand on HIS Harry like he would bite it off if it didn't move from Harry's hand right at that instant.
"What are you talking about, Malfoy? Leave Harry and his strip-- On the other hand, do go on," Ron said, watching the too naked men bending and what not over his best mate.
Draco bitch-slapped the blue-eyed stripper, shoved him off of His Harry and then grabbed the said boy and hurled the Saviour of the World over his shoulder. He glanced around, sneered at the strippers and then took off towards the doors. With a very screaming and kicking Harry over his shoulder.
And then like nothing unusual handn't just happened…
"Students, students, please return to your seats! We still have dessert to eat," Professor Flitwick announced happily from the teacher's table.