Chapter Three

Harry has a headache.

Harry- ( picks up phone and dials authors numbers) Hey guys.

Hi Harry! Whats up?

Harry- (sighs) I have a headache and I ran out of tablets (messes with his new floppy emo-do)

Oh, I'm sorry. Just…go take some Advil or something…

Harry- (begins to cry)But I don't wanna!

Do you want a headache forever?

Harry- (sniffles) no.

Okay well then go buy some medicine.

Harry- ( huffs and smashes fists against table angrily) FINE!

(Harry smashes phone down, crosses arms over his chest and pouts like a four year old)

Um, yea you didn't hang up, you put the phone on the hook the wrong way

(Line two rings)

Ron- Hey Harry, it's Ron!

Harry- Will you come to the store with me to buy some Advil?

Ron- ….. Okay

(Harry and Ron go to the store on the corner, but the phone is still off the hook…)

Harry! Harry what happened? Are you alive? Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?

Ron- What are we here for again?

Harry- Advil

Ron- What?

Harry- ADVIL!

Ron- Oh. (cell phone begins to ring to the Sesame Street theme song)

(Everyone in the store glances at Ron with his cell in hand)

Ron- WHAT IT'S A GOOD MUGGLE SHOW! STOP STARING AT ME THAT WAY! (turns to Harry who begins to back away slowly) I'm not messed up okay!

Harry- (looks scared)

Ron- (answers phone) Hello?… Oh! Hi Hermione!…

Hermione- Ron, I need Midol and Womanly Products, can you pick them up for me?

Ron- (blinks, slightly disturbed by this news) Errr…no.

Hermione- RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY!

Ron- (whimpers and smashes into razor aisle) okay…OOOWWWWWWWWW!

Hermione- Good, I thought I might have to revoke your Sesame Street watching priveliges.

Ron- Dammit, woman! How could you be so heartless? (breaks down into tears)

Hermione- I'm a woman, it's a gift. GET ME MY MIDOL!…AND WOMANLY PRODUCTS!

Ron- … (turns on speakerphone)

Hermione- JUST GET ME THE FREAKIN' TAMPONS! TAMPONS! TAMPONS!

Ron- (lip quivers)

Harry- Your not hardcore enough to be emo, y'know that?

Ron- …Meaniehead

Harry- Womanly Product buyer.

Ron- If your intentions were to shoot an arrow through my heart…BULLSEYE! (starts weeping)

Harry- (sarcastically, with smirk on emo-face) Is it your time of the month, Ron?

Ron- (runs away in hysterics singing Sesame Street to calm himself)

Harry- Okay…weird… (picks up case of Advil)

Authors- (run in screaming) WHERE'S RON!

Harry- ( points to feminine products where Ron has built a fort out of the packages, continuing to sing) He's over there being a pansy singing Sesame Street

Author 1- Hey! That's a good song!

Author 2- I know! I love Elmo!

Author 1- I like Snuffy!

Harry- (clears throat) This is too…not emo for me. Why did you need Ron?

Authors- NOT CANON! (runs after Ron with a fish who screams like a girly man, grabs a box of tampons and Midol and bolts)

(Ron screams get louder as authors yell at him for not being canon)

(Ron appears, face red as the whole store stares at him)

Ron- ( mumbles) I need to give these to Hermione

(Harry and Ron go to pay)

(Harry lays down Advil)

Cashier- That will be $29

Harry- That's a rip off hands money reluctantly

(Ron puts feminine products on the check out counter)

Cashier- (looks at them funny) Um…

Ron- Its not what it looks like! ( Throws money to cashier and bolts out the store)

FEW MINUTES LATER AT HERMIONE'S HOUSE, EVEN THOUGH IT SEEMS LIKE HOURS TO RON...THE POOR UNCANON KID...

Ron: Here's your stuff... (shoves feminine products into Hermione's hand)

Hermione: You got me MAXI! What do you think I am, FAT?

Ron: (on verge of hysterical tears of fright) N-no...of-of course n-not...

Hermione: You're just saying that! (has mood swing) That's so sweet of you!

Ron: I'VE HAD A ROUGH DAY! DON'T DO THIS TO ME! (shudders at the thought of authors and runs out)

Hermione: Ron, you just hit the door frame!

Ron: I'll pay for it later!