Ch 20 Secrets

Sirius' POV

It was fitting in his mind that Hermione was wearing a green blouse. The pair of them have been acting like a bunch of Slytherins as of late with their secrecy and deceitfulness. It was never as prominent until now when they faced a bunch of Gryffindors and a lone Hufflepuff. Especially since as Gryffindors goes they weren't feeling very brave.

The three of them were not completely on board with going through with this.

No more than the actual Slytherin himself.

He remembered the conversation they had.

He knew from the moment Hermione said Snape's name to stop him from leaving what was going to happen. And a part of him wanted to just be a fly on the wall, another part of him wanted to run for the hills. Unfortunately, this was still his house and so he had to stay behind to make sure nothing got broken in the crossfire.

"We have to tell them," Hermione said. Unfortunately for her, Snape didn't seem to quite understand what she was getting at. And if he did he was remaining quite tight-lipped. His arms were hanging low by his side and he had one brow raised quizzically. "The Order. What we have been working on."

"Absolutely not." He said without any hesitation. Sirius was surprised he didn't cross his arms over his chest like a petulant child having a tantrum. Neither of them was surprised by his reaction. They both figured that would be his response. But they were both holding out for the unlikely chance that he would agree with their plan.

"We need help." He scoffed at the suggestion. "There is too much ground to cover. We possibly have five Horcruxes we need to search for."

"We only need one." Snape reminded her. He placed his hands on the back of one of the chairs and Sirius could see his knuckles turning white from how tightly he was holding on.

"Yes, one out of five. That we have no idea where they could possibly be." It was always a stark reminder to hear how much they were struggling with their mission. "Besides with Dumbledore out of commission. They are floundering. They need someone to take charge."

"And that has to be me?" Snape asked Hermione, completely ignoring him. Which right now was preferable.

"No. At least not by yourself. But they are holding out for Harry to commit a miracle and vanquish Voldemort. When they don't know the truth." She had a point. And Sirius could see Snape's reserve waving slightly. Well, Snape's eyes were less narrowed and his voice seemed more tired than hissed. But he was still on the defensive and fighting back against Hermione with his sharp tongue.

"We have come so far. But it can't be done by ourselves." Hermione seemed to be pleading with him. "What's the harm?" She whispered.

"One of them could betray us," Snape stated pointedly.

"I trust them."

"I don't mean willingly." It could have simply been Sirius's imagination but it seemed as if Snape had moved to be closer to Hermione. "You and I both understand what it means to be tortured and how tempting it is to do anything to make the pain stop. But we can resist it. And Black would rather die than put Potter in danger. The others may say the same. But at the end of the day not all of them will," he whispered.

"Then we only tell those we know will keep this safe." Meaning those who would die for the cause. "I understand how important it is that Voldemort doesn't find out about this. But we have to be able to have trust in those on our side. Otherwise, everyone who isn't us might as well be an enemy." Now Sirius knew he wasn't imagining how Hermione stepped forward to Snape. "I trusted you with this." Snape's eyes seemed to burn into her. "Did I make a mistake?"

"I know you see that this is the right thing to do," Snape said, trying in vain to fight her stubbornness.

"It's not about what is the right thing. But it is the only option we have left. And better we chose this than for the choice to be taken from us."

It took a moment before Snape gave a single nod, finally agreeing to the plan. He stood up straighter and slipped back into his usual posture and snark. "I take it Black was already aware of this," he drawled while tilting his head towards Sirius' current position.

"It was his idea." That traitor. He wasn't supposed to know that. "He thought it would be better coming from me."

Sirius quickly made himself scarce after Snape finally turned to face him and glared at him.

It was the only time that he could recall when Hermione and Snape disagreed. They had argued of course but never disagreed. And even when they argued both were essentially stating two sides of the same point just very loudly. The only thing that could come to Sirius' mind was that Snape was so whipped.

He didn't even put up much of a fight.

Not even close to when they had their own arguments. Snape normally would have snapped and snarled and made his point known much more firmly and win the case. Or he would have stormed off without answering and made the situation draw out much longer than it would need to be. But he didn't do any of these things.

Nonetheless he was still anxious for that confrontation despite how well it had turned out.

He couldn't say the same for this moment.

Somehow when Sirius pictured this moment in his head, he figured he would be more confident and strong. Sure of his words and not stumbling. Never once second-guessing his decision. His head held high and no shame in maintaining eye contact.

But right now he really wanted to hide behind Hermione and let her do all of the talking.

The Order was gathered at his house and everyone was seated around the kitchen table. The main members of the Order were present. As well as several Hogwarts professors Dumbledore has pursued in joining over the years. McGonogol and Madam Pomphrey were not present. They were, as of his knowledge, remaining with Dumbledore. Hermione was next to him on one side of the head table, while Harry was on the other. It was nice to have Harry's support even though he, like the others, had no clue what this meeting was truly about.

On the opposite side of him was Mad-eye, with Kingsley directly on his left and Tonks on his right. Moony was seated with Tonks and from the looks of things, the pair were practically glowing in love. The Weasleys were all gathered including the oldest fiance, whose name he couldn't quite remember. A couple of members from the old crowd Sirius remembered like the Bones, Vance and Hestia. Thankfully they were still talking amongst themselves to notice his nervousness.

Snape wasn't here yet. He had some last-minute errand to run. Sirius had hoped that he would be here for the meeting. But he left four hours ago and still wasn't back yet.

The fallout was going to be bad. He knew Hermione was worried about that. Though she tried to hide it.

He used to have no fear or shame when it came to public speaking. In his Hogwarts days he had no hesitation and on more than one occasion caused a disturbance while standing up on the tables in the Great Hall. But now he felt like he was trembling in his boots.

"Why have you summoned us here," Mad-eye barked. Making Sirius really wish that he wasn't present today because he was definitely not intimidated by his presence.

"There is something we have been working on since the end of August that we haven't told anyone," he said, deciding instead of blurting out the truth, to start the story from the beginning. Though he knew it wouldn't have been that easy for him simply to reiterate the series of events without interruptions.

"Who is this we?" Moony asked.

At this point, Hermione stood up and made her way to stand beside him. It brought him a little bit of comfort to know that not everyone was staring at him. "Well me, Hermione," He gestured beside him. And Hermione was biting her lip as Harry and the Weasleys turned to stare at her in confusion. "And Snape," Sirius said with false confidence though internally he was wincing. Especially once the Weasley twins broke out into laughter.

And Mad-eye barked at him. "You expect us to believe that you and Snape have been working together."

"Why else would I be here if it wasn't true?" Snape asked as he came gliding into the room. Sirius couldn't help but let out a breath of air he didn't know he was holding.

"See me and Snape here have turned over a new leaf. And we are friends now." Sirius threw his arm over his shoulder to prove his point.

"Don't touch me," Snape snapped. Whatever his errand was, it left him in a bitter mood.

Sirius gingerly removed his arm. "There are still areas in our friendship that are a work in progress. Back to why we are all here."

He gestured for Hermione to continue. And he knew that if they were in private, she would have rolled her eyes at him. But in his defence, she was better at this than he was. With a much more steady voice, she began, "In August I and Sirius discovered something kinda vital to the downfall of Voldemort. Well, more so a hindrance that was preventing his downfall." Taking a deep and steady breath once she held everyone's attention she said clearly, "Currently Voldemort is immortal."

Gasps and words of outrage broke out amongst the group. There wasn't even a moment of silence for them to consider the words.

"He can't be killed?" Ginny asked in a small voice.

"Well he can but he will be able to return. Just like he did the first time." Hermione said with a bit of a grimace on her face when she invertedly revealed the Order's past mistake in killing him the first time.

"How did he achieve immortality when the Philosopher's Stone was destroyed?" Harry asked. And from the look of it, he didn't seem mad by the secrecy, just confused by all of the information. A confused Harry he could deal with. The angry one was much harder.

"He used dark magic to split his soul into separate pieces. For example Tom Riddle's Diary. We don't know how many objects there are. But we have found a way to destroy them all simultaneously. We just need one and Snape and Hermione can link it to the others."

Mad eye's eye swirled at him frantically while the other glared at him. "Black you are being extremely vague here. Mind giving us something more concrete."

"No," Snape said, answering on his behalf. "You will just have to take our word on this matter. The more everyone knows the more of a chance this information can be spilt."

"Why isn't Dumbledore here? He would be able to help with it." Moony asked.

"No. and besides he is still in critical condition. It would be unwise for him to leave the castle while so vulnerable." In a much lower voice, Snape said, "We don't believe it would be wise to have him involved in this."

"What are you going on about Snape?" Mad-Eye snapped.

"No offence Severus but most of the people in this room trust Dumbledore more than you." Tonks pointed out. And Though Sirius would once agree with that statement he couldn't help but want to smack himself in the head for ever believing it.

"Then trust me and Sirius when we say that it is of the utmost importance that we don't involve him." Hermione stepped in. "We have reason to believe that his injury to his hand wasn't from his duel with Voldemort. But rather from finding and trying to destroy one." Sirius wasn't aware that was a current theory though it did make a lot of sense. And he would always back Hermione up, especially in the face of others. "We also think that his injury is much more severe than he made it out to be. We believe that his injury is still active and affecting his mind and judgement.

"Do you have proof of this?" Kingsley asked pensively while rubbing his chin. It seemed that he was in the process of being convinced.

"Well, Dumbledore fired me because I refused to kill him." Sirius looked at him in shock and so did the rest of the room. Except for Hermione, of course, though he shouldn't have been surprised by that fact. There were many different expressions on everyone's face. Some clearly couldn't fathom the idea that Dumbledore was off his rockers such as Mrs. Weasley and Moony. But Tonks and Kingsley looked pensieve. And well Harry couldn't really make sense of all of this.

"So what do we do?" Bill Weasley asked, looking around like many others quite helplessly.

"We can't rely on Dumbledore's judgement to lead the Order. For the matter of Voldemort, we need to locate one of the pieces holding his soul." For a man who was constantly working alone, Snape was quite skilled at leading. Perhaps because he was used to making decisions. "We have a few ideas on what the objects are but we need help locating them. We only need one but we can't waste time searching for each one individually." And though Sirius knew how much it pained him to say it, Snape said it with his usual hoarse voice, "This is where we need your help."

"We also need to plan on what is going to happen this year," Hermione also said. Almost pointedly towards Snape.

"Realistically after the events that took place at Hogwarts this year. It would be wise if the school closed until the war is over. It has been proven as not safe." Sirius couldn't help but let out a breath at that. He wasn't exactly fond of the idea of Harry and Hermione going back there after the Death Eaters have infiltrated the school. And though he knew that they could take care of them. He could easily manage many sleepless nights in his future if they were out from under his roof.

"I will not be able to return to the Death Eaters. It is too dangerous now with the information I have." Sirius wasn't surprised by this information but he could see out of the corner of his eye that Hermione turned her head in shock. The rest of the Order looked resigned to this knowledge. And though Moody looked like he wanted to bark out some questions. He decided to keep his mouth shut for the time being. "Potter will have to return to the Dursleys for part of the summer and then we will need to figure out a way to retrieve him. No doubt the general area will be watched regardless of the protections on the house." Yes. That definitely was high on Sirius's list of priorities. And though he loathed to send him back in the first place even he couldn't deny the protections the house offered him.

"We also need to expect that the Ministry will be taken over soon. It is only a matter of time. And it has been something the Death Eaters have been working on all year." It didn't take a genius to figure that out and yet some members still seemed surprised. "Then the muggleborns are going to have to go into hiding. One of the reasons I suggest the school be closed is that once the Ministry is taken over Hogwarts would be next. Death Eaters would be some of the staff members. All magical children would be mandated to attend Hogwarts. There the students would be separated. The muggleborns would be tortured or either sent to Azkaban. The ones that would remain would be taught the dark arts and that muggles and muggleborns are the enemies and a threat to wizarding society. Corporal punishment wouldn't just be issued by the staff but by other students. It would be a living hell. And those of the Order that are stationed there wouldn't be able to help too much." Sirius could feel a wave of coldness wash over the entire room. He felt all of the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He knew that it would be bad if Voldemort ever won. But to have even a taste of what was to come while this war was still at a standstill made him feel sick to his stomach. And from the scared looks of the others around this room, they all agreed. But it was good that they were scared. Being scared made them motivated to never let this happen. Being scared drove them to never give up. And right now in the face of certain doom if failure was to occur, failure can't occur. Who would have thought that while Snape gave a depressing speech on the inevitability of the war he would be the one to motivate him to push even harder? And with the rebellious and determined glint in some of the members' eyes. They too were preparing themselves for the fight to come.

And though Snape had dawned his undivided attention along with the others as well. There was something else begging to draw his eye.

Hermione was standing next to Snape.

But something didn't seem right. Something was growing off about her. Her eyes had grown wide and she seemed quite tense. It almost looked like she was about to start shaking with how pale she looked. Things started to escalate from there. Her eyes started shifting around erratically as if unable to focus. And he could see her chest rise and fall more quickly. He wanted to say something but he didn't want to draw everyone's attention to her. But in the end, he didn't have to.

She ended up stumbling for a moment and ended up leaning into Snape and then turned and marched out of the room.

Without a word, Snape followed her. Leaving the lot of them staring at the empty doorway.

And while Sirius was still staring at the door they disappeared though everyone had begun to spin their focus onto him.

"What the bloody hell was that about?"

And though it was Ron who asked, others were nodding along wondering the same thing.

Bloody hell the least Snape could do is be bloody discreet, Sirius thought as everyone turned to look at him for answers. He tried to compose himself while he thought of an answer, that even he didn't know. This wasn't part of the plan. But plans did change after all. But why oh why did it have to come down on him?

Growing the last of the courage that he could muster he stuttered only at the beginning. "Well umm. It is not necessarily a secret. But Hermione hasn't been exactly truthful about when she was sick over Christmas."

Hermione's POV

She knew that he didn't mean to. But Sev- Snape's detailed version of what would happen to wizarding society, drew her back into the memory of Malfoy Manor. She knew that she had gotten lucky with her escape. And even with what torture she did experience, though horrible and excruciating, could have been much worse.

She could feel the heat suddenly overwhelm her and though she knew it was folly she did still try to air out her chest by moving the collar of her shirt. She felt as if her blood was boiling her alive. And she knew that she was subconsciously scratching at her invisible scar.

She didn't think anyone had noticed the stress she was suddenly experiencing.

Everyone was so caught up in Snape's words. And though he was standing next to her. Everyone's eyes were engaged on him and she was just a blur in their peripheral vision.

But the next thing she knew was her running out of the kitchen and up the stairs. The route was engraved in her memory and she was lucky she didn't have to think of how many steps she needed to take before turning onto the landing or else she would have certainly tripped.

She knew what she needed and she hated that this had to happen now of all time. While she was surrendered by Order members; the most curious bunch of people in the world who would no doubt be waiting for her return to hound her with questions. The thought of that alone made it even harder to breathe. The world was spinning around her and he found it increasingly more difficult to gain her bearing as her vision began to blur and a different image began to form.

Her skin was too hot even though she was perfectly cooled mere moments ago. The heat had risen up to her head and she could feel her heartbeat pound louder and louder with each step she took.

She ended up stumbling against the wall when she realized that there was no tree there to hide behind.

Someone did notice her distressed state before she had run off. And of course, it was him. She didn't know if she should be relieved or even more stressed that he was the one to follow her. But she knew it was probably a good idea that he already knew what was wrong with her since she didn't put up any protest when she felt his cold fingers wrap around her arm and drag her towards an empty room. That she was later able to identify it as a bathroom when she heard the rain sound of the shower being turned on.

She felt much relieved when the water cascaded on her and her hair fell heavily around her with the weight of the water. The nice thing about the water was that it aided in her confusion about whether or not she was crying. Right now she didn't even have the mental capacity to figure it out or care. All she knew was that she could sigh in relief that it was him here with her. He had found her. Just like last time. Somehow in the back of her mind, this just reaffirmed the belief she already had that she could always count on him to be there for her.

Once the chill started to set in and she felt her breathing come out in more steady and strong breaths. She was able to focus more and become more clear with her thoughts as the coldness seemed into her fingers and further into her bones. It was then that she noticed that she was already sitting on the floor of the shower. And that she was not alone on the floor.

Snape had joined her. And if it wasn't for the fact that so many thoughts were running through her head she would have read into why he felt the need to be with her in the shower. He could have pushed her in and merely left her to drown herself alone. But instead, he had walked in with her. Without care for his own clothing and letting the water washdown on the both of them. She wondered if he even realized while his eyes were focused on her own that his fingers were interlaced with hers on her bent knees. And its proximity to her chest.

His dark eyes held understanding but were also laced with concern and even a dash of worry.

"Well this was really crappy timing," she said, stating the obvious and trying to hide her own nervousness. Somehow this was more vulnerable and personnel than anything they have ever experienced before. "You didn't have to do this." Not just joining her in the shower but also following after her. She had been through these episodes in the past and made it out of them marginally okay.

He seemed to be perfectly aware of that and yet he too seemed to be hesitant in his words, "I wanted to." After a moment of looking into each other's souls for answers that will not be revealed without vocals. A smirk overcame his features, "Besides, I'm not interested in listening to them questioning my decisions."

She gave out a mirthless laugh. He always had this ability to flow from one topic and conversation to the next. From one emotion to another. From a serious tone to a teasing one. She always seemed to have to stop and think and be stuck at the moment and yet he seemed to be able to keep pushing forward no matter what. She always respected his ability.

And though she would have enjoyed sitting here on the shower floor with him they both knew they shouldn't remain there any longer. Not only because the others would look for them and the outrage that would be caused by finding them in this position. But because there would be a lot of questions that they wouldn't be able to answer. "We should probably go back. I have no clue what Sirius is telling them. But no doubt he is butchering it"

Professor?" She asked, barely keeping her composer together and barely remembering his old title instead of his first name. Which she couldn't recall becoming so familiar with. And yet felt so familiar with using it. Perhaps because he wasn't her Professor anymore and she was afraid of the familiarity she had become accustomed to. "Thank You."

He gave her an intense and unreadable look. He always seemed to be able to read right through her even though his eyes didn't hold the weight of legilimency. And right now she wished that there was more space between them. The close proximity was a distraction. Especially as her eyes followed the water drops as they slid past his brow and he licked his lips to remove the moisture.

"You don't have to call me that. I am not your teacher anymore," He licked his lips as his eyes searched hers out, " Hermione."

"Of c-course," She stuttered out a reply. She was unprepared for him to call her by her first name. She had toyed with his in her mind but never dared to utter the words out loud. Saying each other's first name seemed like a step in acknowledging that whatever is between them had not passed. She tried to ignore the overwhelming heat rushing throughout her chest and up to her cheeks. But even she doubted the cold water could stop the blush from appearing on her face.

He was the first to stand and reached over her head to turn the faucet off. Despite the cold water no longer drenching her. She felt a cold wave wash over her now that he was no longer beside her.

"You might want to dry yourself before you go back down. They might think I tried to drown you." Hermione was well aware of what the other members of the Order thought of him. And the worst part is that they wouldn't even realize how close their guesses would be.

"Right." She found herself nodding along and simply following his lead.