ok...since i have so many exscuses para mi tardiness every week i have decided to generate a daily or weekly or monthy reveiw of my exscuses to make everything much more organized...sigh...yes i know im pathetic but i dont care cause im stuborn.
DAILY EXSCUSES
my mum is dead! omg ok so you know how in the first ch i exsplained how this story is partly me and partly this dude in my school named alex but who i call the white noise guy (long story). well he's ded now! my muse is dead! he's turned (lowers voice) poser gasp!. its sooo sad, now he;s all social again and...and (choking on words) he has friends again! sob sob sob! and he doesnt even wear that much black anymore. i need a new muse! after i realised this tradgety i thought about this other dude who i based cowboy off of cause i thought he had broken up with his gf (molly in the story but kayla in real life) but i guess he hasnt cause i recently saw them snogging each other! sob sob!
so anyway my only motivation now a days is from needing to vent my anger towards man kind and high school higharchys. i also have taken up looking at newsie pictures even more then usual.
also my social life or lack there of is annoying me greatly. i want friends, i dont want friends...i just have a fucked up mind in general. so anyway yeah... ive been a bit preocupied with that.
im in like a 60's rock ditch and i really cant get into the punk thing even the old school punk as a matter of fact so i think im going to make sheena a bit more folky then skittery in order to balence out the scales and keep me intrested lolz. if you object please feel free to tell me and i will probably agree with you cause thats just the person i am.
mojo is missing...yet again. grrrr i think i need to get myself a more loyal mojo! bad mojo, where ever you are, bad!
my confidence and self esteem is ofically at 0. like officially...sooooo all the more reason to reveiw eh? and not to quote nixon but 'to the silent paint it black readers' please reveiw!
thats it for my exscuses. cant garentee when the next ch will be up but hey...as long as i post it eventually.
I lay on my back that night staring up at Kurt Cobain, trying to decide if my insomnia was caused by the crack I had smoked that afternoon, the beer I had recently downed or the angry thoughts bumping around my head.
Cowboy was a fucking wuss.
I mean, I knew blink was…and mush sure as hell was… but cowboy… always seemed so pure (not to sound like Bambi or Cinderella or shit).
I dunno. Sure I had called him a poser more times since last Friday then I had gotten high that entire month (which is saying something) but I had never really believed he was an actual poser…an authentic fake like Maggie. I had just called him that cause it was the meanest thing my fucked up mind could think of at the time. But now that I think about it, I realize the fact that he didn't approach me in science to even taunt me, shows he was scared shitless of what might happen if he did… like me I guess.
Fuck, now I'm being hypocritical, but its true…we were both wusses and that's why we had been friends for so long… we were both scared about breaking our relationship because we knew once it was broken it was broken. Both of us weren't carpenters when it came to relationships. We both didn't have the balls approach the other.
Coming to this conclusion I decided that I was, in fact, incredibly high and in the morning me and cowboy would be as different as love and fuck.
Though, despite this reassurance, the prospect of a connection with the little bugger kept venturing into my thoughts and finally, feeling nauseas and completely sick to my stomach, I rolled over on my side and forced the thoughts of hopefully seeing Sheena tomorrow, into my whirling mind.
Tomorrow I wouldn't have these sick thoughts of me and cowboy being linked, and I would write a song about him and how he could shove his wussy soiled heart up my purified ass. That is, after I wrote a song about what a coward I am.
Wasn't it Jerry Garcia who said you get your best material when you're high?
I silently agreed with the dude, as I stared over at my 'In Bed With The Dead' poster; however painful and sickening this crazy material was, it sure as hell would make a fucking awesome song.
I walked into the 19th street star bucks wearing my dad's old Tommy concert tee and pair of really tight, completely massacred black jeans. Before opening the door, I casually flipped up the collar of my black flannel shirt and strutted into the cafe, trying as hard as I could to look cool and composed; two adjectives I could never in a million years be described as.
My eyes darted hopefully towards the register near the back of the café, searching for Sheena, my one and only friend. As these thoughts surfaced I blushed profusely. I was calling a girl I had met only yesterday and exchanged 5 words with, my 'friend'. And not only that, my one true friend. Damn, I had known spot, the grand fucker himself, for 9 fucking years (9 too many years if you ask me) and I considered this college gal who flirted with me for 5 heavenly minutes, a better friend then him. I bet she thought I was a senior to boot or maybe even college freshmen!
I suddenly got a sick feeling in my stomach; only 4 days ago I had been contemplating my maturity right along side Kayla and mush and the rest of them…all kids I couldn't even exchange eye contact with now.
Struggling to remember my previous train of thought, I pushed Kayla from my mind.
Sighing with a certain degree of exuberance, my eyes acknowledged the ever-fervent Sheena at the cash register, her purple and red hair a blaze over the tops of the dreary headed businessmen and yuppies.
My stomach lurched again with embarrassment and I considered turning around and marching right out that door before she noticed I was there…hell she might never notice me but then again I don't blend in well, do I?
Though still, She probably gets 15 punks in there a day, why would she remember me. Hell, she probably doesn't even remember my name…though it is kinda hard to forget; you don't hear of many people calling themselves Skittery...but I bet tons of guys flirt with her. I mean, she's hotter then hell! Not to mention her boobs gave Donna a run for her money…another sick lurch.
I looked up suddenly at the sound of my name, only realizing then I had been standing in the doorway for the duration of that thought process, my eyes trained on my black Vans. I could feel my ears growing red beneath a blanket of black hair as I stared upon the beckoning Sheena.
"Skits" she called again, her painted red lips breaking out into a huge smile, her cat-like green eyes glowing like small forest fires.
Man that gal was smoking!
A mixture of surprise, excitement and nausea spread over my face though I tried desperately to hide the latter of the 3 emotions. My stomach bubbled with a dose of both optimism and pessimism.
I had been looking forward to this moment ever since I had last seen Sheena exactly 24 hours past, yet as the time came to chit chat and flirt as I had done yesterday, the growing sensation of fear began to creep through my bones.
I walked to the register almost in slow motion though my thoughts were flowing one after the other. The girl I was moseying on down to was my last friendly acquaintance and for some reason, can't guess why, I had the mounting notion I would fuck this last relationship up even more then I had me & Kayla's.
I approached the cash register which was conveniently unoccupied leaving Sheena and her fellow starbucks workers standing there like awkward morons in their black starbucks uniform. Well, one of them was a hot moron at least.
"Hey dude," she said pleasantly nodding a hello my way, "how goes it?"
Nice, SLC Punk quote.
"It goes good," I said in the same nonchalant tone, nodding my head sub-consciously, "y tu?"
She giggled at my lousy Spanish accent before responding, "as good as it gets."
I smirked. Damn her and her creative responses.
"Oh!" she exclaimed suddenly after a short and painful moment of silence, "so, how did your amigops at schoolio like your hair?"
I shrugged.
Fuck no, I hadn't meant to shrug. No, no, no I would not shrug when I was around Sheena!
The night before I had been practicing verbal communications with my Iron Butterfly poster and I was sure as hell I was over my shrugging days…but then again maybe not. Well, I mean the poster was in fact paper and the girl in front of me, how ever hott, was in fact 3D…but still…god I'm such a dumb fucker. Bad Skittery, bad!
Desperately wishing I could take back that rise and fall of my shoulders, I went on hoping a thorough answer to her question would make up for it.
"Well truth be told, I don't have very many…ahem…amigops. In fact I'm pretty sure most of the school was laughing at me but hey…no matter."
Aw shit, man I just couldn't keep my head straight about these things. You don't tell a tart you don't have friends…I mean…it's just not what you do! Its turns them off! Awwww, fucking hell skits, fucking moron!
As I said this I could feel Sheena's smokey eyes looking me up and down almost agonizingly; starting at my black Vans, moving on up to my massacred extremely tight black jeans, and then on to ripped black flannel shirt and faded Tommy tee.
I shook my black hair out of my eyes to better see her expression.
She wasn't looking at me with disdain just curiosity I guess; how could a kid like this have no friends.
Suddenly conscious of her own stare and the odd expression on her face, she smiled to herself as if to show me she was pleased with my outfit and whatever else she may have been checking out (both Kayla and race, once upon a time, had told me that my ass looked really nice in those jeans.)
And yes I am doubting race's 'sexual orientation' but even when I was his friend I could care less. Half the kids in my school were Bi anyway including Rita. Actually, sexuality might be the only thing my school is tolerant of (or my grade at least). I mean, all the influential and popular people in my class were bisexual so that leaves the rest of the grade to follow in their lead.
Sheena shook her head a bit and some how pried her curious eyes off my ass, still smiling.
"Has anyone ever told you your ass is simply splendiferous?"
If it were anyone else saying this I would either have laughed myself silly over their vocab when describing an ass or flipped them off; depending on who it was. But as the words escaped Sheena's beautifully tinted lips, all I could do was turn a fiery crimson.
"Well your not exactly lacking in the caboose either." I replied amiably, glancing quickly down at her oh so fine ass.
"Oh, it's these pants they make us wear. My boobs look pretty big in this shirt too…huh…wow I never noticed that…maybe the starbucks fashion designer was straight after all." She looked down at her rak and bounced around slightly, examining the size of her boobs.
Suddenly my dick got hard. I blushed yet again, and carefully crossing my legs, one in front of the other as my dad had once instructed me way back when, but the damage had been done.
"I saw that," she sniggered, finally laying her boobs down to rest "and man if I had a dick, which I don't if you were wondering, it would be red flagging too."
I managed a scared chuckle, looking around the group of oblivious yuppies desperately hoping they had seen and heard nothing whatsoever of the scene that had just taken place.
She went on just as nonchalantly as before, "Sorry bout that, I'm feeling kinda lousy this morning so I'm just rambling. Please feel free to tune out to talk of my boobs and my nonexistent dick…unless of course these topics interest you, then by all means please take notes." She smiled toothily, leaning her elbows against the cash register and putting her head in her hands, drawing my attention to her eyebrow piercing.
"So anyway…oh friends…yes friends. Well, friends is an interesting topic I don't know much about…see all my friends live inside my head," she ended her sentence on a slightly quieter note waiting for me to strike up my end of the conversation.
I realized at that moment I wasn't all to bad at flirting. I mean, Kayla had once pointed this out to me when I was trying to whew jade during one of her and blinks mellow periods or 'hot chocolate periods' as blink liked to call them. I'm fucking horrible with people (as you quite well know) but…flirting's… flirting's different. See, I figure with flirting you got nothing to lose…they either like you or they don't. You cant fuck up the relationship cause its nonexistent as of then. You have no worries and are free to say whatever floats your boat. And usually what ever floats my boat is what people want to hear but I'm just too paranoid to say it in normal conversation. Anyways, you only flirt with people you like and if I like a person I have no problem talking to them, so there you go… yes I know my logic is stifling but bare with me, it all makes sense when you think about it...really, really hard.
"Well imaginary friends are your only true friends." I stated calmly, sticking my hands briskly in my pockets; I should know after all.
"No, no not imaginary friends. Real people. Well dead people," Sheena's eyes darted up towards the ceiling, her tone just as pleasant and easy going as before "you see, Kurt Cobains in my head. I think he's quite happy in there but I've never been very good with people so I'm not quite sure."
Man, this fucking girl was sent to me from god! 'No good with people'…fuck yes, that's what I'm talking about! Thank you Athian rulers!
"Well in that case Janis Joplin's made a cozy little home in my antisocial thoughts as well. Maybe Kurt Cobain and Janis Joplin would like to get together sometime?" I alluded slyly, raising one eyebrow oh so talently.
"Well, well, well Ms. Joplin. A bit flirtatious aren't we now, my dear. Well I do say, Kurt Cobain is quite a catch… as well as the boy standing in front of me."
I smiled gingerly. This was all to good to be true. Seriously! Suddenly I had the fleeting notion it would all bite me in the ass during school (not Sheena just the fact that I was actually smiling and enjoying myself.) But the feeling didn't last long; what does 6 hours in hell compare to 20 minutes in heaven.
"What's that you say Ms. Joplin? Kurt's a sexy beast? Well, you could say the same about the dude whose head you occupy."
I wasn't quite sure who she was talking to. Yeah, I know Janis Joplin and she was staring at my forehead where all my evil thoughts dwelled but it was starting to creep me out a bit. I've never been very good with make believe and in all my stories when I was younger the main dude dies a tragic death. Love was never on the menu and certainly nothing like this was ever served, on a platter of creepy allusions. Owell, I wasn't complaining. Sheena had gotten her point across (that I was a sexy beast) and whose to argue.
"a-ha Kurt, my dear friend" I started up exuberantly, half surprised that my voice could even hold so much passion and drama, " you sure do have a fine taste in rooming. Seriously this girl is smokin'! Well all in all we're both pretty well off I suppose. You get Ms. Joplin here and hopefully I'll bag this one." I nodded my head towards Sheena, more specifically her large boobs.
Sheena giggled, "I have work tonight but how's bout a movie tomorrow?"
Curses, foiled in the end! I had reached a dead end in the road to a perfect 10 minutes.
"Arg, cant tomorrow," just saying those words stung like a fucking bees nest, "I have guitar. But the dude who teaches me is pretty cool; he'd probably let you jam with us if you want…"
Shit, I was just assuming she played? Maybe she wasn't even into real punk…maybe the punk rock Sheena is more of an emo Sheena…she did have all those piercing… and Kurt Cobain and grunge in general is mistaken for emo a lot too…oh god please don't like shit, please don't like shit! "That is if you play…" I put in hastily, crossing my fingers.
"I would simply love to jam with thee, which pretty much answers your second question but just to be on the safe side… yes, I play guitar. In fact, got my acoustic in the back room," she nodded her head towards the doorway in the corner.
If she wasn't already hott, just the fact that she played guitar turned me on majorly. Man, am I musically shallow.
"And why, may I ask, are you carrying a guitar around Chelsea? NYU's band room not good enough?" Fuck, I hadn't meant for that statement to be so harsh.
Though if my words were brash Sheena didn't seem to notice; she actually seemed pleased with something I had said cause she giggled yet again.
Suddenly the image Kayla flashed across my mind. Fuck Kayla, fuck Kayla, fuck Kayla. Hell, I did miss her though, no matter how many times I told my self I wasn't supposed to. Fuck, I couldn't help it.
"Silly goose, I'm not in college. Hell, I'll probably never finish high school," She chuckled to herself before continuing. Damn she was hott. "No, I'm in junior year. I go to Notre Dame…the fancy pants, richy bitchy school near 15th street."
Why the hell was she going to Notre Dame! Man no wonder she didn't have any friends.
"I'm the only gal who plays guitar out of all those fucking preps so I'm kinda the music teachers pet. Actually he's like my only friend too so…yeah… as you can see I fucking hate that school and all those rich bitch bastards." She ended casually as if stating what she was planning on eating for lunch.
Suddenly I had an urge to tell her of my loser-ish tendencies as well and before I knew it I was informing her of my antisocialness and how I considered her my only friend.
Once again, when you flirt you have nothing to lose, so naturally I was playing my cards like crazy.
Suddenly I had the feeling I had just crossed the line between cute loser and stalker. In fact, I was half expecting her to walk away from me that instant; what any sane person would have done upon hearing they were a stranger's 'one true friend'. But then again Sheena wasn't exactly sane.
Her smile broadened if that was at all possible, "I have a secret," she beckoned me with her finger before gingerly grabbing my Tommy tee and pulling my ear towards her lips, "you're my only friend too."
Lava erupted in my stomach and I seriously felt like one of the fucking cartoons on the Disney channel when they fall in love. Not saying I was in love…well not seriously in love like me and Kayla were…fuck why do I keep thinking about Kayla! Fine…in short I really, really, liked Sheena… really liked her.
Letting go of my tee shirt she grabbed my hand and began to pull me along the barrier of a counter top that separated the two of us, lifting our gasp over the heads of her co-workers and the coffee machines, until we reached an opening in the long blockade. Suddenly she jerked my arm through the small opening, my body following along merrily and led me to a small room in back of the star bucks.
"Wait here," she said pleasantly, slipping through the door and shutting it once more in my face.
Of course I waited. I would have waited hours if she had told me to.
As this sudden allusion to time surfaced, I quickly checked my watch. I had 10 minutes until schoolio started. Though even as I obtained this information (that another session of torture would commence in 10 measly minutes), my stomach did not jolt or even rumble, as it had yesterday.
It had finally dawned on me that it was ok for someone my age not to have friends and be an outcast. Your popularity had nothing to do with you… just everyone else I guess. Sheena didn't have any friends yet she was fucking gorgeous and had an awesome personality. I didn't have any friends and apparently I was hott too though I couldn't say the same for my personality. And if Sheena could live for years without talking to any one but a fucking music teacher then hell, so could I!
There wasn't a damn thing wrong with me anyways. After all Sheena was perfect and we were both in the same boat when it came to popularity and socialness.
The door swung open once more and Sheena gradually strutted out of the back room, her guitar case slung around her back and her red/purple hair in two loose braids falling just below her shoulders.
I smiled slyly to myself gazing upon this quirky beauty…fuck, I love you too, god.
ok i know its kinda unlikely for a chelsea starbucks to be empty at 7:30 in the morning but bear with me...you never know lolz...
i do realize that this ch makes sheena seem abit mary sue-ish but dont worry the next will surly dispell all thoughts of her bearing mary-sue qualities.
thanks to all who reveiwed and im sry these past ch have sucked balls but ill try and get my self back in the swing of things soon...hopefully.
reveiw!