Sorry guyes this cchappie took while. Idk why it did actually but w/e. oh yeah the spelling is probably all fucked porque late last spellcheck went on strike and decided it didnt feel like checking my thing.

oh yeah i have been updating also earlier chappies and although most only under went minor chnages, the intro thing and chappie 1 have alot so yeah...in case you want to check it out haha (you probably dont but w/e)

excuses? hmmmmmmmof course ahem...social issues and thenpeople keep forcing books on me to read like my mama so yeah...thats been tying me down.

i dont feel like boring you with any other excuses (i just woke so i dont think any of this makes sense but haha w/e)

so anyway (haha ordinary people moment sigh timothy hutton!) ummmmm what was i gonna say...oh yes...long chappie. could not have been made possible without rusties help (not a shoutout) and enjoy haha (family guy moment now too)

I was gonna kiss Sheena. It was that simple. That's what I was gonna do. It was decided. I was gonna kiss Sheena.

Before midnight, I was gonna kiss her.

I was fucking sick and tired of having all those goddamn wet dreams about her cause although they were pleasant, it was hell waking up and realizing we were still only friends. Shit what am I talking about; it was fucking torture! I mean, seriously man! I had this fucking gorgeous girl who was basically at my disposal due to her depression and I hadn't even attempted to make out with her! And I really liked her at that! Really liked her. Fuck what am I saying, I was whole hoggedly lovesick. I couldn't listen to Nirvana without thinking about her constantly. The unplugged version of Plateau… that song made me want her so bad you have no idea, especially when Cobain's voice gets all raunchy in the chorus… oh man I wanted her! I needed her! It was torture, man. FUCKING TORTURE!

And I was fucking sick of it!

So I was gonna kiss her. I wanted her and the only way I could get her was to make it official by kissing her.

I was going to kiss Sheena.

I came to this fucking fantastic conclusion late one night when I was neither high nor drunk and immediately began scheming. I knew that Friday I was sleeping over at her house (or mush's house to my mom) so that was a sure bet.

Friday it was.

Her mum had agreed to let me stay the night after Sheena had promised we wouldn't do anything. I don't think she really cared whether or not we did anything. I think she was just glad Sheena had a friend.

This would be my 1st time sleeping over at her house, my 8th time at her house and my 2nd time meeting her family.

Her family was incredibly stereotypical. Like seriously stereotypical. Her mother claimed to be a stay-at-home mom though made a living out of baking and cleaning nonetheless. Her brother was a complete Manhattan jock, which means he majored in soccer instead of football like normal jocks. Sheena said he had a girl for everyday of the week.

"That's fucking sick man, the dude's only 13!" I had remarked upon hearing this. It was sick! Ya, I had Kayla when I was 13 but we hadn't fucked yet! That came way later. And it was Kayla anyway, man, our group's 'prude'! Hell, I was still a virgin in 8th grade. He was fucking a girl a day!

"What can I say," She had responded casually "the boys a born pimp."

I had never met Sheena's dad. Her family being the stereotypical family meant he was always at work. I mean…He was an asskissing lawyer after all or as Sheena called him, 'blegh in the form of a human.' Complete authority shithead whom an anarchist would have out any day.

"Fuck, you cant even put on the whole SLC punk 'you can do more damage in the system than out' lawyer outlook cause he doesn't fuck with the system" Sheena had complained to me last Tuesday after getting off the phone with her dad (he needed her to fax him some papers) "cause he doesn't fuck with the system! He fixes it! He sends people to jail and he does justice! Well fuck justice! Cause it never pulls through and he's just to goddamn stupid to realize that! Fucking shithead father."

"Hey, you're just lucky you got one." I had muttered numbly but I don't think she had heard me. Probably good she didn't. We never talked about my dad and I wanted to keep it that way.

This dad rant in particular had been very momentous in our friendship, one, because it was one of the only times Sheena sounded sincerely one emotion instead fifty billion at once, and two, because it was the only time I had ever, ever, ever disagreed or even took on a different stance than her. She seemed to always have the same thoughts on things as I did so I never had to disagree.

But dads were different. We didn't agree on dads.

The only non-stereotypical one in Sheena's house was her 10-year-old sister. Her sister was absolutely crazy. Like I'm-not-even-joking insane. Not only was her sister the only non-droid in the family (although she claimed to be part wizard), she was also the only one I liked… besides Sheena of course.

So Friday it was. Friday I was gonna kiss Sheena.

Surprisingly, Friday didn't take too long getting its ass to the present. The fact that I was totally fucking nervous about the whole thing seemed to make time just speed right on up.

Which is funny. Funny that I was actually nervous and shit, that is. After Kayla I never worried myself much over girls. They kinda just came and went and I hooked up with them or took them to a movie. Sure I liked them for their boobs and sex but none of them stayed more then a week…or a night actually. And sometimes I liked them, sometimes I didn't. I usually didn't like them. Some made me completely nauseas actually. Prudence sorta made me nauseas. Though she was a goddamn superb kisser, I can say that much. Yeah…that definitely took away from the nausea.

I think it was just the girls that I was going for but for a while I thought I might me gay. I mean… I'm not… but I really considered it. Fuck, who doesn't doubt their sexual orientation at one time or another…cept for like Tommy or Cowboy who are both straight as an erection… but it freaked me out… my lack of interest in girls.

After a billion issues of Playboy and some fucked up 'experiments', I finally decided that it was in fact the girls I was going for and I did in fact still like chicks. But even after this revelation I found no spark in gals.

Kayla had ended the whole romance thing for me…so does that mean I considered Sheena romantic? Nah wait, no way in hell was she romantic. And no way in hell was she like Kayla either so yeah. But I guess to me… she was romantic. I mean, romance is subjective and she was sure as hell the ideal tart for me. She was weird and funny and hott and had big boobs and was super nice and a prep hater. She was perfect for my situation too ya know…not like other broads. My situation would turn off other chicks…but Sheena could relate…Sheena could connect and didn't care whether I had friends or not. To top it all off, I liked her a ton too and if there was a word for being between like and love…well that's where I was…I was in loke. I dunno…I just got this funny feeling when I was with her…like all those people in the movies when they really, really like someone. She was to me as Kurt Cobain was to her; a helpful hott messiah. And yeah it was corny but it was Sheena so it couldn't be that corny…I dunno. I dunno bout anything anymore.

Friday afternoon I met Sheena outside her school and was jumping out of my shoes even before we got to her house.

All last period I had been scheming/ romanticizing how it would go. We'd be watching a movie or something…a real romantic movie…and during one of the kiss scenes…oh yeah her head would be on my shoulder like it sometimes is when we're watching a movie…and the characters would be kissing and I'd look down at her and she'd look up at me and then we would mutually move in for the kill. Ya, I realize this scheme requires all the planets to be in line and the moon to be singing but shit…it could happen… if my life were a story written by some pathetic 14-year-old no-lifer.

"Hey Skits, why you so Skittery? We on some invisible fire escape or something?" Sheena greeted me exuberantly, as she skipped over to where I was standing by her school entry. I wasn't allowed inside the building being a boy and all so I usually met her outside the front gate.

I shrugged… as usual. I had given up on my shrugging diet and though I tried to refrain from committing the hell raising sin as much as possible, this question called for a shrug. I didn't think Sheena cared anyway.

The more I mulled this shrug over the worse I felt about it. I finally decided to give her a verbal answer too, "nah, I dunno. Had a run in with spot today."

Yeah, I had run in to him, but I saw the fucker everyday. And yeah he had flipped me off but he flipped me off everyday too.

"Ah I see. I give my condolences."

I nodded gravely, playing along with her small game of pretend, "such a loss of confidence. But... whatever, instant karma's gonna get him."

"You betcha. Hey I couldn't help but notice you didn't bring a toothbrush…or a change of socks…or anything else for that matter..." Sheena inquired with an over the top confused look on her face, glancing at my single shlumped schoolbag.

"Yah, I need to stop at mi casa first. Didn't feel like lugging my bag to school. Besides it wouldn't fit in my locker. Yah"

"Nice sentence variation."

"Thank you," I grinned at her.

Agh, nerves go away!

"Les go" Sheena proclaimed in a French accent, the only accent she couldn't really get away with.

I nodded solemnly and began to saunter through the courtyard and away from her personal hellhole.

My nerves were fucking suffocating me. I needed a bathroom pronto though I knew even equipped with one I wouldn't feel better. Agh why the fuck did the Athien rulers create nerves? What kinda goddamn purpose do they serve besides feeding those fucking butterflies that hang around your stomach! Seriously!

"Oooh I have an idea!" Sheena proclaimed as we passed by bundles of gray-ass girls crowded in tight packs of preppiness, lining the walk away from the courtyard.

A pair of cool eyes from each pack glanced us momentarily as we strolled by before growing bored with us loserish folk and tuning back into money. Fucking preps.

Suddenly an arm was around my waist. Before I knew it Sheena had put me in a girlfriend-hold. Short lesson on BF/GFing in modern day society. The girlfriend-hold; an embrace, position or hold that is particular to two people going out, such as holding hands. Boyfriend-hold in its masculine form. Two girlfriend-holds survive today- seeing as how fine the line is between fuck buddies and BF/Gfness- one of these being the arm around the waist.

She had me in a girlfriend hold.

Now normally I would take this in stride and put her in 1 of the 5 billion boyfriend holds. Only, it being Friday (A.K.A the day that I kiss Sheena) all I could do was blush and look around widely, hoping no one saw me blush, especially Sheena.

Oh, fucking hell.

Could she read my thoughts? I mean, there was a possibility that she was in my head after all. Maybe she could or just knew that I was gonna kiss her and was trying to make it easier by being intimate (as if she wasn't already.)

"Make like we're dating." She ordered through gritted teeth.

A mixture of relief and disappointment bubbled to life. She didn't know I was gonna kiss her. It was just another game. But I didn't mind games. And I sure as hell didn't mind Sheena's hand on my waist. My nervousness began to wane upon this realization. It was just a game. Even if I had no clue why the hell we were playing it, it was still just a game.

"Act natural! And not like a cow."

A cow? It wasn't like I was gonna question her or anything, but a cow?

"It's good you said that when you did. I was about to start mooing."

"Skittery, that is not natural dating," she cooed with a wide smile on her face. An unearthly unnatural smile. Fucking creepy actually.

Sheena never frowned. Only when she was scolding me. Usually she scolded me about stupid stuff like…like opening the window or getting up when we were having a…ahem…cuddle-fest as she liked to call it. Sometimes I wondered if she thought we were playing house and she was the mum. I mean…She did play a hell of a lot of games.

"Yes darling, but I see not motivation…"

"Hmmm… Imagine the disappointment of a million rich ass preps upon realizing that the geekiest, gawkiest most unliked girl in school is going out with the apple of their eye…"

I stopped walking abruptly and made a squinty-eyed face at Sheena who was seriously beaming like…like someone's who's just been potty trained.

"Huh?"

"Yeah… I heard them talking. They call you H.G.G.W.N.A. for Hot Goth Guy with Nice Ass. Clever ain't it?"

My eyes got even squintier, "if I was a Goth yes. But since I'm not a Goth, no. I find it creepy and stalkerish. But it sure does motivate me."

Now that she mentioned it, the preps who had been glancing us before did seem a bit obsessive with their glances. Hell, their heavily mascara-ed eyes were practically glued to our joint figure. Aw fuck! Revenge is mine!

I pondered a second before going into action; what was the most couple like thing that me and Kayla used to do… besides fuck each other (though I wouldn't mind doing that with Sheena.) I mean…we kissed all the time I guess… hell we were worse than cowboy and molly! Seriously like leeches! But this didn't help me at all and only made me think about what I was forcing myself to go through before midnight.

Agh god why couldn't she just kiss me and make it so much goddamn easier. I knew there was no way in hell that the Sheena I knew would kiss me before I did…cause she wouldn't…but I wish she would.

Hmmmmm…oooh me and Kayla used to always pat each others asses…well not pat necessarily, but close enough.

"Sheena, laugh really obnoxiously loud after I finish talking…right now."

A belly laugh echoed forth from Sheena's…well belly cause it was a belly laugh.

I could feel the whore's eyes watching us, there mouths slightly agape. I smiled to myself picturing Rita somewhere in that crowd; mouth agape with the rest of the fuckers, right where she belonged.

And thus, with that in mind, my hand began its pilgrimage. Down Sheena's waist, around her hips until finally...dun dun-nun-ah…Sheena's ass. I heard a subliminal shudder echo about the courtyard as every prep-faced sluttified whore realized that their H.G.G.W.N.A. was going out with Sheena, the turbo freak.

Fuck yeah!

"How was that?" I asked Sheena's ear flirtatiously.

"Perfectly natural. And how was your end…well haha…to be stupid my end?"

"Simply scrumptious."

It was fucking awesome.

We began walking once more, passing 'Rita' who was entwined in a sea of blonde. I gave her image a malicious grin before sticking up my middle finger to the group.

Another subliminal shudder.

I blinked. Rita's figure was gone. Only now the sea of blonde looked completely aghast. Preppy aghast, all red in the face, arms crossed across their chest, whispering to one another since of course when one prep is aghast they all have to be aghast.

It's what they do. They force their emotions onto each other. If one's confused they're all confused, if one's crying they're all crying, if one's giddy they're all giddy. Actually it's kinda interesting. I wonder if you tortured one would they all feel the pain…wow what an incredibly systematic way of making them suffer! Seriously! I mean if we ever needed to wipe out the preps -and it can't be that far off- well there you go! Kill one they're all as good as dead.

I always get fucking unearthly nervous when my mom comes home from work. Just like I get nervous whenever she gets a phone call or checks her emails. Her contact with the human race in general gets me tense. I mean, hell I'm a naturally nervous guy-when I'm not on drugs- but when she comes home…it like the moment of truth…ya know…judgment day or really minutes in this case. The seconds tick by as her key jingles in the lock and I wait to find out if I did anything wrong today. Fuck, what am I talking about; I've always done something wrong. I'm part of generation fuck-up after all. If she found out about something I've done wrong.

It scares the hell out' a me...just waiting to find out whether she uncovered some part of my life she wasn't supposed to. Hell, some days I haven't even done anything to serious but still my heart is fucking racing like a burning monkey.

In those jingling seconds I rack my brain for any loose ends, any beer bottles not thrown out, an ashtray not put away or emptied, lipstick still smeared on my cheek. Than I go through who I've talked to and who my mum might have talked to. Usually I was pretty thorough in my 'bad boy' clean up and I never talked to anyone but Sheena nowadays but still…no way in hell was my mum an idiot. When I was in middle school and still an amateur she could always smell the pot on me no matter how much Axe I sprayed. Fuck, my 'district attorney' instigator of a father knew less about my life than she, the heath insurance lady, did.

I mean, she used to get all kinds of crazy hunches. I had been walking around for a while hadn't I? We had gone to Tribecca? Were there any adults? Shit, of course their was no goddamn adult! We were smoking pot for god's sake! Might as well have dragged along the cops too. Nonetheless, I would tell her that Kayla's older sister had come with and her friend was smoking like a mad man so that's why I smelled like smoke. My mum bought that. After all, it was true; we had gone with Kayla's sister and her friend had been smoking. But who do you think supplied her with the ciggies, huh?

Of course there was no way for my mum find out anything else cause even if she did call Kayla's mum or spot's or anyone for that matter she would have gotten the same story. But that wasn't the point. The point was that that moment…that minute after the 'how was your day' shit...in a shrinks words, it was the epitome of my stress.

It's like going through the metal detector when you leave a store. You haven't stolen anything. You know you haven't stolen anything...but what if you did by accident or something? What if it slipped into your bag? What if the thing you bought last time started to ring up as being stolen? Do you still have the receipt with you? Are you where you're supposed to be in case they call your mum? It's the prospect that you might get in trouble. The knowledge that you're being judged, whether it's by a store detector or your mum, your being watched.

I was nervous about Sheena. My mum still didn't know about her and really there was no reason for me not to tell her. It was kinda pathetic actually; so what I had a new friend, I wasn't doing anything wrong? Sheena was safer then anyone else I hung out with so what's the biggie? So what I met her in a Starbucks! You met dad in a headshop!

But it wasn't just Sheena. It was the fact that I hadn't already told her. She would want to know why I hadn't told her about Sheena. Was Sheena not a safe person to hang out with and that's why? Were Sheena and me having sex? Does she give you drugs? Is she a drug dealer, Michael? Does she give to your friends too? Has she met your friends? It had grown into something larger. It wasn't just Sheena it was the fact I hadn't told my mum about her. That's what made me nervous.

Fucking parents. She can't expect me to tell her every goddamn thing that happens in my life! And fuck the honesty system! I mean, who the fuck actually runs on the honesty system besides...I don't even know... fucking Vermonters and mountain men and shit.

By the time we got to my house Sheena had to pee like a burning monkey.

Actually she decided she had to pee a block away from school and two blocks away from her school that was all she could talk about. Six blocks away from school I calmly told her that if she was only gonna talk about peeing she better do it in Spanish cause I was getting fucking tired of hearing the 'pee-pee song' and 'the toilet song' and the 'I gotta go to the bathroom song' (seriously she had a song for every occasion) over and over and over again. So for the rest of the way home—in the train station, on the train, at the bus stop, on the bus—all I heard from her was 'el cancion de urinal' and 'el cancion de bano' and 'el cancion de yo quiero ir al bano.'

Now, I hate Fridays at my house. In fact I try to stay away from them as much as possible by means of sleepovers and nonexistent parties, anything that will keep me away from the place.

My mum gets home early on Fridays.

She works at some tight-ass corporation selling heath insurance to the people who don't need it and denying it to the little bastards who do. She hates it. I hate the idea of it. But anyway, when she first got the job she was able to convince them that she was an orthodox Jew.

Oh my fucking god! There is no way in hell we are orthodox. Hell, we could hardly be called Jewish since my dad went on up…or down. I mean, fuck I haven't gone to synagogue since…hell I don't even know how long!

Any who, Friday evenings and Saturday mornings my mum got 'religious leave' from her prestigious job to celebrate the 'shabbas' or whatever the hell those good Jews call it.

This meant she was home. With me. In the same house. Together.

Dun, dun, dun.

As we neared my lovely abode I had to painstakingly drop the bomb to Sheena.

"I'm not letting you up there."

Of course as usual I sounded a hell of a lot meaner than I had intended to but I didn't really care. In fact, I had stopped caring last week when I realized Sheena could really give a shit about my tone as long as I was her friend.

"Skittery! My bladder is going to seriously burst! If you don't let me up I'm gonna pee right here in my pants…well ugly skirt."

As long as it showed her legs, I didn't think the skirt was ugly at all. Fucking gorgeous if you ask me.

"No, you can't go. I'm not letting you."

Suddenly realization spread over Sheena's beaming, yet screwed-up-in-agony face. "Oooooh, I see what this is!" Sheena giggled abruptly.

I found nothing funny. Sheena couldn't go up there. My mum was up there. Therefore Sheena couldn't go up there.

"Skits, I've already found your vodka. I've found your stash of condoms. In fact, I've even found your moms female condoms. There's really nothing in your house I haven't seen, so no embarrassing mess is going to keep me away from that beautiful, wonderful toilet of yours."

"Nah, you don't understand, you gotta wait down here. The goddamn scariest creature in the world is waiting for me up there. You can't come up, I'll tie you to the door if have too."

I wouldn't tie her to the door…unless it was some new fangled sex position…hmmm… door sex…I shuddered with the allusion to fucking which in turn made me think about kissing Sheena.

This small truth had been in the back of my mind all through out the walk home. Even over Sheena's bladder complaints I could hear that small voice in my head saying…no...tauntingly singing 'you're going to kiss Sheena! Haha you sorry, sorry ass! You promised yourself and now you have to do it! Oh your poor fucker.' It didn't even wish me good luck!

As this thought popped in my head I mulled it over. Who would wish me good luck? I mean, Sheena would…if it wasn't her that I needed luck with. No but really…I mean who the fuck would wish me luck now! Not my mum who had no idea Sheena existed. Not mush or race who were usually the ones to get excited about stuff like that. Fuck, not even Kayla who would wish me luck on anything from a gym grade to… I dunno… well…anything.

And that made me sad.

All I had was Sheena. Besides her it was like I was dead to the rest of the world. She was the only thing that could prove my existence or even keep me anchored to reality. Like touch kept the deaf, dumb and blind boy from being a walking corpse. Sheena was proof that I hadn't become a walking corpse.

It was like how imagined would be like in space. Everything you've ever known or seen…back on earth. Who's to say you haven't died. Cause once you're feet lift off the ground you're a step farther away from society. A step closer to the unknown. Sure you have a faint idea of what's out there but really the only thing you know is that you're in space and the only thing you got is your crew.

There was me…and there was Sheena. And that was it.

simply horrible, right? yes yes indeed haha. wow i have a habit of ending all these chapters on such a down note. haha owell.

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