Chapter 60
Calm Before the Storm

A column of smoke billowed up into the night sky bracketed by tall thin towers…

Flashes of light… The whine of blaster fire… The hum of whirling lightsabers…

Screams of agony… Screams of fear… Screams of children…

Endless rhythmic marching of armored boots…

Death and destruction and terror and horror…

He was running, running so hard, but the Darkness just kept spreading, and he couldn't stop it. Darkness everywhere, rising, smothering, drowning, choking, strangling…

Padmé was crying–

Anakin hit the floor with a strangled sob. He was so tired, so tired and strung out and beat up, that he just lay there whimpering quietly. Physically he was just tired. Mentally he was shattered.

Force, let me die… He moaned softly, pressing his forehead into the floor. It's too much…too much… Ooh…

He had no idea how long he lay there. He was too numb and dazed and exhausted to care. But eventually he became aware that this was not his floor.

His floor was carpeted. Not any fancy kind of carpet, just some short gray lumpy stuff that kept the floor from being hard tile. It was only the slightest step up from a bare floor, but something he'd come to appreciate when his nightmares drove him out of bed.

This floor was not carpeted. It was cold and hard. Too smooth to be tile, marble maybe, but definitely not carpet.

Slowly rolling onto his back, he cracked open one eye…and saw an inky gray sky with a handful of faint white pin-dots. He opened the other eye and blinked slowly. Somewhere nearby he heard the faintest sound of gurgling water, a fountain.

I don't have marble floors. I don't have a glass ceiling. I don't have a fountain.

…But Padmé does.

His eyes slid closed and he groaned softly, tossing his left arm over his face. Apparently he'd crashed on her couch again. Though…he didn't remember falling asleep there, didn't even recall returning to the couch.

The last thing he remembered clearly, before he'd come to realize that this wasn't his floor, was one of the most horrible epiphanies of his life. His past crime was now intensified one thousand fold. Not only had he slept with Padmé after unknowingly consuming an illegal drug, but he'd also impregnated her.

Perhaps if the circumstances of this were different, he'd be happy, overjoyed, to learn this. But the circumstances weren't different. They weren't married, they weren't even dating, she had no idea who he really was, she didn't know his true history, she was a Senator and he was a Jedi.

Padmé…Angel…what have I done to you?

He stiffly sat, then stood, up and staggered over to Padmé's fountain. Splashing some cool water over his face with his left hand helped clear his foggy thoughts a bit, though his mind remained dreary. There was absolutely nothing for him to be cheery about.

Peering at the dimly illuminated chronometer on the wall through the darkness, Anakin found that it was – surprise, surprise – just past four in the morning. Far too early to be awake, not late enough to try and get some meaningful amount of sleep. Not that he thought he could sleep again in his current state of mind.

With a sigh he sat back down on the couch and buried his face in his hands. Moments later he discovered that he was no longer wearing his glove. Removing his face from his hands and squinting around in the dark, he discovered his glove had been laid out on the nearby caf table, as was his utility belt. Also he discovered that his boots had been removed from his feet and placed neatly beside the couch, and his cloak lay rumpled half on, half off the couch, indicating that it had been most likely used as a blanket.

Even now, after all I've done, you take care of me?

Shaking his head, he reached over to pick up his glove and put it back on, then stopped and reconsidered. He was obviously welcome to spend the night here, and he had no desire to trudge back to the Temple at this hour. He might as well stay until morning.

Scrubbing a hand over his face, he wandered over to the 'fresher to make use of the facilities.

Padmé felt awful. She felt sick from crying and exhausted from too little sleep. But her heart hurt the worst.

Despite her best efforts, he'd found her out. He'd discovered that their one night of drugged passion had had more consequences than he'd previously believed. And now he was devastated.

He'd slipped into a sort of shock. She'd tried to get him to speak, but he didn't appear to hear her nor did it seem like he saw her anymore. He just mumbled some things under his breath that she couldn't decipher because it wasn't in Basic. Worried almost to the point of fear, she led him to her couch and got him to sit down.

She tried to wait out his shock, but when it got to be nearly midnight, she gave up. After removing his boots, belt, glove, and cloak, she got him to lie down. Whether he had managed to fall asleep or not, she had no idea. She'd gone to bed herself, though she hadn't slept very much.

Once she had retreated to the privacy of her own room, she broke down in tears. Now she regretted not listening to Sabé. If she'd left earlier, she wouldn't have been here for Vader to find and he never would've known.

Tears stung her raw eyes anew as the baby stirred inside her. One hand drifted to her stomach to lightly rub soothing circles in a half-hearted attempt to calm her unborn son down. His movements brought her no joy this night (or was it morning now?) and only served to remind her of some of the problems she faced.

Cool metal touched her hand and she flinched in surprise. Opening her eyes she squinted through the dimness of her room to find that someone was sitting on the edge of her bed. As her eyes found their focus, she determined that it was Vader.

"A-are…are you okay?" He asked softly, concerned.

"Yes," she swallowed, willing back a fresh surge of tears. "I'll be fine," she assured him. "Are you alright?"

"I…I don't know." He shook his head slightly. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asked, his cool metallic right hand hesitantly curling around the hand she had resting on her stomach.

"Yes," she replied a little more firmly. She gave his hand a squeeze but wasn't sure that he was able to feel it.

"Oh, okay," he swallowed nervously, looking away from her.

"What time is it?" She asked after a moment. She would've looked at her alarm chrono herself, but it was on the nightstand behind her and it took too much effort to roll over and look.

"Five thirty in the morning." He told her.

"Oh," Padmé sighed. "That's it for sleep then," she muttered more than herself than to him. "Could you turn on the light, please?" She asked. He didn't move, but seconds later, the lamp on her nightstand switched on. "Thank you."

Now that she could see him, she could see just how hard he'd taken it. He looked pale with the beginnings of dark shadows under his eyes. He still seemed to be a bit out of it, his eyes were a little unfocused and his face blank of most expression. But at least he was talking to her in Basic now.

Taking a deep breath, she removed her hand from his grasp and heaved herself up into a sitting position. This new pose clearly showed her condition and upon catching sight of it, Vader gulped anxiously and pinned his eyes onto the floor near the edge of her bed. It looked like he was trembling.

Padmé had no idea what else to say, and Vader didn't seem inclined to start any conversation. The silence between them stretched out, growing heavier and more oppressive with each passing moment. She wanted to say something to him, comfort him somehow, but she couldn't find the words.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" He asked suddenly, making her jump a bit.

"I hadn't intended to, no." She replied uncomfortably.

"Why?" He wondered quietly.

"I knew if you found out you'd be upset, and I didn't want to distract you." Padmé answered softly.

Vader fell silent for a while, thinking. He looked outwardly calm, but Padmé felt that he was probably a mess inside. She began to nervously fiddle with the edges of her sheets as the silence wore on.

"What do you plan to do?" He asked at last.

"At the end of the month I plan to return to Naboo and retreat to the Lake Country." She replied.

"And what will you do with-with the baby?" He inquired, stumbling over the question.

"Well that depends," She murmured, a little surprised at his interest.

"Depends on what?" He frowned in confusion, finally looking back up at her.

"On the midi-chlorian count," she explained. "If it's high enough, I'll send it to the Jedi. If it's not, I'll keep it."

"I see," he mumbled, his eyes dropping to her rumpled bed sheets. "You have everything planned out, don't you?"

"Well I've tried to," she shrugged. "This isn't the sort of thing I can afford to leave to chance."

Vader anxiously chewed at his lower lip for a minute. "Could you leave sooner?"

"If I had a good enough reason to, yes I suppose I could." Padmé replied. "I'd rather not though; I'll be missing far too much work as it is."

He began to trace random patterns on her sheets with his left hand. "So this is all a big inconvenience for you?" He asked neutrally.

She frowned slightly. "Only because I didn't plan for it. If I wasn't a public figure, this wouldn't be any problem for me at all." She paused before adding, "I've always wanted a few children of my own anyway."

"Oh," he blushed faintly. "Well, I-I'm glad to…to have assisted you, though I deeply apologize for the…appalling timing." He managed a weak smile in her direction.

Padmé blinked in surprise, then burst out in a fit of giggles. She couldn't believe that he'd said that! "No-no need for any apologies!" She laughed. "I'm quite glad for your" – she smirked – "…assistance."

His blush darkened considerably. "Y-y-you're welcome." He stammered. "Um, can-can I…get you anything?"

"Hmm," Padmé tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Breakfast?"

Vader blinked in surprise. "Breakfast?" He repeated. "Sure, I can do that! Um…anything you want in particular?"

Hmm… "Surprise me," she decided.

He nodded and slipped off her bed and out of her room.

Now alone, Padmé settled back against the headboard of her bed and sighed. After his initial deep shock, he seemed to be taking this all rather well, she thought. She smiled a little and rested her hands on her pregnant belly.

I wonder what he'll make me…

Anakin padded into Padmé's kitchen and paused. What the heck should I make? He wondered as he leaned against a countertop. Eggs? Nah… Pancakes? Hmm…

He poked around in a few cabinets until he found an old-fashioned wooden box. Inside were hard-copy recipe cards. One of them was instructions for pancakes.

Ah ha! He grinned and set about collecting the ingredients and putting them together. It had been years and years since he'd last had to cook anything, but once he got started it all came back to him. As he drizzled the runny batter into circular splotches in the skillet, he let his mind wander a little.

Anakin was glad he'd gone to check on Padmé. He'd been a little leery of invading her room, but the distress he sensed in her had drawn him in. And he'd really needed to see her.

She wasn't mad at him, which was a great relief. In fact she claimed she wanted children, though not this very second. And despite the inconvenience the poorly timed pregnancy caused her, she seemed to have things under control.

I'm glad Padmé knows what she's doing, because I sure as hell don't… He sighed and carefully began to stack the finished pancakes on a plate, clearing the pan for more batter. I wish Obi-Wan was here…

"Yah!" A startled yelp almost made him spill the last of the pancake batter all over the stove. "What are you doing in here?"

Anakin glanced over at the doorway to find Sabé standing there gaping at him. "I'm making pancakes, what does it look like I'm doing?"

"But…what…?" Sabé stammered in confusion. "Oh never mind." She sighed, shaking her head.

"Okay," Anakin shrugged and returned his focus to his cooking.

"You know how to cook?" Sabé asked after a minute.

"Yes, I do," Anakin nodded, casually flipping a few pancakes so the other sides could get done.

"I didn't know Jedi could cook." Sabé blinked, getting some plates out from a cabinet.

Anakin shrugged, "some can, some can't. I can. Obi-Wan most definitely can't."

"Oh, I see." Sabé snorted, taking some silverware from a drawer.

"No really, if there was a way to burn water, I'm sure he'd do it on a regular basis." Anakin smirked.

Sabé started to giggle at whatever mental image that statement had given her while Anakin carefully added the last pancakes to the stack.

"Dare I ask what is so funny?" Padmé asked as she wandered into the room. She was still in her nightgown, though she had covered up a bit more with a pastel-colored robe.

"Obi-Wan," Anakin replied, "can't cook to save his life."

"I wonder what burned water would look like." Sabé snickered.

"Interesting," Padmé said slowly, taking a seat at the table. "So what's for breakfast?"

"Pancakes!" Anakin grinned, placing the stack of pancakes with a theatric flourish in the middle of the table.

"Ooh!" Padmé cried in excitement. "I love pancakes!"

Her smile of girlish delight was more than enough to make him blush. "Oh good," he swallowed, smiling back shyly.

Padmé wasted no time in gleefully digging into the breakfast he had prepared and it was hard for him not to stare when she started out with four pancakes at once. Anakin and Sabé took smaller portions as they settled down with her for breakfast. They ate slower so that Padmé could have as much as she wanted.

As he consumed his meal, Anakin had trouble keeping himself from staring at Padmé. More specifically, to keep from staring at her pregnant belly. Her nightgown and robe did absolutely nothing to disguise her condition and she just…just looked so…different.

This…is going to take a lot of getting used to…

Padmé swallowed a sigh as she stood by the lift at the back of her apartment. It was time for Vader to leave, this time for real. She was admittedly disappointed; she wished he could stay longer.

Sabé had already said her farewell. She'd opted to stay in the kitchen and clean up. Padmé suspected that Sabé had chosen to stay behind to give her and Vader some alone time together.

"Well I need to get back to the Temple," Vader swallowed nervously. He was now fully dressed again and aside from looking a bit pale and tired, he looked very much the same as he'd looked the last time he'd tried to leave her apartment. "Now, do I get my good-bye hug, or do I have to leave without it?" He asked shyly.

Padmé laughed a little and gladly embraced him. He tensed up when he came into contact with her stomach, but he made no move to push her away or immediately release her. In fact he seemed rather reluctant to let her go.

"I'd appreciate if you went home as soon as possible," Vader murmured into her ear.

"I have too much work to do," Padmé sighed. "I'll be leaving soon anyway."

"I know," Vader mumbled. "But the Chancellor is suspicious of you. After you left his office he told me that he thought you were hiding something, that there was more to your delegation's request than you were saying."

"What?" Padmé frowned, backing away enough so she could look him in the eyes.

"He didn't say it outright, but he implied that the Delegation of Two Thousand could be maneuvering to usurp his power." Vader replied anxiously. "And two days ago, he made similar baseless accusations against the Jedi Council."

"He did?" Padmé asked in alarm. This is…worse than I thought. "All the more reason I need to be here. I–"

"All the more reason for you to go home," Vader countered. "As soon as the Jedi Council has the evidence they need to get him removed from office, they'll do it. There's nothing more you can do that won't draw his eye to you more than it already is. And besides, it's not safe here."

"What do you mean it's not safe?" Padmé inquired.

"Something bad is going to happen, and soon. I don't know what exactly or when, but I know it'll be bad." Vader looked more than worried, he looked afraid. "I don't want you to be here when it happens." He pleaded.

"I don't know," Padmé sighed, looking away. "I have an important meeting coming up in a few days. But…after that…I'll think about it."

"Thank you," Vader sighed in relief.

He drew her close again and rested his chin on the top of her head, reminding her just how tall he was. Padmé exhaled slowly, resting the side of her face against his chest. An odd feeling of contentment gradually came over her and she briefly allowed herself to fantasize, to dream that everything was fine and the way it was supposed to be. But then she firmly pulled herself back to the present.

"Is there anything else you'd like to tell me?" Padmé asked curiously.

Vader didn't immediately answer her, and she found that both intriguing and a little worrying. "No," he said at last, letting her go and stepping away, "not right now."

"Oh?" Padmé quirked an eyebrow in question. "Well whenever you feel like telling me anything else…"

He nodded quickly and backed into the lift. "I'll see you later," he smiled weakly.

"Good-bye," Padmé waved, just as the doors were closing.

Then the doors shut, the lift descended, and she was alone. Her son began to move around, as if in protest of his father leaving. She rested her hands on her stomach and slowly made her way to the refresher and her shower.

Hush baby boy, it's alright. Daddy will be back soon. He'll be back…I hope.

Sabé couldn't help but feel a little bit smug. Vader, it seemed, had learned of Padmé's condition and he hadn't gone stark raving mad. Sure he appeared a bit nervous and awkward around her now, but Padmé's fears of how badly he'd handle it seemed rather unfounded.

"Those pancakes weren't all that bad," Sabé remarked as she started to brush out Padmé's damp hair. "We should have him over to make us breakfast more often."

"That would be nice," Padmé smiled, "but I'm afraid enjoying his culinary skills will always be a rare treat."

"Pity," Sabé commented.

"Yes," Padmé murmured, "it is…"

The Senator appeared to drift off into her own little world for a moment, and Sabé had trouble keeping herself from smirking. She had a good guess as to what her friend and employer was thinking of… Day-dreaming about your handsome Jedi, Padmé?

"So," Sabé began, "it seems that Vader hasn't spontaneously exploded from the knowledge that you are pregnant."

"Well you should've seen him last night," Padmé frowned. "I should've listened to you and gone home weeks ago."

"Just so you could avoid him finding out?" Sabé shook her head despairingly. "Padmé…"

"He was devastated Sabé," Padmé protested. "I was almost afraid that he was losing his mind! It was like the lights were still on, but the rest of him was running as far away as possible."

"Well he just found out, what could you really have expected?" Sabé sighed. "Just give him a few days and he'll adjust to it all just fine."

"Just give him a few days?" Padmé sputtered. "Sabé!"

"Like you weren't shocked and upset when you found out you were pregnant." Sabé snorted. "You got over it, he'll get over it. He just needs time. Who knows, perhaps he'll even get excited about it."

"What galaxy is your brain in?" Padmé grumbled irritably. "He's a Jedi, Sabé! Jedi don't have families!"

"He's also a man and he adores you," Sabé pointed out with some satisfaction. "I think there's a good possibility that he'll be excited about having a baby with you."

"He adores me?" Padmé repeated. "I don't think so."

"Of course he does!" Sabé smirked, catching Padmé's faint blush in the mirror. "I saw him cuddling you by the lift before he left…"

"He was not cuddling me!" Padmé cried indignantly, her blush darkening.

"I'm not blind Padmé, he was cuddling you." Sabé grinned. "And you were enjoying it. I know, I was peeking from the kitchen doorway!"

"He was hugging me!" Padmé insisted.

"It was a prolonged hug, which classifies it as a form of cuddling." Sabé gleefully corrected. "He likes you Padmé. He'd have to be an emotionless, blind, jerk of a man to not like you!"

"Liking is not the same as adoring." Padmé pointed out.

"True, but with how often he visits, I'd say he adores you." Sabé replied.

"Well he's not going to be coming here very often anymore." Padmé retorted, looking a little sad.

"Not for a few days, no." Sabé easily conceded. "But once he fully absorbs this change in situation, I bet you'll have to chase him out of here so he doesn't waste his days cuddling you!"

Padmé only snorted in response, refusing to dignify Sabé's comment with civilized words.

Sabé grinned and began to style Padmé's hair. It was fun to tease Padmé sometimes. Especially when she was sure that she was right and Padmé was wrong.

He does adore you Padmé, and he will come back soon, just you wait and see! Once everything has a chance to settle in his mind, he'll be fine with it, it's not like you asked him to help support the baby or anything! He'll come back…

And if he doesn't, so help me Gods, I'll march right down to the Jedi Temple and drag him back here myself!

I'm such a coward, Anakin sighed as the hot water of his shower poured over his bare skin. I-I should've told her! I should have!

But he hadn't. With everything he was struggling to deal with, he couldn't stand to add the sting of rejection to it all. No matter how he phrased it, he knew she would be angry with him. The only thing he didn't know was whether or not she'd ever forgive him once she knew.

Oh this is awful! Anakin sighed. First I sleep with her and now she's pregnant and she doesn't even know my real name! She doesn't even imagine that I'm little Ani, the dirty little slave boy from Tatooine! I'm so screwed! She's gonna kill me!

Once he couldn't stand the steamy hot shower anymore, he stepped out, dried off, and got dressed. Trudging over to the couch, he flopped down and buried his face in his hands. He felt so worn out so…

I – oh Force…I'm going to be a father. The thought blind-sided him, leaving him feeling dizzy and overwhelmed. Again.

Anakin never had a father. He hadn't even had a father-figure in his youth until Obi-Wan had come along. How was he supposed to be a father to anyone?

Why couldn't I have gone with Obi-Wan to Utapau? Anakin wondered as he stretched out and the couch and stared up at the ceiling. I bet he's having a much better time than I am…